The Donaldson Adoption Institute | Untangling the Web II
men who have experienced a greater sense of control in their decisions, which often includes ongoing contact with their children and their adoptive families. !
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This study intentionally asked a number of open-ended questions, so that respondents had the opportunity to share their individual experiences. The responses to these questions were coded into categories that helped to better describe the thoughts and opinions of birth parents. The pain of losing a child is still present, and it seems that those who felt they did not have control have had the most difficulty in adjusting throughout their lives. Respondents who had more open arrangements talked about their experiences, overall, in a more positive way. One noted that the benefit of connecting online with the adoptive family has allowed for “Integrating our lives as well as enriching the openness of the adoption. I'm not a secret, they are not a secret.” Another shared, !
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“Openness in adoption is a wonderful thing, it benefits all members of the adoption triad, not only, though most importantly, the adoptee. I think social media and the internet allow for an easing into openness where otherwise fear and insecurity may have kept possibilities much more closed.”!
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The Internet appears to have had a positive impact for birth parents who are able to connect, reconnect or maintain existing connections with their children. The ease of staying in touch or seeing how their children are doing without being intrusive offers peace of mind. The risks, such as sharing too much information, appear to be outweighed by the positives. This feeling is summarized well by one birth parent: “The only real concern or issue I have had with this sort of contact is that it sometimes makes me feel her absence in a profound way, and from time to time brings out feelings of jealousy. Overall, however, the benefits far, far, outweigh the negative aspects.” Connecting with each other, whether in person, by mail, or within the online community, should take place with thought, not haste. All participants need to consider the impact of their communication not only on themselves, but also on members of the other person’s social network. !
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Respondents reported using the Internet after placement to locate general information about adoption, connect with other birth parents, and share thoughts through a blog or website. Wide use of the Internet for specific resources, such as through agencies, was not reported. A few commented that online resources provided by agencies were not very helpful; instead, birth parents have turned to blogs or blogging for support. Birth parents must use caution when consulting some websites for information, as there is some question about the accuracy of the information, but having an outlet such as blog that shares one’s adoption experience appears to have provided a benefit for emotional well-being. !
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“I pretty much live online now doing adoption 24/7. I have blogged since 2005. Our face to face reunion in 2007 was basically live blogged and shared with hundreds. My adoption networks are vast.”!
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The social movement that has taken place in adoption has been for less
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