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10 reasons to buy a burrito alex cockayne is a certified burrito expert
art by maddi foster
42 PAGE
“… And on the eighth day of the week, let there be burritos!”* Said God after the creation of the earth. Yes, that’s right. God handcrafted these delicious, mouth watering, fluid pumping, sweat inducing tortilla sacks of majestic yumminess. (There’s no better way to describe it) I don’t know about you but just thinking about a burrito makes my mouth salivate more than delicious salt and vinegar chips… And that’s a lot! Here are 10 reasons why you should be eating a burrito right now. 1. A burrito is the food equivalent of a crime syndicate. Only difference is one kills people and the other is wrapped in a tortilla. Both are great to write movies about.
at Zambrero through partners ‘Stop Hunger Now’. Satisfy your hunger – Donate a meal. It’s a win win situation.
2. Layers. Because of the beautiful [hand made] construction, a burrito is naturally divided into delicious layers. One side may provide the warm filling of beans and/or rice and/or meat(s), while the other may provide the condiments of salads of your choosing. Take a leap of faith and take a bite of both and you’ll reach Hogwarts… Trust me.
(Fun fact: Over 3,000,000 meals have been donated)
3. With great responsibility. One must carefully construct their burrito so that a true expression of flavour is displayed. This is usually done by the master craftspeople of a burrito parlour… (I suggest Zambrero, they will never let you down.
8. So you may be wondering what the negatives are of a burrito. There is only one comes to mind, and that is sloppy eating. But that is not the burritos fault. It is the fault of the beta predator. Become an alpha predator and learn how to eat a burrito properly. There is a great guide on pedestrian.tv for those of you who are new and uncultured. Check it out. Serious.
4. There may be limited choices in what you may stuff your tortilla with but that may not be a bad thing. I have guesstimated that there are over 100 different combinations to fill a burrito with at one Zambrero restaurant chain. This allows you to bedazzle your burrito like a homemade Christmas ornament. //Bling bling// 5. There is catering for our vegetarian/vegan friends. No discrimination here. Burritos are the people food of forever.
7. There is no messing around with burritos. It’s a meal. It is not some pesky sub meal like a taco where you have to buy multiple to fulfil your hunger. It is a great breakfast meal, or lunch meal, or dinner meal, or hangover meal. It is a great meal for all occasions.
9. “Ever have a flying burrito hit you? Well, it’s a deadly projectile, right up there with cannonballs and grenades.” – Rick Riordan. And there you have it, a useful tool for demoralising the people you hate. But I doubt you’ll throw something so beautiful at someone you hate… but I would love to see it happen. 10. A burrito is always there for you. ALWAYS. *Not an actual quote from the biblical God.
6. The ticket to solving world hunger. Zambrero is running a Plate 4 Plate scheme in which they donate one plate of food for every burrito or bowl purchased Alex Cockayne is not related to Sharmonie Cockayne. But he is related to Kanye West.