Staying close with your
&
tweens teens
By Pam J. Hecht, WNC Parent contributor
W
hen kids become tweens or teens, it can sometimes feel like they’ve morphed into entirely different people. But not to worry — it’s likely not a split personality disorder they’ve developed — they’re just growing up. “Tweens and teens can feel as if no one understands them and sometimes we don’t — but they appreciate it when we do,” says Wendy Cuellar, a school counselor at North Windy Ridge Intermediate School in Weaverville. One minute, kids can think and behave maturely, Cuellar adds, “and the next, they might cry because they can’t find a
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stuffed animal or their hair isn’t right.” So, take a deep breath and remember that when your tween or teen is being difficult, it’s likely a coping mechanism and not a permanent state, Cuellar says. Meanwhile, here are a few ways to stay close to your older child, keeping that relationship you’ve nurtured through the early years, on solid ground.
Find ways to connect
Spend time together daily, even if it’s just a cup of tea at bedtime or a quick round of basketball, and try to have dinner together nightly, says online parenting expert Dr. Laura Markham of Aha! Parenting. Although not every interaction involves an “intimate connection, this regular time establishes the trust for those times when your child needs to talk.” Cuellar regularly asked her teenage stepson, Chris Shulby, now 25, to tell her what he saw on the news,
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