of baiting the victim into retaliating and becoming the one who is subsequently punished. Emotional bullying can be repeated name-calling (again out of the earshot of an adult) or exclusions from activities (i.e., “I don’t want to play with her, she wears funny clothes”). Cyber bullying can be vicious attacks made through text messaging; IMs, blogs, or messages placed on Facebook or MySpace accounts. Signs of bullying may include your child acting depressed (poor eating and/or sleeping at home), having somatic complaints like stomachaches or headaches, showing decreased academic performance, exhibiting signs of anxiety, having unexplained bruising and/or being afraid of going to school. Should any of these signs be evident or if your child directly discloses to you that they are having a problem with bullies, here are a few ideas on what you can do: » Don’t panic. Calm yourself down before talking to your child. Reassure your child that this is not his or her fault and that it is something that you need to work on together. Let them know that this is not a problem they can solve on their own. Try to get as much information as you can as to the what, where, when and who of the bullying behavior. » Do not tell your child to strike back or just ignore the taunts. This simply does not work in today’s world. » Call for a conference with the school. Try to include the school counselor, the vice principal and appropriate teachers. Share your information and get a clear plan as to what the school is going to do next. There should be a multifaceted approach to terminating the bullying behavior (referral to a therapist, school disciplinary measures and heightened supervision of the bullies) and adequate protection/support for your child. This latter part is critical because your child will rapidly learn from what adults do and not say about the situation. Your follow-up on these plans and monitoring of results will be extremely important. It all comes down to whether our children believe they can trust the educational system now and in the future to be a safe place where they can grow and learn. And maybe getting the message that when they feel helpless, there are options in life. Did you hear that, Ms.Goss? Trip Woodard is a licensed family and marriage therapist and a clinical member of the N.C. Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. Contact him at 606-8607.
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