March 15, 2011

the

Scribe

March 15 to March 21, 2011 [Volume 35. Issue 23]

Students spend

SPRING BREAK closer

to HOME

in the face of RISING

GA$ PRICES (page 7)

editorial

Page 2

March 15 to March 21, 2011

There’s a difference between real gold and crap masquerading as gold

Editor-in-Chief Avalon Manly Indiana Jones lied to me my entire young life. Because of him, I got into archaeology, expecting it to be all gold and giant boulders, epic global adventures and rapidly decaying Nazis.

Well, it’s not. It’s hours upon hours with a toothbrush in the rocks and dirt of some godforsaken desert, wondering if you’re going to die of heat stroke or dehydration before the dog-sized mosquitos can drain you completely.

And it’s not for gold, or fully articulated stone artifacts, or temples with booby traps that still work just fine for some reason.

It’s for a square inch of broken pottery, or a stone flake that might or might not be man-made. You don’t strike it rich, and the joy comes from the hardwon, grueling analysis and interpretation of the smidgen of artifact that you uncover.

Unless, of course, you’re German archaeologist Joachim Rittsteig, whose most recent discovery stands to have him rolling in cash. An estimated $290 million cash, to be exact.

Rittsteig left for Guatemala last week with his team, comprised of reporters, photographers, cameramen, scientists and divers, for a vast golden cache of Mayan treasure he believes is resting on the floor of Lake Izabal.

Rittsteig expects to find eight tons – eight tons – of gold. Eight. Tons. I cannot even conceive of that much gold. That’s, like, a semi trailer made entirely of gold.

Rittsteig, a professor emeritus at Dresden University, is an expert in Mayan writing who “claims to have cracked the famous Dresden Codex and discovered specific information in one of its chapters that leads to a treasure,” wrote Fox

News Latino.

Bild, a German newspaper, is sponsoring Rittsteig’s expedition.

The paper quoted him saying he’s spent more than 40 years studying the Dresden Codex, which is one of four primary documents that have endured well enough to provide modern scholars with a glimpse of Mayan culture.

(Interestingly, it’s the last chapter of the Codex that predicts the notorious 1221-12 apocalypse.) The Dresden Codex was created, according to Fox, in 1250 A.D. by priests whose purpose it was to record Mayan history, culture and laws on large golden tablets.

It is these tablets, Rittsteig anticipates recovering. His research suggests that the golden records were drowned, with the city and people that created them, by Lake Izbal – but, Rittsteig reports that satellite images of the area have substantiated his theories.

He told Fox Latino, “page 52 [of the Codex] talks about the Maya capital of Atlan, which was ruined by an earthquake on Oct. 30 in the year 666 BC. In this city, they kept 2,156 gold tablets on which the Maya recorded their laws.”

So, to you, Mr. Rittsteig, I wish good luck, from the bottom of my archaeologist’s heart. And I hope you choke on it, just a little.

I have a serious beef with Hollywood right now. I know that movies reflect the times and circumstances that produce them, and vice versa, but come on, CBS Films. To be honest, I wasn’t consciously aware you existed, but upon learning of your most recent impending release, I immediately expected better of you.

The movie I’m talking about, of course, is “Beastly,” which stars Alex Pettyfer and Vanessa Hudgens as contemporary NYC teens in a $17,000,000 bastardization – I mean, modernization – of the story of “Beauty and the Beast.”

Now, I know that some hold onto Plato’s ideal that there are no new stories, that each new tale is simply a variation of the same older story that’s been told time and time again. I know that the

distressingly-handsomemale-youth-with-a-darksecret-meets-and-fallsfor-vacuous-but-at-leastshe’s-picturesque-female is a hot formula right now – *cough* ‘Twilight” *cough* – but really?

They’re going to take the ancient Greek myth of Eros and Psyche, the same story that was so lovingly and lusciously retold by Disney animators in 1991, and create...this?

Jerry Holkins, known more commonly as Tycho, the author of Penny Arcade, explained this adulteration in his blog: “Ugly has received a significant downgrade, or perhaps an upgrade; maybe it depends on what you’re trying to determine. If you’re trying to determine if Ugly is a word with a reliable meaning, I might suggest the former. This ‘monster’ looks like a fairly regular person out of BMEZine, frankly. I don’t have an opinion on that continuum of human experience, other than to say that their B is their property and they can M it if they want to, what I’m saying is that the ‘beast’ in this movie only nominally represents something undesirable, and independent of the narrative’s candy shell you would have no idea that that this intense fellow was meant to be loathsome as opposed to an eminently desirable frontman astride some gloomwrought fork of Mausoleum Rock.”

I know the ones behind this cinematic abomination are in it for the money, but I really, really, very deeply wish that our money didn’t frequent such lackluster endeavors. Teenage girls – the main forkers of green dough for things like this – need to realize that stories that don’t feature selfabsorbed, barely human stalkers with a tormenting past can also be good.

That way, my soul doesn’t have to bleed a little when I find out about stuff like this. And by “this,” I mean obnoxiously well-funded projects that profess to pave the silver screen with gold, and then offer nothing more than pre-sexualized, pandering teen fantasy.

If only they’d take all that money and do something worthwhile. Like fund a dramatic archaeological expedition. S

the scribe The official student newspaper of the University of Colorado at Colorado Springs

Editor-in-Chief.........................................Avalon Manly Managing Editor........................................Jessica Lynch Business Manager..........................................Matt Baatz Advertising/Sales Manager..........................Luis Hidalgo News Editor.............................................Joesph Ruffini Culture Editor.........................................Brock Kilgore Athletics Editor......................................Matt Crandall Opinion/Scribble Editor...........................Cherise Fantus Photograhy Editor.................................Ariel Lattimore Copy Editor.............................................Cherise Fantus Web Master.............................................Dorian Rogers Layout Designers..........................................J.D. Osorio ..................................................................Emily Olson Reporters...................................................Alex Cramer ............................................................Ryan Piechowski .................................................................Sara Horton ....................................................................Matt Sidor ...................................................................Ryan Adams Photographer.........................................Michelle Wood Junior Reporters.....................................Jeremy Lengele ........................................................Heather Templeton Junior Photographer...................................Brett Owens Contributors...........................................Steven Farrell Cartoonist............................................................Arno Distributor...........................................Donald Trujillo Advisor.....................................................Laura Eurich Cover Photo Courtesy of ninetenthsofacent.com The Scribe UC 106 (719) 255-3658 | (719) 255-3469 | (719) 255-3600 www.uccsscribe.com | scribe.eic@gmail.com

Information Letters to the Editor The Scribe strongly encourages letters to the editor. Letters intended for publication must not exceed 350 words, must be legible and include the writer’s name and contact information. Letters must be submitted to The Scribe via email at scribe.eic@gmail.com by 5:00 p.m. on Thursdays before publication.

The Scribe reserves the right to reject letters to the editor that are libelous, obscene or anonymous and has the right to edit as necessary due to space limitations, spelling or other grammatical errors and AP style guidelines.

Distribution Policy The following conducts are prohibited by The Scribe: Publication and news rack theft. A person commits the offense(s) of publication and/or news rack theft when he or she willfully or knowingly obtains or exerts unauthorized control over more than one copy of any edition of a publication distributed on or off campus (a “publication” is any periodical that is distributed on a complimentary basis). Any person who commits these offences is responsible for compensating The Scribe for any reasonable costs incurred, including, where appropriate, the refunding of advertising fees.

Archives Additional copies of the current publication volume are available in The Scribe’s office. The Scribe keeps issues from the past five volumes for internal use only. The Office of University Records will handle any request for additional issues from the past five years and before.

Advertising If you, your club, organization or business wishes to advertise with The Scribe, please call (719) 255-3469 or email scribeadvertising@gmail.com.

NOW HIRING The Scribe is seeking talented writers and photographers. Email scribe.eic@gmail.com for details.

student life

March 15 to March 21, 2011

all aboard

failboat

the

Page 3

Libya’s nutcase In an interview with BBC on Feb. 28, Colonel Gaddafi of Libya appeared completely out of his mind. Though he has no official political position, Gaddafi has been viewed as the country’s leader for many years and has recently been urged by international leaders to step down from his regiment of violence. In response to questions about the many protestors, Gaddafi denied their existence and told BBC, “No one’s against me. They love me all.

They will die to protect me.” He furthered by claiming it was Al Qaeda who had gone into military bases and seized arms. And the people who had the weapons were youngsters suffering from drug-induced states. When asked if he would leave he responded with, “As if anyone would leave their homeland.”

Cookies have never been so sinister

Tonight at 7:30 p.m. the department of visual and performing arts is hosting I Wayan Balawan, an electric guitar playing songwriter from Indonesia. The concert will be held in the Bon Vivante Theater and is free to the public.

Look, I was a Girl Scout once, too, but there comes a point when it’s really not fair to allow an entire extended family plus family friends to fill the entryway of King Scoopers. Something needs to be done. Actually, just move to Savannah, Georgia. After a complaint last year in regard to public soliciting, Girl Scouts are no longer allowed to sell their famous cookies outside the historic Savannah home of the woman who founded the organization almost a century ago.

The city’s zoning administrator, Randolph Scott, attempted to fix the problem, but to no avail. Should we feel bad relatives won’t be allowed to guilt trip us into buying some thin mints? No, don’t think so.

FTW

“By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”

--Socrates

Fill out the sudoku puzzle below so that each row and column contain the numbers 1 through 9 with none repeated. Return it to the Scribe office when finished, along with the adjacent crossword; if you’re the first one done (and they’re right), be awarded with a Scribe T-shirt.

Puzzle 1 (Verydone hard, difficulty ratingyou’ll 0.84)

Where Not To Travel This Spring Break 1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

3 7

8 1

2

3 3

8

9

7

7

3

6 1

13

7

5 2

1

11

14

4

5

5

12

8

8

4

10

2 8

6

8

3

2

Generated by http://www.opensky.ca/~jdhildeb/software/sudokugen/ on Sun Mar 13 22:45:38 2011 GMT. Enjoy!

ACROSS 1 Come on, man, I know she made you cookies when you were little, but she keeps calling you by the name of that dog that died, like, twelve years ago, and her living room smells like mildew and age.

4 The pirates there aren't like Jack Sparrow, and we'll probably never hear from you again.

5 Unless you have a buddy in the drug cartel who can protect you or a kilo or two to bargain with, the border towns are definitely not the place to be right about now.

9 Going to school over Spring Break is the opposite of what Spring Break is supposed to be.

It's the Anti-Spring Break. And it's just plain wrong.

12 Yeah, because every college student wants to spend their week off in the desert, dodging IEDs. 14 I thought Spring Break was about being warm, eh?

DOWN 2 Sure, it sounds fun, but I will hate you so much if you sail the ocean blue without me.

3 You'd make the natives' week. They love kidnapping American tourists and leaving them to die in the Amazon jungle.

5 Yeah, it's all cool and sciency and the capital of a whole continent, but come on. Even the penguins are cold right now.

6 St. Peter's Basilica is the bomb, but downing all the sacramental wine will probably get you in some trouble.

7 Are you sure you really want to broadcast how big a LOTR fan you are? Just when you were getting friends?

8 No one likes cheese enough to spend a whole week here voluntarily.

10 I think it's generally frowned upon to wander drunkenly through the Louvre.

11 Batman doesn't take kindly to college tourists darkening his city's already-dark alleyways.

13 They're having some issues right now with flooding. And...damaged nuclear reactors.

Page 4

news

March 15 to March 21, 2011

UCCS dean recognized as civil servant, selected as recipient for prestigious Thomas Jefferson Award Ryan Adams

radams3@uccs.edu Doctor Terry Schwartz, associate dean of the School of Public Affairs, was awarded with one of the University of Colorado’s highest honors during the CU Board of Regent’s meeting last month. Schwartz was the humble recipient of the University’s Thomas Jefferson Award, an award they have handed out yearly since 1962.

A professor since 1999 and associate dean of the School of Public Affairs since 2004, Schwartz has a rich history and background in teaching and development.

She received her BA in Philosophy from Oberlin College in 1972 and then went on to get her Masters of Education from the University of North Carolina in 1975. She arrived in the CU system in 1988 and received her Type D Certificate for an Elementary Principal Endorsement Program from UCCS. After that, Schwartz traveled up to the University of Colorado at Denver to acquire her Masters of Public Affairs in 1991 and finally her PHD in Public Affairs in 1997.

Her expertise lies in Public Affairs and her job ranges from teaching and advising to engaging with the Colorado Springs community. “I have a very broad job as associate dean and as a faculty member of the School of Public Affairs, but I enjoy each and every minute of it because I feel like I am making a positive impact on the school as well as our students,” Schwartz said. Doctor Jim Null, chair of the Political Science Department, recognized that positive impact in early Dec. 2010.

Null, along with numerous staff, student, alumni and community members’ recommendations, nominated

Schwartz for the Thomas Jefferson Award in early December 2010. The nomination process requires an initial recommendation followed by many letters of support.

On Feb. 24, 2011, at the CU Board of Regents meeting in Boulder, Schwartz officially received the Thomas Jefferson Award. “It was very humbling as well as a very unexpected honor to be a recipient,” Schwartz shared. She believes that part of her recognition comes from her hard work within the School of Public Affairs and with the students. “I am always looking to do new things that will have a positive impact on our students and to make the school as high quality as possible. “ After being awarded, Schwartz hopes to continue to do the same things that got her recognized by the CU system. “ Although it was unexpected, it is still such an honor to be awarded with this and I will continue to do the same things day to day that earned me that award from here on out,” she furthered.

The Thomas Jefferson Award can also be given to students and faculty in the CU system. Nominations are due Dec. 3. S

Photo by Michelle Wood A reception for Terry Schwartz will be held at 4 p.m. on March 17 on the third floor of the Library.

Diversity floor to be added to UCCS residency halls Cherise Fantus cfantus@uccs.edu Some UCCS students have admitted to feeling out of place when living in UCCS housing. Colorado Springs in general and UCCS in particular is predominantly white, conservative and Christian; some groups of students whose focus is diversity feel that they don’t have a safe place to be themselves around here.

That will all change next year with the new Diversity and Social Justice (DSJ) floor in Alpine Village. The idea behind offering this floor is to give students a safe living environment where they can feel accepted rather than just tolerated.

While many students are completely oblivious to the fact, discrimination is still a very real problem, even in our progressive age. One student in the dorms has been repeatedly harassed for being of a different ethnicity by that student’s roommates. The roommates call the student ugly, say the foods the student eats are disgusting, and even call the student stupid, simply because that student speaks with a foreign accent. This student, who wishes to remain anonymous, does not feel safe going home.

Students like that one simply want a place to feel safe.

While they don’t want to be harassed anywhere, they especially don’t want to have to go through it at home.

That is why the school will be offering this floor. According to Director of the Office of Residence Life and Housing Ralph Giese, the idea is “fostering and facilitating an inclusive educational environment.”

The idea for the DSJ floor has been in the works for about 18 months. The school already has several theme floors for Living-Learning Communities, which is defined on the UCCS Residence Life website as, “a group of students who share a common interest or academic goal and participate in distinctive academic and social functions.” These floors include the Colorado Living and Recreation Floor, Nursing Living-Learning Floor, Honors Living-Learning Floor and Substance-Free Community.

Just like the other theme floors, living on the DSJ floor will be completely voluntary, and some there are some expectations of the community members. Those who would like to be a part of the floor will have to be active

Photo by Ariel Lattimore

Residential assistants meet with students to discuss current housing options. Next year, students will be given the choice of living on the Diversity and Social Justice floor.

members of one of the diversity clubs on campus. They will be expected to pledge 30 hours of their time (collectively as a community) in the community or on campus in volunteer activities. They will also be expected to sponsor and actively participate in a campus diversity program, such as Coming Out Day. They will have the option of participating in an existing program or creating a new one. All community members living on this floor will be expected to be active members in the community.

One problem faced by the implementation of this floor in the misinterpretation of the intent by the community in general. Some students don’t understand the goal intended by implementing this floor. Upon first learning about it, sophomore Mike Olson thought it sounded like “blatant segregation.” He thought it sounded a lot like the “minority platoon” his military high school formed as a

joke. After learning more about it, though, he said, “As long as it’s willing, it’s a great idea.”

According Program Coordinator for the LGBT Resource Center Sandra Parcher, one way to fight those misconceptions is to get the word out there. Along with many other members of the community, she is trying to come up with ways to incorporate the idea into campus life. “The idea is to involve as many different facets of university life as possible, that way the need for a specific ‘diversity floor’ becomes unnecessary because the conversation has been started,” she said.

The overall response on campus has been positive.

Many students feel it is a great way to create inclusion and support diversity on our campus.

As sophomore Talon Schneider said, “It’s more about who you are than what you are.” S

news

Recreation Center makes check-in changes March 15 to March 21, 2011

Page 5

Ryan Piechowski

rpiechowski@uccs.edu The days of getting by without your Student ID at the Recreation Center are long gone. Due to recent changes in check-in methods, going undetected by the front desk is no longer possible. according to Matt Gaden, Campus Recreation Director, the Rec. Center staff has been informed to heighten the ID card checks to make sure everyone who is using the facilities are doing so as a fee-paying visitor.

UCCS students pay a monthly Rec. Center fee and due to this, Gaden feels it’s important to stick to the rules. “We want to ensure that everyone who comes in to work out at the Rec. Center are doing so as registered students who have paid their fees, like everyone else,” stated Gaden.

Problems in previous semesters revolved around students using their friends’ cards and visitors unassociated with UCCS taking advantage of less than strict ID checking procedures.

According to Gaden, while it is not a matter of blaming their employees, “We just want to keep the staff aware.” Gaden furthered, “This isn’t as much of a crackdown as much as a call to our staff.”

It’s important, Gaden continued, for his employees to be reminded of certain protocol and in the coming weeks, the Rec. Center will update the staff on the newest software and technology used to check people in at the front counter. This semester, students will only be allowed to forget their ID and supply their memorized number twice. After that, students will not be allowed to use the facilities until they present a new card.

Need to work on your Spring break body? Try not forgetting or losing your ID first.

One possible reason for the Rec. Center’s problems could be the $15 Student ID replacement fee. According to building manager, Nancy Hoist and Information Desk employee Jessica Briscoe, “Some people complain about the prices, but usually those that are complaining are doing so because they have lost their cards a lot.” Others, Hoist furthered, “think it’s

UCCS Health Center sees spike in illnesses this spring semester Ryan Adams

radams3@uccs.edu When UCCS sees an increase in the number of students falling ill, healthy habits like washing hands and getting plenty of rest can be the difference between laying in bed with strep throat and enjoying the first glimpse of spring. Stephanie Hanenberg, the Director of the Health Center and Family Nurse Practitioner, said that while she couldn’t give an exact number, they were definitely seeing an influx of sick students.

“Yesterday, we had 13 appointments and the number varies every single day. We try to have 8 same-day appointments available for students and faculty a day, but they fill up very quickly,” explained Hanenberg.

“This time of year, many, many students and faculty are sick and are scheduling appointments. The type of illness, the severity of it, and the time needed to recover, varies with each patient,” she furthered.

Besides the common cold, the Health Center sees about five different types of illnesses this time of year. “We see a range of illnesses every single day and the number of patients per illness change every day,” said Hanenberg. The five main types of illnesses the Health Center handles are respiratory infection, pharyngitis, strep throat and influenza-like illnesses. While the symptoms are similar, some differentiations are still available. According to the WebMD website, respiratory infection

symptoms include nasal congestion, painful swallowing, coughing, headaches, watery eyes and a shortness of breath.

Pharyngitis (sore throat) symptoms include neck soreness and stiffness, fever, trouble swallowing liquids and watery eyes. People may think that pharyngitis and strep throat are the same thing, but according to WebMD, they are different.

Strep throat is caused by different bacteria and only causes 5-10 percent of adult pharyngitis cases. Strep throat is basically the second stage of a sore throat and takes a little longer to kick. The symptoms include those of pharyngitis as well as a skin rash, hoarseness and eye redness. Influenza-like symptoms include all of the above signs as well as a general weakness throughout the body.

Most of the illnesses are relatively avoidable if a person maintains good, clean habits throughout their day. “We try to tell students who visit us to wash their hands three to four times a day and make sure to use the hand sanitizer stations across campus. It is always important to wash your hands before meals and to not share drinks and food when you’re eating. This spreads germs and can cause any type of illness we see this time of year,” said Hanenberg.

“Students should also try and get plenty of rest, stay home from class if they have a fever, and also stay well hydrated,” she furthered. Students should stick to these habits year-round but is especially important when “flu” season is in full-swing. S

the greatest deal ever.” Many of these students are used to the higher prices charged at bigger universities. “I think they charge like $50 at Boulder,” Hoist said. What most students don’t understand is that “the policy is set by the UC,” not the employees at the information desk. Students still unwilling to pay the $15 can open an account at ENT with a deposit of $5 and

Photo by Joseph Ruffini

receive a picture ID. Students are encouraged to abide by and understand the Rec. Center’s new policies. It’s important, Gaden furthered, that rules and regulations are observed by students. If that means forking out $15 for a new card, don’t complain; instead, focus your efforts on keeping track of your new one so you don’t have to do it again. S

Visit the Scribe online at uccsscribe.com.

It’s epic.

We promise.

news experience is Census data shows shift into suburban sprawl

When all you need Page 6

March 15 to March 21, 2011

Story by Jessica Lynch, jlynch@uccs.edu

msidor@uccs.edu

Photo courtesy of american.edu Internships are intrinsically valuable whether they be for credit, sheer experience or a small stipend. With that said, finding one with upward mobility is not an easy task, especially if you are graduating in May and already feeling a tremor of despair. In today’s economy, if you need experience rather than a graduate degree, a summer internship is the most useful thing you can land. And it’s important to be working on it now as the majority of deadlines are coming up fast.

Step 1: Fine-tune your resume

Shape up that resume. Include all relevant information and research new resume templates and designs. Make sure everything is grammatically correct and pithy.

Step 2: Network

If you haven’t already, begin talking to friends, family and teachers about internships so you can enlist their help in the process. The more people on the lookout, the greater your chances of finding some the greater your chances are of finding one.

Step 3: On-campus resources

Photo courtesy of sau.edu

Visit the Career Center located in Main Hall for a walk-in appointment. One-on-one sessions will help you edit, format and ensure your resume makes a successful first impression on a future internship supervisor.

Step 4: Official appointment at Career Center

At these appointments, the Career Center employees will help you post your resume on MyInterfase, their online student job board.

According to employee, Jesseca Bills, “Employers have access to the database, and can view resumes and contact students directly, rather than having the career center mediate student/employer contacts.”

Photo courtesy of commons.wikimedia.org

Step 5: Research

Networking aside, the internet is a valuable search engine. Indeed.com, InternWeb, Internships.com and Experience.com are valuable sites to help you broaden your search. Each of these provides both job and internship listings as well as advice and helpful tools to make your search more fruitful. Above all else, keep an open mind because many times research is hindered by myopic perspectives and the right fit might be something we never expected.

Step 6: Cover Letters

Matt Sidor

Cover letters can make or break an internship application. The most important thing to keep in mind is specificity. Before writing a cover letter, research the organization you are applying for and script your letter accordingly. (The Career Center can provide you with valuable handouts) This will ensure your interest is taken seriously and your cover letter isn’t thrown into a pile of generics where it will grow a nice layer of mold. S

Every ten years, the Federal Census Bureau conducts a survey of every person and every household in America, attempting to get an accurate count of all the citizens and where they currently live. This allows political districts to be redrawn in a way that can accurately reflect the number of constituents; U.S. Representatives can be added or removed this way, depending on whether a state’s population has experienced a growth or decline.

It also helps legislators and Federal agencies determine how to best allocate different areas of funding.

According to the map of 2010 Census data for El Paso County, “core” regions of Colorado Springs close to downtown experienced decline, while areas in the suburban parts of town experienced growth – especially in the neighborhoods near Powers Boulevard and Stetson Hills Boulevard, which grew more than 2,400 percent since 2000.

There are a couple of good explanations for the population shift. One is that the downtown households are simply home to an aging population, with the children growing up and leaving home to live elsewhere. If that’s the case, this is probably just a cyclical effect and the population should rise again in two or three decades as homes are sold to new families.

However, a more interesting explanation is that this may be indicative of peoples’ overall preferences for the kinds of homes and neighborhoods they want to live in. Out east, most of the homes are less than ten years old, offering all the modern conveniences which many families are coming to expect. The neighborhoods feel isolated enough while being still just a stone’s throw from the huge corporate shopping districts and the highwaylike Powers Boulevard to quickly get in and out of the city. Additionally, crime rates are lower and many schools are within walking distance.

This growing penchant for suburbia worries many city planners and government officials as they attempt to forecast how much longer this trend will continue.

Concerns are surfacing as to whether the downtown areas will be allowed to continue deteriorating as a result of the p o p u l a t i o n ’s outward migration.

El Paso County Commissioner Sallie Clark said, “This really makes the

argument for putting dollars into redeveloping older areas. These areas have infrastructure issues. Some have been neglected for years. Curbs and gutters are crumbling. If we really don’t want urban sprawl, we better pay attention to the core of the city. Don’t sacrifice the old for the new.”

As UCCS students, we may not think very much about city planning and urban development in our daily lives, but our own choices can affect a huge impact in the way our city develops. Do you live closer to downtown, or closer to Powers? Why do you prefer to live there? Where do you do your shopping and why do you shop there instead of somewhere else? Would you prefer to see a small independent film downtown, or a 3D blockbuster at Cinemark Plaza?

Would you rather eat out at a triedand-true national chain, or a one-ofa-kind, family-owned establishment?

Ultimately, after graduation, many of us will choose to stay and work in Colorado Springs, and our choices then as working professionals will shape the future of our city.

“I like living downtown because I feel more involved with the cultural, social and historic heart of the city,” said Mike Maynard, a sophomore Biology major. “You’re always within walking or biking distance of several interesting places to visit. The large chains out east are convenient, but lack the interesting character that the shops downtown have.” Maynard lives across from the Colorado College campus and says his daily commute to campus is usually less than 15 minutes.

Overall, El Paso County experienced growth of 20.4 percent to 622,263 people, surpassing Denver County to the top spot as the most populous county in Colorado. As a state, Colorado grew 16.9 percent to just over 5 million people. It is without a doubt that our area will continue to see substantial growth over the next several decades; the question is, which areas will see the most growth, and in what ways will the socioeconomic fabric of our city be affected? S

Image courtesy of nwscdc.org

news

March 15 to March 21, 2011

UCCS students feel the pain of rising gas prices, impending break Guest column by Kaitlin Nelson

scribe.eic@gmail.com Junior Josh Link has every right to be pessimistic. His scholarship and financial aid, which used to cover his expenses, are no longer sufficient. He’s had to take on an extra part time job to make things work, and now his car is a problem. There are no real solutions for him at this time, and he isn’t sure what his next step will be.

Link has not lost a job or financial aid and seems to be as busy as ever. The problem is rising gas prices. Link’s truck only gets 14 miles to the gallon, so recent price increases at the pump are hitting him hard.

“They’re way too high,” he says, and he foresees them just getting higher.

According to AAA’s Daily Fuel Gauge Report, gas prices have risen slowly but steadily for the last year. The large drop in prices after the 2008 peak has helped relieve drivers, but now rates to be heading back up. Masayo Quick, a recent graduate at UCCS, says hoping for another decline is probably no more than wishful thinking. She notes, “They’re really going up.” Thankfully, Quick is in a good place financially, and gas prices are not a big deal yet. However, she says, “If [students] are putting themselves through school, it could be a burden.”

Melissa Alicea, a UCCS senior and English major, tends to agree. Gas prices are not having a huge impact on her life, but only because of certain lifestyle choices. She and her boyfriend have worked out a carpooling system that has

cut her gas bill significantly.

Her family, on the other hand, is paying upwards of $80 to fill two cars, so Alicea is thankful to only be paying half a tank at a time.

Alicea and her family have plans to travel to Estes Park for spring break. Gas prices have not cancelled the trip, but they are concerning. She says her family has been much more aware of the cost of driving in recent trips.

Students are doing their best to adapt. Kim Eayrs, a senior, hopes to only deal with the problem until the end of summer. She has noted that, due to tourism in the first half of the year, prices are generally higher no matter what. In past years, she says, gas has decreased to around $2 in the later months.

Until then, she is working on finding a more efficient transportation routine. Budgeting is her biggest suggestion to college students. After that, she looks to public transportation, although she says bus stops are too far from her to be a good option.

Eayrs and many other students would like to see UCCS expand their public transportation options.

Not everyone has a somber outlook, however. Dex Cook, also a senior at UCCS, pulls himself out of Franz Kafka’s “The Metamorphosis” to comment on the similarly ugly change in gas prices. “They’re more than I want to pay,” he admits, though they aren’t high enough to truly worry him yet.

“It hurts for the five seconds after I pump, and then I forget about it.”

Are there any solutions?

“We could start stealing oil,”

Cook suggests. Other immediate options he lists for students include buying very small cars and stepping into well-paying jobs. Realistically, he says the obvious solution is to simply drive less. Cook has noted he feels a bit more restricted in his driving habits and reiterated the need for better public transportation.

Although pump prices may not be hurting UCCS students too much, students across the nation are feeling the pain.

Colorado has some of the lowest fuel prices in the nation right now, according to AAA. Other states, such as California and Maine, are reporting averages of up to $3.92 a gallon.

Most students noted that gas prices, although rising overall, have had ups and downs in the first part of 2011. The Opis Transportation Fuel Index backs this observation, calling rates incredibly volatile. As there’s no way to predict how prices will fluctuate, especially with the Middle East as unstable as it is, all students can do is make personal lifestyle changes.

There are resources to help students budget and plan. Find people to carpool with and explore the public transportation options in your area. Websites such as GasBuddy.com can help you find the best local deals on gas.

Currently, they quote the lowest gas price in Colorado Springs as $3.20 at the Loaf ‘N Jug on the corner of Cheyenne Meadows Road and Nevada Avenue.

If the driving is worth the price, you may want to go a bit out of your way to save on rising gas prices. S

GOCA party rejuvenates CoS nightlife Joseph Ruffini

jruffini@uccs.edu For one night, the unfinished top floor of 121 S. Tejon St. was transformed into the party of the year. Sponsored by the Gallery of Contemporary Art, which partners with UCCS’ GOCA, the party, dubbed “Vertigo,” contained vintage vinyl provided by DJ Whitney, food prepared by Nosh, video art by Atomic Elroy, silent film and custom cocktails.

In attendance were some of the most influential artists and businesspeople in Colorado Springs. It provided opportunities for networking and to let off some steam on the dance floor. Hands were shaken, business cards exchanged and tapas consumed in this high society, UCCS-sponsored event.

The event was completely planned and executed by the GOCA advisory board and individually selected planners. The blue and white color scheme carried all the way from the walls to the drinks, and even the custom art display by Atomic

Elroy created specifically for the event.

The event geared toward the art and business community of Colorado Springs, and was designed to revitalize the Colorado Springs nightlife by combining contemporary art and culture.

The location of the event was kept secret until just minutes before the party started. Guests were then escorted to the actual location of the festivities.

Tickets to the party ranged from $60 to $85.

Proceeds from the event went to support the gallery, so that GOCA will be able to continue funding art shows at both the campus and downtown locations. S

Page 7

The news in brief “Vagina Monologues” returns to UCCS March 31 will see the debut of UCCS’ annual presentation of “The Vagina Monologues.” This year’s rendition is directed by student Chris Medina, and features Student Body President Kristina Achey, along with other female students, as the readers of the famous monologues. The play features a number of highly variant accounts of female sexuality and liberation, ranging from a girl of six to a grandmother to a victim of rape to a staunch feminist. The monologues address a number of issues relating to what it means to be female, and uses both humor and emotion in its presentation.

The play will run March 31 through April 2, at 7:30 p.m. in the Gallery of Contemporary Art, on the second floor of Centennial Hall. Contact the box office at (719) 695-0754 to reserve tickets.

Tickets are $10 for UCCS students.

–AM S

UCCS to host mayoral candidate meet-and-greet On Friday, April 1, from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m., City of Colorado Springs mayoral candidates Richard Skorman, Brian Bahr and Steve Bach will visit UCCS’ West Lawn to meet, talk with and answer the questions of students, staff and faculty. They will be here at the behest of UCCS Student Body President Kristina Achey, who facilitated their visit. Some of the other candidates might still participate, but as of press time, only these three had expressed a commitment. “We are still working on a backup location in case the weather is bad,” Achey explained; she looks forward to students being able to ask questions of those who are campaigning for the position of Colorado Springs’ first “Strong Mayor.”

–AM S

UCCS graduate Almemar-Ray speaks on issues in Kurdistan

On March 11, UCCS’ first Iraqi graduate, Zamawang AlmemarRay, gave a presentation titled, “Kurdistan – The Other Iraq.”

Almemar-Ray lived in Kurdistan until she was 15 years old, and moved to the Colorado Springs area in 1997. She presented about her home country of Kurdistan, which, with a population of 30 million Kurds in the world, is the largest ethnic group without a country. The word “Kurd” came about in the First Century and means “nomad.” The Kurdish people are Muslims, and “look just like you, and dress almost the same,” she explained. They are not required to cover their heads and they are not Islamists or radical Islamists. In their history, the Kurdish people have fought many battles for their country and have engaged in combat as recently as during Saddam Hussein’s rule. “Every human is born with freedom,” said Almemar-Ray “This is important in my country because we strive to be free,” she furthered. Kurdistan has been advancing in the past decade and more women are joining the workforce and becoming doctors and members of parliament. They also just opened their first international airport.

–MM S

Someone you know knows he can‛t talk to his family about it.

Planned Parenthood provides affordable & confidential health services including STD testing & treatment.

3958 N. Academy Blvd. #108 | 719.573.8880 3480 Centennial Blvd. | 719.475.7162 www.pprm.org

culture

Page 8

TOP TEN

March 15 to March 21, 2011

St. Patrick’s Day happens to fall on a Thursday this year, which means classes on Friday may be a little emptier than usual. Just because St. Patrick’s Day is on a weekday does not mean that students can’t have fun, though. Everyone is Irish on March 17, so lacking an Irish heritage is not a valid excuse to avoid participating in the following festivities.

ways to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day Story by Sara Horton, shorton@uccs.edu

1. Go to Clyde’s.

7. Watch Irish movies

Clyde’s will host a party on St. Patrick’s Day from 6 to 9 p.m. Corned beef, cabbage and other Irish goodies will be available to order.

2. Visit the Jack Quinn Irish Alehouse and Pub. Jack Quinn at 21 South Tejon St. has a variety of festivities planned on St. Patrick’s Day: Irish music, a tribute to U2 and more are scheduled. The celebration begins at 11 a.m. and will not stop until early the next morning. A $5 cover charge is required after 5 p.m.

Photo courtesy of cfsworldmusic.wikispaces.com

Watch some movies that have Irish influence or actors, like Pierce Brosnan or Liam Neeson. Host a showing of “The Departed,” break out the green popcorn and invite some friends over.

An Irish film festival is always a fun, safe way to celebrate.

Photo courtesy of pop-culture. net

6. Take a hike.

A St. Patrick’s Day walk will be held on March 19 from 8:30 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. at the Modern Woodmen of America building at 2924 N. Beacon St. Hikers can choose to walk a 5K or 10K and register for free between 8:30 a.m. and 12:30 p.m. Falcon Wanderers Volksmarch Club sponsors the event.

3. See some Irish dancing.

Celtic Steps, including the 2009 National Champion Teams and 2010 Western Regional Champions, will perform on March 18 at 6:30 p.m. at Palmer High School, which is located at 301 N. Nevada Ave. Tickets are $12 per person at the door.

4. Drop by Frankie’s Bar and Grill for shot specials, green beer and bread pudding.

Frankie’s Bar and Grill at 945 N. Powers Blvd. invites everyone to party like a leprechaun and listen to The Pikes Peak Highlanders Bagpipes on St. Patrick’s Day from 11 a.m. to 10 p.m. The Colorado Springs Independent voted the sports bar and grill Best Neighborhood Bar East Side in 2010.

Photo courtesy of thebokenonline.com

5. Catch a performance downtown on St. Patrick’s Day. Pop-rock group Martini Shot will perform at Southside Johnny’s at 528 S. Tejon St. at 8 p.m. Folk musician Tim Finnegan will perform at McCabe’s Tavern at 520 S. Tejon St. at 12 p.m.

8. Try something Irish—other than Guinness.

Potatoes and cabbage may not sound appetizing to everyone, but there are plenty of desserts like apple cake that can either be prepared or bought premade. If all else fails, experiment with green dye. St. Patrick’s Day is just about the only time of the year where people will unquestioningly eat artificially green food.

Photo courtesy of delleicious.blogspot.com

9. Listen to Irish music Listen to Irish musicians like U2, Damien Rice and Róisín Murphy.

Playing songs by Irish-American rock bands like Flogging Molly or the Dropkick Murphys first thing in the morning is an energizing way to start the day and get into the Irish spirit.

10. Learn more about St. Patrick.

Most people associate clovers and leprechauns with St. Patrick’s Day, but few know the history behind the event and its namesake. Legend has it that St. Patrick drove a plague of snakes out of Ireland, so see how many friends you can scare with a plastic snake and get some prank practice in before April Fools’ Day.

Photo courtesy of zvents.com Clover photo courtesy of thewordwarrior.wordpress.com

Photo courtesy of horror-shop.com

culture

March 15 to March 21, 2011

Page 9

University Village Colorado Shopping Center (UVC), proudly presents the UVC Running Club. We are conveniently located right across the street from UCCS on N. Nevada Ave.

Come join us on

UVC

April 11th, 2011

for our inaugural run.

(free t-shirts for the first 50 runners that sign in!)

For more information please visit our website.

Running Club

Monday Nights at 6pm www.UVCrunningclub.com

‘Inspector General’ play to kick off Russian arts festival Sara Horton

shorton@uccs.edu Nikolai Gogol’s classic play, “The Inspector General,” opened at Theatreworks on March 10.

The play revolves around a small town in Tsarist Russia. When the townsfolk learn a government inspector from St. Petersburg is going to pay them a visit, mass hysteria ensues. A man who happens to be passing through the town is mistaken for the official. To get on the good side of this so-called inspector, the townsfolk shower the man with their money and adoration.

The audience is treated to a series of laugh-out-loud moments and a brilliant climax, which takes the form of a single line at the play’s conclusion.

Some critics have gone so far as to hail “The Inspector General” as the best comedy to ever grace the stage, and director Kevin Landis did not consider that to be an overstatement. “It’s equally classic, rigorous

and makes people laugh,” said Landis of the play.

He also mentioned that “The Inspector General” is the most produced Russian play, a little-known fact that may come as a surprise to Chekov fans.

“The Inspector General” has been produced across Europe, yet it has not been performed nearly as often in America.

Theatreworks is making an effort to change that by introducing some of the UCCS community to Gogol’s work.

In a year and a half time span, Landis has directed three shows: “The Bacchae,” “The Merry Wives of Windsor” and now “The Inspector General.” Although this is the first time he has directed a Russian comedy, Landis recognized similarities between the plays he has directed because well-known authors wrote all three. By directing such plays, he explained, more actors have the opportunity to look at classic literature. Moreover, audiences have the opportunity to enjoy the

interpretations. “This is not dreary, old Russian literature,” said Landis, who thought Russian literature tended to get a bad rap. “It’s alive.”

“It’s really funny,” added UCCS sophomore Heather Carey, who will play Marya Antonovna.

Although “The Inspector General” was initially published in 1836, Carey stated that aspects of the play still ring true in today’s society. “The Inspector General” will be her second show at UCCS and the largest production in which she has participated thus far. At least fifty people are involved, which Landis said makes the production “epic on every level.”

I had the pleasure of watching a rehearsal for “The Inspector General.”

Aside from the sprawling set, the first thing I noticed was the chemistry and playfulness between the actors. Anyone can memorize lines, but creating entertaining characters, perfecting verbal and physical comedy and having fun in the process

is never so simple. Luckily, the cast took the challenges of performing a comedy in stride and had their roles nailed. I look forward to seeing “The Inspector General” once everything is pulled together and I have a feeling theatergoers will be in for a treat when the show opens later this week.

“The Inspector General” will run from March 10 to March 20 at the Dusty Loo Bon Vivant Theatre in University Hall. Performances will be at 7:30 p.m. on Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays; 4 p.m. on Sundays; and Saturday matinees will be at 2 p.m. Tickets are $12 for members of the community but free to UCCS students. Tickets may be reserved or purchased through Theatreworks’ website at www.theatreworkscs.org/ tickets.htm or by calling the box office at (719) 255-3232. Including one fifteen-minute intermission, the play’s running time will be approximately two hours and twenty minutes.

Photo courtesy of theatreworkscs.org

‘The Inspector General’ is an entertaining and physical comedy that will continue its run through Sun., March 20.

“The Inspector General” is the start of Theatreworks’ “Russian Spring” arts festival.

Among the festivities will be a lecture by Dr. Laurence Senelick, America’s leading Russian literature

scholar who translated the play from Russian to English for this production. His lecture “Gogol, Chekhov and Revolutionary Theatre” will be on Sunday, March 20 at 2 p.m. S

Page 10

culture

March 15 to March 21, 2011

“The Smell of the Kill”

smells like awesome (From left to right:) Actresses Lisa Siebert, Jodi Paproth and Miriam Roth Ballard play Nicky, Molly and Debra in “The Smell of the Kill.”

Cherise Fantus cfantus@uccs.edu What wife doesn’t say she wants to kill her husband from time to time? The women in “The Smell of the Kill” don’t just say it; they contemplate actually doing it when their husbands accidentally get locked in a meat locker.

“The Smell of the Kill” is a hilarious dark comedy set in an average kitchen.

The 40 person audience sits practically on the set, watching three friends talk about their husbands, argue about their friendships and ultimately debate whether or not to kill their husbands. As actress Miriam Roth Ballard said, “It’s a show with laughter, guns, knives and boobs. How much better could it get?”

Nicky (Lisa Siebert), Molly (Jodi Papproth) and Debra (Miriam Roth Ballard) are all unhappy in their marriages. The three women chat in the kitchen after a dinner party, while their husbands play golf in the other room (offstage).

As the conversations progress, they learn secrets about one another and their relationships. We get to the root of each of their miseries while they sip brandy and take criticism from their husbands in the other room. After awhile, they realize their husbands are no longer in the other room, and they hear banging from the basement.

When Nicky goes to find out what is going on, she realizes that they have locked themselves in the meat locker.

She immediately sees an opportunity to rid herself of a husband she has grown to despise. The rest of the play involves a hilarious debate on whether or not they should let their husbands die.

The three actresses were phenomenal in their respective roles. Siebert, though she had originally auditioned for the role of Debra, brought the cold, angry she-wolf

character of Nicky to light in a hilarious, yet relatable way. She immediately draws the audience in with her ice-queen dominance over the other two women.

Ballard, though she had originally auditioned for the role of Nicky, brilliantly brought out the complexities of Debra’s character. “I love peeling away at her,” said Ballard. She starts out seeming somewhat hard and strong in the beginning, but reveals her vulnerabilities as the play gets deeper. As the character becomes emotional, real tears stream down Ballard’s cheeks. “I’m a mom, so it’s a connection for me,” she said of her method in communicating the raw emotion.

Papproth brings in some of the lighter humor, and delivers it brilliantly. Molly is the naïve and dopey character. Her seeming innocence interlaced with shocking revelations and silly discourse keep the audience giggling throughout. Though Papproth considers herself more of a director than an actress, one never would guess it from her flawless performance.

The husbands, though not seen on stage, are played by real actors in the back room. Though each has only a few lines that are shouted from backstage, Aaron Jennejahn (Jay), Marshall Kean (Danny) and Steve Emily (Marty) are pivotal to the performance. In the selection of the actors for these roles, Siebert said, “We really wanted to have strong actors that could portray the behind-the-scenes violence. We wanted real weight to those characters.”

Director Jeff Miller has certainly been successful in his professional directing debut. As a high school theater director at CIVA Charter School, he has had nine years of experience in directing, though this is his first time directing a professional performance. He is one of the founding members of the Springs Ensemble Theatre (SET), and is enthusiastic about his work.

A ball of nerves before the performance,

Photo by Michelle Wood

Photo by Michelle Wood

The three women struggle to keep it together as their husbands abuse them from the other room.

he still did not hesitate to admit, “We have arrived.” After an opening night that “left a lot to be desired,” according to Miller, they “knocked it out of the park and took it to the next level” on the second night.

A key goal of SET is to challenge the audience. “We want the play to leave the audience with something,” said Papproth.

This play more than accomplishes that goal, which is one of the reasons Siebert pitched it for this season after seeing it in Denver. “It really stuck with me,” she said, “It has a post-twist,” which leaves the audience discovering new facets even after the play has ended.

The play is the first of the season for SET, and the first in their new space on Cache La Poudre. “One of the joys of this production is being in the space for rehearsals,” said Miller. In the previous

season without a theater of their own, they moved around a lot and rehearsed where they could. After finding this space and renovating it to their needs, they are able to have the set built ahead of time and are able to rehearse and perform in their own space.

The show will continue to run Thursday through Saturday at 8 p.m., with a final performance on Sunday at 4 p.m.

Students are encouraged to buy or reserve tickets in advance, as seating is very limited.

After the close of this show, SET will begin preparations for “Welcome Home, Jenny Sutter,” a play about a soldier returning from war finding her way back to life with the help of an eclectic community that she wanders into rather than going home. It will open in July. S

athletics

March 15 to March 21, 2011

Page 11

2011 NCAA March Madness may prove to be full of unpredictability ketball immortality. The tournament is unpredictable, with upsets taking place in each round; powerhouses fall early and Cinderella squads hang on for dear life during each and every game: This is March Madness.

This is where dreams are made, and most certainly shattered.

When there is no such thing as a second chance, every team and every player has no choice but to go as hard as they can.

And, this season’s tourney will be one of the more unpredictable ones in recent memory. This entire NCAA Basketball season has been unpredictable, with no clear cut favorite set to dominate

Ryan Piechowski rpiechow@uccs.edu The NCAA March Madness Tournament has finally arrived.

This historic tournament captivates fans from all over the country as young men enter the battlefield with their entire season and dreams on the line every game.

For these athletes, there are no big paychecks involved and no shoe deals on the line. Win and advance, or lose and go home.

These kids play for the names on the front of their jerseys and the chance to reach collegiate bas-

the field; while a few schools have shown their superiority, no team has analysts convinced they are unbeatable and despite the field consisting of a few powerhouses, there isn’t a whole lot that separates them from the rest of the bracket.

Schools like Kansas, Duke, and Ohio State are all favorites to win this year’s title but each of these schools have experienced unexpected losses this season.

Look for these schools in the Final Four come April 2.

Along with these perennial success schools, teams like Texas, North Carolina, Louisville, Kentucky, Notre Dame, Pitts-

burg and Connecticut will all make strong pushes toward the Elite Eight, or possibly even further.

After this group come the border line teams. These are teams who have impressed all season and could get further than most expect. St. John’s, BYU, San Diego State, Arizona, Wisconsin, Washington, and Cincinnati all fall under this category.

The last group is the Cinderella group or the teams who are sure to provide the tournament with the upsets everyone hopes for. Don’t sleep on teams like Bucknell, Temple, Utah State, and UNLV.

The unlikelihood of perfectly predicting and filling out this year’s bracket is through the roof. However, this is what will make the 2011 NCCA March Madness Tournament one of the best in recent years and with that being said, grab your bracket, pencil in predictions however you may choose, and sit back to enjoy all the games commencing March 15.

Students are encouraged to submit their cut-out brackets at The Scribe office by Thursday, March 17 by noon. The top three winners will receive prizes and, of course, bragging rights as the tourney victors of UCCS. S

TOURNAMENT BRACKET

Prizes for top 3 winners!

Cut out this bracket or print one out at uccsscribe.com!

Due by 12 p.m. on March 17 at the Scribe office.

Second Round March 17-18

Third Round March 19-20

Regional Semifinals March 24-25

Regional Finals March 26-27

National Semifinals April 2

NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP

National Semifinals April 2

Regional Finals March 26-27

First Round March 15-16

Regional Semifinals March 24-25

Third Round March 19-20

Second Round March 17-18

First Round March 15-16

NCAA TOURNAMENT

BRACKET 2011

HOUSTON April 4 HOUSTON April 2

HOUSTON April 2

CHAMPION

PRESENTED BY

?bee hnm rhnk [kZ\d^ml hg rhnk fh[be^ iahg^' @h mh >LIG'\hf(m\ hg rhnk iahg^ l [khpl^k'

Regional Sites: :gZa^bf% <:4 G^pZkd% GC4 G^p Hke^Zgl% E:4 LZg :gmhgbh% MQ

athletics

Page 12

March 15 to March 21, 2011

Best pole vault in school history lands Graham second place at nationals Alex Cramer

“Obviously coming to the national championships and doing your personal best and jumping 4.13 meters is huge. Taking second place is a fantastic acLauren Graham pole-vaulted a UCCS school record complishment,” said UCCS assistant coach Brandon 4.13 meters this past weekend to finish second place Masters.

Graham’s performance at nationals was merely a at the NCAA Division-II National Track & Field capstone on one of the most impresChampionships held at the Albusive indoor season by any athlete querque Convention Center.

“We’re setting our sights in UCCS history. The 2011 indoor Eventual pole vault champion Lauren Shelton from Minnesota on jumping 14 feet plus for season saw Graham set numerous State cleared the same height as outdoor, and I think there’s personal records, break the UCCS school record, win RMAC athlete of Graham but did so in fewer tries a very realistic chance she the week (twice), and RMAC athbreaking the tie between the two athletes. 4.13 meters was also a gets it this season, which is lete of the month for the month of personal best for Graham who was huge. There’ve only been February.

“I think the season progressed in high spirits after a successful a couple girls in Division well.

Basically the big improveweekend.

II history to jump over 14 ments come from plant and speed “It went really well, both Laudown the runway, and with that you ren Shelton and I had really good feet.” can get on bigger poles and we were meets, we both had personal reable to get her [Lauren] on a 14-foot cords and we both kept each other pole this year for indoors which is fantastic,” said going, it was really exciting,” said Graham. coach Masters.

“We’re setting our sights on jumping Though a win would have made Graham the first 14 feet plus for outdoor, and I think there’s a very indoor track national champion in UCCS history, her realistic chance she gets it this season, which is huge. experience at nationals will only make her a better There’ve only been a couple girls in Division II hispole vaulter heading into the outdoor season where S tory to jump over 14 feet.”

Graham is the returning RMAC champion.

acramer@uccs.edu

Photo by Doug Fitzgerald

Lauren Graham placed second at nationals by recording an astounding 4.13 meter pole-vault last week.

Lack of trust, arguments and a whole lot of money fuel NFL lockout Ryan Adams

radams3@uccs.edu On March 11, the NFLPA (National Football League Players Association) decertified itself as a union marking the first step in the dreaded process that players, coaches, and fans all hoped could be avoided: a lock out.

Many may have asked the question, “How hard is it to negotiate this? Just split the money and call it even.” Well, it’s not your $9 billion now is it? And would you really trust someone like Dallas Cowboys’ owner Jerry Jones to give you a portion of his ginormous salary? No one in their right mind would; yet, that’s where we stand today.

No one on either side, including the NFLPA or the NFL and its owners has trusted each other for the last two years in this collective bargaining agreement. They even tried to

bring in a federal mediator to sort things out. Nope, still no trust. Well, one thing is for sure, if the two sides can’t figure this thing out as quickly as possible, come September there might not be a whole lot to watch on Sundays.

For most NFL fan hearing that above statement can bring on more worry about the situation and the uncertainties about what lies ahead in the NFL future. Will there be games? And, if so, how many will there be?

Part of the agreement hinges upon playing the traditional 16 game season but if things manage to unfold to the liking of the owners, an 18 game partition may be in play come next season.

No one knows for sure at this point anything more than the redundant, enigma-filled coverage the media spews across headlines and ESPN. With the NFLPA decertifying itself as a union, this means a couple of things that

are not going to be very good.

First off, the NFL players do not have a union representing them and now are on their own as to what they want to do in regards to being locked out by the league.

Secondly, as a result of being locked out, multiple players, notably lead by New Orleans quarterback Drew Brees, have filed lawsuits against the NFL alleging that the league “conspired to market their services through a patently unlawful group boycott and price-fixing arrangement or, in the alternative, a unilaterally imposed set of anticompetitive restrictions on player movement, free agency, and competitive market freedom.”

This means that because no agreement could be made between the league and players, the players believe that the league is responsible for the disagreements and not being able to negotiate a fair deal with the players. Thus, they

One playoff win since 1996. six Dallas Cowboys head coaches replaced.

Are we any closer to discovering the problem?

Photo courtesy of youdontknowjersey.com file a lawsuit against the league alleging conspiracy, which is the only thing they can do now that the NFLPA is decertified and the players have no one representing them.

NFL Commissioner Rodger Goodell has stated that the only way a deal will get done for the

fans, players, and league is at the bargaining table. Now that a lockout has gone into effect, multiple players are suing the league, and the NFLPA has decertified. The commissioner may want to rethink his strategy a little bit if he and his coworkers want football in 2011.

eat at jimmy’s twice a week, soon you’ll be a sandwich freak! daryn p. - south bend, in

1035 GARDEN OF THE GODS RD. 719.590.7827

10 S. TEJON ST. 719.227.SUBS ©2011 jimmy john’s franchise, llc all rights reserved.

5885 STETSON HILLS BLVD. 719.597.SUBS

opinion

Not a townie! Anything but a townie!

March 15 to March 21, 2011

Jessica Lynch jlynch@uccs.edu The last thing any person wants to do – or should do, for that matter – after graduation is go back to the town in which they grew up. This is especially true if you’re from Pagosa Springs, because your re-entry into society will most likely deem you a “townie.” Granted, this term is most commonly applied to the individuals who hated school, wanted to leave town and then never left, but it is enough of an umbrella term to lump me in there, too. While this affiliation to my town’s current townies would not necessarily be openly discussed, it would no doubt haunt me every time I walked down Main Street.

Aside from waking up without an eyebrow, returning home to my small Colorado town immediately upon graduating is one of my greater fears. This isn’t to say that I don’t want to return eventually, but it should be at least five or ten years down the road. I need to do awesome things first.

In the past few months I have dreamed a lot about returning home. These dreams usually revolve around Pagosa’s annual Fourth of July Carnival and my life as a dirty carnival worker.

During these depressing flash forwards I both look and feel like I haven’t showered or slept in nearly two weeks. I am also usually a suffering alcoholic with a drug problem and a missing tooth.

I would rather sell ice cream out of a dirty old pickup truck in Castle Rock than go home in May. This isn’t because I don’t love and cherish my family, but the idea of going home with a degree in hand, rather than a job in a big city, is more depressing than watching a Sara McLachlan puppy commercial. And those are really sad.

Because of this deep, unrelenting phobia, I have decided that if worse comes to worst and none of the internships I have applied for come through, I’m just going to move to Portland, Oregon. I’ve had a crush on Portland since I was in high school and played in a summer basketball tournament in that beautiful city. I remember driving through parts of Oregon after our games and feeling like I was in “Jurassic Park” because of the endlessly dense vegetation and monstrous trees. I imagined, at the time, that T-Rex would make an entrance at some point along the journey.

Last week, after lamenting on Facebook about the melancholy weather and my distaste

for it, a friend of mine pointed out the obvious – rain boots are everyday footwear in Oregon. I responded by telling her I was just in “transition mode” and I would undoubtedly respond to the changing weather with ease given adequate time.

My recent mood makes me think otherwise. Last week I went to Pikes Perk to study, read and attempt to enjoy the raging storm brewing outside. I failed, miserably. Instead, I got really angry and I think the lady who was sitting near me thought I hated her because she kept giv-

society – Hollywood in particular – are causing people to lose too much weight.

I was talking to a friend who happens to live in Hollywood the other day. She was telling me that she has gained so much weight and she really wants to lose about 20 pounds. I haven’t seen her in awhile, so I assumed from what she said that she had gotten pretty chubby. But then she told me that she was wearing size 3 jeans. She said she wanted to be skinny.

I told her she was skinny. She responded, “I want to be L.A. skinny.”

That got me to thinking. Why do women want this? We see super-skinny celebrities like Tara Reid and Paris Hilton, and they look disgusting. Yet women who are hardly bigger than those “too skinny” celebrities still feel the need to slim down.

While there are definite shifts in size ideals over time – in the 1950s, a more voluptuous look was considered sexy; in the 1960s and 1970s, the super-slim “Twiggy” look was the ideal; in the 1980s and early 1990s, a more voluptuous look was popular again; and now we are in a

“waif” period – it seems that the ideal of skinny is getting smaller and smaller over the years.

Marilyn Monroe is considered one of the sexiest women in history. She was a size 16; since sizes were different then, that roughly translates into what we know as a size 8. Cindy Crawford was considered the ideal in her reign as top supermodel in the late ‘80s and early ‘90s, when the ideal was a “perfect size 6.” Less than a decade ago, 4 was considered perfect, but now women are striving more for 2 and 0.

With a trend like that, what are the women going to look like five or 10 years from now? Skeletons?

Not only that, but the modeling industry doesn’t even think the ridiculously skinny models are skinny enough. Most pictures get airbrushed for various reasons, a major one of which is making the models look thinner.

Hollywood and the modeling industry are training women and girls to believe that in order to be beautiful, you have to be painfully skinny. This is one of the reasons many young women and girls develop eating disorders.

Page 13

Comic by Arno ing me really meek smiles every time I looked up from my computer. To make matters worse, I burned my tongue and lower lip on my Vanilla Steamer and the wireless wouldn’t work. I also had writer’s block, so instead of enjoying a happy, productive afternoon, I grew moody with agitation at an increasingly emptylooking word document.

Rain, snow and sleet aside, it’s the cloudy days that really get to me and Portland experiences approximately 222 such days every year. So here’s what I’m thinking. I just need to con-

dition myself by pretending to enjoy it. My dad always told me to fake it till you make it. I’ve since found that phrase quite humorous when taken out of context, but it is no doubt fitting in this situation. To combat my fragile mental state, I’m going to purchase lavish rain slickers and umbrellas and make a music video. Maybe then I’ll find some satisfaction in the soul-sucking weather. If there’s one thing I’m not going to do, however, its move back to Pagosa and become a townie. If only it wasn’t so bright and sunny there. S

Overweight and underweight are not the only options

Cherise Fantus cfantus@uccs.edu In this country, we seem to have only two weight categories: fat and super-skinny. I would like to know why “healthy” has become an undesirable option.

The United States is one of the fattest countries in the world – number three, in fact – with 66.7 percent of the population considered obese when the numbers were last reported in 2006, according to the World Health Organization.

It seems, though, that people who are at a healthy weight are so afraid of being fat that they go to extreme measures to lose weight.

Along with that, pressures from

Photo courtesy of anorexicmodel.com

I don’t know about you, but I let out a small yelp when I saw this picture. So please, take care of yourself and don’t forget to eat.

The fact is, fat is essential for healthy body functioning. A healthy body fat percentage for a woman is between 22 and 25 percent. According to the American Council on Exercise, women should maintain a bare minimum of 10 percent body fat.

When women drop below 20 percent, they could develop health issues. Underweight females risk weakening their immune sys-

tems, weakening their bones, and causing permanent infertility.

Obviously, obesity is a major issue and is something we don’t want for our kids, or for ourselves. Starving ourselves is not the right alternative, though.

We need to remind ourselves and teach our kids that a balanced diet and exercise to maintain a healthy weight is the most attractive option. S

opinion

Sorry, Charlie, no one cares anymore Page 14

Sara Horton shorton@uccs.edu “Entertainment Tonight” airs right after the evening news, which I made the mistake of leaving on about five minutes too late, so I was treated to a video of former “Two and a Half Men” star Charlie Sheen smoking a cigarette through his nose, ranting about how everyone loves trees and waving a machete around on the top of a building.

I don’t know how much more of this man I can take before I start demonstrating the same behavior. Enough is enough. Sure, his weirdness was amusing at first (I have used his “winning” catchphrase more often than I will ever admit). But now this whole situation has gotten just plain sad. Both his job and his kids have

been stripped from him, and he’s in the process of auctioning a memoirthat no one wants to read – off to the highest bidder. This man is desperate; he’ll talk about how he has been victimized

by CBS to anyone who will listen.

When CBS finally cut ties with Sheen this month, the network cited multiple reasons for the decision: erratic behavior on set and supposedly dealing cocaine to someone on the set were just some of the justifications. What I find interesting is that CBS parted ways with Sheen so late.

This man has sent up several red flags, all of which CBS has ignored until now. He roughed up his second ex-wife and locked a naked woman in a hotel bathroom only to face minor consequences.

It took the audacity to insult an executive for the network to decide Sheen had taken it too far. It all goes to show just how much a network will to choose to ignore to insure they keep a star.

In the end, CBS comes out of this entire fiasco looking no better than Sheen. Really, these two deserve each other.

Like most people with considerable fame and fortune, Sheen is surrounded by a sea of enablers. The media is no less guilty than the yes men who smile and nod at everything he says. I understand Sheen’s behavior makes for great ratings, but all this coverage is only a countdown to a train wreck and everyone knows it. The more out of line Sheen gets, the more followers he gains on Twitter. Sheen has mistaken

DEAR DEVI US DU

these followers for fans, people who want to see him succeed and take back his money from CBS, but many of these so-called fans want to see the exact opposite.

So many people want to see him fail; they don’t care about his war with CBS. People take a grotesque pleasure in watching the self-destruction of someone who has it all. For some reason, Sheen thinks getting in front of a camera is helping his case. Instead, all of this unnecessary coverage is leading him further down the rabbit hole. At this rate, I would be surprised if he survives to see 2012. This isn’t to say that I wish his ultimate demise, but the likelihood of Sheen checking himself into rehab again and ending the celebrity sensationalism is highly unlikely. S

March 15 to March 21, 2011

Photo courtesy of lindsaylohanphotos.net

There’s just too much winning in this picture. And Tiger blood sounds pretty gross, too.

Dear Devious Duo, My boyfriend and I have been dating for a couple months now, and everything is going great. We’re crazy compatible and we have really good chemistry…out of the bedroom. The second we get in bed, it’s like he is a totally different person that has no idea what he’s doing. The worst part is how sensitive he gets when I try to bring up pointers while we’re doing it. He’s a nice guy, but I need some good sex in a relationship. What should I do?

Dear Sexually Snagged,

Dear Sexually Stunted,

There’s really only one thing you can do in situations like this, and that is to just go with the flow. Wait, don’t stop reading! Just listen for a second.

You’re not going to get anywhere by giving him pointers when they aren’t welcome. You not being satisfied is also an issue. So, to resolve, the best thing to do is be patient, and here’s why. First off, you’re still a fairly new couple, which means you’re still sexually fresh to each other. This could make him nervous, or maybe he is just new to sex. Have you tried actually talking to him about any of this stuff?

If he is new to sex, then give him some time to get accustomed to you and your body. Let him have time to warm up to the relationship in general! As he does, he’ll also be more receptive to taking pointers, and that’s where the satisfaction for you kicks in. Once he’s willing to listen, he’ll be like a piece of clay just waiting to be molded. No penis jokes here, please.

What if he is a sex veteran, but just blows (pun definitely intended) in the sack?

Well, same advice with a different spin. You still have to let him warm up to you, sexually, but if he still isn’t getting it, then it’s time to mount up.

Literally.

Get on top of him, guide his…appendages…show him what you really like and what really gets you off. The best way to learn is by doing (ha!) and by creating an expectation of what you want your sex to be, he’ll mentally have a standard that he’ll want to live up to.

If none of the above work, then it might be time to look for a new relationship.

Don’t make yourself out to be the bad guy, though. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to get your own pleasure out of a relationship, and sometimes we all have to be a little selfish.

If things are going so wonderfully outside the bedroom maybe you should just stop having sex?

What?!

Just kidding. Don’t do that. Do anything but that.

The main issue here, aside from the obvious bedroom tangle, is that you’re attempting to discuss his inadequacies while having sex. No one likes this.

You sure wouldn’t. It would probably throw you off your game for at least a week or so.

It might actually deter you from unzipping his pants for any sexual reason.

Wait, can pant unzipping be nonsexual? I’m thinking it’s unlikely. Actually, scratch that. If he needs his pants unzipped for any reason other than a massive erection, e.g a throber, it might be somewhat messy.

Here’s what you need to do, then. Take him out for coffee at a discrete location where you can sit close and not be overheard by anyone in the shop.

Fall into your usual, comfortable routine and gently broach the topic. Pepper the start of this conversation with compliments; let him know you’re not unsatisfied in any way, and you’re certainly not complaining, but you think there are ways to add some flavor to your bedroom endeavors. Suggest you spend more time on foreplay and if there is something he needs to work on specifically, this is the perfect time to lay it all out on the table.

And yes, I am also suggesting a low-cut shirt.

If he starts to act defensive, remind him you’re in this together and it’s not a stab at his abilities. Tell him you’re just a difficult girl to crack and you hope he can bear with you as you learn how to completely satisfy one another. In this way, he doesn’t feel the total weight of your blame. It might be helpful to suggest showing him exactly what you like, too. Deep down, all any decent guy wants to do is please you.

–Jessica Lynch

–J.D. Osorio

Have a question about relationships, love or...sex? Email your query to the Devious Duo at scribeonsex@gmail.com.

the

Scribble

“Still, if a statement cannot reasonably be interpreted to be one of express or implied fact, it cannot be libelous. This means that humor columns, spoofs, cartoons and satire are protected as long as readers understand that the material is not intended to be taken seriously.”

-Student Press Law Center

The Situation cheats on his abs Cherise Fantus cfantus@uccs.edu Michael “The Situation” Sorrentino is known for flashing his washboard abs at any opportunity.

Many often wonder how he can drink so much and keep those abs looking so ripped. Since he released a workout video last fall, many assumed that he got his abs by doing his own workout.

Insiders revealed last week that he had another trick up his sleeve. Instead of doing strenuous workouts and eating right, The Situation simply wears a Flex Belt.

The Flex Belt straps onto the midsection and sends electronic pulses through the abdominal muscles. This tones the muscles without the wearer having to do any work.

Sorrentino admitted to using the Flex Belt after one of his housemates found his belt under his bed. “I wanted to prank him, so I decided to put some tuna under his bed. I had the can, and I like crawled under his bed. Then I saw this belt thing.

I laughed like so hard and then we all tried it on,”

The news in brief Student has spaghetti orgasm

A student eating at the Overlook Café had an interesting reaction to her food on Monday. Senior Sarah Screamer was enjoying a plate of spaghetti – perhaps a bit too much.

“I was enjoying my pizza when suddenly I saw the girl at the table next to me start convulsing. I thought she was having a seizure,” said sophomore Tim Knave, who witnessed the event. Other lunchers were surprised to hear the sudden screams and yips, after the girl’s lunch brought her to sexual climax. “It was the best spaghetti I’ve ever had!” said Screamer breathlessly.

S

New strain of Chlamydia: Sex on fire A new strain of Chlamydia has developed and is spreading across campus. The strain is extremely dangerous, causing people’s genitals to literally burn when they pee. “I banged this totally hot girl last weekend. Then yesterday, I went to the bathroom and my wiener burst into flames,” said junior Mark Player. Students have been going into the Student Health Center in droves, seeking treatment for their singed private parts. “I’ve never seen anything like it,” said Student Health Center Director Sarah Harrisberg in a shaking voice. Students are asked to avoid sex altogether until a treatment is developed.

said The Situation’s roommate, Snooki.

“I don’t see the point in hiding it, you know?” said Sitch, “I have awesome abs, and I won’t like apologize for that, you know?”

The Situation has in fact never done a single situp. He straps on the Flex Belt every day and lets it do the work for him.

“I don’t like to waste a lot of time doing superficious exercise when I have something that will do it for me. My time is money, you know?” said Sorrentino.

Fans of The Situation have been extremely disappointed by his workout methods. “I bought like five copies of his workout video to make sure I like had backups. I guess that was like a complete waste. I ordered a Flex Belt yesterday, though. I want to have like a washboard stomach before I go visit the Shore this summer. I’m going to the Shore! Woooo!” said “Jersey Shore” fan Ashley “A-Scream” Wannabe.

Sales of The Situations exercise video, “The Situation Workout,” have dropped by 75 percent, while sales of the Flex Belt have increased by 95 percent. S

TOP TEN

things to do with a leprechaun

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Make him your pet - collar and leash are important.

Eat Lucky Charms together.

Bring him to class to take notes for you.

Drink green beer together.

Braid each other’s hair.

S

Fat kid experiences muscle tears An obese student was rushed to the emergency room over the weekend when he decided to go to the Rec. Center and work out for the first time in his life. Freshman Nathan Roller started to lift weights and after about five minutes, started having a panic attack. He repeatedly screamed, “My muscles are crying! My muscles are crying!” Roller was tearing and clawing at his skin while gym staff tried to calm him. When emergency workers arrived, they helped towel off the “muscle tears” and rushed him to the emergency room where he had the deep fingernail scratches stitched up, and doctors explained to him how working out makes you sweat.

S

-Cherise Fantus

Play kickball with him - he’s the perfect-sized ball.

Lock him in the basement until he tells you where the pot of gold is.

He can be your personal practical joker.

Use him as a pick-pocket. Nobody would notice!

Give him to your mom - she hasn’t gotten lucky in awhile.

-Scribe Staff

Photo Illustration by Emily Olson

I think the Flex Belt is the only thing in this picture that doesn’t make me want to vomit or pull out my hair.

Student high on life arrested by campus police Jessica Lynch jlynch@uccs.edu Justin Jovial, who was seen skipping and laughing his way to class last week, was recently arrested because his mood seemed too blissful. According to Jovial, “I’m high on life, that’s all.”

Campus police found his behavior especially suspicious because while skipping he stopped and picked up a piece of trash and even recycled it.

“Kids just don’t do that these days. Usually they just walk with their heads down, listening to music,” said campus chief of police, Sim Price. “I also found it really strange that he smiled and called people by their first names,” he furthered.

Jovial, who can’t seem to pinpoint why he’s so happy, simply believes he’s the luckiest person on the earth. “I am just grateful to wake up to a new day. It’s incredible.

Life is just so awesome.”

Ironically, Jovial has been in debt for the past five years and doesn’t have either a mom or dad, just a dog named Ernest.

According to a few RA’s, students who have

heard his cries of eternal happiness have recently locked themselves in their rooms. “I saw one of the boys on my hall crawling up the stairs to his room screaming about Heaven and fluffy white clouds and farm animals. He looked miserable.”

Jovial was taken into custody – which is nothing more than a cubicle similar to those in the library – and asked what made his life so awesome. His response, to the surprise of everyone in the building and all those within 50 feet of the building was, “I just can’t help but be happy.

It’s like I was made to be happy and bring joy to your lives.” He was then gagged and thrown behind some makeshift bars.

There has been no attempt to release him and from what has been circulating on campus, no one even wants to see him set free. Samantha Smugness explained, “It’s not that I want him to suffer, but he was causing me so much pain with his perpetual smiles and good nature.

I just can’t take it. I’m a cynic. The world is full of cynics. He didn’t belong and never will.” S

Support our advertisers

Firefox has crashed.

Tell them you saw their ad in The Scribe!

Report

Make your life suck less by visiting Quit uccsscribe.com

If you have the FLU, you may be interested in participating in a clinical research study testing the safety, tolerability and effectiveness of a new investigational study medication for the treatment of all types of flu including the 2009 H1N1 flu (swine flu).

If you would like to participate in this study, please contact us as soon as possible. Your first study visit must take place within 48 hours of the first start of any of the following flu symptoms: • • • • • • • •

Fever over 100ºF Sweats or chills Cough Sore throat Runny or stuffy nose Headache Muscle aches Extreme tiredness or fatigue

To qualify, you must be 18 to 70 years of age and meet certain requirements. You will receive all study-related medical care and the ivestigational study medication at no charge. Participants may be compensated for their time and reimbursement for study-related expenses may also be provided.

The study doctor will explain the study requirements and the possible benefits and risks to you before you decide to participate. Contacting us does not mean you have to participate. Participation in this clinical research study is completely voluntary. You are free to withdraw at any time for any reason without penalty or loss of benefits and without effect on your future health care.

Expresscare Clinical Research Gary Tarshis, MD

719-597-4200 ext. 115