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table of
CONTENTS
June 2020
volume 36 • number 6
4 6 8 10 12 14
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16 18 22
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LAUGHING WITH YOUR KIDS WAYS TO MAKE SUMMER TIME LEARNING FUN
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DADS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN EMPATHY IS HARDWIRED PARENTING TRENDS FOR AN EASY-BREEZY SUMMER STAY HEALTHY
IN A COVID-19 ENVIRONMENT AND AUTOIMMUNITY Magazine
WORRY-FREE GUIDE FOR RETURNING TO WORK Magazine
YOUR BEST SUMMER IS ONE WORD AWAY Magazine
HELP NEW DADS ADJUST WHEN BABY COMES HOME
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OUR KIDS MAGAZINE LLC is a locally owned magazine published monthly. Advertisements in this magazine are paid for by the advertisers, which allows this magazine to be free to the consumer. Limit of one free copy per reader. Unless specifically noted, no advertisers, products or services are endorsed by the publisher. All persons are hereby informed that all dwellings advertising are available on an equal opportunity basis. OUR KIDS MAGAZINE LLC copyright 2015. All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or part without written permission is prohibited.
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June 2020 | OurKidsMagazine.com
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Feature
Unleash the Hidden Power of Laughing With Your Kids By Sandi Schwartz
Sometimes life can be tough. Whether we are feeling anxious about current affairs or dealing with a health issue, something as simple as laughter—believe it or not—can help us persevere. As adults, we tend to get bogged down with our to do lists and stresses of daily life and forget how beautiful it is to let loose and have a good laugh. Unfortunately, most adults do not laugh enough. In fact, one study found that healthy children may laugh as much as 400 times per day, but adults only laugh 15 times per day. If we stop for a moment and observe our children, they are probably laughing and playing freely without the weight of the world on their shoulders. We can learn so much from them when it comes to being lighthearted. It is so important that we raise them in such a way that they will continue to experience fun and laughter throughout their lives. We can create a positive environment for them to grow up in by stopping once in a while to have a laughing fit together.
Why Is Laughter So Important?
Science shows us that laughter really is like medicine. According to the Mayo Clinic, laughing is one of the easiest ways for us to reduce stress and anxiety in our lives. Laughing transforms our body and mind in so many amazing ways, boosting positive emotions like happiness, peace, and humor. When we laugh, the ventromedial prefrontal cortex of our brain is activated. This releases feel-good hormones called endorphins that allow us to experience pleasure and satisfaction. Laughing also reduced our stress response because the level of stress hormones like cortisol, epinephrine (adrenaline), and dopamine are lowered. We feel energized since we take in more oxygen-rich air when we laugh. Finally, laughing relaxes our muscles, which soothes tension from stress. In fact, a good laugh can leave your muscles relaxed for up to 45 minutes afterwards. 4
Our Kids Magazine | June 2020
The muscles that help us smile also affect how we feel. When we use these muscles, we trigger a part in our brain that improves our mood. One particular research study involved having participants hold a pencil in one of three ways in order to get them to make certain facial expressions without telling them exactly what they were doing. The first group held the pencil sideways in their mouths to force a smile. The second group stuck the pencil in lengthwise to force a frown. The last group, serving as the control group, held the pencil in their hands. Participants were then asked to watch cartoons and rate how funny there were to them. The group with the sideways pencils (the “smiling” group) had higher funny ratings than the lengthwise group (the “frowning” group). The control group scored between the other two groups. This study showed how smiling and laughing can really make a difference in how we perceive the world around us. Researchers also found that facial expressions can reduce negative feelings like pain and sadness. In one study, researchers applied an uncomfortable heat to subjects’ arms and then them to make either a relaxed face, an uncomfortable face, or a neutral face. The results showed that the people who made a relaxed face experienced less pain than those who made an uncomfortable or neutral face. This happens because smiling releases endorphins and serotonin, which are thought to minimize any pain we feel. Laughter is beneficial because it also changes how we look at a situation. A silly moment can offer a healthy distraction from negative emotions like anger, guilt, and stress. It sure is hard to feel negatively when you are cracking up! It also gives us a more lighthearted perspective when faced with challenges, and helps us view such events as positive opportunities as opposed to threats. Connect With US @ facebook.com/OurKidsMagazineSA
Next, laughter builds resilience, the ability to adapt well to adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or even significant sources of stress. When children are resilient, they are braver, more curious, more adaptable, and more able to obtain happiness and success. Additionally, resilience can help cushion us from mental health conditions like anxiety and depression because it improves our ability to cope, according to Mayo Clinic. Laughter plays a huge role in how we handle adversity by allowing us to escape from our problems for a little while. By teaching our kids to laugh even in times of pain, we are giving them a key tool that will help them be more resilient as they grow older. Laughing with our kids is so special because it builds a bond with them. These joyous moments create a more uplifting environment at home. What’s really fun is that laughter tends to be contagious, so before you know it your whole house could be giggling up a storm. Finally, the best part of laughing is that it’s completely free and always accessible to us, without any side effects (except for maybe a few aches on your side from laughing so hard). So, how can we laugh more with our kids? Here are 10 ideas to get you rolling (on the floor)… ■ Start a laughing contest to see who can make the other
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person laugh first. ■ Play fun games like Charades, Twister and Pictionary. ■ Read joke books and websites, and then share your
favorites with each other. ■ Create funny stories using Mad Libs or whisper down the lane. ■ Have a family talent show and see who comes up with the funniest routine. ■ Dress up in silly costumes. ■ Watch a comedy TV show or movie together as a family. ■ Talk in a silly language like pig Latin. ■ Keep a collection of funny quotes and pictures that you can bring out at anytime to get everyone laughing. ■ Try laughter yoga with your kids. Created by Dr. Madan Katari in Bombay, India, this yoga practice combines breathing exercises, yoga, stretching, and laughing.
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For more intriguing facts about laughter, check out this infographic by Happify. Sandi Schwartz is a freelance writer/blogger and mother of two. She has written extensively about parenting, wellness, and environmental issues. You can find her at www.happysciencemom.com. Get her free course on raising happy, balanced kids at bit.ly/2i53TDV
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Feature
14 Ways to Make Summer Time Learning Fun By Christa Melnyk Hines
Wondering how to help your child retain reading, writing and math skills she gained over the school year this summer without making it feel like work? Weave learning into daily errands and interactive activities found in your own backyard. “Summer is a great opportunity for parents to participate and come up with projects on their own and learn what their kids are interested in,” says Dr. Ashley Norris, assistant dean, University of Phoenix College of Education. According to the National Summer Learning Association, students who don’t participate in any summer enrichment or educational activities lose about 22 percent of knowledge and skills gained during the school year. Teachers generally spend the first two months of school reviewing past material. By helping your children make the connection between what they learn in school and how the material relates to the real world, they’ll retain more of their new skills and grow into more engaged, enthusiastic learners. 1. Calculate tips. Next time you and your family eat dinner out, help your child determine the tip when the bill arrives. 2. Grocery shop. Dictate your grocery list to your child and have him keep track of the list. As you shop, talk about prices, sales and healthy choices. 3. Visit the farmer’s market. Peruse seasonal produce native to the area. Ask about fruits and veggies you and 6
Our Kids Magazine | June 2020
your kids have never heard of before. Practice math skills by giving your child a list, a budget and some money to shop at the market. 4. Grow a garden. Your child can learn more about her environment by cultivating her own fruits and vegetables. No room in your yard? Grow a container garden together. Your child can take pictures or make notes in a daily gardening notebook detailing the life cycle of the plant, any problems encountered and how she worked to solve those issues. 5. Cook together. Involve your child in meal planning and preparation. Depending on your child’s age, Jessica Velazquez, a healthy living director for the YMCA, suggests putting him in charge of a meal once a week. “I remember being in third grade and having one night a week where I was in charge of dinner,” she says. “And yes, we often had cereal or mac ‘n’ cheese.” Following a recipe also helps your child practice fractions and reading. 6. Head to the mall. How much is 20 percent off? When bargain shopping with your child, teach her how to calculate the prices of marked down items. 7. Play travel agent. Thanks to the Internet, your child can easily research your family’s vacation or a hometown field trip. Give her a list of questions to answer about the location, cost and hours of a specific site she wants to visit. Continue the learning when you arrive at your destination. Connect With US @ facebook.com/OurKidsMagazineSA
Catherine Elder says she and her 8-year-old daughter like to observe and talk about the tides, climate and sea life on their annual beach vacation. 8. Tune in. If your child is passionate about music, attend local concert series in parks, which are often free. Encourage her to learn about the history of the music she’s interested in and read biographies of favorite musicians. 9. Explore nature. Apply what your child has learned in life science to your backyard. “We always talk about different birds, bugs, and how flowers and trees grow. My daughter actually teaches me some things that she’s learned in school. It makes her feel good to know she is helping me learn, too,” Elder says. Science museums and nature outreach centers also offer inexpensive classes and camps. 10. Go digital. Got a bug enthusiast? Have him grab the camera and go on a scavenger hunt for different species. When he’s done he can make a digital presentation of his discoveries. “Many elementary kids know how to use multi-media even more than parents. They find it fascinating and think it’s fun,” Norris says. 11. Nurture creativity. With increased emphasis on raising test scores, many schools no longer devote much class time for artistic development. But art education enhances creative thinking, motor skills and social and emotional development. Have a splatter paint party on canvas in your backyard. Water color on textured paper. Make collages out of old magazines. Further explore the visual arts at pottery cafes and art museums. 12. Journal. Purchase an inexpensive journal or notebook that your child can personalize. Write a prompt or a question at the top of the page. Take turns writing messages and stories back and forth. 13. Read together. “Children often say they don’t like to read because they’ve only read things chosen for them by others,” says Helma Hawkins, a children’s librarian. Summer is the perfect time to help your child find books and magazines that match his interests. Read together or start an informal book club with your child and a few friends. Schedule an afternoon to discuss the selection over milk and cookies. 14. Practice time management. Assign a weekly project for your children with a deadline to help them practice time management skills. “Base it on their interest so it doesn’t feel like work,” Norris says. They can select and research a specific topic, create a digital slide show about what they learned and then present it to you or extended family. June 2020 | OurKidsMagazine.com
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Feature
Dads Just Want To Have Fun: 24 Unforgettable Father’s Day Outings By Christina Katz Before you start preparing that traditional breakfast in bed for dad on Father’s Day, consider some of these outings first. If dad is itching for an adventure this year, why not try one or even a few of these family activities? And don’t forget to snap photos of everyone enjoying dad’s special day because this is going to be his best Father’s Day yet.
some at your local pet store. Then haul out or borrow the gear, and off to the nearest body of water you all go!
1. High Score: Dad Whether dad likes vintage video games like Pac Man and Space Invaders or prefers a few rounds of Skee Ball and pinball, a trip to the arcade is a surefire way to light up the day.
8. Lip-smacking Dad: Barbeques are great, but today is dad’s special day and he’d probably like to be waited on rather than cook. So what’s it going to be: steak, BBQ, pasta? Go ahead and indulge dad with a fancy dinner on his special day.
2. Soaring Dad: Remember the song, “Let’s Go Fly A Kite” from the Disney film Mary Poppins? Stop at the store on your way to the best kite-flying park in town and you’ve got a great impromptu Dad’s day excursion.
9. Breaking Away Dad: You don’t have to own enough bikes for everyone in the whole family. You can always rent bikes for the day or borrow bikes from your neighbors for a whole family ride. Stay hydrated and bring snacks.
3. Slip And Slide Dad: If you are fortunate enough to live near a water park, you’ve got a whole day of splashing-good fun ahead of you. Arrive early to beat the long lines.
10. Putting Dad: For some dads, there is no greater joy than sharing a love of golf. If kids are young, mini-golf is a great option. When they get older, try the driving range, and eventually, the whole eighteen holes.
4. 3-D Dad: Surprise dad with the 3D or Imax movie he’s most excited to see this summer. Or head for the nearest drivein movie theater. 5. Biscuits & Gravy Dad: Let’s face it, one of the best places to go on Father’s Day is out to brunch. Hit dad’s favorite greasy spoon or surprise dad with a new-to-him restaurant you think he’ll love. Reservations are a good idea. 6. Angler Dad: If dad loves fishing, don’t try to worm your way out of it. Dig him up some worms on Saturday or buy 8
Our Kids Magazine | June 2020
7. History Buff Dad: Is a historic destination or re-enactment event within driving distance? If so, pile everyone in the car and travel back in time together.
11. Paint-splattered Dad: For dads with tweens and teens, an afternoon at the paintball park can be thrilling, not to mention colorful. Just remember the wear safety gear. 12. Sunscreen Dad: Even if dad doesn’t surf or even Boogie board, he may still long for a relaxing day at the beach. If visiting the coast is not an option, how about a lake or riverfront. Dads and water do mix! 13. Cowboy Dad: If your dad loves the movie City Connect With US @ facebook.com/OurKidsMagazineSA
Slickers, maybe it’s time for that family trail ride. Wear jeans and sturdy shoes and get ready to sweet talk your ride. 14. Bouncing Dad: Even though he might not be prepared to do flips, dad might be up for an afternoon at the local trampoline park. Jumping is fun and relaxing. Call ahead to discover the least-crowded times. 15. Bull’s Eye Dad: Does your local sporting goods store have an archery gallery? If not, find an archery store in your area and head on over for a few pointers before purchasing a bow and arrow set to use in your yard. 16. Tire-screeching Dad: Even though kids may not be old enough to drive, they can have fun racing dad at the nearest Go Kart destination. Search for both indoor and outdoor options and then rev ‘em up! 17. Everybody Now Dad: Outdoor concert opportunities abound in the summertime! Grab tickets ahead to attend a traditional concert. Be sure to choose a singer or group that will get dad grooving. 18. Stomping Dad: Looking for a last-minute adventure for Father’s Day that won’t break the bank? Hiking is perfect. You can either do a short afternoon hike or take more time preparing for an all-day excursion. Whichever dad prefers.
19. Top Down Dad: How convenient, vintage car shows often fall on Father’s Day. If dad is a car buff, plan a day trip to a show in your region. Wash dad’s car before you go. 20. Roadrunner Dad: Lace up those sneakers and get ready to pound some pavement with dad. Families who run together can work their way up from short races to long over the years. 21. Down To Earth Dad: If dad has a green thumb, why not take a garden tour for Father’s Day? Or take dad to the biggest nursery in your area to select plants for the season. 22. Strike-loving Dad: Of course, dad doesn’t need to use the bumpers, but younger kids can. This means even young children can enjoy an afternoon or evening of bowling with dad. 23. Round And Round Dad: For many dads the amusement park is a family favorite. How many times can you go on each ride before the park closes? You’ll have fun finding out. 24. Browsing Dad: If dad is the thoughtful type, the perfect adventure might be a literary roam through the stacks of your largest local bookstore. Give him a gift card and let him browse, while everyone else hangs out in their favorite section. Author, journalist, and writing coach Christina Katz is married to a bookstore and concert-loving dad, who appreciates a good restaurant, is always eager for time travel, and really knows how to appreciate vintage video games and a good movie or ten.
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Empathy Is Hardwired, But Few Maximize It Help Your Child Develop Empathy to Its Full Potential By Kimberly Blaker
Empathy is the ability to put yourself in another’s shoes. It’s similar to sympathy but with an important difference. To sympathize is to care about and understand the suffering experienced by another. When you sympathize with someone, you feel sorry for them. Sympathy gives you the ability to say the right thing to comfort another. But empathy goes a step further. It’s the ability to actually experience or relive the feelings of another. When you empathize, rather than focusing on your own feelings about the other person’s situation, you’re able to focus on the emotions of that person. When you empathize, the other person can tell you’re really listening to them. Furthermore, empathy increases your ability and likelihood to help the person with whom you empathize.
“Consider the things you have in common with those who are different and talk about these commonalities with your child.” According to neuroscientists, the vast majority of us are born with the brain wiring necessary to empathize. Psychopaths make up about 1% of the population and are the exception, according to a 2013 study by neuroscientists at the University of Chicago and the University of New Mexico. Still, among the 99% of us who are born with this capacity, most don’t fully develop or use it to its potential. 10
Our Kids Magazine | June 2020
Benefits of empathy Empathy is beneficial in many ways, according to Katherin Sears, Ph.D., in “Why Empathy Benefits Everyone.” It provides us the ability to act kindly toward others, to forgive family and friends, and to bond with others over their ups and downs. Without the ability to empathize, it would be difficult, if not impossible, to form and maintain friendships. In fact, we’d have difficulty getting along with others at school or work and in society. Satya Nadella, the CEO of Microsoft, in an interview with CBS Good Morning, revealed another vital benefit of empathy. Without it, she says, “there is no way we could innovate.” This makes a lot of sense. Although some people would still have the desire to innovate for personal gain, innovation would be far more limited. People would lack the motivation to innovate to help others unless it offered a reward for themselves. The field of medicine is a perfect example. Many strides have been made in medicine over the decades, much of which has resulted from human empathy.
How to teach kids empathy Experts believe, based on a large body of evidence, that empathy can be shaped. Not only can kids learn to empathize better, but so can adults. By practicing the following as a family, you can foster yours and your child’s ability to empathize. Connect With US @ facebook.com/OurKidsMagazineSA
Active listening. This is a crucial component of empathy. Practice really listening to each other and trying to understand the other’s perspective. Active listening includes paying close attention to body language and facial expressions, so you can better understand the other person. It also requires refraining from interrupting. Parents’ modeling of active listening with their kids is particularly crucial to kids’ development of this skill. Give back. Talk with your kids about the experiences, feelings, and needs of those who are less fortunate. Consider various forms of adversity, such as kids with a terminal illness, the homeless, poor families, and those in nursing homes. Ask your kids open-ended questions. Have them consider how it feels to be in those other people’s shoes. Then make a plan with your kids to help out in some way. Commonalities. Despite the ability to empathize, studies have found people are often less empathetic toward those of other races or who are stereotyped in some way. Consider the things you have in common with those who are different and talk about these commonalities with your child. Also, ask your kids what they might have in common with someone of another ethnicity or race. Lose yourself in fiction. It’s a great way to experience and understand another, even though the characters are fictitious. This will improve your ability to empathize in
real-life situations. It’s a great way to teach kids empathy, too. Children’s books commonly have characters faced with adversity or dealing with challenging situations. Practice reading faces. People often don’t share what they’re feeling or experiencing. Yet, it’s often written all over their faces. Pay attention to people’s expressions, and try to understand what they’re feeling. Look for opportunities to care. Every day there are people all around us in need. So, set an example for your kids. If an elderly person is struggling to load heavy groceries into their car, quickly put yourself in their shoes. Then offer to help. Also, have your kids practice looking for ways to care (while also adhering to safety rules with strangers). Share in excitement and joy. Empathy isn’t only about understanding people’s downs. It’s also the ability to share in their happiness. Regardless of how busy you are, when your child is excited about something, take a moment to really share in your child’s enthusiasm. Likewise, share your experience with your child when something brings you great joy. Kimberly Blaker is a freelance parenting and lifestyle. She’s also founder and director of KB Creative Digital Services, an internet marketing agency, at kbcreativedigital.com
June 2020 | OurKidsMagazine.com
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6 Parenting Trends for an Easy-Breezy Summer By Pam Moore
While the world is determined to make us believe summer is fun and relaxing, we parents know better. The days are long, which means our kids are up way too late. No school means scheduling camps, playdates, sitters, etc. Then there’s all that sun, which means coercing our kids into putting sunblock on. Yes, summer is hard, but you can make it easier by embracing some hot trends. Maybe you stopped caring about trends when you gave in and bought a minivan. Maybe it happened as soon as you peed on the stick. But trust us, there’s a reason these parenting hacks are hot right now. They save so much work.
1 Babywearing The baby snuggles while you keep both hands free. Babywearing means not having to strategize your approach at every doorway or MacGyvering through stairwells with 40 pounds of stroller, baby, and diaper bag slung across your body at awkward angles. Babywearing eliminates those face-prickling, nervous-sweat moments when you’re futzing to unlatch your stroller as your baby wails and the one thing just won’t attach to the other thing and all eyes are on you in an otherwise quiet, public place. If I regret anything in my life, it’s that I didn’t wear my kids more when they were babies. (Exception: the Moby wrap. Wrestling 25 yards worth of cotton with a crying baby on your hip can make anyone weep, particularly a postpartum woman) 12
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June 2020
2 Co-sleeping
Co-sleeping could be the best-kept secret of lazy parents. Contrary to popular belief, co-sleeping doesn’t make you an attachment parent, a helicopter parent, or a hippie. It means you are probably sleeping better than everyone else. It means you’re capable of snoring when the kid snuggles up with his center of mass directly over your Adam’s apple. It means you’re a gentle soul who finds the sound of your kid breathing like an overweight octogenarian adorable, even without an Ambien or two. Co-sleeping means never leaving your bed in the middle of the night. I regret not co-sleeping with my kids when they were babies. I also regret that they thought co-sleeping was a slumber party. Specifically, the kind of slumber party where the first girl to fall asleep would wake to a practical joke.
3 Baby-led weaning
Baby-led weaning is fancy way of saying you feed your baby regular food. Instead of spoon-feeding your baby purees that you have to make or buy, you give them soft foods they can eat with their hands. Why did I spend so much time pureeing various combinations of fruits and vegetables, then struggle to simultaneously feed myself, read the paper, and spoon-feed them for hundreds, maybe thousands of meals? I beg forgiveness from the patron saint of judge-y mommies. My sins include (but are not limited to) ignorance and hypocrisy. I scoffed at baby-led weaning. I am ashamed to admit that this Connect With US @ facebook.com/OurKidsMagazineSA
cloth-diapering, home-birthing, chicken-raising mama thought it was “too crunchy.” I wish I’d considered how much easier (read: lazier) it would have been to set a few mashed pieces of my chicken and sweet potatoes on my babies’ high chair trays and let them have at it.
4 Waldorf principles
that clutter our calendars as well. Don’t feel like meeting up for a drink with that preschool mom you’d never be friends with if you didn’t have kids the same age? Don’t. You’re not a terrible human. You’re just a minimalist, protecting your greatest asset – your time. (She doesn’t need to know your prior commitment is binge watching Game of Thrones.)
Waldorf schools are notorious for banning screens. 6 Rompers While letting the TV babysit your kids is the epitome of The romper should be the staple of every lazy mom’s lazy parenting, there is, in fact, a place for the Waldorf summer wardrobe. Yoga pants may be comfy and match philosophy in the lazy parent’s home. Waldorf emphasizes everything but they’re not a great summer piece (unless connecting with nature and creative play. Sending your kids you’re attempting a budget version of one of those to the backyard and shutting the door behind them is a great perspire-excessively-in-a-compression-garment weight loss way for them to discover the natural world. Meanwhile, the strategies). Send your yoga pants to Goodwill along with glut of plastic kids’ imaginations. Letting(address, kid- phone, Please check toys yourhampers PROOF CAREFULLY for accuracy website, Legos coupons, dates,a etc.) as Ad the teeny-tiny andexpiration find yourself romper. ThePages romper dos create richresponsible imaginary world means toys to trip cannot be aheld for any errorfewer not marked. Indicateisany changes and return this proof AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. superior to yoga pants in every way. It doesn’t just match on and less time spent inventing ways to make clean up fun everything – it is everything. Once it’s on, all you need are DALLAS • AUSTIN • SAN ANTONIO • ST. LOUIS Approved, Approved, (or sighing loudly while shoving toys in bins after bedtime). shoes and you’re dressed. Romp-and-go style is_________ yours with 5/6-BP no changes with noted changes _________ 1ST PROOF 2ND PROOF zero fuss (until you have to use the restroom.)
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Authorizing Signature ________________________________________ Date: _________ While minimalism is trending right now, less is truly www.adpages.com As parents, we are busy. We don’t have time to check out more. Fewer toys mean less time spent sorting and tidying HALF PAGE Corp. Fax: 972-509-1603 This ad is the property of Ad Pages Magazine. Colors displayed on your proof will not match all the trending hashtags on Instagram. Don’t worry about the less final printed ad exactly; color variations WILL OCCUR. toys. smaller wardrobe means laundry. A smaller SPL0516DRB10C Corp.AOfc. 972-424-1980 hashtags. Do whatever is easiest and you’re sure to be in house means less cleaning. Principles of minimalism apply vogue this summer. not just to your material things but to your emotional and spiritual life as well. Pam Moore uses her experience as an occupational therapist, Ironman triathlete, In a culture that values staying busy, minimalism asks and marathoner to help women push through fear to become their best selves. us not just to weed out material clutter but the obligations To get her free guide to crushing Impostor Syndrome visit pam-moore.com
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13
Health
Stay Healthy in a COVID-19 Environment and Autoimmunity By Dr. Chad Larson, NMD, DC, CCN, CSCS
With so many uncertainties lingering in this new Covid-19 environment that the entire world is faced with, most people are feeling a heightened level of vulnerability to do everyday things that were once taken for granted. Picking up food and household items at the grocery store, going to the post office, dining out or even a family walk to the park spikes anxiety and fear of becoming another statistic of this viral-beast pandemic. For the 23.5 million people with autoimmune disease, the risk is of even greater concern, with many keeping completely quarantined to date. Although numbers, information and directives on how to protect ourselves against Covid-19 change on a daily basis, there’s one thing that most experts seem to agree on: this virus is not going away any time soon, we are simply flattening the curve. As businesses begin to open back up and people prepare to re-enter the workplace, they should not let their guard down. This is especially important for the most vulnerable, including those with autoimmunity (AI). In addition to continuing social distancing, the key thing for those with AI is to manage triggers that can cause worsening of their immune system dysregulation and autoimmunity flare up. The following tips can help guard your immune 14 Our Kids Magazine | June 2020
system in preparation for returning to the workplace and the public forum in general: Keep your gut healthy – The health and integrity of the intestinal barrier is vital for those with AI. If the intestinal barrier gets compromised, a broad variety of inflammatory antigens would be allowed to enter the system, potentially causing the immune system to respond and exacerbate autoimmunity. In this current pandemic climate, there are multiple factors that can contribute to gut barrier integrity. Food choices can either help or hurt the gut barrier and, ultimately, the immune system. Inflammatory foods (processed foods) and immune reactive foods (gluten, dairy, sugars, etc.) can weaken the gut barrier, while healthy phytonutrient-rich foods can strengthen the gut barrier. The added benefit of this is that a healthy, nutrient-rich diet gives us ultimate brainpower, which I’m sure your boss or clients will appreciate! Get good sleep – Exhaustion is a symptom of many autoimmune diseases. It is important to listen to your body. Our bodies heal, regulate and reset during sleep. Without adequate sleep, our bodies weaken and can break down, often leading to Connect With US @ facebook.com/OurKidsMagazineSA
sickness, as you become more vulnerable to acquiring viruses and infections. Covid-19 can hit those with existing medical conditions extremely hard. AI can bring added complication to an already-tricky virus. As you get back to the workplace and become exposed to others, you want to keep your immune system at its healthiest. Plus, a good night’s sleep generally yields a more productive worker. Conversely, it is also important not to lose sleep due to overworking. Have boundaries and know when to shut down your computer, for tomorrow will bring a boost in productivity with adequate sleep. Relax your stress level – I won’t be unreasonable as to suggest eliminating stress, since that seems unrealistic in these unprecedented times. But try to take off the added edge through practicing yoga, meditation, warm baths or home Jacuzzi soaks. Try to avoid conversations that heighten your anxiety and stress as well. While social distancing, you might also try emotional distancing from any elements in your life that have a negative impact. Also relative to the current situation, stress causes stresseating (especially immune reactive foods) and excess alcohol consumption, which can also open up the tight junctions of the intestinal barrier, circling us back around to the first suggestion to keep your gut healthy. Try to avoid exposure to harsh chemical cleaners – As we continue to hear the words, “wash for 20 seconds” and public
businesses and retail stores are supplying hand sanitizer and antibacterial wipes aplenty, we are walking a fine line between fighting this virus and our bodies turning on us by fighting their own cells. Through the overuse of antibacterials and other cleaning agents, we can alter the balance of our intestinal bacteria that has taken centuries to develop. Cyrex Labs offers the Array 14 – Mucosal Immune Reactivity Screen™ to test for possible outcomes of compromised immune tolerance such as intestinal barrier dysfunction, food and chemical immune reactivity and autoimmunity. This could be helpful if you suspect you have autoimmunity related to chemical exposure. In the meantime, try to use non-antibacterial soap and warm water to wash your hands using the 20-second suggestion. This is just as effective at killing bacteria. The post COVID environment is ripe for an uptick in autoimmunity due to broken barrier systems from all of the above, increased pathogen exposure and excess exposure to a variety of cleaning chemicals. It is more important than ever, in this environment, to nurture your immune system and do all that you can to keep it balanced. Dr. Chad Larson, NMD, DC, CCN, CSCS, Advisor and Consultant on Clinical Consulting Team for Cyrex Laboratories. Dr. Larson holds a Doctor of Naturopathic Medicine degree from Southwest College of Naturopathic Medicine and a Doctor of Chiropractic degree from Southern California University of Health Sciences. He is a Certified Clinical Nutritionist and a Certified Strength and Conditioning Specialist. He particularly pursues advanced developments in the fields of endocrinology, orthopedics, sports medicine, and environmentally-induced chronic disease.
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Feature
Worry-Free Guide for Returning to Work By Christa Melnyk Hines
Whether you’ve been out of the workforce for months or years, making the transition back after staying home with your children can cause a mixture of excitement and anxiety. Read on and enjoy a smoother adjustment for your family. Celebrate the change. How a child reacts and adjusts to changes in home life can vary by personality and age. Talk to your kids about your decision to return to the workforce by explaining how the transition will benefit the entire family. Life and leadership coach Julie Edge, Ph.D., helps guide parents back into the workforce and says we often underestimate what our youngsters can understand. “It’s really about making it relevant for kids so that they can put it into context. Have them have a role in mom or dad going back to work: ‘We’re all going to chip in more’ or ‘we’re all going to need to help out in certain ways so that mom can have this time to contribute to the family differently.’ They can be a cheerleader for mom or dad and help celebrate the change,” Edge says Manage your own fears. When you think about the prospect of going back to work, try not to get carried away imagining all of the things that could go wrong during the transition. Edge says we often blow fears out of proportion. Edge suggests saying your fears out loud. Often, what seems like a big deal in our heads sounds ridiculous to our ears. “Stay the course and let things unfold instead of trying to over-manage everything,” Edge says. “My clients are always surprised at how well it goes and that their fears really don’t come true.” Expect multiple conversations. Talking through your return to work with your kids probably won’t be a one-time 16 Our Kids Magazine | June 2020
conversation. Anticipate questions and concerns throughout the transition. “What you don’t want to do is promise that everything is going to be the same because it’s not going to be and kids are smart,” Edge says. “Reassure them and make sure quality time with your kids-eye to eye-doesn’t feel like it’s being taken away.” Quality time. While you may spend less number of hours overall with your kids once you start working, that doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice quality time. Try to eat meals together and periodically schedule family activities. Leigh Carr, BSN, RN, was a stay-at-home mom for four years. She returned to work when she and her husband Dustin decided to start Hari Om Hemp, an online shop that sells full spectrum CBD bath and body products. “My oldest son Nolan, who was four at the time, had more anxiety than his younger sister, who was two. I made sure during the transition-and to this day-to make individual one-on-one time with each of my children so that they know in their mind and heart that I am still mom before all else,” Carr says. Plan ahead. Take time on the weekend to scope out the upcoming week’s activities. Also, plan meals and arrange carpools to alleviate last-minute stress. Laura Fitzsmmons, RN, a single mom of three sons, ages 14, 17 and 22, schedules family meetings to discuss the week ahead during their Sunday dinners together. “That little bit of planning is what’s saving me right now,” says Fitzsimmons, who is a certified lymphatic specialist therapist and business owner. Fitzsimmons initially returned to the workforce on a Connect With US @ facebook.com/OurKidsMagazineSA
part-time basis after staying home with her children for 13 years. But, she went back full-time soon after her husband died from a sudden heart attack in 2017. “I had to learn quickly how to plan more crockpot meals,” she says. “And, when you’re working evenings, you can’t follow strict family dinner time hours. Dinner is always on the table, but not at exactly 5 o’clock.” Ask for help. When you were a stay-at-home parent, it may have been easier to manage the moving parts of a busy household. But once you start working, your family may have to participate more when it comes to household chores or helping with meals. “It took solid and honest cooperation with my husband. We had to focus on communicating about shifts in the priorities and duties around our home as well as continuing to focus on work-life balance” Carr says. Carpools can also help take some of the pressure off, especially when your kids are involved in multiple activities. Fitzsimmons relies on her older son to help with driving his younger brother to his activities. “If he’s not available, I’ll just put a text out to a couple of his friends in the neighborhood,” she says. “We call it the Teen Uber. I flip them five bucks for gas-it’s awesome.” Forgive yourself. Some days will be harder than others. Work obligations might sometimes prevent you from attending a school program, a soccer game or getting a home-cooked meal on the table. “I’ve learned to forgive myself,” Fitzsimmons says. “It’s ok if they have a turkey sandwich two nights in a row at dinner because that’s the best I can do. Allow yourself to be in that place of surrender and quiet and accept that it’s ok if you fail. At the end of the day, my kids have a roof over their heads and their bellies are full-they’re fine.” Carr agrees. “Outside influences do not understand your own family’s dynamic and what is in the best interest of your family. Go easy on yourself. It does no one any good to be hard on yourself when things don’t go quite right or get stressful.” Benefits of working parents. In addition to gaining valuable life skills like helping to prep meals, budgeting and learning personal responsibility, kids take pride in seeing their parents pursuing goals outside of the home. “Despite the initial guilt and stress of returning to the workforce, for my children to see continued hard work, dedication, perseverance, compassion and motivation both in the home and outside is such a true blessing,” Carr says. Christa Melnyk Hines is a nationally-published freelance writer who re-entered the workforce when her youngest son was two. She enjoys her work and is a happier mother because of it.
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Feature
The Best Summer is One Word Away By Rebecca Hastings
Summer is the great playtime of the year. It’s like recess; a break from the responsibilities. Except when it’s not. I find myself holding this idea that summer should be FANTASTIC and FUN and SUN. But there’s still laundry and cooking and vacuuming. The bills keep coming and the everyday-ness of life still happens. How can we enjoy summer for the respite that it is, while still living in the real world? I’m watching calendar days fly by, and I’m filled with equal parts excitement and dread. Our family routines will all change in just a few short weeks when spring becomes summer. And let’s not kid ourselves into thinking this starts on June 21. No, summer starts around here the moment the kids are done with school. And it’s not even the last day of school. It’s when school responsibilities give way to school fun days and homework dwindles as after dinner playtime extends. We’re close around here, and I’ve found one way that helps me get through it — and enjoy it. I was inspired a few years ago when I watched a webinar by Lysa Terkeurst. It was around the time she launched her book The Best Yes(which I highly recommend). Everything she said made sense and I found myself nodding along, but one thing stuck with me well beyond the webinar. She introduced the idea of choosing a word. When faced with the season ahead, she chose one word that would become her litmus test for all other things that season. I don’t remember what her word was, but I remember that it felt easy. It wasn’t one more thing on my endless lists. No, this idea brought freedom. I thought about it and realized that I couldn’t come up with one word, so I came up with three: family, books, and relax. These were the very things my family needed most that summer. 18
Our Kids Magazine | June 2020
Every time we had an opportunity to do something, an invitation, a request, a plea, I ran my litmus test: does it support family, books and relaxing? If the answer was yes, we ran to it. If the answer was no, it gave me permission to say it wasn’t right for us right now. I let go, and it felt great. Your words will be different. My words this year will be different (although I’m thinking that family one is sticking around!) I’m still picking my words. Here are a few ideas to get you thinking: · · · ·
family peace joy fun
· · · ·
adventure helpful quiet busy
· · · ·
relaxed home water outdoors
These are just a few ideas! Your summer can have whatever look you want it to. Choosing a word (or a few) that are the goals you have for this season will enable you to make choices that give you the very summer you want. Yes, there are things we still need to do. The laundry needs to get done (although maybe less if you spend long days in bathing suits). We still need to feed our people (but maybe relaxed means simple meals outside or more takeout). Work needs to happen, and the lawn still needs to be mowed. But when we make our choices through the lens we want to look through, it will be a lot more enjoyable. We get to choose how our summer goes. This test is not one more thing to do. It is the very thing that will free you to let go so you can create your best summer ever! What words will you use to create your best summer ever? Connect With US @ facebook.com/OurKidsMagazineSA
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Feature
Why Kids Need Unstructured Free Play By Sandi Schwartz
Do your children play enough? I am talking about unstructured free play when they are creating, using their imagination, and exploring on their own without your guidance. No electronics, no games with lots of rules, not even educational games and toys with a purpose. Sadly, the art of free play has declined sharply in recent decades. “Over the past half century we have increasingly deprived children of opportunities for free play, and over that same period we have seen dramatic and continuous increases in all sorts of emotional disorders in children,” explains Peter Gray, an expert in this subject. He is a research professor at Boston College, author of the book Free to Learn, and the voice behind the Psychology Today’s blog by the same title that addresses ways we can create learning environments that optimize rather than suppress children’s play.
■ Miss out on discovering and exploring what they most
What’s The Problem?
Benefits Of Free Play
When children do not have the opportunity to engage in enough free play, they suffer. Some of the drawbacks resulting from missing free play include: ■ Diminished joy. ■ Unable to learn self-control.
Why should we encourage more free play? According to Ashley Soderlund, psychologist and author of Nurture & Thrive blog, research shows that children whose parents often engage in physical and pretend play have a stronger bond with their parents and get along better with their peers.
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Our Kids Magazine | June 2020
love to do and their purpose in life.
■ Greater chance of experiencing anxiety, depression, and
other mental health disorders.
Lena Aburdene Derhally, psychotherapist specializing in anxiety at the Imago Center in Washington, D.C., revealed that “Sadly, I continue to see many instances where play and joy are not highly valued with both younger and older children, and as a mental health professional, I see it as detrimental to the healthy development of children. Because we have become such a work- and results-driven society, free, unscheduled play for children has taken a back seat. This lack of play affects emotional development and is thought to be leading the rise of anxiety, depression and other mental disorders in children.”
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Free play also helps children learn to solve their own problems, control their own lives, develop their own interests, learn about the world around them, and practice many skills that are necessary for healthy development. Peter Gray points out that children practice physical and manual skills, intellectual skills, social skills, and emotional skills during free play. “In play, children learn how to regulate their fear and anger and thereby how to maintain emotional control in threatening real-life situations.” Over time, free play helps a child feel happier, calmer, and more confident.
What Parents Can Do There are many ways that we can give our children the chance to freely play. The following tips will help you discover more opportunities for unstructured play: ■ Let go of your need to control their playtime. This is
probably the most difficult step for many of us. It is so important that we bite our lips and move aside, and let our children play as they please (of course, stepping in if safety concerns arise). ■ Keep it simple. Fun doesn’t have to involve expensive toys and trips to amusement parks. Let them enjoy simple activities like blowing bubbles, making up their own dances, and drawing on the sidewalk with chalk. ■ Focus on their strengths and interests. If your child loves
an activity, then let them focus on it during their free time. ■ Encourage physical activity. Exercise is healthy and fun, but it does not always have to be so structured with teams and rules. Let your children create their own sports and get their energy out in the way that makes them happiest. Try jumping rope or impromptu relay races. ■ Get them outside. Children are spending less time outdoors and suffering from nature-deficit disorder. This is unfortunate because a growing number of studies show that spending time in nature can improve mental health, such as reducing stress. ■ Be playful with your kids. It is so important that we model fun free time to our kids. Get on the floor and monkey around with them, pretend you are princesses in a castle, or talk in silly accents. All of this imaginative play will encourage them to do it more often on their own. ■ Understand the importance of play for kids of all ages. Even tweens and teens need to play freely sometimes and get a break from their busy, stressful lives. Sandi Schwartz is a freelance writer/blogger and mother of two. She has written extensively about parenting, wellness, and environmental issues. You can find her at www.happysciencemom.com. Get her free course on raising happy, balanced kids at bit.ly/2i53TDV
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21
Baby
Help New Dads Adjust When Baby Comes Home By Desnise Yearin
When a child is born, much emphasis is placed on helping the new mother and baby adjust. But they aren’t the only ones undergoing change. Most first-time fathers experience stress due to sleep deprivation, change in routines and their own apprehensions about parenting. “There are a myriad of emotions that come with being a new father,” says Armin Brott, author of multiple books and one DVD on fatherhood. “Most often it’s a feeling of pride and excitement. At the same time there can be apprehensions—‘Will I be a good father?’ ‘Can we afford this?’ ‘How is this going to change our lives?’” This was what David Wuttke found. “When my son David Jr. was born, I had overwhelming feelings of anxiety and excitement all at once,” he says. “I had been babysitting since I was 16, so my anxiety wasn’t about child care. It was the reality of the responsibility that this was my son. And that sent a shock to my system.” Just knowing there’s another person to care for can be a big stressor for first-time fathers. Couple that with the fact that many men don’t initially know how to bond with their newborns. “If a mother is nursing, it naturally brings her in contact with the baby,” says Brott. “Dads don’t have that same
natural bonding method, so they often get stuck doing the dirty work. But it shouldn’t be that way.” Susan Maroto, LCSW and parent educator in prenatal care and postpartum adjustment, agrees. “There are things moms can do to help dads feel competent in that role,” she says. “Encourage them to take part in all areas of child care—feeding, bathing, reading and putting the baby down. Just be careful you aren’t overly critical. Standing behind your husband and correcting his every move will only frustrate him. Show him what needs to be done then let him develop his own style.” Fortunately for Wuttke, basic training occurred as a teen sitter and paid big dividends when his son was born. Soon after his wife Christine delivered, she enrolled in college and David was thrust into solo evening child care. “I never had to think about how to take care David. I just fell back on my babysitting days,” says Wuttke. “If he was crying, I would say, ‘Okay, let’s guess what he needs!’ Then I’d check his diaper. If that was okay, I’d try to feed him. If he wasn’t hungry, I thought maybe he had gas or needed to sleep. One of those usually did the trick.” For Anthony Franco, the adjustment wasn’t that easy. When his wife Lisa gave birth to the twins, Franco seemed to be fine. But four months into it, things changed.
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“I started experiencing panic attacks and didn’t know why,” he remembers. “I would be in the supermarket when all of the sudden I would get this overwhelming sense of dread and lightheadedness.” This went on for several months until Franco finally went to the doctor. “He asked me where it was happening, and I told him it was when I was buying diapers, formula and other things for the twins,” he continues. “That’s when he pinpointed the problem. He said this happens to a lot of new fathers. He prescribed a little anti-anxiety medication and then I was fine.” Brott believes it’s important for men to have someone with whom they can share their stress. “Some men have close friends they can confide in. But a lot don’t, so they keep all those concerns in and the stress level builds,” he says. “They shouldn’t be afraid to talk with other men and find out what they have gone through. Chances are they’ll find others felt the same way too.” One concern most new fathers share is fatigue. Franco and Wuttke both had a hard time with this. “The one thing I really didn’t expect was that time on a 24-hour clock had no meaning anymore,” says Franco. “It became irrelevant after a while and we just fit sleep in whenever we could.” The Wuttkes solved this problem by enlisting the help of relatives. “There were times Chris and I said, ‘We need a break,’ and my mom would take David so we could rest. We even called my grandparents so we could have an occasional night out.” Extended family and friends can be a huge help or add significant stress, depending upon the dynamic of the relationship, say experts. This is where husbands can help their wives by setting boundaries. “Dad should take the role of communicator outside the family and, if needed, limit visitors,” says Maroto. “Encourage others to help in practical ways such as dropping off meals, running errands or watching the baby for 20 minutes so the couple can take a quick walk.” What’s most important is to realize this is a period of adjustment and life does get easier. “It’s like anything new, it takes a little time,” says Franco. “It took about 18 months before I became completely comfortable with the twins. Now we’re pretty much inseparable.” -Denise Yearian is the former editor of two parenting magazines and
5 TIPS FOR SINGING WITH YOUR INFANT AND TODDLER
REPEAT THE SAME SONGS OFTEN! Repeating songs increases familiarity with vocabulary and can help children sing along!
SING SLOWLY Slowing down helps children hear the words and melody clearly, increasing the opportunity for them to join in and learn!
DON'T FORGET TO SMILE! A smile goes a long way! Remember to smile during your songs and interactions to create powerful mirror neurons.
ADD SONGS TO YOUR DAILY ROUTINE Sing during a diaper change, while you walk from the kitchen to the bedroom, and at the beginning or end of a meal time.
USE A FAMILIAR TUNE AND CHANGE THE WORDS EX: (to the tune of Row Row Row Your Boat) Change, change, change your diaper. We do it everyday! Change, change, change your diaper. It's time to go and play!
Tessa Baden Early Childhood Consultant Region 20 Education Service Center email: tessa.baden@esc20.net youtube: Early Learning with Tessa Baden
the mother of three children and six grandchildren. June 2020 | OurKidsMagazine.com
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