Love & heartbreak: Dealing with relationship troubles in a pandemic

BRONTE DETENBECK

COVID-19 has put us all through our own personal battles, to the point at which some of those fights might not even seem beatable. If you’re like me, you’ve probably experienced love, loss, and more confusion than you know what to do with. I get that.

One of the things that has likely gotten all of us through these days is love, and the connections it stems from: someone to comfort you, hold you, and make you feel like everything is going to be okay.

But what happens when that relationship ends in a dark time? Where are you left when you just feel alone and heartbroken, watching the world crumble around you?

If you’ve felt any of these things lately, I completely understand. I too have dealt with death and sadness during COVID-19, but my worst experience was definitely when I lost the comfort of being with my lover.

Don’t worry too much, because there are ways to deal with heartbreak. I took some time, walked the tough road of self-discovery to getting through the pain I was feeling, and I’ve seen the light. I want to share my coping strategies with you so that you might feel like someone is there who understands what you’re going through as well.

I want to give you some advice that comes straight from my personal experiences and stretches beyond that of what Google can provide for you. Hopefully, this might help you, or at the very least remind you that you aren’t alone in this.

1. FIND SOMEWHERE THAT YOU CAN LET YOUR EMOTIONS OUT.

One of the most important things I can stress is that you need to find somewhere to be able to feel how you feel, without holding back. I understand that many of us are stuck in living situations where you have to deal with other people such as your family, roommates, or anyone else in between, and that can be very hard when all you want to do is curl up and cry. Give yourself a safe space to have the opportunity to do this, because it is so important to grieve if you ever want to move forward.

2. GET YOURSELF SOME MUSIC THAT INSPIRES YOU.

It sounds very cliché, I know. I’m sure if I read that, my thoughts would pan to old ‘80s movies where someone is jamming to music after a breakup. However, it really does work. I started listening to some punk bands I haven’t heard since I was younger, and this was really uncharacteristic because I’m usually just someone who loves a good pop song. I felt so liberated listening to this kind of music — hearing someone else ache or feel angry over lost love, or who reminds you that you’re worth more than the negative feelings you’re experiencing. Find something that empowers you, a rhythm that understands you, and something that could serve as an anthem to help you get through the day. Trust me, it really helps.

3. REMIND YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE

ALLOWED TO FEEL THE

WAY YOU FEEL.

This was a huge one for me during COVID-19, because I always felt like someone else had it worse. Someone else might be dying, have lost a loved one, or be suffering far greater than I am. However, even if this is true, you’re still living with your own pain, and that should be enough. Your own pain is your own path to walk, and you are allowed to feel depressed, or hurt and damaged by what happened to you. You don’t need to suppress that.

4. FIND ANYTHING THAT MAKES YOU LAUGH.

With social distancing, lately I have found it increasingly hard to enjoy the things I used to. My favourite adventure was travelling to the movie theatre to sit and watch something silly. With those opportunities being lost, I found that there was a huge slump in my day, where I just felt awful, and I’d just sit and stare at my walls before going to sleep. Then, I decided to boot up Disney Plus and start watching some of my old favourite shows, like Good Luck Charlie. You would be amazed by how comforting it is to feel like a little kid again. It’s like being teleported back to simpler times, and it reminds you that life is full of happy moments too.

5. DON’T BE AFRAID TO LET YOURSELF FALL INTO THE PAST FOR A WHILE.

Breakups can be very painful, hard to deal with, and overwhelming. Too many times I felt that I was supposed to move forward, move on, and “let him go.” This was extremely difficult because I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. I didn’t want to let him go, and I didn’t want to say goodbye to the past I so desperately wanted to keep. However, as soon as I told myself I didn’t have to let go, I found I could get over it that much faster. Walking down memory lane and writing him letters I never sent felt therapeutic because when I finally stopped doing that, it felt like it was on my own terms. It was my choice to let this go, my decision to move on, and that was very empowering. I decided to take my life back. It’s a good feeling, so take your time in the past, and watch how quickly you find yourself ready to move on towards your future.

6. IF YOU CAN HANDLE IT, PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE.

I know that many people might disagree with me, but you might feel better if you mingle with some new people. I signed up for Bumble for fun, putting no pressure or expectations on myself to find a relationship. That swipe right, swipe left function is a lot of fun, especially as someone who is heartbroken because you feel like there is still hope to fall in love again. As someone who had been hurting, that feeling when you match with someone was so comforting. I’ve met some very sweet guys on this app and had some really nice conversations. I can’t say anyone is too serious about me yet, but regardless, I felt better and more at peace at night, knowing there are other people out there looking to connect with others too.

Overall, it’s hard to cope with this sort of pain. Heartbreak is never easy, especially when you’re locked at home, unable to see friends like you did before the pandemic, and with only your own thoughts to keep you company. But I want to tell you I’ve done it, I’ve been there, and I am slowly working my way to a better place.

You are not in this alone; in fact, we can even form our own broken hearts club, with “I Will Survive” as our anthem. You will survive. You will make it through what you’re feeling, and things will get better.

Hopefully this article might have given you some ideas to make your day a bit better. We are all in this pandemic together, and even if you feel alone, you’d be surprised at how many doors are there just waiting for you to open them.