NEWS Discover South O

Discover SOutH O!

By Karlha VelÁsquez riVas

One of Omaha’s most culturally diverse neighborhoods is South Omaha, which has long been a hub for immigrants. Once known as “The Magic City,” South Omaha drew thousands of hardworking immigrants from Europe in the early 1900s to work in the stockyards. Today South Omaha retains its diverse cultural heritage as home to much of the city’s Latino community.

Beyond its many attractions, such as parks, restaurants, tourist locations, golf courses and one of the most well-regarded zoos in the United States, South Omaha is a lively neighborhood that hosts numerous cultural events, concerts and dances. Here’s a guide to help you discover more about South O.

South O! Art & Culture

El Museo Latino

Located on 25th Street in South O, El Museo Latino opened its doors on May 5, 1993. It’s one of about 20 Latino museums in the United States. It offers many events and exhibits that aim to connect communities. On top of being a fascinating meeting place, it’s also an educational center that offers programs for kids, adolescents and adults.

El Museo Latino is open Thursday and Friday from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. and Saturday from 11 a.m. to 2:00 p.m. General admission is $5. For more information, visit elmuseolatino.org.

Mural (N street, parking Plaza de la Raza)

Exploring the concept of a Magic City, the murals project will delight those who visit South Omaha. Vibrant colors, figures and typical representation of Latino and indigenous immigration, along with social justice themes grace the parking lots and façades in the area. Right next to Kubat Pharmacy, you’ll find the Threads of Life mural, and a few feet from there you’ll see Del Futuro al Pasado, where cultural Mexican themes are on full display. To learn more, visit southomahamuralproject.com.

The Tree of Life

The Tree of Life gives everyone a warm welcome to the historic area of South Omaha. It’s a symbol that represents the mixing and bonding of ethnic groups and cultures associated with the area, such as the Czech, Polish, Croatian and Mexican communities. Definitely take a picture there!

Cinco de Mayo Fest

In honor of the extensive Mexican heritage in the area, the South Omaha community celebrates the Cinco de Mayo Festival, along with more events held during May that include live music, parades and dances to showcase cultural pride. Due to COVID-19, this year the celebration will take place June 11-13.

Guaca Maya - Dancing

If you wish to enjoy some great live Mexican music to dance to, the Guaca Maya restaurant is the right place to be, not only for its ambiance but also for its delicious Mexican dishes. For more information, visit guaca-maya.com.

South High Soccer

For soccer fans, spring brings the start of intercollegiate tournaments in which the best (male and female) teams of each school take to the field in the tournament organized by Omaha South High Magnet School. To check out the calendar, visit southpackerspride. com/events.

South O! History

Post Office

For people who love architecture, the post office building in South Omaha is one of the main attractions in the

area. The building was constructed in 1899 and features a Classical Revival front with giant columns and Roman Corinthian capitals. Inside, the lead glass windows are beautifully maintained.

Plaza de la Raza

Located in the middle of 24th Street in South Omaha, the Plaza de la Raza is an emblematic location that is popular among Latinos. It also has a station where visitors can rent a bicycle.

South Omaha City Hall

The City Hall building is one of the most important architectural works in the area. It was constructed in 1906 and designed by renowned architect John Latenser Sr. It was used as a county government building until 1999 and is now a commercial office building that retains much of its original Classical Revival style construction.

Livestock Exchange Building Ballrooms

Considered one of the most romantic locations in the city thanks to the many weddings that take place there, this building is located at 4920 S. 30th St. Constructed in 1926, it was once the center of the livestock industry in Omaha, catering to stockyard workers with apartments, restaurants and other services. In 1999 it was designated an Omaha Landmark and listed on the National Register of Historic Places. It has two magnificent dance halls on the 10th floor with an astonishing 22 ft. roof that offers an amazing view. Don’t miss it!

South O! Tasty

International Bakery

If you want to savor the best bread and Mexican sweets, then visit International Bakery on 24th Street. It offers a wide range of bread types to delight your palate. This location is one of the most renowned Latino-owned bakeries in the city. It’s located at 5106 S. 24th St.

Rico Pan Bakery

Since we love bread and sweets, here’s another option for you, with a South American twist. Rico Pan Bakery is located on 4030 S. 24th St. and offers a nice variety of South American bread and sweets thanks to its Cochabamba, Bolivia roots. It also has a big Peruvian influence, which makes for an exquisite combination.

Restaurants

There are so many wonderful restaurants offering a wide range of delicious dishes in South Omaha that it’s hard to fit them all on a single page. But let’s try to name a few of them! Some of these locations also offer alcoholic beverages.

El Alamo – Mexican Jalapeños – Mexican La Choza – Salvadorian El Dorado – Mexican Isla del Mar – Mexican

Howard’s Charro Café

– Mexican

Laos Thai – Thai El Ranchito – Mexican

Birriería el Chalán

– Mexican Chiltepes – Mexican

Food Trucks

24th Street offers a wide variety of food trucks, including El Dos de Oro and El de Juan located on 24th and Calestar Street.

Ice Cream Shop

Nothing helps to beat the hot weather like some good ice cream. La Michoacana is known for its ice cream variety. There are two locations on 24th Street. You can also visit Santa Fe Ice Cream to taste some favorite local flavors.

Carne Asada

Latino convenience stores sell some of the best meat at great prices. For those who love a good Sunday carne asada, La Güera, Las Nenas, El Pueblito and Los Mexicanos 6 are some of the locations you should visit. They’re all on 24th Street.

Salsa Take-Out (Jacobo’s)

And then, there’s Jacobo’s supermarket. If you visit South Omaha, you should try their authentic salsa Mexicana and salsa casera, all made with natural ingredients and no preservatives. Plus, if you’re lucky, you can get some of the freshest tortillas in the area, but you better be quick because they run out fast! Be sure to bring cash to pay for your purchases.

South O! Shops & Souvenirs

Mexican Wear

If you want to buy a souvenir of Mexican or Latino cultures, you can visit La Esmeralda, which sells authentic Mexican clothing on Q Street, as well as Los Vaqueros, which sells some of the best leather boots.

If you want even more variety, you can visit Plaza Latina on 24th and O streets where you can even find a travel agency in case you want to comfortably travel to a Latino country.

Don’t miss the market on Saturdays and Sundays, which is an excellent chance to get some souvenirs.

There are mosaics all over the place in South Omaha, so don’t forget to check them out, too. If you want to learn more about South Omaha, be sure to visit The Reader and El Perico websites.

HOODOO Getting Out, Getting Back

liVe MuSic iS HaPPeninG aGain witH MuSic BOOkinGS FrOM cluBS tO FeStiValS

By B.J. HuCHTEMANN

For live music fans, there are increasing opportunities to get out and enjoy live music while continuing to observe COVID-19 safety guidelines as those may evolve. I attended my first in-person live music show in more than a year, staking out my favorite corner by the stage at the historic Zoo Bar for Josh Hoyer & Soul Colossal’s CD release event in mid-April. I wasn’t prepared for how much emotion welled up being able to be back in my favorite soulful venue with such soulful sounds. So, wear your mask when you come out, get vaccinated when you can, and let’s get the music scene back on track with purpose and care. BSO PreSentS

The Blues Society of Omaha’s BSO Presents series continues in May with bookings that include a special show Thursday, May 27, at Falconwood Park. The BSO is a sponsor of Leftover Salmon with

Aaron Kamm & The One Drops

at Falconwood Park. It is a socially distanced outdoor event with pod seating for groups of four, six or eight people. Gate opens at 6 p.m. and show time is at 7 p.m. Find additional event rules and details along with ticket info at falconwoodpark.com and omahablues. com.

The rest of the BSO Presents schedule for Thursdays is happening at Stocks n Bonds. They kick off the month of May with an all-star show Thursday, May 6, at 6 p.m.

Mike Zito & His Big Blues Band

features special guests Albert Castiglia and Joanna Connor, who will definitely bring extra blues guitar power to the stage. Castiglia spent many years as the guitarist for the great Junior Wells before stepping out on his own. Connor is a Chicago-based guitar star who has been a force on the blues scene for decades. Advance tickets are available at eventbrite.com.

Thursday, May 13, Josh Hoyer & Soul Colossal take the stage at Stocks n Bonds, 6 p.m., with a show featuring music from their new Color Red label CD release, Natural Born Hustler. This is a rising local band with tours of Spain and Japan on the horizon, so don’t miss out. Hoyer was recently recognized for his work with an invitation to join the “Hammond Family of Artists” by the maker of the classic Hammond Organ. Look up the details at hammondorganco.com/artists under The Hammond Family tab.

Thursday, May 20, 6 p.m., the BSO hosts a showcase of Omaha and K.C. guitarists with Kris Lager from Omaha and Nick Schnebelen and Brandon Hudspeth from Kansas City performing. Other special guests are expected to perform. Watch for more details on this show at facebook.com/bluessocietyofomaha.

Thursday, June 3, Gerard Delafose & the Zydeco Gators are scheduled.

Sunday, May 30, 3-10 p.m., the BSO hosts their annual Memorial Day Eve event at the Dam Grill & Bar on the landing at the River City Star. Dynamite Grammy nominee Danielle Nicole and her band will take the stage along with the Rex

Granite Band featuring Sarah

Benck plus special performances by the new BluesEd program students. ZOO Bar BlueS

Lincoln’s historic Zoo Bar is getting back to the live blues business with shows being added to the schedule, including the return of Chicago’s Lil’ Ed & The Blues Imperials Friday and Saturday, May 7 and 8 at 5 p.m. Watch zoobar.com and facebook.com/zoobarblues for late-breaking shows and schedule updates. The club also hosts a very special show with Rev. Horton Heat and Dale Watson Tuesday, June 8, 6 p.m. Advance tickets are recommended and available at etix. com. Buck’S in Venice

If you aren’t already aware of this real-deal honky-tonk on the scene, Buck’s in nearby Venice, 27849 West Center Road, has been building its own tradition of presenting high-quality music. Buck’s survived the flood of 2019. The club then had to weather the pandemic, first by focusing on their carryout food, then with a slow return to dining in and great music bookings. Buck Bennett has the right talent radar and connections to make Buck’s the sort of place where you’ll find up-and-coming country and occasional blues artists who are stars in the making, on their way to big stages. Texas singer-songwriter Paul Cauthen, who was hitting major festivals before the pandemic, plays a series of shows Thursday, May 6, through Sunday, May 9. Texas Monthly has said Cauthen “sound[s] like the Highwaymen all rolled into one: he’s got Willie’s phrasing, Johnny’s haggard quiver, Kristofferson’s knack for storytelling, and Waylon’s baritone.” The shows are selling out fast. Popular Austin singer-songwriter Sunny Sweeney is no stranger to Buck’s and returns Sunday, June 6, at 7 p.m. Buck’s has a new website to keep you up-todate on what’s going on, check it out at bucksbarandgrill.com.

Hot notes

I’m finally in the happy position again of having more shows to talk about than I have space. Great shows are coming back to The Waiting Room, Slowdown and other rooms around the metro. Barnato in Village Pointe is also starting to book some interesting touring acts with a focus on country.

Cajun blues-rocker Tab Benoit makes a long-overdue visit to the metro with a show at Slowdown Thursday, June 10, at 8 p.m. featuring a rising guitarist on Benoit’s Whiskey Bayou label, Alastair Greene.

Rocky Athas plugs in Friday, May 7, 5:30-8:30 p.m. at the B. Bar. Athas is an eight-year veteran of John Mayall’s band. Blues lovers know Mayall is a bandleader known for launching great guitarists from Eric Clapton and Walter Trout to Coco Montoya.

Watch Falconwood Park’s website for other concert announcements for 2021 at falconwoodpark. com.

Playing With Fire is back this summer with annual free concert events at The Capitol District plus another new free series called Music for the City. Find all the details at playingwithfireomaha.net.

In the Market for Blues is also returning Saturday, August 7. Watch for event updates on the Blues Society of Omaha’s website and Facebook page.

Stir Concert Cove is back for summer of 2021 and adding more shows. Check out the events at facebook.com/stircove.

Grammy nominee Danielle nicole heaDlines the Blues society of omaha’s annual memorial Day weekenD show at the Dam Grill & Bar at the river city star, sunDay, may 30.

“InternatIonal MInd, Body and SpIrIt FaIr” May 15-16, 2021

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The Omaha Health, Wellness, & Fitness Expo is the largest health event pertaining to wellness, fitness, mind & body. Learn how to improve your lifestyles, ways to live longer, better, and happier. Learn from the Experts, ask them about the benefits. Health Seminars will be going on both days. See hundreds of the latest products and innovations for Health, Wellness & Fitness! ■ Holistic Healing — from natural nutrition products to new therapies ■ Senior Living — from Living In Place to care options ■ Green — from Clean Water to Healthy home consumer products

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Decontamination, Sanitation and General Cleaning

4:00 PM Safe, Healthy, Comfortable Homes 5:00 PM Spirituality and the Paranormal Sunday, May 16 - Nebraska Room C

12:00 PM Why Quality Nutrition is Critical to

Your Health

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Well Being with Breathwork & Cold Therapy

2:00 PM How to Connect with your Soulmate 3:00 PM Safe Solutions for Effective

Decontamination, Sanitation and General Cleaning

Saturday, May 15 - Nebraska Room B

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Relax

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Sunday, May 16 - Nebraska Room B

11:30 AM Safe, Healthy, Comfortable Homes 12:30 PM Understanding Depression 1:30 PM Hu – A Love Song to God. . . Bringing

Joy, Love and Healing into your Life

2:30 PM Getting Started with a Whole Food

Plant-Based Lifestyle

3:30 PM Frequencies for Health, Home, and

Agriculture

EXHIBITOR LIST

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CHIROPRACTIC MUSIC THERAPY NEBRASKA FALUN DAFA

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LUNARICH X RUBY RIBBON SCENTSY - H BAILEY SCHRAGE CHIROPRACTIC SHOULDER MASSAGES SIMPLE SENIOR SOLUTIONS SOULSHINE HEMP CO. SPINAL SCREENINGS TH ENTERPRISES THE AMERICAN FOUNDATION

FOR SUICIDE PREVENTION THE READER THRIVENT FINANCIAL TRANE TRANONT HEALTH TRANQUIL SESSIONS TRUE REST FLOAT SPA UNITED HEALTHCARE UNIVERSAL GROUP LTD UNO - DEPARTMENT OF

GERONTOLOGY VA NEBRASKA-WESTERN IOWA VALPAK OF OMAHA VITALITY HEALTH CENTER VG CLOUD WONDER PAX

HEARTLAND HEALING HEARTLAND HEALING PreSCrIPtIOnS in the Pantry

BY Michael Braunstein

It’s not like Bill Gates and Tony Fauci started it. Big Pharma hit the ground running around 150 years ago. Oh, certainly, healers have used medicines for thousands of years, but the medicines were largely unadulterated natural substances. Prehistoric Plains Indians used coneflower and cottonwood poultices for healing. The other Indians, the ones on the subcontinent of India, have been using natural botanicals for thousands of years, and the ancient Chinese even documented the use in the Yellow Emperor’s scriptures dating to 300 B.C.

The bastardization of natural elements reached a new level in the 1800s when companies like Merck, Bayer and Sandoz began wholesaling their laboratory concoctions. At first, commercial drugs were derivatives and reductions of natural plants, but no longer. Pharmaceutical drugs are more likely to be synthetic now and, along with genetic modification, are unnatural.

Conventional medicine has left nature far behind, but that doesn’t mean you have to. Natural healing is as close as your kitchen if you want it to be. Common foods, seasonings, spices and herbs with healing potential can be found in your kitchen cabinet. Of course, that assumes you actually do any kind of cooking at all. Take a look at what you might find in such a person’s kitchen. Honey. Natural, locally sourced honey from a trusted supplier is a mainstay. I get mine from a Columbus, Nebraska, third-generation beekeeper. It’s raw, meaning it’s not been heated above 100 degrees. Heat destroys enzymes in the honey. It’s relatively unfiltered, meaning that a certain amount of the bee pollen remains. (I remember the joy of finding a tiny bee wing in my honey once. Now, that’s certification.)

Honey is a powerful antibacterial. You’ll not find a spoiled jar of pure honey. I use it on cuts and minor wounds. Internally, honey seems to boost the immune system, too. It’s been long touted as a preventative for spring allergies. Remember, the secret is local, trusted sourcing. Need to find local honey? Do not trust what you see on the label in the local stores. There is no regulation of that term, and one supplier admitted to me that their “local” honey comes from as far as North Dakota and California. Not my “local.” Best idea is to visit a farmers market. Meet and get to know a real beekeeper. Apple Cider Vinegar. Some

folks consider apple cider vinegar the panacea in the pantry. I hesitate to use that term, but it does seem to have great healing potential. Folks have been using vinegar for centuries as an antimicrobial. The cloudy part in the bottle of organic apple cider vinegar is called the “mother.” It’s full of enzymes, proteins and other healthful properties. There are some studies that indicate apple cider vinegar helps modulate insulin and blood sugar levels for people with Type 2 diabetes. Other research suggests it lowers heart disease risk factors. Best thing going for it in my mind is that it’s natural. Check it out. Spices. Pungent, sweet, savory, strong — a plethora of potent antioxidants accompany the spices. There is a reason entire nations and cultures thrived by importing spices. Their value spans the spectrum of life experience, from the kitchen to the constitution. Here are just three. Cayenne is a particular pepper that has been studied extensively. I believe most botanicals should be used holistically, but contemporary reductionist science insists on tearing things apart, thinking humans can improve on nature. Thus, a potent ingredient of cayenne pepper, capsaicin, has been identified as a specific agent. Capsaicin is used in a number of different conventional medicines. It’s been found to be a pain reliever, a cancer cell inhibitor, effective in lowering blood pressure, a digestion aid and much more. And you can get a good dose of capsaicin from the cayenne in your kitchen. Cinnamon is a taste treat in everything from baked sweets to the secret dash in pasta sauce. And it is a healing spice, used for centuries by Chinese medicine. It has antiviral, antibacterial and antifungal properties. It makes a fine addition to tea or alone in hot water. It can regulate blood sugar for Type 2 diabetics, modulate blood pressure and address digestive issues. It is filled with tasty antioxidants. Oregano qualifies as a super-herb, in my opinion. Delectable fragrance and flavor but for our medicinal purposes, it’s a monster. Antiviral and antibacterial, it’s been shown to kill nasty staph bacteria. Plus, oregano has a broad spectrum of vitamins, including hard-toget vitamin K. Folk medicine cites oregano for lung and respiratory problems, headaches, body pains and infections. It is used to treat skin conditions and boost the immune system. Oil of oregano is a common antibacterial and considered extremely potent.

There are dozens of other kitchen culinary cures that have a place in the pantry. There are two very important considerations. As with most botanicals, fresh is best. Fortunately, many of the herbs are easy to grow. And secondly, Generation WhateverYouAre needs to reclaim the kitchen, learn to cook and delete GrubHub, UberEats or whatever from your phone list. The choice is yours.

Be well.

Heartland Healing IS A METAPHYSICAllY BASED POlEMIC DESCRIBING AlTERNATIvES TO CONvENTIONAl METHODS OF HEAlING THE BODY, MIND AND PlANET. IT IS PROvIDED AS INFORMATION AND ENTERTAINMENT, CERTAINlY NOT MEDICAl ADvICE. IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER AND PASS ON TO OTHERS: FOR A WEEKlY DOSE OF Heartland Healing, vISIT HEARTlANDHEAlING.COM.

FILM Midlife Murder crisis

Nobody adds dead Bodies to the Body of escapist fatherLy vioLence

By Ryan SyRek

Like Liam Neeson who was Taken before him, Bob Odenkirk has surprisingly joined the list of violent cinema daddies who would rather catch a body than buy a boat to assuage their quiet discontentment with life. From John Wick to Nobody, both of which share writer Derek Kolstad, there is a growing genre of movies about seemingly happily married older dudes who are secretly very cool and very good at killin’, hyper-targeted at actual patriarchs.

They are, by and large, fun and dumb. The films, not your dad. Still, in a country where “average white dude snapped and started copiously murdering” is a nightly news segment, the implications can be kinda ooky. This isn’t to suggest movies like this inspire or cause gross tragedies. They just feel like a reflection of the simmering toxicity beneath the clenched teeth of the guy at the office who says things like “living the dream” when you ask him how things are going.

These movies always start with the premise that the unassuming pops one cubicle over is actually a bad-ass death dealer. In Nobody, that’s Hutch (Odenkirk), a sullen jogger who always seems to miss trash day. When burglars plunder his house, he uses it as an excuse to revisit the part of himself that he hid in his mental basement in order to play house with his wife (Connie Nielsen). Soon, he’s pissed off a shiny suit-wearing Russian mobster (Aleksey Serebryakov) who is willing to blow up the entire city of ... wherever this is set

Director Ilya Naishuller’s paunch-punching papa-centered parable deploys NPRfriendly jazz and oldies over many of its fight sequences. Just to remind you how cool your father used to be before he had to settle down and leave his wild days behind him, Hutch is even friends with a Wu-Tang Clan member (RZA)! The violence is mostly wildly cartoony, which is a compliment, as the more realistic things get, the less it feels like absurdist fantasy and the more it feels like CNN.

Odenkirk plays Nobody straight, but there’s a hint of playfulness that feels like a missed opportunity. The film doesn’t actually have anything self-aware or clever to say about the repeating pattern of murder-daddy cinema, although it could/should have. Casting Christopher Lloyd as Hutch’s father sure seems like a missed opportunity to reflect on the cross-generational angst felt by men “of a certain age.”

Unto itself, Nobody is a quickn-dirty ditty that does its job. And so long as you don’t think too much about what that job is, you’ll be fine. Because what seems to be clear is that there’s a sizeable appetite for imaginary suburban warfare growing out of a foundational and fundamental frustration many white men have with the modern construct of domestic life. But, you know, so long as you sit back and just enjoy the guy from Mr. Show doing murder stuff, it’s “fun.”

nobody is a reminder that spending a ludicrous amount of money on a sportscar is a much healthier alternative than dads turning into killing machines. Photo credit: UNiverSal PictUreS.

Grade = B

otheR CRitiCal VoiCeS to ConSideR

Travis Hopson of Punch Drunk Critics says Nobody is “a fun-but-forgettable shot of adrenaline that never aspires to be more than that.”

Max Weiss of Baltimore Magazine, who is fast becoming one of my favorite reads, says “Nobody is the Axe Body Spray of movies. It’s pseudo cool, it leaves a lingering bad odor, and just because it’ll find an appreciative audience of hormonal teenage boys doesn’t mean it’s actually any good.”

Michelle Kisner at The Movie Sleuth says “Despite the unoriginal premise, Nobody is a briskly directed action film that’s worth a watch just for Odenkirk’s performance.”

FILM My year WiThOuT MOvie TheaTers

Is It safe to go back, and what happens next?

BY Ryan SyRek

The pandemic has stolen big-ticket items, like, you know, people’s lives. It has also been a quiet little sneakthief, a pickpocket pilfering those tiny things that kept us sane without our even realizing it.

Until late March of 2020, you could argue that I was a human movie ticket stub or lukewarm, salty, buttered popcorn. Over the past year, that dead Greek philosopher dude might say that I’ve become the remote control that you can’t find when the TV volume changes without warning. Metaphors are fun, right? The point is that, unexpectedly and unwelcomed, an unheralded pillar of my identity blipped out of existence once going to see a movie was no longer a safe option.

Any communal space shared by like-minded folks is a secular kind of holy. The ritual and routine of simple acts like going to a movie theater serve a far grander purpose than many realize. I know the absence certainly left a far bigger void in my sense of self than I thought it could or would. COVID has introduced new, ugly kinds of loneliness that can be as obviously grotesque as death in a quarantined ICU room or as ordinary as forgetting what the laughter of strangers sounds like.

From the literal second the nurse’s thumb left the plunged syringe that contained my second vaccine dose, I began a countdown to my theatrical return. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t still nervous. Hygiene theater, the practice of showily and obsessively cleaning surfaces that has no actual bearing on infection rates, may finally be coming to an end. But the hygiene in theaters is another issue entirely.

Entering a largely ventless box with people you do not know — some of whom will inevitably cough and many of whom will absolutely be maskless while wolfing down popped corn — will never be on the CDC’s “happy good ideas” list. But we need movie theaters, and movie theaters need us (not just me). I mean, even the friggin’ ArcLight is closing.

The two things I get asked the most during this plague year are “When is it safe to go see a movie again?” and “What’s going to happen to theaters now?” I am neither a doctor-scientist nor a studio or theater exec. But here are my best answers, along with what I’ve learned over my theater-less year.

Olly Olly Oxygen Free?

Watching local theaters grapple with the “Sophie’s choice” of closing their doors or powering through a pandemic has been super-hella upsetting. Differences in business structures allowed Film Streams to pivot and offer streaming options but forced most local cineplexes to keep limping along like “normal.”

I will forever and for always find it unconscionable that a bigger, targeted bailout of this and other related entertainment industries never happened. During whatever crisis is on deck, all theaters should change their legal name to “Literally Any Billionaire’s Bank Account” and watch the government aid flow.

“Ryan’s choice,” not reviewing movies that were theatrical release only, was nowhere near as hard a call. It still sucked though. It felt like turning my back on friends who needed me. I do not doubt our local movieplexes all followed every guideline to the absolute letter. It’s just that there is no real safe way to approach certain things, like a gunpowder enema or putting strangers in a windowless room during an airborne disease outbreak. We’ve got vaccines now though, baby! Those sweet, sweet chemically induced antibodies are a-flowin! So it’s gotta be safe now. It’s safe now, right? We can all go back to the theater now? Please?

Like the message in a surprising number of lullabies, I can only tell you that nothing in this world is ever really safe. I promise you, someone somewhere has died in a marshmallow-related tragedy. Everything we do is just different degrees of dangerous. When it comes to watching movies in theaters, I can only tell you this: Now that our region has opened up COVID vaccinations to anyone who wants one, I feel it is no longer morally irresponsible to review theatrical films. That’s what you’ve been waiting to hear, right?! You’ve finally got the green(ish) light?

I’m pretty sure that “movie critic” is the exact opposite of “medical doctor.” That being said, it is my personal belief that being vaccinated and still wearing a mask will make the experience of moviegoing no more dangerous for me than driving literally anywhere in Omaha. All of this is to say, my answer when asked if it’s “safe” to go see films in the theater can only be “I’ve decided to start going again.”

I mean, for the love of Pete, there’s an entire brand new theater in town with seats that haven’t had my butt in them. The ACX Cinema 12+ opened in the middle of germ-a-palooza, and I am beyond excited to inhale that “new theater” smell.

It is an intensely personal choice as to what makes you feel

Now that vacciNatioN is iN full force, is it time to put butts back iN movie theater seats?

comfortable, like how some people swear by boxer briefs, but others find them to be oppressive to their business. I can only say that my reluctant theatrical fast is about to be broken. Join me if you wish! But, you know, keep your distance and get vaccinated first.

Don’t Believe Theaters Are Dead, Even if TMZ Reports It

The fact that Godzilla vs Kong was a kaiju-sized box office hit, despite being simultaneously released on streaming, is a reminder of the “Keith Richards” rule: You don’t shovel dirt on something that looks like a corpse until you know it’s actually dead. I have not and will not ever believe that theaters are collectively doomed. Like everyone but rabid anti-vaxxers, they just need our love and support.

If you’re going to circle one date on your calendar, it should probably be your partner’s birthday. If you circle a second, that should probably be your mom’s birthday. But if you circle three, I would suggest adding May 28. That’s the day that both Cruella and A Quiet Place Part II hit. The former is also going to be on Disney+ Premium, which is somehow not called Disney+ Plus; however, the latter is only in theaters, y’all.

The retreat of John Krasinski’s first sequel from March of last year marked the moment many theater owners likely first choked down some bile, realizing what was ahead. With its (maybe) triumphant return to cinemas, many are looking to it as a bellwether of what’s to come for the box office. Did you know that “bellwether” is a term used to describe a castrated ram with a bell on its neck that leads a flock of sheep? May you never think of John Krasinski without remembering that fact again!

What is shocking to me, beyond that fun fact, is that studios refused to use the time that theaters were shuttered to figure out a longer-term solution for dwindling audience attendance. What were all those executives doing? Cocaine. They were probably doing cocaine. Personally, I would have tried to renegotiate opening weekend revenue sharing and abandon an outdated release strategy that often leaves huge gaps on the calendar in too many months. But then again, I do not use cocaine.

Answering a question like “What will happen to theaters now?” is like answering “Where do babies come from?” There’s a simple, family-friendly answer, and there’s also a much stickier, grosser set of explanations that can be provided. The former is “They will struggle for a bit but be fine, so long as there’s no big COVID surge and shutdown again.” The latter is “We need to stop talking abstractly about ‘making going to the movies an event again’ and start rationally assessing the size, scope and revenue brought in by likely theater attendees.”

If you care about the longterm health of this industry, when you feel safe enough, go see a movie. That’s really it. What I’ve learned most over these 400+ days outside of a movie theater is that I care. I care so much. I care an almost inappropriate amount.

People love to make jokes about theatrical inconveniences, from the noisy audience members to the overpriced concessions. After a year without them, they not only don’t seem that bad, they seem like a small cost for any shared human experience. Doing things with other people in a capitalist society means both enduring inherent annoyances and coughing up some cash. I can confirm now that is absolutely worth it.

I’m ready to hear someone awkwardly laugh at a scary scene.

I’m ready for surround sound so loud it jiggles all my jiggly bits.

I’m ready to whisper “Oh, I want to see that one” after a trailer.

I’m ready for a B+ film to jump to an A- based on how the crowd felt.

I’m ready to go back to the movies again.