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34 INLANDER BEST OF the inlander nw 2013
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Move
Best Strategy for Democrats in Idaho to Survive
ong a Republican stronghold, the Gem State just doesn’t have much patience for those organic tofu-munching, free-sexing, treehugging, freedom-hating progressives. This is Idaho: Love it or leave it. Out of hundreds of suggestions for how Democrats might try to survive within the conservative state, all three of the most popular recommendations focused on the alternative. “Move,” bluntly suggested readers. “Move to Washington,” came in second. With a touch of urgency, the third most popular suggestion was “leave,” ranging from a polite “leave please” to “make like a tree.” Basically, go pretty much anywhere else. Many voters offered more specific suggestions like Spokane or Seattle. Others recommended going farther, maybe Portland, or California. “Get the hell out of there.” If you can’t load up your Prius and vamoose, at least have the common decency to pretend you’re a Republican. Wear some flannel and a baseball cap. Buy yourself a gun — better yet,
an assault rifle. Hunker down in a “gluten-free bunker.” “Camo up. Shoot something. Use a picture of you and the fresh kill as your avatar.” A few optimistic souls called for Democrats to hang in there and stick to their beliefs. Stay strong, they urged. Be patient and work toward compromise. Others listed plenty of Demo-don’ts: Don’t make eye contact, don’t talk, don’t piss off the rednecks, don’t mess with the Second Amendment. At least the booze is still cheap, they note. Maybe struggling Democrats should work toward a sort of libertarian cause like legalizing marijuana. Or just get back to nature. “Smoke pot and enjoy a long hike.” And if all else fails? “Parkour.” — JACOB JONES 2nd PLACE: Move to Washington; 3rd PLACE: Leave