Pride, courage & trauma

ON THE MOVE: Warrant Officer Matthew Staley served in Bosnia, Kosovo and Afghanistan, as well as in several domestic operations, including the Ottawa ice storms.

By Pieta Woolley

After PTSD, addictions and cancer, this veteran finds his peace – and place – here

Matt Staley was in the Canadian Army from the time he was 18 years old. He joined as soon as he could, hoping to continue the tradition of military service his family valued going back a century to the Boer War.

At CFB Petawawa, Ontario, Matt learned to operate tanks, and was good at it. He was a runner, a weightlifter, and earned multiple black belts in several martial arts, and became a military unarmed combat instructor / close quarter combat instructor. Over the 20 years he served, he was deployed in Bosnia, Kosovo and Afghanistan, working his way up to Warrant Officer – a leader. He described it as “a very, very cool career.”

That is, until it wasn’t anymore.

Matt met with qL magazine at the Royal Canadian Legion on Alexander Street. Over a Coca-Cola, he revealed his own story about war, trauma, addiction and recovery, while his service dog, Fisher, sat by his side.

Without going into detail, Matt says that as a young man he witnessed “the horrors that man can inflict on man.”

“By the time I went to Afghanistan, I was no longer peachykeen and wide-eyed. I was tainted. Was I a peacekeeper? A peacemaker? A war fighter? I wore all of those different hats on the same missions. Ultimately, there is nothing I did overseas I feel proud of.”

In 2014, Matt was medically releasedfrom service with severe PTSD. The military’s decision hurt him badly; he considered it his family.

At the time, he was 41 years old. He retired to North Bay, and lived as a hermit in the bush. He hated the army. Within a year, he had developed polycythemia vera, a kind of blood cancer that caused blood clots to form throughout his body. Matt was drinking heavily, and had a hard time eliminating drugs his doctors prescribed him: Ativan and sleeping pills.

The disease hobbled his body so he couldn’t run or lift weights anymore. From 2014 to 2019, he endured blood clots, culminating in two massive embolisms in his pulmonary arteries. Beyond the trauma of war and the rejection by the army, alcohol became “a whole new hell.”

“That was my ground zero,” he recalled. “I had this realization that I can die like I am or find some way to live better.”

Matt got surgery for his blood cancer, and he was offered the chance to come to treatment at Sunshine Coast Health Centre (SCHC). There in 2020, he said he became healthy again for the first time since about 2008, a “hard reboot” that included multiple modalities of trauma work and psychotherapy. He found he could connect with other people, and learned how to communicate again. He started to walk, then run again, lift weights and practice karate.

“It’s not just about addiction or trauma recovery; it’s about recovering from losing yourself. It’s about trying to emerge from a person who has been absolutely broken.”

At SCHC, Matt began mind/body/ spirit work, which he continues every day. This past summer, he went back for a “tune up.”

“I never should have become a soldier; I am way too sensitive,” Matt said, noting that he has only recently been willing to go into the Legion at all – because of its military connection.

THE RC LEGION BRANCH 164 IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY: Executive members Warrant Officer (Ret’d) Mike Koestelmeier, CD – President; Warrant Officer (Ret’d) Gord Hoffman, CD – Branch Service Officer; Warrant Officer (Ret’d) Matt Staley, CD; Cde Dave Johnson (former president of Branch 164) ; Cde Bev Mansell - Past President; Cde Lorraine Hansen; Cde Gord Cortner – Sick and Visiting Rep; Captain (Ret’d) Paul Campbell; Chief Petty Officer 2nd Class (Ret’d) Chris Carnall – First Vice President; Alice McCallum – Sergeant-At-Arms.

Now, he’s moving on. Matt lives here with his girlfriend – his high school sweetheart he reconnected with back in Ontario. He runs two SMART recovery meetings a week – help for those, like him, who struggle with addictions. And, he is a full-time student at Rhodes Wellness College, taking a Professional Counsellors Diploma – while he enjoys qathet’s food, music, arts, mountains and water: “the confluence of everything I love.”