Out of t he Blue By Debora h Sa lomon

Short on Days

But loooong on cel ebrat ions

By deBor a h sa l oMon February is laden with holidays — maybe more than any other month, beginning with Chinese New Year on Feb. 1, followed by Groundhog Day on Feb. 2. Then, Valentine’s Day on the 14th, with Presidents Day on the 21st. The entire month has been designated American Heart Month and Black Histor y Month.

Ever y month has its sillies w ith Febr uar y no exception: Nationa l Toothache Day, Crab -st uf fed F lounder Day, P ublic Sleeping Day. Notable bir thdays, too: George Har r ison and James Dean were bor n in Febr uar y, but so was Hitler.

Besides being the most mispronounced month, Febr uar y is a lso the shor test. Somehow, this evens things out cosmica lly while messing up the bir thdays of those “leaplings” bor n on the 29th.

Most Wester n nat ions l ive by t he G regor ia n (solar) c a lendar w it h 365.2425 days, a s opp ose d to t he Ju l ia n c a lendar of 365.25, wh ich f ade d f rom f a sh ion in 1582. Move able rel ig ious fe a st s l i ke E a ster a nd Pa ssover are deter m ine d by . . . wel l, it’s c ompl ic ate d.

Obv iously, Gregor y and Julius didn’t have to dea l w ith Nationa l Dog Biscuit Day, which fa lls on Feb. 23.

Hmmm. I’m enjoy ing the extrapolation, star ting w ith the Chinese Year of the Tiger on the 1st. No mat ter how you feel about President X i Jinping, the food is sensationa l, especia lly holiday specia lties which include a whole fish for luck, long noodles for long life and the y ummiest dumplings. For backg round music, cue up Sur v ivor’s “Eye of the Tiger,” f rom Rocky III.

Lincoln set for th the Emancipation Proclamation in September; it took ef fect in Januar y. R ev. Mar tin L uther K ing Jr. was bor n in Januar y; MLK Day is celebrated in Januar y but Black Histor y Month (love the soul food banquets) is obser ved in Febr uar y. W hy? T hough it took decades to ar r ive at the month-long celebration, the seed was planted in Febr uar y because of the proximit y of Abra ham Lincoln’s bir thday on Feb. 12 and Freder ick Douglass’ on Feb. 14.

Lincoln’s bir thday used to be a separate holiday, followed by George Washing ton’s bir thday (cher r y pie) on Feb. 22. T hen the sk i resor ts fig ured out that by combining the t wo and adding a ll the other presidents — notewor thy or not — they could instit ute a midw inter sk i jaunt, f ueled by French onion soup topped w ith melted Gr uyère. T he gover nment then instit uted the Unifor m Monday Holiday Act, desig nating the third Monday in Febr uar y ( glor ious sk iing, not too cold) as Presidents Day.

On Presidents Day, I imag ine John Adams commiserating w ith George H.W. Bush about st uf f their sons messed up while in of fice. Or hear JF K and W JC blog about W hite House hank y-pank y. A mer ican voters should k now that LBJ was hooked on Fresca and that James Polk, the single-ter m president bor n in Pinev ille, Nor th Carolina, g raduated f rom UNC - Chapel Hill and invented the mullet, w ith photos to prove it.

A s for Hear t Month play ing of f the Va lentine sy mbol, I’ve yet to see a romantic menu lack ing fat, cholesterol and lots of sugar.

Speak ing of St. Valentine, how sad that the patron saint of lovers came to such a gr uesome end. Seems emperor Claudius had him beaten to death, then decapitated for defiance on Feb. 14. L egend adds that Valentine fell in love with his jailer’s daughter, smuggling her a card bearing his name before his execution. L ordy, don’t tell Hallmark. Or Godiva, Russell Stover and Hershey. Groundhog Day spor ts a complicated histor y, f rom the ancient Celts’ pagan obser vance midway bet ween the w inter and summer solstices, to Candlemas, mark ing the presentation of Jesus at the Temple in Jer usa lem. Ger mans added the g roundhog (or ig ina lly badger) ele ment when they set tled in P un xsutaw ney, Pennsylvania — as unspellable as Coach K r z yzewsk i, who was bor n Feb. 13. T his year we are spared, barely, Mardi Gras, which happens March 1. I just couldn’t stomach g umbo af ter dumplings, chocolate, cher r y pie and chitlins. PS

D eb o rah S al o m o n i s a w r it e r fo r P i ne S t r aw an d T he P i lot . Sh e m ay b e re a ch e d at d ebs al o m o n@ n c.r r.c o m .