In an abusive relationship and alone? feeling

such as the WCA. Programming areas include safety services, self-sufficiency services, legal services, crisis counseling and prevention education.

“You can do it. That’s why the WCA offers so many services under one roof,” Welsh said. “It does require so much to make the decision to leave and establish your life independent from the violence and your abusers. With the services here we see a lot of success stories.”

Though the WCA is not a shelter, staff can help survivors connect to shelter and housing options. The WCA is always available either through its 24-hour crisis hotline (402-3457273) or by walking in Monday through Friday between 8 a.m. and 5 p.m.

Domestic violence is not just physical. It can start as emotional abuse and escalate to physical violence later on. Or it can be emotional and financial abuse and never include physical violence.

Domestic violence is about power and control and can take many forms. The abuser controls what the survivor is doing, checks the survivor’s email/phone/

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social media without permission, forces the survivor to have sex, destroys the survivor’s things, threatens to hurt the survivor, blames the survivor for their own violent outbursts, humiliates the survivor on purpose in front of others and threatens to report you to the authorities for imagined crimes. These are just a few examples, but they all illustrate the exercise of power in order to control the victim.

Abuse is not the survivor’s fault. It’s not normal or OK and no one deserves it — though it can happen to anyone. It’s also not the responsibility of the survivor/victim to fix it by convincing the abusive partner to get help. The survivor’s only responsibility is for their own safety.

Identify ‘safe’ people who can help. If a survivor is thinking about options to leave an abusive relationship safely, they will need the support of people who will not tell the abuser about their plans. This includes a doctor or nurse, a counselor, human resources at work, select family or friends or a domestic violence advocate, to name a few.

It is scary for survivors to leave. Survivors may still care about their abusive partners and might hope that the situation will improve. They also may share children with their abuser, lack the financial resources to leave, worry about leaving pets behind, or feel like they have no place to go because they are isolated from family and friends. Leaving is a process and survivor’s need support when dealing with all of these issues.

Abusers will do or say anything to get the survivor to stay. Once an abuser realizes that the survivor is leaving and no longer able to be controlled, the abuser will do or say anything to reestablish their power. Abusers will minimize the abuse and deny how serious it really was, blame others for their behavior, claim that the survivor is the abusive one, insist that the survivor push them to get or stay in treatment, threaten harm to themselves, and threaten harm to others up to and including the survivor.

Planning for safety is crucial. Leaving an abusive relationship can be lethal to a survivor. Creating a safety plan can help a survivor to prepare for leaving, maintain their safety, and achieve independence from their abuser.

Domestic violence is a matter of public health. When survivors are unable to get the help they need to leave, it can lead to serious health problems, reproductive health challenges, mental health challenges such as depression and suicide., and substance abuse problems since survivors are more likely to use drugs or alcohol to cope. Domestic violence can even end in death. Therefore, it is crucial that entire communities identify ways that they can assist survivors when the survivor is ready to leave their abusive relationship.

Believe domestic violence survivors/ victims. Domestic violence is about control more than it is anger, so it can be difficult for others to see what the survivor is experiencing. Thus, survivors often feel that no one would believe them if they told people. Help a survivor by believing their story and saying so. Someone who knows the truth about their struggles is hugely empowering to a survivor, bringing a sense of hope and relief.

Know your resources. There are many agencies, organizations, and services that are available to a survivor when they are ready to leave. For instance, the police are most effective in removing immediate danger to the survivor and/or their children. The court system provides legal safeguards in the form of protection orders, custody orders, and the like. Shelters and domestic violence service providers can help support and walk with the survivor as they seek out clothing, housing, financial assistance, and counselors. But ultimately, the survivor is the expert on what they need. If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, know that the resources that are appropriate for that situation are the survivor’s to choose.