The hard truth about motherhood

Words SONYA DRIVER

What a tricky, complicated relationship this one is. A minefield of emotions arises with every interaction.

Recently, one of my girls suffered her first heartbreak. What I wasn’t expecting was the absolute agony of my own heart, breaking for her. I’m pretty sure I handled it badly. Everything I said was wrong on every level, and for the first time in my life, I doubted my ability to read situations and my own child. I felt utterly disconnected and useless.

The interesting thing about motherdaughter relationships is that they are forever changing as the child gets older. So, as a mother, we have to be aware and change or create our boundaries accordingly. It’s such a minefield.

I’m always apologising to my daughters if I feel I have let them down in any way. I catch myself sounding like my own mother and realising my relationship with her is like a wave on a graph. It also changes as we age. I’m aware of unresolved resentment from my childhood triggering me when I’m around her. She really is the sweetest, kindest and most gentle person I know, and to be honest, for whatever deepseated reason, I’m ashamed that at times I’m not so kind back.

If I’m 100% honest, I also mother my daughters differently. They are polar opposites, so I have to adapt my words, actions or reactions to get the best outcome for them. I feel like I’m always worried they aren’t happy.

As a society, we put hugely unrealistic expectations on always being happy. I figure if I teach my daughters the value of gratitude, that’s half my job done.

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