Evolution of an identity

Words KRISHNA EVERSON

This year has been one mighty journey. Never before have I experienced such a period of growth as I have over the last six months.

The last time this occurred for me was in my twenties when I lived alone and had time to reflect and turn inward. It was an opportunity to become more self-aware.

Even so, I recognise that I have actively resisted life’s opportunities for personal development, choosing instead to remain unconscious, and pursue learning and acquiring knowledge, as well as teaching others new skills.

Lately, along with the collective, I have become increasingly aware of the duality of our human existence and our spiritual one. It’s been interesting to observe the rise and fall of my own identity across the decades.

For most of my life, I have identified as an adopted person with limited knowledge of my own identity. I have sought to find fault with, see gaps in, and recognised a lack of what I felt was my birthright. I knew I was adopted out at 3 weeks of age. I identified as ‘the adopted one’. When strangers pointed out that I looked like my ‘mother’ (unbeknownst to me she was my aunt), I would steadfastly reply that it wasn’t possible as ‘I was adopted’.

I also identified as ‘the one with the weird name’. Of course, this seems ridiculous now! But at the time it was my reality. I distinctly remember my 4-year-old self crying “why are they all singing about me?”, as the Hare Krishnas would joyfully dance and chant their way down the main streets of Sydney.

Other identities I clung to was the one not good enough, the ugly one, the one no one wants, the one who was rejected, the one who is different. I also recognised that the internal conflict around the need to be accepted battled with my desire to not do what everyone else does! This caused havoc within my being!

It seems that we are always looking for external references to tell us if we fit in or not. They are all stories we tell ourselves! Recognising this has been a game-changer. I am not any of the things I thought I was. My eyes are open and the veil is lifting. It is a relief that I no longer need or desire to cling to old beliefs about myself and can let them all go!

We have permission to relinquish past pain and trauma, and while it’s not always easy, it IS simple. I am incredibly grateful that I have finally taken these steps in my own evolution.

May the adventure unfold.