Avoiding ‘amateur night’ and other safety tips

A few years ago, my brotherin-law Paul, a Washington, D.C. attorney, drove down to Georgia with his girlfriend to spend the 4th of July weekend with his family in Atlanta. We all had a great reunion and BBQ at his son’s house and then my wife and I headed back home to Flowery Branch. Next morning, he called up explaining that the younger generation had partied until 3 a.m. and were all still in bed, so could they hang out with us. I told him “Sure but hurry up because we’re going sailing.”

It was a perfect day out on the lake, not too hot with just the right amount of wind and relatively few power boats to throw wakes and make noise. We sailed, anchored, swam, and enjoyed a few beers. Then we sailed home happily tired. After a light dinner, we said our goodbyes and they departed for Buckhead. About five minutes later our doorbell rang, and he was back, saying “Guess what? You have overnight guests!”

It seems that they had just

Vinnie Mendes

gotten into their car when there was a rap on the window. He opened it and my neighbor was standing there and said, “If you’ve had anything to drink, don’t start that engine!” The Sheriff’s SWAT team had set up a “Drunken Driver Sting” check point right down the road. They do this on a regular basis, not only to catch drunk drivers, but to keep the public mindful that “If you drink, don’t drive!”

We live on a peninsula, with only one road in and out, so Paul would have been pulled over. There was no way to avoid it. My neighbor was coming home and had seen the flashing blue lights reflected off the trees up ahead, so he pulled off on a side street and parked in a vacant lot, then made his way home cross country through the woods!

Paul knew that he was at least marginal as to his alcohol level, so wisely decided not to take the chance of driving.

The only problem was that we had not had overnight guests in more than a year and folks from up north get freaked out by palmetto bugs, dead or alive. So, while I ran interference upstairs in the living room, my wife hurried down to the guest room, quickly swept all the dead insects under the bed, put on fresh sheets and pillow cases, saw to it that there were clean towels in the bathroom and got out the guest toothbrushes, all in 11 minutes, start to finish!

Meantime, Paul felt like he had “dodged a bullet” because with the D.C. tags, and as an attorney who should know better, he knew that they would throw the book at him! He wanted to send my neighbor a case of Scotch to show his appreciation, but I told him ”No, I got it covered.”

Knowing my neighbor’s preferences were about the same as mine, I made sure a case of Bud and a gallon of spicy V-8 juice magically appeared on his front porch with a thank you note the next day.

This brings back memories of my brother’s bar and marina on the Jersey shore. The town of Sea Bright is located on a peninsula with one road running the length of town with a bridge at one end and the mainland at the other. It was a typical shore location with many bars and restaurants doing a thriving business all summer, most of which involves a lot of drinking. Of course, if a Drunk Driver check point is set up, word spreads immediately via the “Coconut Telegraph” to all the bars and they announce from the bandstands exactly where the checkpoints are located. Also offering free coffee to anyone who wants it as well as calling a taxi for those who don’t think coffee will help. Despite this a lot of people get nailed just for being stupid!

The New Jersey State Police are good at what they do and have their SWAT teams organized to deal with it. Typically, they have traffic cones set up requiring you to drive a serpentine route through a supermarket parking lot to a lighted area where an officer checks license and registration and asks if you’ve had anything to drink. Meanwhile there are officers out in the darkness observing people throwing beer cans, “roadie” cups, liquor bottles and recreational drugs out of the car windows. These are picked up and when the car arrives at the final checkpoint, an officer will present the driver with a plastic bag, explaining “Excuse me, sir/ma’am, but you seem to have dropped these.”

They also have a couple of school buses on site, so if someone is barely over the limit, they can sleep it off for awhile and be tested again. If they are below the

See Mendes, page 14

Do you have a favorite fishing hat? In my days, I’ve worn all sorts of fishing hats. I’ll bet you have too.

Around here I wear a fishing hat with various names on the front. Usually it’s an O’Neill Outside logo. After all is said, advertising is everything. I buy them in bulk, so they don’t cost much.

I tell people that want one signed that it is worth about $6 before I sign it, and $3 afterward. They accept it anyway. The hats are thin and comfortable. However, my ears get sunburned and stay crusty all year long. I don’t think that’s good. Does that happen to you?

I like hats though. When you have follicle challenges like I do, you tend to gravitate to hats. This challenge means I’m bald headed and have been since about the age of 23.

Gail and I got married after I finished at Emory at age 21 and have been married over 53 years now. When she’s not around, I blame it on her.

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O’Neill Williams

O’Neill

One of my grandfathers wore a straw hat when we were fishing in the small ponds around Loganville, Ga. 63 years ago. I was 11; he was about 65. He was a primitive Baptist preacher and wore a starched white shirt and tie, black wingtip dress shoes, a vested black pinstriped suit and white gloves with the fingers cut out when we went to the local catfish ponds to catch a few.

You’d think I’d have been embarrassed about that. I wasn’t. I was just proud that he thought enough of me to take me fishing. My mother’s father wore a fedora like Indiana Jones.

When we walked to the river along the railroad tracks headed to the swift waters of the Tallulah River, we’d stop and drink the cold, clear spring water flowing from the rocks. We’d tip the sweet drops from the brim of that old hat. Sure wish I had it now. I’d wear it.

We used cane poles with black nylon line and red wigglers dug up from around the barn.

This was supposed to be a column about deer and deer hunting, so let’s get to it and make it simple. I’m about to run out of room, so I’ll be brief.

Whitetail deer are lazy critters that don’t do much except, eat, sleep, look nervous, stay alive and are active only during the rut. That staying alive thing is a big deal, and they’re good at it.

Did I say sleep? It’s not my kind of sleep, no sir. Thirty minutes at a time max, usually only five or 10, and sometimes with their eyes open. Ears are always alert and hyper wary. Can you

Continued from Page 12 limit, they still get a ticket, but are allowed to drive home. If not, they get a free ride to the county jail and their car gets towed to the impound yard.

The bottom line is, if you drink, don’t drive, especially on what I call “Amateur Night,”

(New Years Eve, Memorial Day, July 4th, Labor Day, and sneak up on one while he’s asleep? No, you can’t. You think you can, but you can’t. If he doesn’t move and you think you’re being extra sneaky, it’s because he thinks he’s hidden and you’ll pass by. the last work day before Christmas). Be safe out there! Mendes has been sailing all his life and on Lake Lanier for the past 25 years. His family owns a marina/bar/restaurant so he has plenty of real life experiences to draw from. His favorite line: “You can’t make this stuff up.”

He knows you’re there. Fishing hat or not.

O’Neill Williams has been a television, radio and print personality for more than 40 years and more recently has added podcasts and video on demand to his repertoire.