Hilltop 9
to me, Lord, n distress
m
31
By Sarah Moreau and Katrina Aman Editor-in-Chief and Managing Editor
Burnt out. Down. Tired. Worried. In a funk. Worn out. Overwhelmed. But not depressed. Christians can’t be depressed, can they? If we love God, read his Word, and go to church, then something must be wrong if we’re still feeling depressed or anxious. So we cover it up. We put on a face for our friends and family and pretend we’re just stressed with school or work, tired from being so busy, just feeling a bit down. We even try to convince ourselves in our effort to convince others. We are not depressed. But what happens when that down day turns into a down week, month, three months, or a year? In Psalm 31, King David calls out to God in distress: Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and body with grief. My life is consumed by anguish and my years by groaning; my strength fails because of my affliction, and my bones grow weak… I am forgotten as though I were dead; I have become like broken pottery. (v. 9-10, 12) When people fall into deep depression or experience severe anxiety, their feelings are often beyond description. The deep painful feelings they are experiencing become so hard to explain to people, especially fellow believers, that they cut deep to the heart of one’s spiritual life. Sufferers stuff it down, put on a façade, psych themselves into believing their problems don’t matter, and slowly suffer on the inside. They feel alone in their struggles and fear telling others. People who are struggling hear Philippians 4:6 quoted over and over and wonder why when the Bible says to not be anxious, they are stilled filled with so much anxiety. Claire Clubb was officially diagnosed with
depression at age 18, and, while growing up, she witnessed her mother and father dealing with it as well. “For as long as I can remember, I have felt different, that the world was colored by emotions that were often out of my control,” Clubb said. “It took a long while for me to be comfortable sharing that I was struggling. I felt the need to hide my sadness, feeling that I was a downer, or that I should be able to ‘snap out of it.’ “Through my first year of college in particular, I felt the need to disguise my feelings with forced enthusiasm, feeling that if I wasn’t able to cope, I was failing as a Christian, and that with enough prayer and trying to fit in I might overcome the ‘funk’ I was in. I have felt alone, embarrassed, ashamed, and confused, sometimes all in one sitting.” Some try to confide in people in their church, but change their mind because they feel it is a subject full of judgment and criticism. The reality, though, is that those struggling with depression and anxiety are not alone. According to Anxiety and Depression Association of America approximately 40 million people in the U.S. have anxiety disorders, and about 20 million suffer from depression. And these numbers do not include those who never seek professional help. These numbers include members of the church. Jesus made it a point to minister to the sick, blind, heavy-hearted people, so we, as His followers, must do the same, stopping the misconceptioin that since they are a Christian, they can’t be sad. “After my mom passed, I was depressed for about three months, but never called it that because that was almost a ‘dirty word’ to me,” junior Olivia Johnson said. “Now I know exactly what it was, and that it’s okay to go through that sometimes. We are human, we have emotions, and sometimes our bodies/ minds just can’t handle what we have gone
through.” Charles Spurgeon said in a sermon, “Fits of depression come over most of us. Cheerful as we may be, we must at intervals be cast down. The strong are not always vigorous, the wise not always ready, the brave not always courageous, and the joyous not always happy.” Struggling with anxiety and/or depression, which many figures in the Bible and of the Christian faith have experienced, does not make someone a “bad” Christian in any way. “Learning to accept my depression as a disease has been the greatest help in times of struggle,” Clubb said. “I have learned to accept that medication, accountability and counseling are extremely important factors in keeping me healthy and in check. In understanding that depression is sometimes psychological as well as physiological, it is easier to face. It does not make me weak, incapable, or a lesser person, but rather makes me someone who has additional challenges in her life.” Christians often get uncomfortable in the church dealing with the problem of depression, so we throw a few verses out and promise to pray. Although Scripture and prayer have power in the name of Christ, we should recognize that depression sometimes doesn’t have a quick and easy fix and can occur in believers. Instead of viewing people dealing with depression and anxiety as something that needs to be “fixed,” the Church should seek to truly understand these illnesses as they are, not as spiritual disorders or character dysfunctions. “For anyone struggling with depression, I think the most important thing to hear is that, while there is no quick fix, the first step is to be honest with yourself and others, even if it terrifies you,” Clubb said. “It’s the hardest part, but it is what will allow you to take the first steps towards healing, and eventually hope. Don’t be afraid to seek help, and never see honesty as a sign of weakness. Honesty is an invaluable gift, and a trait that will get you through some of the best and worst times.”
Photo by Kristin Aalto