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Friday, November 6, 2015
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Anonymous online communities can be healing Shannon Yang It’s difficult to open up about my problems in real life. Doing so takes off a mask of perfection and exposes flaws and emotional issues. Peers, teachers and parents are often very judgmental, a tendency that stands in the way of connecting to help. However, an anonymous online community is like therapy without the therapist: its goal is to give strength, connecting users to listeners but not necessarily forcing them to take off their masks. 7 Cups of Tea is one such community, where users can connect one on one with listeners and groups of people to talk about problems ranging from bullying to sleeping well to anxiety. The website gave off a friendly vibe upon my visit. I was expecting intense interrogation about what my life was like, what I was doing wrong or every thought I felt. I was scared that whoever I’d talk to wouldn’t understand or wouldn’t be able to relate. I was afraid that perhaps someone, behind the shield of anonymity, would tell me I was weak.
But my listener was warm; though they don’t tell people everything about me or my did not offer me solutions or tell me what feelings. I fear that in every interaction we to do, my listener let me know that he was make, they will see me strictly in light of listening and didn’t ever invalidate my prob- my confessions. But with an obscure screen lems. I was able to let go of things I couldn’t name and a random profile picture, no one talk about without feeling judged. It was as if can connect my life situations to my name, someone wanted to get to know me for who I face or hometown. Since they didn’t know am rather than who I pretend to be. me, I knew that people’s reactions Another feature of the webwould not be a reflection of the site, Group Support, filled type of person I was, but of that gap. No one person the situation itself. was in charge and evAnonymous social Online emotional eryone could share media networks ofsupport network their thoughts. For ten get bad raps. For once, I divulged example, ask.fm has 7 Cups of Tea some of the secrets experienced controoffers 17,000 about my emoversy because bulactive listeners tions. Though I exlies can easily send pected to be alone harmf ul messages available at all or the odd one out to profiles of people times. (like I often am in real they know (or even don’t life), I actually found know), a risk that has been people who shared the same linked to suicide. problem. I was humbled by the Trolls like that would not approblems others were going through, and pear on 7 Cups of Tea. First, because all I was glad that I found people who knew parties are anonymous, nobody can the feelings of sadness and struggling. be targeted for who they are. Threats Anonymity is a big reason many are pointless and it’s impossible to users (including me) feel safe in bring in outside drama from school. the 7 Cups community. In life, I Additionally, everyone at 7 Cups of Tea is there for one common goal: to
gain strength in their lives. Listeners are all trained and can identify bullying. All in all, the most rewarding part of the community in 7 Cups of Tea wasn’t the help I got but the way it made me describe and think deeply about my own issues. In real life, many of us have friends that are fun to be around, hang out with and laugh with, but often one doesn’t have anyone to rant to or talk to about one’s problems. However, an anonymous online community such as 7 Cups of Tea allows users to finally confide in a supportive friend. —Yang, a junior, is the Oracle-SEC Liaison.
More Wellness Resources CrisisChat: online suicide hotline, text-only The Quiet Place Project: different spaces to express emotions or find calm Weavesilk: online art therapy The Nicest Place on the Internet: if you just need a hug Life in Neon - Player 2: work through personal past conflicts through interactive roleplay
Jack ie Lou
Setting realistic expectations has beneficial effects Naina Murthy Ever since I was little, my parents have ingrained in me the phrase “expect the unexpected.” They believed that I needed to be prepared for anything because they knew life was never black and white. But as time passed, the problem I often encountered was that I had too many big expectations, which often left me disappointed when I did not reach what I thought I could. Through the many tumultuous days and nights filled with high expectations, I started to develop a method of making realistic expectations and changing my perception. Accepting the fact that not everything goes my way has helped me develop a better sense of happiness in many aspects of my life. I only recently reached this realization—that it is better to try and have realistic expectations. For as long as I can remember I have had this growing expectation of what I wanted my life to look like, especially when it came to my future career. Before the beginning of junior year, I wanted to pursue biology. In order to realize that dream, I signed
up for Advanced Placement (AP) Biology. I was so excited the possibility of a bad outcome and prepares us to be okay when I started the class because I had high expectations with whatever happens. When we reduce our number of that this one class would reinforce my dream to study unrealistic expectations we are able to maximize happibiology in college. But as AP Biology progressed I ness. When we have unrealistic expectations we started to see that this was not what I wanted put ourselves in a place where we risk imto do, which really scared me. Biology was mense disappointment. It is important something I thought I wanted to do my that we remain aware of reality and whole life. I had high hopes that this find what we can actually expect in “It is important that would be it. I soon realized that was others and in ourselves. Achievable we remain aware the problem. I expected so much expectations are more likely to refrom the class that when it wasn’t sult in positive outcomes because of reality and find what I expected, I no longer enjoyed they are easier to attain. Being what we can actually it as much as I thought I would. able to alter what you expect can expect in others and From that experience, I decided I have a huge impact on your daily in ourselves.” would try my hardest to maintain moods. realistic expectations. Maintaining realistic expectaAccording to Professor Wolfram tions is easier said than done. But Schultz at Cambridge University, a link being aware that things won’t always exists between dopamine levels in our brain turn out the way you hope is part of life. and the expectations we make. When someone has Preparing yourself to accept that fact is already a low expectations and something good happens, a lot of huge step in the right direction. It is important to remain dopamine is released, which results in feeling happy. But ready to fulfill your goals, but remember to keep them when someone has high expectations and she doesn’t within reach. It is better to have realistic expectations and reach those expectations, dopamine levels fall drastically, exceed those than to be left utterly disappointed. leading to a feeling of unhappiness. Having realistic expectations allows people to accept —Murthy, a senior, is a Lifestyle Editor.