12-13_Humor_sum15_Contents_for Robin.qxd 5/2/15 12:01 PM Page 12
| humor
FOOD TRENDS For every Action, a Reaction... In today’s hyper-attenuated world with a spotlight squarely on food, what, where and how you eat can say a lot about you. So as with any trend, what is in fashion at present will eventually be pushed aside to make room for the Next Big Thing. The real trick is predicting what that next big thing will be. Below is a look at some of the fads currently in vogue as well as a prediction about the eventual counter-reaction. Go on — place your bets. Vegas hates me. You read it here first. BY JAY FORMAN
fermented, Lipton — the whole of the coffee snob culture can shift over en masse faster than you can say Kombucha.
Toast Present Status: A Hotness An essentially fail-proof canvas for doing anything you want, toast has been elevated to its own kitschy cuisine. This shapeless genre can’t last forever. It will soon be supplanted by…
Pet Chickens Present Status: Ascendant What started innocently enough with a couple of ironic chickens in Brooklyn has flown the coop. Now yards nationwide sport a bell-bottomed silkie or three. The real attraction here is that they provide protein (eggs) without having to be turned into protein (Buffalo wings). Also, they eat slugs. A lot to like. Predicted Response: Cuy The earth-motherly lure of the pet chicken is also its weakness. There will invariably arise a certain type of male who will want to raise urban livestock not for eggs but for meat. Cue the cuy. Long a staple of Peruvian cuisine, the guinea pig has all the right elements to be the next big thing for avant-garde eaters. It is confrontational (“How could you eat Mr. Squeaks!?”), it is culturally defensible (“They provide 50% of Andean protein…”), and they can be locally sourced at your neighborhood Petco.
Coffee Present Status: “Third Wave” Here is one trend that can’t get much more granular. Single source beans have given way to small-batch on-site roasting where beans are rushed from the roaster to the grinder. There just aren’t any more veins for snobbery or condensation left to mine. Where do we go from here? Predicted Response: “Next Wave Tea” Even money here would be the safest bet. Tea boasts a history rife with colonial oppression, exotic travel, and a depth of history that would keep an army of Fair Trade ambassadors busy for the next 5-10 years. Considering the variations — green, black, 12 Summer 2015 www.foodanddine.com
Predicted Response: Crackers Crackers are like toast that doesn’t even have to be toasted. You can call ’em flatbread, naan, whatever, but here is a cost-effective conveyance for everything from marshmallow fluff to mung bean paste with a bonus that it doesn’t even go stale.
Sprouted Grain Present Status: Health-Conscious Back in pre-industrial times, sprouted grain was essentially unavoidable due to a lack of control over the storage conditions. Modern techniques have eliminated this. But now there are certain folk who harken back to a simpler time, espousing health benefits that corporate, un-sprouted grain cannot provide. Predicted Response: Krill – The ‘Sprouted Grain of the Sea’ There are only so many ancient grains and homeopathic sprouting techniques left on terra firma. The trend has run its course. Attention must turn now to the sea. Krill sustains blue whales, the largest animal to have ever existed. Surely it must be healthy. And did I mention whales? Who doesn’t love whales? I can already see packages of Fair Trade Sun-Dried Krill lining shelves at Trader Joe’s. Perhaps the sun-dried krill can even be milled into a flour substitute that is …
Gluten-Free Present Status: Tediously Overripe Of all the trends out there this is the most egregious. My wife is a pastry chef and we own a bakery here in New Orleans. Few things induce more eye-rolling than the whole gluten-free movement. I don’t have enough words in this column to address just how overblown and knee-jerky the gluten free community is. Scientology is more grounded in fact. If NPR was capable of selfreflection they would run stories about how the gluten community is unfairly discriminated against and would call out for a National Discussion on Cake. Seriously, unless you suffer from