Self-compassion for writers

BY HALEY P. HEALEY

For writers, words are our raw material, our instrument, and our art form. But how often do we examine the words we say to ourselves? How aware are we of the internal dialogue that plays constantly in our minds as we mould words into sentences, paragraphs, verses, short stories, or entire books?

Self-compassion asserts that the words we say to ourselves are often harsher than the words we say to others. When you aren’t as productive as you like, you might offer critical self-dialogue and put-downs or ruminate over your perceived inadequacies. You might say, “You’re so slow and won’t ever finish your work in progress at this rate.” But if your writer friend expresses similar feelings, you are more likely to offer kind words, encouraging phrases, and gentleness. You might say, “We all have unproductive days. I’m sure things will speed up after a break or a walk.” These are two very different messages.

The term mindful self-compassion was coined by American psychologists Dr. Kristin Neff and Dr. Chris Germer, who believe kindness toward the self can be lifechanging. Mindful self-compassion consists of three elements: selfkindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. In a nutshell, selfcompassion involves showing the same kindness and compassion to yourself as you would show a dear friend. Writers can harness self-compassion when working through perfectionism, self-doubt, impostor syndrome, and rejection.

Self-kindness is the perfect tool for working through perfectionism. Self-kindness asserts that imperfection is inevitable and that difficulties are a part of life. Our first drafts won’t be perfect and later drafts may not be, either. If we can be gentle and kind to ourselves when the writing process is hard, we will experience less stress and frustration and more resilience.

Common humanity can be helpful for rejection and involves remembering that all humans suffer. The opposite of isolation, it reminds us that setbacks happen to all writers and are not unique to any one person. Remembering that difficult emotions and rejection are part of the human experience is less hurtful than thinking rejection is unique to us. If we’re struggling with productivity, we can tell ourselves that all writers struggle to be productive sometimes. Reminding ourselves we are not alone in our feelings is often deeply comforting. Upon receiving rejection, it can be helpful to remember that even famous writers cope with non-acceptance.

Mindfulness is a useful tool for any part of the writing, editing, publishing, and marketing experience. Mindfulness involves meeting each moment and each experience with a non-judgemental and receptive mind. This practice lets us accept thoughts and feelings as they are and makes it easier to accept them rather than fight them. Mindfulness helps writers focus on goals, counter negative self-talk, find emotional balance, and remain resilient when things don’t go the way we hoped.

The next time you experience a writing setback, I invite you to show yourself the same compassion and warmth you would show your best writer friend. Offer yourself some encouraging words—writing them down if you prefer—or remind yourself of past successes. Ask yourself what you need. Perhaps being kind to yourself means strolling through the neighbourhood, watching light play through the forest trees, sipping a creamy tea, or phoning a kindred spirit.

If you would like to learn more about self-compassion, you can visit Dr. Neff at self-compassion.org and Dr. Germer at chrisgermer.com.

Haley Healey is a high school counsellor who lives and writes on the traditional, ancestral, and unceded territory of the Snuneymuxw First Nation. She is the author of two Heritage House Publishing books: On Their Own Terms: True Stories of Trailblazing Women of Vancouver Island (2020) and Flourishing and Free: More Stories of Trailblazing Women of Vancouver Island (2021).