What are you? Pick a Side!

"What are you?!"

"You’re Filipino right?"

"You’re Hispanic, aren’t you?"

"No," I would always reply, “actually I am half African American and half Korean.” Those questions affected me. I would get mad or annoyed about all the assumptions and questions that I didn’t know how to answer. This messed with my identity. I wanted to be one race because it seemed easier.

Growing up half Korean and half African American, I mainly spent time with my Korean culture. Since I wasn’t really African, I didn’t have that culture to embrace. My mom is Korean, and my dad is African American. On my mom’s side, we would go to my grandparents’ house and eat common cultural food, like Kim Pap, Soon Dubu, Kimchi, fish and other things.

We would also spend New Year’s with them and do a Korean New Year with my cousins on my mom’s side. We would wear our Hanbook (Korean traditional outfit) and we would bow to our grandparents and say “Happy New Year” in Korean, which is “saehae bok mani badeusipsio.” I don’t know much of the Korean language. My grandparents are fluent, and my mom is pretty fluent. With knowing only a few things, that made me not super confident in my Korean culture. On my dad’s side, we didn’t really celebrate anything. If I was African, I would probably celebrate the

Independence Day of my home country or any other cultural holidays. I was never super confident about that side of my family because I don’t have an African background, being Black in America.

Not having the confidence to embrace my culture made me want to just be Black or just Korean because it is simpler and people don’t ask obvious questions. So, for many years, I stayed kind of in my little bubble of not being confident with my cultures. Also, because mixed people weren’t as represented in things, I watched it affected my self-worth. There is very little representation for different types of mixed people, so this caused me to feel not that important. Most people I knew, if they were mixed, were mixed with white. Since I don’t know any Korean-African Americans, it was harder for me to embrace both cultures because I couldn’t relate to anyone just like me besides my siblings. I felt like I had to pick a side. I felt as though I had to choose between being Black or Korean. I couldn’t be both. I hated feeling like I didn’t belong. I felt like I had to prove something or try to impress people so they would like me, because I was nervous that people would not want to hang out with me.

When I was in 7th grade, I gradually began to think better of my two cultures. I started to find who I really was and truly understand my selfworth and learn how to appreciate things about both my cultures. I decided that I shouldn’t care what people thought. I realized that I didn’t need to impress anyone, but only satisfy myself. By embracing both cultures I am more confident with myself. Now I will openly do things for both cultures. On our campus, I’m a part of the BSCF (Black Student Christian Forum) and KASA (Korean American Student Association). I have recently attended a several programs for Black History month, including the banquet and a number of forums. Earlier in the school year I enjoyed the KASA “night market,” and I’ve been to several of their church services. Now, instead of being mad and annoyed when someone asks me “what are you?” I’ll proudly tell them about my cultures.

Ariana Hughes is a freshman at Andrews University who loves taking 0.5 pictures.

STORY BY ARIANA HUGHES

PHOTO BY WANG KI SHIH

DESIGN BY ABIGAIL CANCEL