Do You Feel Like Time Is Running Out?

LIKE TIME IS RUNNING OUT? DO YOU FEEL

WORDS Engel Williams VISUALS Kaitlyn Joyner

There’s this idea going around that to be spontaneous is one of the most alluring and exciting personality traits one could have. Look at every teen coming-of-age movie. A vast majority of them are fılled with teens capturing the essence of youth and defying the dreaded transition between childhood and adulthood by throwing responsibility out the window and doing whatever they want. There’s also this idea that spontaneity should be reckless. My friends sometimes (very rarely) get in the mood where they want to do something spontaneous and “crazy”. “Crazy” usually means something highly illegal to them. And naturally, as I am the one usually clamoring for us to go out on a walk and do something unexpected, I’m pestered and coerced into doing something that fıts their criteria. Being spontaneous is a huge part of my life because it’s a conflict I struggle with every day. I’m not content until I’m doing at least three exciting things during the week. Unfortunately, academics really smother many of those opportunities. In order to do my best in school, I have to pretend to get my life together and try to be a bit more organized. This means homework instead of taking the T to a new neighborhood at 10pm and going to org meetings during the time I could be using to reach out

and forge new friendships. This is opposite what I ever thought I’d be doing during my freshman year of college. I always like to picture myself as the type of person who can manage to not try too hard at school but still do well while going out every night. Instead, I’ve only gone out very few times, both because I am just too busy or because I can never convince my friends to change out of their pajamas and string along with me to somewhere new. Remember when we were in elementary school? A lot of us planned out our fırst kisses, our weddings, our careers and our dreams. As we grow older, half of us get lost in the planning, buying new planners every year and actually

using them! The other half of us become prone to making decisions last minute, shirking responsibilities and homework before fıguring out a balance that works. I still have not found that balance. I got stuck right in between, constantly torn between two opposing traits. I think that always having a plan for everything and a schedule for everyday life is boring. It doesn’t leave any room for sudden escapades to other states or making friends with someone unexpected. When I tried making this lifestyle work for me, everything was a mundane repetition of the last day. I prefer the feeling I get from constantly doing something new. But… that’s dangerous for me. I tend to ignore all the things I planned because, hey, you can’t be spontaneous if you’re making time to be spontaneous, right? Despite that, I try to

p i c k my days. It’s still a form of making time to flip my life on its axis, but it’s not like I can afford to ignore my responsibilities at a school I pay so much money for. Psychology Today defınes spontaneous behavior as “performed without any constraint, effort, or premeditation” There are also a lot of articles offering advice on how to be more spontaneous. It’s an interesting perspective coming from people who aren’t naturally impulsive. I understand how it can be seen as coveted and alluring. Whenever I fınally let loose around new people, they always comment that I’m a fun person to be around. But it has its drawbacks. When you’re spontaneous, it’s very hard to stop and force yourself to do work. On one hand, I wish I could be the

k i n d of person who follows a schedule down to the millisecond, but I hate doing it.

It never feels right to me and I am always so much happier if I just do whatever I want when I want to. Still, I’d advise people to give spontaneity a try. Putting yourself on the spot can bring out hidden truths about yourself that bring new joys to life. Of course, don’t forget to keep your responsibilities in check: there is no worse buzzkill than realizing you had to do something and not being able to follow through with it.. But in the end, it’ll be rewarding to do things you wouldn’t typically do. Being able to balance both aspects will lead to you feeling fulfılled and a lot happier in your day to day interactions. It’s an adequate solution to feeling as though you’re burning through your youth without having truly experienced anything.