E N T E R T A I N M E N T
M A N D Y N O LA N ’S
SOAPBOX
W W W . E C H O . N E T. A U /
S O A P - B OX
FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT I have used manipulation to gain love. It’s not a very attractive admission, but there you have it. I am guilty. It was a few years ago when my middle daughter Sophia was being particularly difficult. By difficult I mean she wasn’t heeding my directions or submitting to my omnipotent authority. She’d always been a pretty compliant kid, an easygoing teenager who rarely slammed doors or pushed back but overnight she’d become disengaged and withdrawn and I was suddenly aware I was no longer able to control her. Nothing prepares you for that moment when you realise that as a parent you have nothing left in your tool bag – that it’s not you, but your adolescent who is calling the shots. It’s humiliating. And they know it. All those parental mistakes come to bite you on the arse. Like smoking weed when I was pregnant and me telling them the truth about what I was like when I was their age. Sophia would have been 16; I don’t even recall what the argument was about. I know I’d had a glass of wine. Maybe three. Okay, in retrospect I was a bit drunk. We’d had a disagreement about something I no longer recall and this time I don’t win. I ALWAYS win. I’m known for it. I keep going until I do. I’ll fight to the death for a win. I’m very confrontational and I’m highly invested in being RIGHT. Even when I’m wrong. There’s nothing like a triumphant win followed by one of those long parental victory speeches. It’s like winning office in an election. But I hadn’t won. My daughter had. So I decided to do the adult thing and take the victim role. In an argument where you have lost ground, it’s all you have left. It’s textbook passive aggression. I say to her, ‘Why are you being so mean to me?. I could have cancer.’ I don’t even know where that came from. It just came out. I certainly didn’t have cancer. But that wasn’t the point. What was the point to me at the time was that Sophia didn’t seem to care that I ‘could’ have cancer. I was sulking. She said, ‘You don’t have cancer, Mum’. I was so hurt. I think I even started to cry. ‘How do you know? You’re not a doctor!’ Then she dared to take the moral high ground. ‘You can’t tell your kids that you have cancer to try to emotionally manipulate them, Mum. That’s terrible!’ I was furious. ‘How dare you say that!’ Then Zoe comes in. I’m sobbing now. Not because I have cancer. Because I’m not winning this argument and my sober daughter has the upper hand on her drunk cancer-faking mum. Zoe says, ‘What’s wrong?’ I’m looking for allies. ‘Chookie doesn’t care if I have cancer.’ I’ve really escalated this hypothetical cancer situation. Zoe tries to be the diplomat. ‘Mum, you don’t have cancer. Of course Chookie would care if you did. But you don’t.’ I was cut. Now both my daughters don’t care that I have cancer. This whole ‘Be nice to me because I could have cancer’ routine kept going until I gave up, feeling completely defeated and unloved and headed upstairs with a parting retort ‘well I guess we’ll talk about this conversation again, when I’m in CHEMO!’ I was kind of joking at the time, but it had got out of hand. I woke up the next day horrified that I’d thrown a ‘I could be dying and you don’t love me’ tantrum. A few weeks later I found out I had a skin cancer on my eyelid that had to be removed. I was that excited. I couldn’t wait to get home. ‘Hey, girls, guess what! As it turns out Mummy does have cancer! So it looks like I was RIGHT!’ It took another six months before my surgery, so clearly I wasn’t at any risk. But boy, did I milk that sucker. ‘Can you unpack the dishwasher? Mummy has cancer.’ (My apologies any mums out there who have proper serious cancer, not the insignificant skin tumour I had.) I managed to dilute my cancer tantrum with this ongoing joke, which was actually more about maternal manipulation than having a terminal illness. My girls still give me stick about it. As they should. The other day I saw a headline in a local newspaper. ‘Mum Fakes Cancer for Attention’. I freaked. Fuck! It’s not just me. The woman in the story got two years. I wonder how long I’ll get?
40 September 5, 2018 The Byron Shire Echo
NORMIE ROWE
SHIRE CHOIR
SHIRE CHOIR MATT HANLEY
Three musos, a music therapist, and a DJ walked into a bar… and Shire Choir was born! Yes, singing at the pub! We all sound better after a few drinks so why not gather around for pub choir! Be part of the pub choir phenomenon that’s bringing the joy of singing back to pubs around the country. Directed by local musician Melia Naughton (Scarlett Affection) and her team of musos, Shire Choir is your chance to shine. Bring your friends. Make new ones. Sing your heart out as we learn and perform a classic pub song at the Bangalow Hotel from 7pm Thursday. $10 on the door. All voices, all ages, all abilities. Like TheShireChoir on Facebook to find out more.
ROWE YOUR BOAT Few performers can match the career Normie Rowe that he has established since his King of Pop days were cruelly taken from him. Through re-training, persistence and self-belief, he has turned himself into a musictheatre superstar, television performer, actor, cabaret specialist and big-band entertainer. It’s the smile, skill, voice and determination to push into new territory. As shown with his current project showcasing legendary composers whose songs shaped a whole generation. Normie Rowe performs on Sunday, 4pm at the Ballina RSL. $35. www.ballinarsl.com.au.
MATT’S MENAISSANCE Former top session guitarist turned singer/ songwriter and producer Matt Hanley is about to release his debut Album Menaissance on 15 September at The Court House Hotel in Mullumbimby. The opening Track Cobs of Corn was written while Matt was living in Coorabell and was nominated as Australian best blues song (Chain Awards) in 2017. Matt has been nominated as Independent Country Music Association of Australia Record Producer of the Year 2018 for Kevin Sullivan’s multi-awardwinning album Belonging, which was recently the National Number 2 iTunes Country album edging out the likes of such artists as Taylor Swift and Keith Urban. Rhythms magazine has compared Matt’s acoustic guitar playing to Ry Cooder’s and Taj Mahal’s. His electric work has been described as ‘Beautifully expressive Jeff Beck style, rock meets jazz meets blues guitar that shines throughout’. Joining Matt for his launch will be some of his fellow mates and musos, Dave Sanders, Thierry Fossemalle, Belle Hendrik, and Glen Muirhead. After the album presentation this fine ensemble will perform a funky rhythm and blues party set to finish off the night. Local musician Mark Heazlett will also be appearing. Tickets are $20 from venue or TryBooking.com.
CONTINUED P42
STORIES IN THE CLUB: Drawn from Life This month - IT’S A MAD MAD WORLD
Tales from: Shirley Nelson, Gabby le Brun Louise Harrison, Dan Sanderson Cyd Crossman and Jenni Cargill-Strong 4PM - 5.30PM Over 14 years
SUN 9 SEPT - CLUB MULLUM Entry: Suggested donation $10
Stories in the Club
www.clubmullum.com
Byron Shire Echo archives: www.echo.net.au/byron-echo