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North Coast news daily:
Contortionist Tony leaps the pork barrels
Volume 28 #35
February 11, 2014
It seems incomprehensible that a political party – one that claims grassroots origins – should say in its ‘About Us’ webpage that it believes in ‘decentralisation of power to our local communities’ when its practice is quite the opposite. Parties often profess ideals at odds with their actual policies, but let’s take a step back first. It’s a party with Western Australian rural conservative roots that expanded after a few name changes to include all states in the 1920s. Its constituents were graziers and farmers who wanted – for obvious reasons – to limit union and workers’ rights while also pushing for protectionism (that’s government intervention to protect industry from overseas competition). And sometime after inception, they aligned themselves with the Liberals at both a state and federal level and generally the pair have been known as ‘the coalition’ ever since. Like a sucker fish to a shark, they are associated with hard-right policies (that’s free trade, not protectionism). So fast track to now. Last week the federal Nats were reported by Fairfax as having their political donations rise ‘tenfold in four years’ from coal seam gas companies. It reflects nicely in their future energy blueprint, which proudly boasts: ‘The coalition will introduce an Exploration Development Incentive that will allow investors to deduct the expense of mining exploration against their taxable income.’ At the state level, last week the NSW National Party faced internal squabbles with the dear Libs after a redistribution of NSW electoral boundaries. Turf wars aside, a freedom of information inquiry last week into communications between Metgasco and NSW Nationals Tweed MP Geoff Provest now no longer exist for public scrutiny. And having local Nationals MP Don Page in power should be beneficial to this community. But those 10,000 people seeking his support to make the region CSG free, or those wanting the return of the Bruns parks to Council could fairly claim he is the minister for Sydney, not his actual portfolio of the north coast. Hans Lovejoy, editor
The Byron Shire Echo Established 1986 General Manager Simon Haslam Editor Hans Lovejoy Photographer Jeff Dawson Advertising Manager Stuart Amos Production Manager Ziggi Browning
Nicholas Shand 1948–1996 Founding Editor
‘The job of a newspaper is to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.’ – Finley Peter Dunne 1867–1936 © 2014 Echo Publications Pty Ltd – ABN 86 004 000 239 Mullumbimby: Village Way, Stuart St. Ph 02 6684 1777 Fax 02 6684 1719 Byron Bay: Level 1, Byron Community Centre, 69 Jonson St. Ph 6685 5222 Printer: Horton Media Australia Ltd Reg. by Aust. Post Pub. No. NBF9237
Did the earth move for you? If not, contact one of the earthmoving and excavation experts in our Service Directory pages 27-31 in this issue... 8 February 11, 2014 The Byron Shire Echo
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ast week Australian politics ceased to be a contest of ideas or even of emotions; principal players from both sides decided to turn it into sheer entertainment – a circus, in fact. So roll up, roll up, to the greatest show on Earth – well, in the Australian silly season anyway. Gape with astonishment as our performers undertake stunts too outrageous, too improbable, too just plain crazy for the rational mind to contemplate. And here, entering from the right, the boneless wonder, the master contortionist, please put your hands together, or perhaps keep them securely on your wallets – yes, it’s Tony Abbott. Marvel as he ties himself in seemingly inextricable knots explaining why a handout of $16 million to Cadbury is sound economics but a rescue package of $25 million to SPC Ardmona would be totally irresponsible. Now watch as plastic Tony takes up his first position: SPC Ardmona is a subsidiary of a profitable multinational. Well, yes, but can’t the same be said of Cadbury? Yes, and Tony’s twisting again – this time it’s the reverse wriggle, asserting that Tasmania is different because it has the highest unemployment of any state. True, but the rate in Shepparton, where SPC Ardmona is based, is even higher. So Tony’s at it again with the convex convolution: the handout to Cadbury was not about a bailout but about tourism, which makes it okay. So promoting tourism is more worthwhile than saving an industry and the jobs that go with it? Wait – Tony’s still on the move, now it’s the warped
wangle – workers’ conditions at SPC Ardmona were absurdly generous, so it was all the unions’ and the management’s fault. However, as it turns out, the Cadbury agreement with the union United Voice was, if anything, even more lavish. Can Tony untangle himself from this position? But we have an interruption, from Tony’s own side of the tent. What was that, Dr Stone? Hypocrite? Liar? The only real difference was that Cadbury is in a marginal elec-
able wage demands – yes, and Flexible Tony, suddenly sensing the distraction he needed, has extracted his head and is cheering wildly. And now Preposterous Paul has the employers in the air, challenging them to come to a non-aggressive consensus. And what’s more, he wants Tony, who is in the process of launching a Royal Commission to expunge the unions from the political landscape forever, to come to the party too.
The big one, the twin-ring circus with the all-star cast of hundreds, is back in Canberra. by Mungo MacCallum torate and SPC Ardmona is in a safe one? Not only that, but Cadbury was before a close election and SPC Ardmona after a comfortable win. Would the crowd please stop chanting ‘Pork barrel’. Well, I think we’ll have to leave our screwed-up star for the moment; he seems unable to remove his head from his bottom. But don’t go away, ladies and gentlemen, there’s more, because entering from the left we have the high-flying whiz kid from the AWU, the amazing trick cyclist Paul Howes. And yes, Hot-head Howes is ready for his unprecedented balancing act; perched on the highwire of lofty ambition, he will attempt to juggle the unions, the employers and the ALP while at the same time pretending to be serious about his unsupportable position. And please stop laughing. There, he’s away, possibly with the pixies. He’s tossing up the unions, accusing them of corruption and unsustain-
What was that, Tony? A very 1980s idea? Not quite medieval enough for you? Never mind, I can just detect a murmur from a barely visible figure on the left – at least I think he’s on the left. Bill something? Oh, you think Tony can’t change his spots. Well, it must be the only thing our India rubber man can’t change, but we’ll take your word for it. Back to Perilous Paul – oh dear, he’s teetering – someone must have told him that with their membership down to about 15 per cent of the workforce, the unions couldn’t deliver consensus even if they wanted to, which they don’t. But look, despite the showers of excrement coming from all sides, Paul is completely undeterred. He’s pressing ahead, he’s heading the press, he is satisfied just to be the centre of attention. And he wants a new baby grand – no, I’ve misheard that, what he actually wants is a new grand compact. Perhaps one
combining recovery, reconciliation and whatever the other 1983 thing was? Rhubarb, was it? But never mind, Posturing Paul is now putting on another new persona – yes, he thinks he is the new Messiah – more, he thinks he is the new Bob Hawke! Paul, you’re presumptuous. To steal a great putdown: I knew Bob Hawke, I drank with Bob Hawke. And let me tell you, Paul, you’re no Bob Hawke. Oh, now I’ve done it – Paul has plummeted. But don’t worry, ladies and gentleman – I’m assured that it’s only a bruised ego, and Paul has recovered from plenty of those in the past. By tomorrow he’ll be as good as new, back to his insufferable best. And how’s twisted Tony? Well, he’s in the hands of a large man who appears to be a sort of trainer and is offering him some advice. I think I can make it out… the age of entanglement is over? No, entitlement – but Joe, say it ain’t so. No more handouts for the miners, the financial planners, the polluters, the private schools, the private health funds, the big banks, the rich mothers… oh, Joe just said it ain’t so. Well, we never really thought it was. But before we close down the tent and get back to business – and politics – as usual, let me remind you that the carnival is not over – in fact the big one, the twin-ring circus with the all-star cast of hundreds, is back in Canberra. Yes, this week parliament resumes – our little sideshow was just the curtain raiser. Happy stunting, and send in the clowns. Q See Mungo’s video at
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Cape Byron, Overlooking Julian rocks and Little Wategos Beach. Photo Ziggi Browning
Outlaw billy cart gangs infiltrate the Bangalow Billy Cart Derby. Photo Jeff Dawson
A beautiful part of the world – worth protecting. Photo Eve Jeffery
Icecream as facepaint experimentation. Photo Jeff Dawson
Woman’s aura becomes visible in Byron Bay sunset. Photo Ziggi Browning
The inaugural Boomerang Festival was a flaming success. Photo Eve Jeffery
Beau Young and his board check the break. Photo Eve Jeffery
Arrrr! The pirates have landed at the Brunswick Heads Rod Run. Photo Ziggi Browning
‘The Flycycle’ by Roundabout Theatre (www.roundabout.net.au) getting ready for the Mullum Music Festival. Photo Jeff Dawson
Michael Franti’s hokey-pokey gets out of hand at the Bluesfest. Photo Jeff Dawson
Even pink is permissible at the Living Earth Festival, Mullumbimby. Photo Jeff Dawson
Crop circle aliens overshoot the paddocks at Byron Bay. Photo Jeff Dawson
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