Searching for sapphic spaces

written by ALYSSA BARDUGON

Last fall, Reddit user Pineapple-Squirrel4 posed a serious question on the r/ucla subreddit.

“Where are all the lesbians???? Trying to find my people,” she posted.

Olivia Real, the face behind the Pineapple-Squirrel4 account and a doctoral student in political science at UCLA, hoped to find the lesbian community after moving to Westwood. But she said this required more effort than first anticipated, so I decided to look into it further.

While there were around 200 lesbian bars in the United States in the late 1980s, this number has shrunk to 27 bars nationally, with only two located in all of Los Angeles. Beyond these bars, it seemed to me like safe spaces for the lesbian community in LA were few and far between. And for those who prefer to socialize without alcohol or are underage – including many college students – I thought the options would be nearly nonexistent. But I discovered that Bruins have remained undeterred, seeking and creating their own spaces to celebrate a diverse range of lesbian identities.

My journey started with a trip to the UCLA LGBTQ Campus Resource Center, a space for LGBTQ+ Bruins that offers education, advocacy services and communitybuilding events. I walked to the LGBTQ center on a rainy incredibly welcomed attending the event for the first time. We sat together eating snacks and making crafts, chatting with each other for two hours.

Ibarra, who identifies as a transmasculine lesbian, understands from personal experience the importance of welcoming the diverse voices in the lesbian community. Although Let’s Go Lesbians! does focus on lesbian attendees, Ibarra said the event has also attracted Bruins who identify as bisexual or generally sapphic. While there is not a hard-and-fast rule that only lesbians are allowed to come to the event, Ibarra added, the event’s main goal is to create a safe space for lesbians at UCLA. He also added that the light, social environment of Let’s Go Lesbians! has attracted transgender, cisgender and nonbinary lesbians throughout the event’s history.

“I think it’s been really good just for the lesbian community on campus to have some sort of representation,” Ibarra said.

Aside from sharing her personal experience, Ibarra pointed me to Bianca D.M. Wilson, a senior scholar of public policy at the UCLA School of Law’s Williams Institute who specializes in research on LGBTQ+ representation.

Wilson recently co-published a study titled the “Health

Thursday afternoon, seeking out an event aptly named “Let’s Go Lesbians!” While the event’s namesake references a popular meme from the show “Billy on the Street,” its participants see it as more than a lighthearted television reference and rather a space to meet other lesbian students at UCLA.

Evan Ibarra, a third-year film student and the creator of the Let’s Go Lesbians! event, said his idea initially stemmed from popular demand. Over the past two years working at the LGBTQ center, she found that many lesbians on campus had no idea how to connect with other community members.

“It was like a bajillion lesbians telling me, ‘Oh, I don’t know any lesbians,’” Ibarra said. “And I know a bajillion of them, ... so I just pitched the idea.”

The quarterly event, which first took place in May 2022, gives lesbians in the Bruin community a place to come together for an afternoon of crafts, food and genuine conversation.

Kelly Doherty, a fourth-year communication student, regularly attends the event. Although Doherty acknowledged it can sometimes be difficult to start conversations with other attendees, she made me feel

and Socioeconomic Well-Being of LBQ Women in the US.”

According to the 2021 report, a higher proportion of LBQ women reported feeling like they lived in communities that were less accepting of marginalized identities than GBQ men, particularly in terms of race and ethnicity.

“Historically, Black LGBT people do experience racism, whether it’s minor microaggressions that might seem harmless and yet are still nonetheless impactful to more major events,” Wilson said.

Wilson added that the queer community is by no means an escape from the racism that permeates the rest of society. This can lead many lesbians of color to seek out LGBTQ+ spaces where people share similar backgrounds and experiences as a way to avoid this racism in the greater LGBTQ+ community.

Given the challenges lesbians of color face in the wider LGBTQ+ community, I saw how the Let’s Go Lesbians! team works to provide a space where lesbians of all identities and backgrounds can come together and find happiness within their community. The first step in bringing this joy for many is to reclaim the word “lesbian.”

“There’s such a disdain towards the label ‘lesbian.’ ... It’s kind of a dirty term,” Ibarra said. “So I kind of just want lesbians to feel community and kind of joy in their own identity.”

Real also shared the importance of taking pride in her identity as a lesbian. Before moving to Westwood this year, Real found it difficult to embrace her identity in her home community.

“Something internal in me could not accept the idea of being a lesbian,” Real said. “Hearing how people would talk about lesbians around me – I think that internally built a lot of self-hatred.”

Today, Real said she fully embraces this part of her identity with a little help from TikTok, crediting the app with opening her eyes to the welcoming lesbian community online.

“Having gone through that cycle of realization that there’s an online community, I think that really incentivized me to sort of look for something on campus,” Real said.

With her newfound confidence, Real began searching for lesbian-centered spaces at UCLA. On her Reddit post from fall quarter, Real received many responses encouraging her to look into the club women’s rugby team. The Reddit community seemed to lead her in the right direction, as Real said she still fosters many rewarding friendships with the team members.

Using the internet to connect with the lesbian community is not an isolated experience – the search “lesbian TikTok” has over 14 billion views. TikTok even led Doherty to discover Queer Field Day, a popular lesbian- and queer-centered beach meetup.

Doherty’s description of the meetup intrigued me. Eager to learn more about the event that has gathered thousands of lesbians in Southern California, I reached out to the Queer Field Day team and met co-creator Adrianne Casey.

Casey credits the event’s origins to social media and her friend, Lilly Brown. Brown, also known as @lilly27sings on TikTok, currently has more than 320,000 followers and regularly posts an assortment of videos on topics such as queer-centered media, her personal experiences as a lesbian and her group of queer friends. Casey said questions about how Brown made friends with so many queer-identifying people are common in the comment section of Brown’s videos.

One comment suggested Brown host a meetup in LA for followers wanting to connect with people in the queer community. In May 2021, Brown turned that idea into reality. Surrounded by some of her close friends, Brown posted a video acknowledging the difficulties of making queer friends and announced her plan to hold a meetup at Venice Beach’s rainbow lifeguard tower. Unexpectedly, the video received about 500 comments serving as informal RSVPs to the event, Casey said.

Drawing on her experience as a former camp counselor, Casey, along with her wife and Brown, created games for the event that centered around fostering connections between participants. Playing games like queer Guess Who? and bingo, many of the around 500 attendees socialized through the low-pressure, engaging activities, Casey said.

The first event was a smashing success, Casey said, with many participants requesting another event. As people struggled to find their community in person after the COVID-19 lockdown was lifted, Queer Field Day became a place to socialize with other queer Angelenos face to face, she added. In June 2021, Queer Field Day held its second meetup, this time with more than 1,000 attendees.

Almost two years since Brown’s viral TikTok post, Queer Field Day LA continues to hold events every few months for queer Angelenos of all ages. Some meetups have even yielded romantic success stories. Casey fondly recalled the February meetup, an ax-throwing event called “Meet Your Next Ax.” She added that Brown recently ran into two Meet Your Next Ax attendees who met each other at the event and had gone on four dates since.

When I heard that story, I couldn’t help but smile. It seems like people are committed to growing and sustaining the lesbian community in LA. So where are all the lesbians? In the end, Real answered her own question.

“The community is out there – I just got to look for it,” Real said.

It wasn’t long before I realized this story didn’t want to be told.

As the crowd grew at the Delta Sigma Theta Sorority centennial celebration, I searched for audience members willing to share the secrets of the Divine Nine. Amid the throngs of people, I could spot alumni catching up like there was no tomorrow and children witnessing their mothers’ legacies. It reminded me of a Black family cookout, with aunties cackling at gossip and dancing their little two-step to “Wipe Me Down” by Boosie Badazz. With such a joyous attitude in the air, certainly someone would speak with me. But everywhere I went, attendees turned down my interview requests. One even warned me to stop looking into the matter. As my questions garnered scoffs, shrugs, polite “nos” and even dirty looks, I left the event with one key takeaway: The secrets of the Divine Nine did not want to be revealed.

For decades, conversations surrounding the Divine Nine’s membership intake process have sparked hushed whispers and apprehensive looks. Few even know how to express interest in joining the highly coveted group of Black fraternities and sororities. With no distinguished start or end date, the membership intake process can take months on end. I was determined to find out why.

Prior to the early 1900s, only white Greek organizations existed on college campuses, leaving many Black students feeling racially isolated. It wasn’t until Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity was formed at Cornell University in 1906 that there was a surge of Black fraternities and sororities all over the East Coast. Twenty-four years later in 1930, the National Pan-Hellenic Council was formed to govern these organizations. Its purpose was to foster Black brotherhood and sisterhood through the Divine Nine groups under its jurisdiction.

In 1923, the Delta Sigma Theta Sorority promote its fraternities and sororities.

Furthermore, prospective NPHC members must prove that they’re in it for the long run. Once joined, members dedicate a lifelong commitment. They often join alumni chapters after college, continuing community service initiatives and offering a support system for other NPHC members.

Marcel Martin, a second-year cognitive science student and fall initiate of the Gamma Xi Chapter of Alpha Phi Alpha, finds it beautiful how members still embrace their organization after college.

“They really rep it to the day they die,” he said.

According to JP Peters, the

Jerica Watson, a fourth-year African American studies student and the president of the Nu Lambda Chapter of Zeta Phi Beta, said the NPHC intake process differs from others partially because of a lack of resources. Without traditional sorority and fraternity houses, NPHC organizations are not able to invite students to preview their organization in the same fashion as others.

The lack of housing among the NPHC organizations reflects systemic racism, Watson said. She explained that the relatively small amount of generational wealth within the Black community – an average net worth of about 70% less than non-Black households – has likely limited alumni’s ability to fund housing in expensive neighborhoods such as Westwood. While houses are a goal for the NPHC, Watson said the NPHC prioritizes serving communities in need and putting forth action toward local community service projects rather than simply donating money.

“Even if we’re not in the same Civil Rights Movement era, we still have a disproportionate amount of Black people in poverty, a disproportionate amount of Black people uneducated,” she said. “We take those initiatives very seriously so that we can advance our people.”

At the same time, fewer students are interested in membership in NPHC organizations than in other Greek life groups because of the small Black student population at UCLA. For reference, the Black student population only makes up 5% of UCLA’s total undergraduate student population, according to a UCLA report. While other organizations use rush weeks to quickly evaluate large numbers of interested students, NPHC organizations focus on deeply familiarizing themselves with a smaller group of prospective members, Goldstein said.

Martin shared that the membership intake process is especially selective in order to protect the prestigious image of NPHC groups.

“You can’t just let anybody into such an illustrious organization that upholds itself on academic excellency, brotherhood, scholarship, community service and advocacy,” he said.

Watson agreed, explaining that the intensive process helps her find the most dedicated potential members. To prove their commitment, applicants are expected to attend events ranging from community service activities to yard shows, she said. Without a specific period of time designated for intake, students often express their interest for months – and sometimes quarters – on end, she added.

“We essentially want to observe who is interested in our organization, who comes around and who wants to learn about our history,” Watson said. With such a long process, it can be challenging for students to keep up their morale. For Watson, the rigorous procedure led to her own rejection by the sorority.

“I could have easily taken that rejection and have been like, ‘They’re weird. I don’t want to be in this organization,’” she said. “Or I could have been like, ‘You know what, they’re right. I’m taking accountability for that, and next year, I’m going to go harder.’”

But for others, the secrecy surrounding the membership intake process is too much to bear. Student A, a first-year psychobiology student who wanted to remain anonymous because of their interest in joining the NPHC at a later time, recalled attending an informational event in October. “It’s always been known to be very secret,” Student A said. “You kind of sell yourself to them. …We thought that they (NPHC members) would be talking to us, but you have to put the effort in and put yourself out there.”

Student A had been attending intake events with a friend, but eventually, they postponed any efforts to join despite their desire for Black community. Although they felt like the NPHC was one of the few places where they could find the community they desired, the process was ultimately too strenuous.

For Student A, it was surprising that they had to market themself to the NPHC sororities since other recruitment processes often have them reaching out to prospective students first. To add on, Student A said they didn’t feel like they clicked with any NPHC organizations and that intake expectations were not communicated with transparency.

“You don’t really know how to even go about it, and no one really tells you,” Student A said. Although the membership intake process may be intimidating for some, NPHC members feel a strong moral and social obligation to honor the history of their establishment and protect its legacy. James Smooth, a second-year psychobiology student and the president of the Nu Delta Chapter of Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity, emphasized the need for exclusivity in legacies.

“There’s some honor that’s sacred to us,” Smooth said.

“We don’t just offer that to anybody.”

Smooth recalled his first intake event before joining Phi Beta Sigma. He realized that his fraternity was the right place for him after a day of handing out essential items such as clothing, water and food to people experiencing homelessness on Skid Row.

Martin agreed that the process was encouraging. As a first-generation student, he didn’t know much about fraternities beyond the stereotypes of white-centered parties that involved alcohol. However, he found that the initiation process at Alpha Phi Alpha consisted of engaging workshops on risk management, financial responsibility and academic expectations held by the organization. Although he struggled to balance the demands of joining a fraternity alongside his job and schoolwork, he added that he received support from his future brothers to help him push through.

“Iron sharpens iron – you’re being hardened into a better person,” he said.

But similar to other Greek life organizations, the NPHC has faced scrutiny from critics of Greek culture.

Lawrence Ross, a UCLA alumnus and lifelong member of Alpha Phi Alpha, is the author of “The Divine Nine:

The History of African American Fraternities and Sororities.” Published in 2000, this book celebrates the history of Black fraternities and sororities. He is also a lecturer, with his popular “Blackballed” lecture opening up conversations about racism on campus. Following his extensive research on the NPHC, Ross acknowledged that hazing still runs rampant in the membership intake process nationwide.

Ross said he is unsure of how to address the NPHC’s history of hazing throughout the nation, which has led to violence and even deaths within organizations. In order to effectively curb hazing, he believes the entire culture of the NPHC must have a revolutionary change. Expelling those who commit hazing is necessary, he argues, and there needs to be a no- tolerance rule for hazing within the NPHC

“I pray because I don’t want to see anybody else hurt,” Ross said. “That, at some point in time, we’re going to figure it out. We haven’t come to that point.”

UCLA’s FSL office understands that hazing is an unfortunate reality in fraternity and sorority culture, Goldstein said. The staff is working to mitigate hazing and establish a safe environment for all members, students and faculty involved, according to UCLA’s Individual and Student Group Conduct Codes.

At UCLA, members of the NPHC are already taking it upon themselves to create safer environments. While hazing is a pressing issue within the NPHC’s history, new generations of members are working to rectify a future for pledges and members alike.

Watson said the NPHC organizations at UCLA avoid hosting parties with alcohol and drugs out of concern for both police presence – with police brutality disproportionately affecting the Black community – and hazing crimes. Rather than throwing parties, the NPHC heavily emphasizes community service, she added. Smooth added that the purpose of Phi Beta Sigma is to help shape its members into better men through their community service initiative – not with alcohol.

“Making someone drink a gallon of alcohol is not making them a better human,” Smooth said. Along with implementing a stricter stance on hazing, NPHC organizations are also working to increase accessibility for students. UCLA NPHC President Debrina Collins, a fifth-year African American studies and sociology student and treasurer of Delta Sigma Theta, wants to make the membership intake process easier to navigate.

“We would love to see more people be interested in D9 organizations, and we hope to be more accessible to people,” Collins said. “We are going to continue to just be advocates in Black spaces and try and forge the path for Black students.”

In partnership with the FSL office, the NPHC installed plaques near Kerckhoff Hall to recognize the original founders of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority and Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity for recently achieving their centennials. In addition, FSL and the NPHC will install wooden plaques in the Black Bruin Resource Center, Goldstein said. These plaques will feature a QR Code for students to scan and learn more about the organization. To increase awareness about the intake process, the NPHC is also working to hold an informational panel where students can ask questions to members in a public space, Collins said.

For years, the membership intake process of the NPHC has been hidden in the shadows. The organizations operated in secret to protect their legacies. After receiving repeated “nos” to many interview requests at the Delta Sigma Theta centennial – something my social anxiety didn’t like – I was starting to think I was in over my head. But as I looked among the crowd, I saw a familiar face. Smooth came over and gave me a hug, thanking me for coming to the event. He asked how I was feeling.

“Nervous,” I said, “How are you?”

“Cold,” he replied, shivering in his shorts emblazoned with the Alpha Phi Alpha logo. He then told me I shouldn’t be nervous – I had a place here. This story should be heard, he said, and the legacy of the Divine Nine uncovered. ♦