When asked about the presence of abuse here at Central, Rhonda McKinney of the Wellness Center says she makes abuse prevention her business. McKinney says there are a number of ways they can help students to move past the challenges of toxic relationships. “We certainly see students who are struggling with their relationship (s) for various reasons.” The biggest problem with abuse, McKinney says, is that it’s harder to identify than expected. There are more ways to do harm than yelling, demeaning verbally and hitting. WHAT WE HAVE LEARNED Toxic relationships are harder to get out of than most people realize, but once we learn how it feels to be on that slippery slope, we can learn to see the warning signs. According to the University Counseling and Testing Center at the University of Oregon, one in three women experiences physical assault in their adult lives, and only 33 percent of victims ever come forward because the definition of what constitutes abuse causes confusion. Abuse isn’t just physical. it is emotional, too. More young adults are dealing with emotional abuse long before physical abuse is ever introduced in these toxic relationships. By the time things become violent, the victims just begin to realize they were being abused all along. LoveisRespect.org lists the six types of Q: What was the turning point? Female 23, senior psychology abuse on their site: A: I called him on the way to his • Emotional/verbal abuse: threatening, Q: Have you ever had a “bad” relationship house one day, and I heard a girl in the name-calling, control of what you and how long did it last? background saying: “Who is that? Is that wear or say or do, guilt tripping, your girlfriend the bitch?” I flipped out A: Yeah, and a year and a half. starting rumors, etc. and told him I wanted all my stuff back. • Stalking: calling and hanging up Q: Looking back, why do you think you The next day I went to his house and there was yellow tape everywhere. He numerous times, damaging property, stayed in the relationship? had gotten raided and cops found drugs contacting friends and employers, unwanted gifts, tracking through A: Because for about a year it was good, and a weapon in his house. social media, etc. and I was always hoping it would go Excluding the drugs and weaponry, • Financial: controlling how you back. I made up excuses, like he was just Q: would the cheating have been enough to spend your money, denying access stressed out or really tired. But he end things? to your money, controlling the liked to manipulate people like no other. amount of hours you work, giving He made me feel guilty like everything Um…I’m a very forgiving person. If he allowances, etc. was my fault, and I stayed with him to A:would have talked his way out of it, I’m • Physical: hitting, strangling, biting, prove I was better than that. sure I would have forgiven him. pulling, pushing, grabbing clothing, grabbing your face to make you look at them, throwing items, using weapons, etc. • Sexual: rape, pressuring, taking advantage in situations where a clear answer can’t be given, drugging or encouraging to compromise, controlling birth control methods, etc. • Digital: aggressively or casually bullying through social media, controlling access to social media, stalking through social media, etc.
Q: What were the lows/highs?
Q: Would you ever date this person again A: A big one was he would buy me things if they “changed”? all the time. Well he would steal them. I A: Over last summer actually he was like to put it in my mind that he bought telling me how much he changed. So I them, and I never asked questions. But went out on a date with him, and found one time he involved me in a robbery. He out he is still the sketchy person that told me to meet him at the Fred Meyer in I knew. I don’t think I would ever again, Bothell and hang out until he got there, now knowing he still has the same and we had to leave as soon as we met personality. □ up. So he gets in my truck and is super antsy and anxious until we leave. He didn’t tell me until the next day. Then he took me out to dinner and told me he loved me. That was the lowest point and the highest; because he told me he loved me right after he majorly screwed up. Q: Did you ever think it was okay whatever he was doing as long as he loved you? A: Oh yeah. I always thought he cares about me, and he’d never let anything happen to me. And maybe he’ll stop doing this, and I can change him. Pulse - 15