Friendship can lead you some funny places. And kazy (horsemeat sausage), shashlik, (lamb fat equivalent to 40p, leaving you walking around with whilst the recession has hit the availability of kebabs), watermelon and kvass (a non-alcoholic what looked like a folded bed sheet in your pocket of internships, few would say it warranted looking on beer-like drink made from bread), would close with loose change. While the sheer number of policemen another continent. Yet, with no great struggle Daley seemingly endless toasting and speech-making to the in Tashkent astounded me, with 300,000 positioned and I convinced ourselves that we’d rather spend, guest of honour. Whilst fifteen pence bus rides, where across a city of 3.5million people like bizarre at least part of the summer, working by the foothills speaking was largely unacceptable, were filled with militarized lampposts. of the Himalayas on Kazakhstan’s southern steppe, the all too familiar Geordie tones of Cheryl Cole on It became pretty obvious that when it came to dealing travelling in around the area of Shymkent, with a the radio. with the authorities, whether this were Kazakh police brief, but intense, foray into Uzbekistan’s capital A particular highlight of the work with a local or Uzbek border guards, the best tactic was to make Tashkent. oneself as English as possible. Indeed, handing over a Our lack of knowledge and concern for this part of few thousand tenge, the Kazakh currency, may have the world, when supposedly in a globally conscious helped but it became increasingly apparent that if society, formed one of the most compelling reasons to one wanted to negotiate these tête à têtes there were go. Indeed, it is as perplexing as it is infuriating that several tactics that made them remarkably more such a large geographic area, with some of the most bearable. Choice garments of clothing were key significant cultural traditions and economic potential, for this, and whilst a suit probably represented the could be supplanted by the film Borat. Post-Soviet most obvious way to stand out, there was no way independence resulted in markedly different states this wilting flower could countenance so many layers emerging and it seemed only right to visit two in 45 degree heat. This is where appreciation for countries; with the optimistic fledgling capitalism of Premier League football became key. Arsenal, Chelsea the resource rich Kazakhstan counterbalanced quite and Tottenham were all favoured for their various poetically by the totalitarian paranoia of Uzbekistan, Russian links, and as I soon became aware of this so a country destabilized by the perceived and real every interaction was punctuated with “English… threats across its shared borders with Afghanistan London… Tottenham… Pavlyuchenko!” with the and Kyrgyzstan. hope of soliciting a swarm of bored guards around my We worked for the charity Crossroads Central Asia, an organization engaged in redistribution of global donations across Central Asia, helping a variety of groups ranging from the only drugs and alcohol rehabilitation centre in a 500mile area, to orphanages, health clinics and schools. And whilst much of our day involved the physical preparation and organization of logistics, the site was also in the midst of constructing an English-speaking café to act as a focal point for Kazakh university students to meet, chat, and practice their English. In this, we became quite obvious and timely assets. To Kazakhs, Shymkent is known as the ‘Wild West’ for its high corruption and extortion rates. This passport. This almost always worked, and normally it association is so strong that a popular comedy resulted in me being ushered to the front of the queue group from Shymkent is called Texas. Unfortunately, to the great annoyance of many a Kazakh matriarch. this reputation did reflect many of the facts on the The only problem with the “Too-English-to-beground, which greatly altered the operation of a True” tactic was that it often had a similar effect charity that already had to negotiate the certain on taxi drivers. There was no better display of degree of suspicion raised by being a philanthropic this than having spent four hours negotiating the enterprise run by foreigners. Obstinate customs Uzbek border crossing, to then be confronted by officials would become completely impossible a chorus of thirty odd taxi drivers all asking the without their cut, a transaction that could only be same question, “Tashkent?” This got so bad that circumvented by inspiring a Machiavellian struggle checkpoint guards came over to see what all of the for power between the various agencies. Our orphanage was Daley’s donation of a lifetime’s fuss was about. But with prompt use of my four word colleagues proved highly adept at this, unleashing an collection of Arsenal shirts, the genuine article in a diplomatic vocabulary, I had been invited into their internecine war of signatures and stamp-giving, as country awash with Chinese fakes, which would have office, offered tea, and allowed to call my fixer; an departments would then rapidly move to show that been highly sort by Kazakh businessmen let alone a experience emblematic of our trip. their approval mattered. poorly funded orphanage. As often happened, so such moments of intimidation It was in this cultural setting that many of the most Then of course there was just the utterly surreal: The and trepidation exposed the hospitality and interesting interactions took place. Visits to national health and safety zealot in me looked in despair at understanding of peoples largely overlooked. Indeed, monuments such as the Mausoleum of Turkistan the use of broken up Asbestos to fill a hole in the dirt their tolerance and kind-heartedness seemed even and the State Opera House resulted in an interview road outside our house. The inflation-busting tactics more remarkable in the face of the relentless overon Kazakh national TV, an invitation to a wedding, of the Uzbek government had led them to restrict bearing state authority of both the past and the and a conversation with the principal tenor of the the largest denomination note to 1,000som, roughly present, instilling a respect that contrasted deeply national opera, who, in the absence of any common with ridicule they are usually afforded. language, decided to speak at us in fluent Italian. Celebratory meals with plov (an Uzbek rice dish), Definitely two Stans I’d like to see again. Collingwood College Wood Words 2010/2011
Two Stans and Cheryl Cole: A Journey Through Kazakhstan and Uzbekistan By Howard Murray
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page 14 . . . ‘Life Begins at 40. Alumni reunion for the classes of ‘72, ‘73 & ‘74, September 14-16 2012. Contact collingwood.alumni@durham.co.uk for details.’ . . .