This Light Has Come

Jackson Heath

this light has come again it rises again it sets following the path of the departed nights. rising forth in these dark hours comes she, in the veil urging forth breath and life to the decaying. here, the sky is burning a condition that comes from this prevailing civilization and confusion wrought from its thoughts and concepts that dig within our heads and she, who is veiled, born in the brilliance of the endless passings brings honey to the bees water to the clouds children to the wanting mothers and as our eyes behold her our work to perpetuate continues all ride a purple horse into her magnificence and all bow before you, the awakening dawn

Kitty Dough: Unfinished Business

Jay Tynch

It’s not every day that the person who broke your heart stands in the middle of your doorway. But there she was; Bella Larkin stood right outside of Grace’s door, With her arms crossed, Bella’s diminutive stature looked even smaller. With her head tucked down, Bella’s bucket hat made it impossible to see her face; but Grace knew who it was and what it was about. Bella finally raised her head showing off her short, suave peekaboo haircut which caught Grace by surprise. She looked like Veronica Lake, but with short, auburn hair. And while Bella never left her house looking shabby, it looked like she took just a little bit more effort getting ready this morning, like she wanted to put on a show. Grace felt vastly inadequate in her worn out brown work overalls, but she lived a country life which meant that she had to do country work.

“Hey Grace,” Bella said in a soft silky voice.

Grace propped herself against the door thinking about what she was going to do. She wanted to yell at Bella and tell her how she made her feel all those years ago– then slam the door in her face. But Bella’s sea blue eyes made her stop. They were Grace’s weakness. Even after the break up, Bella still controlled a large part of Grace’s heart.

“H-hey,” Grace tried to remove the nervousness out of her voice, but failed miserably when her voice cracked. “Ahem…Want to come in?”

Bella gave her a smile and crept in while looking at the old photos on the walls. She looked into the eyes of the people then turned her head in sadness. Grace guided Bella towards the den where Grace moved the stack of books and papers occupying one of the seats. “Want something to drink?” Grace said, grabbing two glasses and a decanter.

“Grace…it’s 11 in the morning,” Bella said, sounding just a little embarrassed.

Grace stopped in mid pour. She didn’t know if she should put the decanter down, finish pouring the glass, or just run out of the room. Drinking at any time of the day had become such an addiction for her she didn’t see anything wrong with it. But she could feel Bella’s embarrassment, so to hide the evidence she gulped down both glasses then hid the second one away.

“So, what’s been happening with you?” Grace asked, already knowing the answer.

“You know, life’s been really busy in Raleigh.” She said proudly. “I have my little repurposed furniture store that I run which is doing well. I’m also a receptionist at my– at a law firm, and I craft ornaments and different things out of my garage.” The pride in her words disappeared when she looked over at Grace. Grace’s hazel eyes were on the verge of tears.

“What happened to wanting to rule the world?” Grace said softly. “I remember your dreams where you wanted to be a CEO of your own company, make billions of dollars, and I was going to keep your books… or cook them.” Bella chuckled at the small joke, but Grace’s face got longer. “And you graduated Summa Cum Laude… and all you do now is sell overpriced junk to idiots?”

Bella looked away from Grace. “It’s what I wanted to do,” Bella said softly.

“Is it?”

Bella looked out the window. “Yes.”

“You know I could always tell when you were lying,” she said. As a reflex, Grace poured a third glass and gulped it down. “If you can say that this is what you want out of your life, then I’m glad that you’re living your own life… But I need to know? Is it still your own life?”

“Does it matter?” Grace said, looking dejected.

“Of course, it matters. You may have ejected me out of your life, but I still want what’s best for you. Before we were lovers, you were my best friend. And you’ll never stop being my best friend. And not talking to you for the last five years is like having an arm chopped off. I’ve felt incomplete, inept, broken,” Grace paused. “All I want is for you to be happy.”

“So, what do I gain if I admit that you’re right?” Bella threw up her arms in anger. “This is not the way I wanted my life to turn out. Nobody’s life turns out like they thought it would. You have to take life as it comes.”

“You’re right. There are things that didn’t turn out for me either, and we make the most of them. But you had it laid out in front of you. The only thing you had to do was accept it. Even if you didn’t take me with you, it was your chance for freedom,” Grace said.

“Yet I chose to stay here. What’s wrong with that?”

Grace looked at her empty glass, not directly addressing Bella, “I guess nothing.”

“I think I’m ready for that drink,” Bella extended her hand. Grace pulled the hidden glass back out and poured a modest amount of alcohol in the glass. She knew Bella was a lightweight, and she doubted that she had changed. “So, what’s up with you?”

“I’m doing what I went to college for,” Grace said with a little bit more edge than she intended. “I work for an accounting firm, doing the books– not the front desk…And I’m almost a CPA. And every day I get to play on my little farm and be truly happy,” Grace said. She forced a slight smirk even though they both knew it was fake. Grace used to think her farm was a haven, but now it was more of a self-isolating prison.

Bella returned the smile. “So, I guess we ended up two happy people,”

“Yeah, we’re happy,” Grace said. “Want some more?”

Bella threw the glass back then began to cough uncontrollably. Grace laughed, “It’s a little strong.” Coughing and laughing at the same time, Bella held out the glass. The tension of being separated for five years and a bad break-up vanished within seconds.

“Do you remember when my uncle tore down that old barn and we built a bonfire out of that wood?” Grace reminisced.

“What were we drinking that night?” Bella’s face lit up. Her foggy memories of that night came back to her slowly.

“Turpentine I think,” Grace laughed. “God, I don’t know why I’m remembering that night.” They looked at each other in confusion. “We had stuff to eat, and threw things in the fire…What else did we do?” Slowly the smile vanished from Grace’s face. “Anyway, that was in the past.”

“I can’t… What happened that night?”

“Nothing, it’s just an old memory.”

“That meant a lot to you. I want to…” The night came into focus for Bella. “Oh Grace,” she whispered.

“It’s nothing.”

“It’s NOT nothing,” Bella said, grabbing Grace’s hands, and rubbing her thumbs on the back of them. “That was a beautiful night, but… why that night?”

“It was when I knew I loved you,” Grace poured herself a fourth glass. Bella eased her hands out of Grace’s and sat back in her chair.

“I think we both know why I’m here,” Bella said.

Grace couldn’t look at Bella. “I know. I heard about it from your aunt. She likes throwing it in my face every time I see her.” Grace downed the fourth glass. “It’s quite a family you have.” The comment embarrassed Bella since she knew how both her mother and aunt could be. “I still wonder if you weren’t adopted.”

“I wonder too,” Bella said. “It’s happening the 8th of April, and I wanted you to be there to hel—”

“You really want me at your wedding? You once told me that you couldn’t imagine your life without me… That I was the only person that you could love. And you want me to watch you commit your life to someone else while I sit there?” Grace poured a fifth glass then gulped it down like the previous ones.

“Why…” Bella took a deep dry swallow, “Why do you do this to yourself?” She said, gesturing at the liquor. “Don’t you know it hurts me to see you like this. I know what’s going on, and how this has become your life. I’ve heard stories…”

Grace closed her eyes. A wicked, fragile grin soon formed on her face. She dipped her head toward her chest as her long blond locks fell over her face. Whimpering, she raised her head with sad and defeated eyes; her face trembled as tears flowed down.

“Why are you here? Do you need my permission to get married?” Grace said.

“No, you were so important to me in my life—”

Grace jumped to her feet yelling, “If I was so damn important to you, then why in the Hell did you not stand up for me? Why didn’t you fight for us? You rejected me and our love in just mere seconds when your mother told you to stop this ‘perverted’ life.”

“You don’t know the whole story; I didn’t know what to do—”

“You tell your mother to stay out of your life!” Grace barked.

Grace collapsed back into her chair. She cried into her hands as Bella cried into her own. For Grace, it was five years ago all over again. She felt sick. The churning she felt in her stomach was the same. This pain never healed, and seeing Bella again ripped at her heart.

“I’ll tell you why I’m here, Grace,” Bella said after she took several deep breaths and wiped the remaining tears from her face. “I have a serious favor to ask of you… If I were to ask you to save me, would you? Because that’s why I’m here.”

“Are you here for me or for yourself?” Grace asked. “If you’re here for me, then yes, I’ll save you. But if you’re here because you can’t stand up to your mother, then no, I won’t save you.”

Grace grabbed Bella’s hand and locked their fingers together. “I want you to know, I never stopped loving you. I should hate you. You betrayed me and hurt me so badly, and I’ve tried to hate you, but I can’t. So, I need to know, are you here for me or for yourself?” Grace eased her hand away from Bella’s. She knew the answer before Bella could even speak.

“I don’t know,” Bella whimpered.

Tears welled in Grace’s eyes, “I think that you need to leave.”

Bella didn’t say a word. She couldn’t look at Grace as she walked out. Grace slammed the door like she wanted to when Bella first appeared. She crumpled to the floor as the tears rolled down her face. Bella only needed to say that she wanted her back, but she couldn’t or wouldn’t; either way Grace knew that Bella didn’t have the power to stand up for herself. She sat there crying, agonizing over old wounds that she thought were healed.