MAMA KNOWS
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Dear Mama, My parents just put me through college and I'm about to graduate. I would like to travel but they want me to get a job. Please tell me what do I do? – Wanting to Travel Dear Wanting to Travel, Pobrecito! They should give you a good kick to the borrico! Now go to work! – Mama Dear Mama, I'm turning 40 next week and I still have not been able to find a husband. Do you have any suggestions for me? – Needing a Husband Dear Needing a Husband, 40!!! I would say at this point get a nice dog. You are too old now and you won't get the cream of the crop. At this age a man is either married, has a girlfriend or both! – Mama
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CIGAR CITY MAGAZINE
Dear Mama, I just bought a goldfish for my son and we want to know with your wisdom what should we call it? – Pet Lover Dear Pet Lover, Who the hell cares? What does a goldfish need a name for? They have no sense, and you can't call it and make it sit or fetch. – Mama Dear Mama, When a man has a lot of girlfriends they call him a stud but what do you call a woman with a lot of boyfriends? – Wondering Dear Wondering A puta. – Mama Dear Mama, My husband burps a lot. What do I do? – Over my Husband Dear Over my Husband, Well, of course, if he doesn't burp he's going to explode. I would let him explode. – Mama Dear Mama, I'm really worried about the flu season. They say it's getting really bad. Should I wear a mask to go out in public? – Worried Dear Worried A mask? Que eso? When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, I'll say your stupidity. – Mama