Family may confront tragedy in different ways

When one of you has been able to come to terms with the tragedy of a young sudden cardiac death and the other (parent/partner/sibling/friend) has not – and it seems cannot – it can cause a heavy burden of anxiety creating a depression which becomes difficult to resolve.

If the person that is closest to you seems unable to cope with the massive weight of the loss of a young and apparently fit sibling, child, partner or friend, it is hard to know how to lift them out of their conviction that the future could never offer happiness again.

Whether it is from family or friend, if your bond is close you might automatically assume that the way the other feels will be emotionally similar to your own. And with many it will be so. But it is unlikely it will stay so.

Emotions are invariably erratic. The response from some that are struggling desperately could be a complete physical collapse. Others endeavour to absorb the impact of the terrible tragedy mentally, concealing their true feelings. Though this apparently might seem successful in the short term, it can ultimately also drag them under immense physical pressure resulting in a breakdown.

It is unlikely you will both come to terms with the shattering impact at the same time. Suffering such a totally unpredictable tragedy is life changing. It is most likely that although you can physically walk and talk naturally together, your mindsets will be in chaos for some time. Expressing your feelings is crucially important. Not casually but cautiously. When something is said, watch the response on the other’s face. Don’t block the tears if they need to come.

Never despair. Support can be found in the most extraordinary places and from the least expected.

I will never forget the devastated father whose wife had suddenly died falling on the kitchen floor in front of her 2-year-old child. One day she noticed her father was crying and she asked him if it was because mummy had died. When he confirmed it was so she told him not to worry because she would look after him.

By Alison Cox MBE, founder of CRY

CRY has a series of booklets which contain personal stories from bereaved mums, dads, siblings, partners and friends. We have also developed two additional booklets, on the Christmas period and on anniversaries following a young sudden cardiac death. You can order any of these booklets for free or read them online at c-r-y.org.uk/support-resources

For more information about the support CRY can offer to families after the tragedy of a young sudden cardiac death, or after a young person has been diagnosed with a cardiac condition, you can go to c-r-y.org.uk/support, or contact CRY on 01737 363222, or cry@c-r-y.org.uk