M essage f rom t h e
HEADMASTER ‘It’s Not Their Job to Be Grateful… It’s Our Job to Be Good Parents’
I
n so many ways, I love that phrase — primarily, I suppose, because it reminds me that parenting truly is a job. In fact, it has long been argued that, of
all the jobs that one could have, being a parent is one of, if not the most, difficult of all. Unlike most jobs, there’s rarely, if ever, the chance for a performance review, a pat on the back, or a promotion. Nevertheless, as with all jobs, our success at parenting will be measured by our commitment to the task. That task can either be taken seriously — or not. Performed well — or not. Be about the job at hand — or be about “us” instead. If our hope and aspiration in parenting is to receive accolades and gratefulness from our children, we are likely to do an ineffective job with (and for) those very children. If we
Children, whether in Kindergarten, hoping
recognizing, let alone truly appreciating, all that
go into parenting expecting to be appreciated
for a piece of candy at the supermarket check-
and thanked, we risk being disappointed again
out, or a Senior in the Upper School, pushing
their parents do for them.
and again — and again. More often than not,
hard to have no curfew, aren’t usually capable
had children of our own that we finally began
doing the right thing by and for our children
of understanding the long-term messages that
to appreciate fully all that our parents did for
Actually, for most of us, it wasn’t until we
is more likely to be met with
are the stock-and-trade of good
us. Perhaps, in lieu of of gratitude, we can be
disappointment and anger
parenting. What they want,
comfortable in the swift and certain knowledge
they want NOW! And anyone
that when our children, in turn, are parents of
or anything that presents
their own, it will be “payback” time.
on our children’s part than by gratefulness and glee. The reason for this is that
Our success at parenting will be measured by our commitment to the task.
children tend to live in the present, while good parenting deals, almost exclusively, with the future. Good parents know
an obstacle to that instant gratification is more likely to be
met with scorn than with gratitude. Don’t look for a “thank-you” in those
(or should know) that their job is to teach the
moments. Grit your teeth and be comfortable
invaluable lessons of honesty, responsibility,
in knowing that you’re doing the right thing for
accountability, resourcefulness, and selflessness
your child — just as your parents did the right
that are several of the key traits found in many/
thing for you. As was no doubt true of us when
most successful and fulfilled people.
we were young, children are rarely capable of
Thomas W. Philip
www. br u nsw i cksc h oo l . org
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