Why Women Are Better

Isuppose of all the Texas beaches, I would have to say Port A is my favorite. The moment we drive off the ferry and make a mad dash to the Back Porch Bar, my forever first stop upon arrival, the feeling is pure excitement.

A few beers later, the drive to my dive hotel/bar right on the beach at the south end, the Port A

Beach Lodge, causes a different sensation—that of calm and a clear understanding of why this is my favorite beach. Sure, the water might be prettier on South Padre, but the atmosphere there is just too commercial for me. While Port A does have a few hotels and high rises, they are easily avoidable. In most places, it still feels like a small village.

One of my favorite, and little known, spots on the island is the tiny Chapel On The Dunes, the oldest functional consecrated church on

Mustang Island. It was built in 1937-38 by Aline

B. Carter, someone most of us would consider a “Renaissance woman.” She was an artist, an astronomer, a writer, and the poet laureate of

Texas from 1947 to 1949. She built the chapel partly for religious purposes of course, but it is better known today for its history as a teaching spot. Each week, when Sunday School let out, she would invite the local kids to gather at the chapel for cake and ice cream socials. She used that time to share with them her knowledge of art, literature and the natural world around them.

Personally, I find the chapel fascinating because it is an enigma. First, it is so out-of-place here at the top of the highest dune on the island, right on the beach. In spite of its precarious location, it still stands, through countless hurricanes and 94 years of dune erosion. How is that even possible?

Then, even more intriguing is the question, why a chapel at all? If I were building something on top of that dune, right on the beach, you can bet it would be designed as a place where I could lounge around and enjoy a few margaritas while taking in the spectacular view. I’d have an area open to the sunshine for times when I wanted to bask and tan and a covered section for times when I didn’t. Perhaps it would be an open pagoda or maybe even a small building with glass walls and a broad, uncovered front porch. Her chapel has a couple of small windows, but clearly, the phenomenal view here was not a part of her design consideration.

None of it makes sense to me. While I have to admit that the little building perched atop the dune is beautiful, especially when viewed from the land side, it just seems like a bizarre use of such a magnificent location. Clearly, she and I have different values when it comes to building design.

It is possible, however, that this disagreement between Ms. Carter and myself might be about more than just architecture. I continue to be bothered by the thought that our different ideas for the use of that beautiful site might be a sign of something far bigger than just the usual variations of opinion between any two Individuals. Perhaps it could have something to do with the differences between men and women in general.

It is hard to even begin to enumerate the ways in which the sexes are different. The list is endless but I think some of the differences are trivial and don’t really matter all that much in the big picture. Others are more substantial and have a significant effect on our lives. Some of the easiest differences to spot are also the least important: body size, strength and maybe the most puzzling, whether one, like most women, is born with the shopping gene, or like most men, the one that lets us go to public bathrooms alone and find our way back out in a reasonable amount of time. While these differences are recognized by everyone, they are inconsequential. I think there are others that are much more meaningful.

Among the most substantial contrasts that I’ve noticed is the ways in which we interact with each other and how we choose our friends. I’ve discussed in previous articles the differences between men and women in speech codes—the ways we talk to each other. Man codes cause certain topics to remain unaddressed while women can discuss just about anything and often are comfortable interrupting each other’s statements with brief interjections of support for the speaker’s ideas. Men, on the other hand, let the speaker finish, hesitate a moment and then respond or not, based on whether the topic is deemed discussable according to the man code. But speech codes are only one of the differences in our interaction styles. There is more to relationships than just talking. I think the variation in the ways we first choose, then interact, with friends and acquaintances goes way beyond just the observance of the speech codes. When men meet someone new, we tend to concentrate on that person’s better qualities.

We watch, listen, study and occasionally probe lightly to be able to identify those things we find admirable in some way.

Then we begin the judgment phase almost immediately. If, after careful consideration, we determine that person to be unworthy, we exit the relationship. It is a cold, calculated move, and it is final. We seldom give a second thought to that person after the decision is made.

Women, on the other hand, tend to concentrate more on the whole person, perhaps with particular emphasis on weaknesses or shortcomings. This alternative approach seems to elicit a sense of sympathy in them, something men are less likely to show, and it gives women the ability to work on a relationship, to build it and to improve on it in hopes of making it work and adding a new friend in the future. It is a warm and dedicated effort.

It seems to me that studying these differences just might tell us something about quality—how we see it, how we use it, and maybe even how to use it to measure our own worth. While men are always looking for quality in others and measuring them by it, women are less judgmental and are willing to work on a relationship a man would walk away from. In essence, men judge quality; women work to create it. I can’t help but think that makes women better human beings than men.

And maybe that’s why I would build my party pagoda on that dune and Aline Carter built a chapel.

By Michael Gos