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issue 02 2012

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contents

5 6

Editorial Prez Sez

Soundwave: The best festival on the Earth

AuSM AuSM Update AuSM looking strong despite VSM

Sports You can’t punt Punter on the cover:

Column Just not quite right

Agony Aunt

AuSM Week in photos

editor Nigel Moffiet nigel.moffiet@aut.ac.nz

16 18

Feature Fear thy foreigner A City Broken: A reflecion on the quake

Opinion Bastardisation or Evolution?

22 23 24 26

Entertainment Horoscopes Social Media highlights The Pigeon Fashion

Column Seeking Super Citizen Status

30 33

Reviews Spot The Difference

publisher

Student Profile

oh deer! Ceapum Kaushish

debate is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA) This publication is entitled to the full protection given by the Copyright Act 1994 (“the Act”) to the holders of the copyright, being AUCKLAND STUDENT MOVEMENT AT AUCKLAND UNIVERSITY OF TECHNOLOGY INCORPORATED (“AuSM”). Reproduction, storage or display of any part of this publication by any process, electronic or otherwise (except for the educational purposes specified in the Act) without express permission is a break of the copyright of the publisher and will be prosecuted accordingly. Inquiries seeking permission to reproduce should be addressed to AuSM.

disclaimer Material contained in this publication does not necessarily represent the views or opinions of AuSM, its advertisers, contributors, PMP Print or its subsidiaries.

CITY CAMPUS Hikuwai Plaza

NORTH SHORE CAMPUS Awataha Plaza

WEEK 2

5MAR - MON

FREE FEED + IPW WRESTLING 12PM SPACIES NIGHT VESBAR 6PM

7MAR - WED

GIANT GAMES ALLDAY FREE FEED 12PM COMEDY NIGHT VESBAR 7PM

9MAR - FRI

6MAR - TUE

PNC + FREE FEED 12PM VESBAR PUB QUIZ 6PM

WEEK 2

5MAR - MON

RED BULL ENERGY LOUNGE 11AM

6MAR - TUE

CARNIVAL DAY (FOOD, ENTERTAINMENT, GAMES) 11AM 2PM

MANUKAU CAMPUS Outside MB Building WEEK 2

5MAR - MON

CARNIVAL DAY (FOOD, ENTERTAINMENT, GAMES) 11AM

7MAR - WED MINI GOLF ALL DAY

FREE FEED & ZM ICE CREAM TRUCK 12PM

8MAR - THURS

THE O’WEEK CHALLENGE + FREE FEED 12PM LUGER BOA & BLACK RIVER DRIVE VESBAR W/ PANCHO BROTHERS 7.30PM

8MAR - THURS

IPW WRESTLING & FREE FEED 12PM

OFF THE WALL COVERS BAND & HAWAIIAN PARTY VESBAR 7PM TOUR OF CLEMENS VON WEDEMEYER EXHIBITION ST PAUL GALLERY (WM BUILDING) 1PM

The information on this timetable was correct at the time of printing but may be subject to change. All Vesbar events are strictly R18

KORA / LUGER BOA / SOLJAH / BLACK RIVER DRIVE / PNC / pancho brothers / STEVE WRIGLEY / JEREMY ElwOOD / NICK RADO / GUY CATER / DJ CXL / DJ INFAMY / OFF THE WALL / BITCHIN’ BINGO / IPW WRESTLING / BMX JAM / FOAM PARTY / JIMMY HILL BAND / RED BULL DJ SESSIONS / PUB QUIZ / MORE ...

Several weeks of free feeds, foam parties, a few beers, live wrestling, chuck in a gig by Luger Boa here and a gig by Kora there – Kia ora! Welcome to AUT University. I hope you are enjoying orientation. Now, what are you here for again? Of course, the cruel contrast: Very soon, you’ll be settling down and psyching up for nasty deadlines, stuffy lecture theatres, all-nighters and instant noodles – falling asleep only when your eyes are swollen shut. Welcome, also, to you international students. How are you getting your head around things? There are a few quirks, so I am told, about us Kiwis, aye? Maybe our funny accent was the first thing you noticed. And our morphed little version of the English language. Perhaps you even wondered what the heck a “free feed” entailed. I say this because I once asked some Canadian friends if they were “keen to go get a feed” – they laughed and asked if that meant they would be eating from a pig’s trough. And welcome to all you ‘mature’ students – those of you who skipped orientation to read the newspaper in your slippers whilst sipping Earl Grey from an old union mug that you inherited from “God knows where”. Finally, we’ve all had some time to reflect. Last year’s news events rushed by at such a pace it felt like I was breathing with my head held out the window of a speeding car. In this issue of debate we send our thoughts to the people of Christchurch, marking the one year anniversary of the February 22 quake; just a moment to reflect. It’s a simple gesture, but one that carries weight. The one year anniversary was always going to be a big media event and reignited opinions that coverage of the quake has reached saturation point. The anniversary wasn’t about dwelling or reliving the disaster through the repetition of nasty

editorial

Editorial

images, it was just an appropriate time to express solidarity. As you work hard rebuilding your city and your lives, we are thinking of you, Christchurch. We don’t want to get in your way and we’ll leave you to it, but call us if you need a hand. Two thousand and eleven also poured down with incredible world news. The year exploded to life in January after violent protests shook Tunisian dictator Zine El Abidine Ben Ali from power. The catalyst linking this wave of protest was linked to a 26-year-old street vendor named Mohamed Bouazizi who set himself on fire to protest against the indignities he faced on a daily basis. Political unrest soon followed throughout North Africa and the Middle East and the hurricane cycle of world events never ceased: there was the Occupy movement, unrest in the Euro zone, Bin Laden copped a bullet, a devastating Japan earthquake and tsunami, the Murdoch empire fell from grace, there was a fancy royal wedding, a rugby world cup… Phew! Let’s all take a breather. One issue you might now be reflecting on is whether to become a member of AuSM – AUT’s student association. This is the first year at AUT where student membership is voluntary, so it is up to you whether you want to join or not. AuSM is, however, the student body’s voice, so as more of you join, more voices are heard. And, of course, there’re the free benefits to go with that. Lastly, I would like to invite all inquisitive and creative minds to help us out at debate this year. If you are interested in writing articles, columns, comics, reviews and whatever else, please send an email to debate@aut.ac.nz with your details. This is your magazine so please feel free to be a part of it.

Nigel. 5

AuSM Student President

Hello everyone, I hope you all enjoyed the first week of orientation. It was really good last week to see a lot of students signing up as members of AuSM. Because of the Voluntary Student Movement (VSM) Bill that has now been passed by NZ Parliament, it is important to know that you are not automatically a member of AuSM as AUT student when you enrol. So please sign up now by filling out the membership form or visiting our webite

www.ausm.org.nz

and clicking ‘JOIN AuSM’. Members will be issued a sticker for their ID card which provides access to AuSM services. It is 100% FREE to join. AuSM has been contracted by AUT out of the compulsory student service levy to continue providing Advocacy, Legal information & representation, Media and Student job search services. AuSM provides extra services in addition to what AUT has contracted us to deliver. Some of these services & facilities are Clubs and Social sports, Events and orientation, Free feeds, Foodbank, Locker service, Mate rates (online discount directory), Free moving screening, AuSM Lodge in National Park, Vesbar etc etc.

AuSM’s bar, Vesbar has now been re-launched and because it is on the site of the university, it is now smoke free. It has been given a facelift and it really looks cosy now so enjoy all the gigs and the activities that are coming up soon. It was also really nice to be part of the activities like the Mini golf, photobooth fun, free feeds, BMX, Giant games etc etc that were run last week. It’s going to be an exciting year for clubs and societies so I also encourage existing affiliated clubs and societies to be applying for grants from AuSM as usual to run some of their activities. If you are part of an external or an internal group and you want to be recognised by AuSM, please come and talk to us. Also, if you are an AUT student and you want to set up a new club to provide other unique services, please come and talk to us as well and let’s see what you’ve got. This week, AuSM will be rolling out fantastic activities like the Free feeds, Red bull sessions, Carnival day, O’Week Challenge, Comedy night w/ Steve Wringley, Jeremy Elwood & Nick Rado ect ect. For more information, please go to the AuSM office at any of the three campuses or visit our website: www.ausm.org.nz Have a great week and I look forward to seeing you all!

Soundwave Festival, Brisbane 2012

Established in 2004, as Gravity Soundwave, Soundwave Festival has fast become one of the most exciting and fasted growing alternative music festivals in the world. In 2012, 92 international bands

featured across a total of eleven stages, making this year’s Soundwave the biggest yet. Co-headlined by heavy metal heavyweights System of a Down and Slipknot, my expectations for this year’s festival were extremely high, even with this being my third Soundwave. Even arriving at Brisbane Airport, my brother and I were lucky enough to land at the same time as two flights from Los Angeles. We ended up meeting Coal Chamber, Limp Bizkit and Steel Panther, so we were stoked! We arrived early at the RNA Showgrounds to beat the crowds and made our way straight to the metal stages to catch some of the earlier bands of the day. First up is metalcore band Chimaira. Headed by lead singer Mark Hunter, Chimaira launch into a solid performance, a little heavy on the keyboards, but the solid blast beats and break downs more than make up for it. After Chimaira, it’s time to leave the metal stage and head to the main arena, to wait in anticipation for one of my favourite bands on this remarkable bill, Steel Panther . Hailing from L.A., specifically the Sunset Strip, Steel Panther have been rocking crowds in L.A. since 2000 and released their debut album, Feel The Steel in 2009 and sophomore album Balls Out. Their exaggerated personas imbibe and parody the classic 1980s glam metal style. My expectations for Panther were very high, and I was not disappointed. Belting out hits from both albums, Community Property, Just Like Tiger Woods and Death to all but Metal, Steel Panther had the 8,000-plus-strong crowd singing their lungs out during the set. You can tell that Steel Panther are truly excited to be here, and even ask the crowd: “Who’s downloaded our album illegally? Put your hand’s up. If you haven’t, do it!”

The problem with so many amazing bands playing a festival of this size is that you end up feeling like a pinball ball bouncing between all the different stages. So it was back to the metal stages to catch Heavy Metal super group, Hellyeah. Made up of Chad Gray and Greg Tribbet from Mudvayne, Nothingface guitarist Tom Maxwell, Damageplan bassist Bobzilla, and former Pantera/Damageplan drummer Vinnie Paul, Hellyeah are the ultimate metal party band. They are a truly unstoppable force, cranking through an intense although short set of only 30 minutes, I still feel like I have gotten my money’s worth. Shadows Fall from Boston, Massachusetts, are up next. Fronted by their heavily dreadlocked vocalist Briar Fair, they open with The Power of I and I. Although the crowd is small, they manage to produce one of the most entertaining circle pits of the day. Frontman Fair’s head looks like an angry octopus with his ankle length dreads flying everywhere during the set. He also lends some important advice to budding musicians: “Never forget to bring your own guitars to a festival or you’ll end up with fuckin’ bananas on either side of the stage. We borrowed ‘em from Steel Panther!” Formed in London in 1992, alternative rock band Bush take the main stage at 3.20pm, after a ten year hiatus. Gavin Rossdale and band play a range of hits from their extensive back catalogue, including Everything Zen, Come Down and a performance of crowd favourite Glycerine, featuring Rossdale solo

on the electric guitar. My favourite moment of the performance however, would be the electrifying cover of The Beatles Come Together, where Gavin leaves the stage and performs at the barrier amongst all his adoring fans. It’s great to have these boys back together. One of the more controversial bands on the bill are new metal kings Limp Bizkit. It has been eleven years since they last performed in Australia, since the death of Jessica Michalik, who died of asphyxiation during their 2001 Sydney, Big Day Out performance. Fred Durst & Co. pays tribute to Jessica half way through their set by revealing a giant pink banner bearing her name, which is extremely well received by the stadium full of people in attendance. This does not appear to be forced sentiment; it’s real, and it’s an extremely touching moment. Limp Bizkit perform a very entertaining and powerful set full of old-school hits and Fred even jumps into the crowd during the set to get close to his fans. Finishing up with their biggest hit Break Stuff, it is evident to all in attendance that the Bizkit are back! One of the acts that I was most looking forward to seeing at Soundwave proved to be the most disappointing. Marilyn Manson, was an absolute shambles. The self-proclaimed “God of F**K” was high off his face by his own account, claiming that he was “high on narcotics” throughout the show. His halfassed, diva like performance included low points of throwing his microphone to the ground after every song, face planting on the stage after tripping in his platform boots and tossing bags of ‘narcotics’ into the crowd left everyone feeling very dissatisfied with Manson. Iowa natives, Slipknot are the most ferocious and intense band on the planet. This behemoth of a band is on a path to pay tribute to their fallen brother, bassist Paul Gray, who tragically passed away in May, 2010. Slipknot provide the type of ‘greatest hits’ set that dreams are made of. Filled with flaming pyrotechnics, a stage diving DJ and hydraulic rising drum kits, Slipknot are on top of their game.

They open with the ominous opening audio from their debut album and go straight into (sic), followed by Eyeless and Wait and Bleed. All albums are well represented during their 80 minute set, including Duality, in which DJ Sid Wilson proceeds to scale the lighting tower to dive into the crowd. This is one of the best times I have ever seen Slipknot play. Frontman Corey Taylor assures the crowd that Slipknot will be back, stating “All of you have always stood by us, and Slipknot will always stand by you”. Maggots around the world are thanking you Corey. System of A Down close the main stage with a healthy dose of alternative metal to the packed main arena. Opening with the electrifying Prison Song, System provide a substantial 28 song setlist, but as I just saw them at Trusts Stadium the Wednesday prior, I’m off to check out Virginian metallers Lamb of God. On stage, Lamb of God frontman Randy Blythe can only best be described as a rabid dog stalking his pray with the way he paces and runs back and forth throughout their set. Opening with Desolation from the new album Resolution and blasting into stand out tracks, Walk with me in Hell, Set to Fail and ruin, L.O.G have the crowd eating from their hands. Although the set is cut short, they power on with standard closing tracks Redneck and Black Label, complete with circle pits and walls of death, Lamb of God are intense. Soundwave Festival is definitely the best festival in the Southern Hemisphere, and easily one of the best in the world.

If you like your music heavy, you need to save the cash to attend. You will not be sorry. After three Soundwaves (2010, 2011 and 2012) I am already saving for Soundwave 2013. I might just see you there.

Carl Ewen

Orientation keeps going and going…

Who said O’week has to be only one week? We are still bringing you heaps of entertainment, and free stuff for two more weeks! Don’t miss out on tickets to our big gigs Kora and Luger Boa – you can get tickets at the AuSM City Office, just five bucks for AuSM members.

AuSM Membership

We have heaps of students signing up for their free AuSM membership, if you haven’t already you can sign up at www.ausm.org.nz for free. Once you’ve signed up, come along to an AuSM office and get a sticker on your AUT ID. It gives you access to AuSM extras such as movie screenings, Free Feeds, lockers and cheap gig tix.

Say goodbye

This week AuSM says goodbye & good luck to our wonderful designer Deanne who designs debate every week, our posters and everything in between. We will miss you!

… and hello

To Ceapum, our new designer, Nigel, our new publications co-ordinator, Mel, on reception and Deanna, our new volunteer and clubs co-ordinator! Great to have you all as part of the team!

Work with Us

We are looking for volunteers who want work experience in design, events, marketing, magazines and more. Email Deanna to find out more and let us know what you’re into: deanna.berry@aut.ac.nz

AuSM! Looking strong despite VSM Nigel Moffiet A large number of AUT students say they are still signing up as members of AuSM, AUT’s student movement, despite the Government’s voluntary membership bill which came into effect on January 1st this year, making student union membership voluntary. AuSM President, Kizito Essuman, says the passing of the Voluntary Student Membership (VSM) bill means there are nervous times ahead for the future of student movements throughout New Zealand. “It has thrown a lot of challenges not just to AuSM but to all tertiary institutions. We need to cut down so many things and try to lobby and negotiate with our institutions to contract us so we can still provide the key services and facilities. “What’s under threat now are sporting activities, clubs and societies which are the backbone of our organisation.” First year engineering student Paulo Once, 17, says he joined up to AuSM straight away and believes that student membership should be voluntary.

“It’s absolutely free to join. It’s a good way to have more fun and be more sociable when it comes to events, free gigs and activities.”

“I’ve already joined AuSM because I wanted to find out about free screenings and events and other benefits.” Mathematical sciences student Zoe Warena, 18, agrees membership should be compulsory. “I’d say it would be better if everyone was automatically a member due to the benefits they would receive. “They offer good services and it’s free to join,” she says.

American engineering student Austin Brashears, 20, says he also joined up to AuSM due to its free services. He says having voluntary student membership enables students to think more carefully about why they might be joining such an organisation. “I like the idea that people who are more interested get more involved where as if it’s compulsory, it’s just something you join without really thinking about it. “In American universities there’s not really a separate entity which represents the students. Usually if events are on, you just need to have your student ID.” Essuman says he encourages students to join AuSM in order to get more active within the student community. “It’s absolutely free to join. It’s a good way to have more fun and be more sociable when it comes to events, free gigs and activities.”

The bill was originally passed in September 2011 after a proposal by ACT MP Heather Roy. New Zealand University Students’ Association co-president Max Hardy was heavily critical of the bill saying it would cripple student service organisations throughout New Zealand. Student advocacy, representation, and media, are the key services that AuSM has been contracted to provide. All other benefits provided by AuSM are funded through sponsorships, advertising and reserve funds.

sports

Scott Moyes Let’s be fair; Ricky Ponting (Punter) isn’t the most popular man in the world of cricket. It’s not like he’s really

done anything wrong. He just doesn’t have the charm of someone like Daniel Vettori, nor do the Australians idolize him like the Indians do Sachin Tendulkar. All in all, he marches around like an angry ant with the hairiest forearms you have ever seen. But you can rest assured, Ricky Ponting is one of the greatest batsmen cricket has ever had the pleasure of beholding. That he was cut from the Australian One Day International squad is a joke. Should he have retired from International cricket altogether? Absolutely not. Though, who can blame him considering the crap he’s copped? Let’s go back to the first ever playerauction of the Indian Premier League in 2008. It was quite the occasion. The cashed up owners of the franchises got together to throw their money at the biggest names in world cricket. Ricky was valued at US$400,000. Not bad at all. Now consider that teammate David Hussey was worth US$625,000 and doesn’t even have a permanent place in the Australian side. Andrew Symonds was worth US$1.35 million; he later quit the game after drunken misdemeanours and racial slurs tarnished his name. Ricky Ponting on the other hand is the most prolific runscorer his country has ever seen, not

to mention the captain. It would seem there is a train of thought that Ponting in no longer the world-beater of years gone by and profile does not meet the criteria of limited-overs cricket. True, Ponting may not be a boundary bludgeoner, but his place in the Australian ODI side is still entirely justifiable. Look at Blackcaps batsmen, Kane Williamson. He was pushed down the order in their first T20 match against South Africa this year. His bigger-hitting comrades were deemed more valuable in his usual position of first-drop. As it happened, Williamson dug his team out of a hole, hitting 20 runs off just 5 deliveries. He did so with cleverly executed shots in the face of pressure. Naturally talented and experienced batsmen do not need brute force to accumulate runs quickly and Ricky Ponting is one such player. I haven’t even mentioned his excellence as a fieldsman. Never under-estimate the wealth of runs a good fieldsman will save you. Though it would seem there is a bigger issue at hand. The answer is form. Ponting is no longer the clinical batsmen that saw him deconstruct bowling attacks with the ease of picking a daisy. There is much truth in this statement. At 37 years of age, Ponting is far from the assassin in his prime. Though consider this: Australia have chosen to drop a man with 30 One Day International centuries to his

name. This is over double what the entire Blackcaps team has combined. I find it quite staggering to tell you the truth. Form comes and goes, but class is permanent and Ricky Ponting has bathed in it his entire career. But if it’s form you want to discuss, shall we start with the double century he made against India in the most recent test match he played? The divorce from Ricky Ponting has been slow and torturous. The final nails in the coffin came when he relinquished the captaincy of the Australian cricket team. No longer in charge of field plans or bowling attacks, he is now being judged on batting performance alone, which has been deemed sub-standard. To be fair, the transition to Michael Clarke has been smooth and fairly fruitful; Clarke is a proven winner and an exceptional batsmen. However, it’s an extremely big call to go without the vast experience of Ponting. The side has lost a lot of experience as it is in recent years with the retirements of Glenn McGrath, Matthew Hayden, Shane Warne and Adam Gilchrist. It just seems disappointing that a player of his caliber was not allowed to go out on his own terms. Couldn’t he have got the tap on the shoulder from the selectors to say his time is coming to an end? And one last thing. Martin Guptill. What a legend!

When you think of the words ‘summer holiday’, most normal people would conjure up pictures of the beach, some form of beach sport, ice cream, surfing, and other exciting non-uni related activities. I am one of those people. So when they rolled around last year after exams, needless to say I was super excited. No more early starts. No more papers or assignments. No more studying or sitting in lectures. Just sleep-ins, lying on the beach and doing nothing. This did not end up happening – to my great disappointment.

plebeians, this is not so. So to have my holiday start off with a million hours of work, hearing far too many women complain about flabby arms (I recommend push-ups) and ugly knees (wear stockings), things got pretty average.

One thing most uni students tend to forget about when thinking of our glorious summer break is summer jobs. Especially when one works in retail and it’s leading up to Christmas. Yeah, I can hear the groans from my fellows who know what I am talking about. There are always a lucky few who don’t have to work and can leech of the parental units, but for most of us

None-the-less all bad things do come to an end at some point. Work eventually slowed, allowing me a few precious days off – only to have me sitting inside with near fatal doses of cabin fever, clawing at the windows in a cooped-up frenzy and willing the rain to go the hell away down to the South Island where they had been having drought issues. To look at the positives, I had

This only made matters worse by the fact that New Market, despite being a big shopping area, had moments of extreme quietness. To add insult to injury, I was informed that this was because most people who shop there were at their million dollar holiday homes. Average.

rediscovered the joys of a skipping rope which I found hidden amongst my hordes of trash in the garage. Though, a bit of advice: don’t skip inside. Stuff gets broken and that upsets people. I also did a massive (though a bit late) spring clean, throwing out nearly three entire bags of clothing (though how I am still short of cupboard space even after that, I’m not sure). And I did go to Sydney for two weeks, which helped. We will ignore the fact that the moment I departed from Auckland, there was nearly two weeks of blissful sunshine, which was not present in the ‘ever-sunny Australia’. And to top off, my end of holiday joy is that I am getting braces. Although this is a self-inflicted torture, it is not ideal – luckily, it is not forever. Still, this entire situation sums up my holidays perfectly: Just Not Quite Right.

column

How do you get rid of ingrown hairs after waxing? This is a real problem for me. - hair trouble.

a sexually transmitted disease however sexual intercourse can irritate the vagina and cause a flare up of the condition. Symptoms include itchy sore vagina, pain Dear hair trouble urinating, a chalky vaginal discharge In grown hairs commonly occur after sometimes described as having waxing and are probably not the look the appearance or cottage cheese you are looking for. They are caused Dear Agony Aunt... is often present. Some women are by broken hairs that grow under the more susceptible than others and skin, leaving red unsightly lumps that can experience recurrent symptoms. sometimes become infected. To prevent this happening It is important to see a nurse or doctor to confirm the it is important to exfoliate the skin (rub the skin with diagnosis before treating yourself; it may be that your an exfoliator cloth or sponge) before waxing. A regular symptoms are caused by another infection or you may have routine of exfoliating and moisturizing will help remove more than one infection. Following a diagnosis the doctor dead skin cells that cause the hair to grow in the wrong will prescribe an antifungal cream and/or pessaries for you direction, and keep the skin soft and smooth. My advice to use. For women with recurrent symptoms, it may be is to see a beautician for your waxing to ensure good necessary to treat the infection over a longer period of time technique and exfoliate and moisturize as part of your and in some cases an oral medication may be considered. daily routine. If you still have a problem then you might To prevent thrush occurring avoid the use of perfumed have to learn to love your hairs. sprays, soaps, bubble baths and vaginal douches. Don’t wear tight clothing or underwear and wash regularly. Antibiotics can sometimes lead to thrush infection as they kill the helpful bacteria in the vagina, if this happens make I have had thrush about three times in the past six sure you treat yourself early – as soon as symptoms start. weeks. Why is this happening? Can I do anything Taking a warm salty bath can relieve symptoms of pain to stop it? and soreness, wear loose clothing and cotton underwear to - Why me prevent sweating. Some women use natural yoghurt on the vaginal area however there is not much scientific evidence Dear Why me to support this although it’s unlikely to do any harm. Vaginal thrush also known as candida is a common Although very annoying and uncomfortable, vaginal thrush problem for many women. It is caused by an is not a serious condition and will not affect your fertility overgrowth of yeast (candida) in the vagina. It is not or cause damage to your vagina.

With over 1500+ students predicted to participate in these Games, it is going to be epic. Wellington is going to be buzzing with students and sport!! If you are looking for a guaranteed student experience, sign up for a sport and join the AUT Titans Team! We want that prestigious shield back in our territory! Let’s go Titans. COST: To be confirmed. Iincludes 5 night’s accommodation, travel and transport while in Wellington, 3 days of sport competition, AUT Titans team wear, wicked opening ceremony at Wellington Zoo, Breakfast and lunches, Heaps of Friends! And loads of fun! SPORTS ON OFFER 2012 Basketball (Male and Female division) 20/20 Cricket (Male and Female division) Debating (Mixed) Football/Soccer (Male and Female division) Netball (Female only) 7’s Rugby (Male only)

Touch (Men’s and Mixed divisions) Ultimate Frisbee (Mixed division) Volleyball (Male and Female divisions) Badminton (Male and Female Team divisions) Lawn Bowls (Male, Female and/or mixed Teams)

To sign up your interest: Contact: Team Manager - Wes AUT Office: WB135 Email: whiggins@aut.ac.nz Mobile (Txt): 021801698 Phone: (09) 921 9358

WEEK! Pub Quiz Bitchin Bingo Vesbar Re-Launch Party

Fear thy foreigner?

Jarred Williamson

Over the past few weeks I have been looking into the issue of selling land and assets to overseas investors or ‘foreigners’. This issue has been given a fair bit of attention leading up to the 2011 election and so far in the current term of the government. Great work by the fourth estate in looking at the government’s policy pledges, then critiquing and reporting on them, but what I uncovered was very interesting. What I found was that the media have not been as balanced toward this issue as they should be in their portrayal and reporting on the sale of land to foreigners. The opposition parties have also been in a poor practice of “do as I say, but not as I do”. In an election result that saw National returning to government and opposition parties scrambling to ‘reinvent’ themselves and fulfill the role of opposition, the voters of New Zealand voted for National’s policy of partial asset sales and the “mixed ownership model”. Despite a schoolyard rebuttal from the opposition that there is no mandate, I look to the government and I do not see Phil Goff as Prime Minister and the so-called patriotic policies of keeping everything State Owned. ‘Asset Sales’ was the biggest issue of the 2011 election, Labour formed a whole campaign against it and National campaigned on it. Now, in the 50th Parliament, we have our first big political issue – the Crafar Farm sale. The sale of these bankrupt farms has been a big issue since they were put up for sale. There have been various bids to buy the farms – from foreign dairy companies to Kiwi investor Michael Fay (who I point out changed his residency to Switzerland a few years ago) to recent Chinese investors Shanghai Pengxin. I am getting tired of the media and opposition simply portraying National as a government that is selling all of our land to China and that will eventually make us “tenants” in our own country. Clearly both Labour and the media need to take a look back to the previous administration.

There is a pattern of “do as I say, but not as I do” emerging here, remember in 2008 when Shania Twain bought a large South island high country estate? Our then Prime Minister Helen Clark celebrated the sale to the celebrity singer, flying out to the estate and posing for a photo opportunity. New Zealand was almost in a celebratory mode welcoming the Canadian to New Zealand. According to Land information Minister Maurice Williamson, no speeches were made in parliament to protest this sale. Nor did the media make it an issue or report on how much land had been sold under Labour. It seems like the New Zealand public has been ill informed. Another case of this dual world is supposed anti-asset sales MP and New Zealand First Leader Winston Peters. Under his role as Foreign Minister, in 2006 alone, 375,000 hectares Net was approved for sale to foreigners. This all left me very confused, as I had sat through hours of cries from Labour, NZ First and the Greens during the elections about selling off our land but in nine years they had sold so much to overseas investors and foreigners. The Crafar Farms are only 7,000 hectares in total.

‘Asset Sales’ was the biggest issue of the 2011 election, Labour formed a whole campaign against it and National campaigned on it. Now, in the 50th Parliament, we have our first big political issue – the Crafar Farm sale.

I find it interesting that in the nine years that Labour was in government under Helen Clark, that 660,000 hectares Net (Ownership transferred from a New Zealand entity to a foreigner) was approved. Yet, there were no dramatic figures presented in the media about the amount of land sold to foreigners under Labour, we did not have politicians crying in agony that our precious land was ever more being

owned by foreign countries. There were no passionate speeches to the public about how we were going to become tenants in our own land.

Now in 2012, it has been revealed that James Cameron intends on buying a large farm to live on in the Wairarapa district. This time though, I don’t think the American director will have that much of a warm welcome, with many people complaining about it as well as Labour MPs unhappy about the sale. Jealous perhaps? Or a wee bit hypocritical?

My issue with the contrast in coverage and reception by politicians and journalists is that now under National we have potential Chinese Investors willing to put hundreds of millions of dollars into rejuvenating the farms and injecting cash into the economy and many people have removed the welcome mat that was put out for so many other buyers from the USA, Canada, UK and Australia. The media have also failed to tell a balanced and fair story for Shanghai Pengxin. Simply saying the economic benefits were overstated, yet Shanghai Pengxin passed all the strict criteria in the Overseas Investment Act 2005. We have a bankrupt farm that

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is not producing for the New Zealand economy and we trod on investors wanting to change that. I don’t want to be hasty and dramatic pulling out the xenophobia and racism card, but there is something seriously wrong here and a serious failing by the media. I respect those that have a viewpoint and stick to it, I do not, however, respect those who find it necessary to make a big song and dance about patriotic ideas of “keeping it Kiwi” while their own party was happy to sign away a staggering amount of land, pose for photos, then in opposition play the other card. So before you think “gee, Labour, NZ First and the Greens seem to be sticking up for New Zealanders”. Think again.

Maori call for submissions to be heard in honouring Treaty Nigel Moffiet Around 200 written submissions are being considered by the Government

on the nature of a Treaty clause within asset sales legislation after a number of hui took place around the country in recent weeks.

Victoria University Law lecturer Carwyn Jones, who was at the Wellington hui, says there was a clear lack of Maori consultation on the issue and doesn’t meet the kind of standards that are set out in the United Nations Declaration on the Rights of Indigenous Peoples. Speaking on Radio New Zealand he says a number of people at the hui were concerned about the nature of the consultation process given the hui took place over a very short space of time and left little time for submissions to be written and collected. In total 10 hui were held throughout New Zealand regarding the Government’s proposal to partially privatise state owned energy companies Genesis Power, Meridian Energy, Might River Power and Solid Energy NZ Ltd. Jones says the Government is effectively “diluting its own ability to fulfil its Treaty obligations” through the partial sale of these state owned companies. He says the Government’s obligations are reflected in section nine of the State Owned Enterprises Act which states: “Nothing in this Act shall permit the

Crown to act in a manner that is inconsistent with the principles of the Treaty of Waitangi.” Paul Moon, professor of History at AUT’s Faculty of Māori Development, says from a purely philosophical point of view, the Government doesn’t need to honour the Treaty when considering asset sales legislation. “There’s no requirement in law that absolutely has to honour the Treaty, but by the same token it’s important that the Government does honour the Treaty because it’s the founding document of a system that we have in this country.” Once these state owned companies are taken out of the scope of the State Owned Enterprises Act in order to be partially privatised, Jones says the big question for Maori is “what, if any, provisions for Treaty principles might there be in new legislation which will govern those companies”. Finance Minister Bill English has told media that the Government does intend to provide provisions in the new asset sales legislation which will honour the principles of the Treaty once they go through all the submissions. However, Moon says actions speak louder than words. “Many governments say ‘we honour the Treaty’ but exactly how you honour it is the matter at hand.”

Matt Sampson grew up in the Christchurch suburb of Waltham but now studies hospitality management at AUT. He regularly returns to his hometown and has a strong connection to the city. He reďŹ‚ects on the February 22 earthquake.

February 22nd 2011. Just

another day for a Christchurch resident. Work around the rebuild continued following the destructive September earthquake. The aftershocks still shook the ground, rattling the windows, often enough to remind the residents what had happened, but mostly without much thought. The September memories were scary, but as time passed, people were healing. Normality was returning...

12.51pm. A slow, gentle rocking of the earth begins. At first it seems like just another oh so common aftershock. But it soon becomes clear itâ€™s more. People run, scream, and dive for cover. Buildings collapse, roads twist. In less than a minute the lives of many are changed. As time passes it becomes clear. This shake is a lot worse than that early September morning. Centred just 10km from the Central Business District, this quake is violent, and at a bad time, during the busy working day. In total 185 people are killed in the 6.3 aftershock, and many are injured. The Canterbury Television building takes the lives of over 100 people, with the other deaths being widespread throughout the Canterbury region. The lives of Cantabrians are changed forever. The days following the quake

are painful as it sinks in what has happened. The search for survivors continue, but as time passes hopes fades. The last survivor is pulled from the rubble of the Pyne Gould Corporation building 22 hours after the quake. A state of emergency has been declared. Aid from around the country is sent in and a cordon has been set up around the hard hit Central Business District, with access restricted to inspectors and search and rescue teams only. Foreign aid begins arriving. First from Australia, then from across the globe. Taiwan, the USA, even as far away as the UK. Business owners wait to see what they have left from their years of hard work and dedication. All they can do is hope, and help where possible. Aftershocks still plague the region.

A month on. Still the earth shakes, not

as frequent however. Still a nation reels, shocked at what has unfolded. Still the aid flows in. People helping wherever they can. The healing process is slowly beginning, but normality remains far, far away. Stories of heroism emerge, as do stories of tragedy. Many wives became widows. Many husbands widowers. The cleanup has begun. Inspectors do their job, thrown into a real life situation they had not hoped for. Buildings are stickered, suburbs are zoned. Buildings are demolished daily, whenever and wherever possible. The tallest building in the region, the Hotel Grand Chancellor tilts, dropping a metre on one side. Concrete is poured underneath, stabilising it until it is decided what can be done with it. The

constant quakes threaten. Occasionally a big shake occurs, causing a little more damage, bringing more of that liquefaction that one is so used to cleaning.

Time passes. More and more buildings

go. Some new ones emerge. A pathway is created allowing residents to visit the demolished Cathedral. The sounds of workers building and demolishing rings loud across the city. A container mall appears, replacing the closed Cashel Street mall. Work on the Hotel Grand Chancellor is slow, but steady. The first of the suburbs begin to be destroyed. People are closer than ever, supporting each other where necessary. Still they heal. Still the earth shakes, ten thousand aftershocks have now hit the region since that shaky start to another September day. The rebuild continues.

That leaves us here. A year on since

that deadly day. We shall not forget those who were lost. The 185 families who lost loved ones. The many thousands that were injured. The business owners who lost a lifetime of work. The residents who lost their homes. A year on. Still the rebuild continues, a slow, painful process. Just over 600 buildings have now been destroyed in the inner city. There are still 600 more to go. Aftershocks are still felt, all though not as violent or large. To this day, we still reel. But we rebuild.

I finish with the wise words pinned on the fence of the red zone I saw on a recent visit to Christchurch:

â€œA city broken- but it will mend A city fallenbut it will rise again People screaming, weeping in despairbut they will smile again For from all this devastation, destruction and despair This will come: A strong city A safe city A beautiful city A garden city.â€?

What is your memory of February 22 2011?

“I meet some friends down in Christchurch and I managed to leave Christchurch just before the earthquake. They told me about a lot of people who had lost their homes and how insurance companies were delaying helping people as there were so many houses that were torn up. My memory was that I was relieved because a lot of my friends weren’t really caught in it.” What words of support do you have for the residents and fellow students of Christchurch?

TJ Perea

23, Psychology, 3rd year

“Now, despite being known as the ‘shaky city’, I would like to encourage them not to give up on their studies.” How would you like to see Christchurch recover?

“We’re New Zealand, and we’re supposed to be banding with each other to help New Zealand grow as a country rather than see individual cities get better over the years. I think Auckland and Wellington should band up a lot more.”

What is your memory of February 22 2011?

“I was at school and I was really sad because I know some people in Christchurch. We had a school camp down there so I meet new people who live there and they were in my prayers when I heard what had happened.” What words of support do you have for the residents and fellow students of Christchurch?

“Work together, be strong and don’t lose your faith in God.” How would you like to see Christchurch recover?

Veronika Chavez

“I would like to see them working on the root causes of the problem, like improving the buildings that weren’t safe.”

17, Certificate in Business, 1st year

What is your memory of February 22 2011?

“I was pretty shocked. I heard someone from my high school had died. He was in the CCTV building.” What words of support do you have for the residents and fellow students of Christchurch?

“Good luck rebuilding. I hope it doesn’t happen to you again.”

How would you like to see Christchurch recover?

Maxi Quy

“I guess they could move the city into a safer area and make sure it’s earthquake proof this time.”

21, Postgraduate Design, 4th year

What is your memory of February 22 2011?

“I was watching the news and it was just shocking to see how many people were desperate for basic human needs like blankets and all sorts of things. It was also devastating to see all those buildings destroyed, like the Cathedral and all those monumental buildings. It was absolutely terrible.” What words of support do you have for the residents and fellow students of Christchurch?

“No I don’t, fortunately, but I felt enough that I actually had to donate at least $50 to be able to help.” Lauren Omand

18, Communications, 2nd year

How would you like to see Christchurch recover?

“Just keep going. Life is going to go on and there will always be people to help you out.”

What is your memory of February 22 2011?

“I was in a restaurant and I was watching it on TV as it came out as breaking news.” What words of support do you have for the residents and fellow students of Christchurch?

“Luckily at the time I didn’t have any friends down there. But this year I have a friend who just went down and she told us it was still a little shaky there, and I thought ‘oh shit’.” How would you like to see Christchurch recover?

“I do pray that they don’t get another big earthquake down there like last year.” Queenie Chiu

24, Applied Science, 3rd Year

opinion

Shakespeare was a heavy user of contractions, he is

even known for making up words as he saw fit. To add to it, the man had six different ways of signing his own name. Benjamin Franklin attempted to change the English language, suggesting that we change the alphabet. In fact, it wasn’t until long after English was born that language and methods of spelling – altering a phonetic world- were standardised; this began in the 16th century.

So wat dos dis haf 2 do wif anyfing U mite ask? A whole lot when it comes to the effect of texting on the English language. An issue that is hotly debated between linguists and language enthusiasts who are worried the death of the language is upon is. But it isn’t only the death of language that has everyone so concerned, it is the bastardisation of grammar and words as we know them. Most people can agree that sending texts in abbreviated form is not only faster, but also cheaper than writing a grammatically correct message that spans text page upon text page. The only problem here is, if you’ve ever received a text message from a teenage girl (or in some cases teenage boy) you’ll know that money and convenience aren’t at the top of the list; ever noticed the frustratingly excessive amounts of exclamation marks at the end of a sentence, or the space after a word and before the punctuation ? (See?). Each of these takes up more time and more money than typing it probably would. So, in the context of teenage girls, this argument seems redundant.

And honestly, the extra spaces seem to acquaint for stupidity, but is everyone that uses text speak stupid or illiterate? The English fanatics amongst us, that still believe we should be speaking in Iago style apostrophes (including myself) would like to say ‘yes’ with a standing ovation and roaring amounts of applause, but in every case it simply isn’t true. In fact, it’s argued by linguists (namely David Crystal) that the American Revolution had a greater and lasting effect on the language than texting ever would. It was during the Revolution years that ‘American English’ was created – another way of giving the middle finger to their English suppressors. Thus we have ‘color’ ‘theater’ ‘airplane’ and the ever frustrating dropping of ’s’ for ‘z’ among others.

Texting can in fact connotate that the user of text language has a rather impressive grasp of English. It has been said that in order to be able to abbreviate the English language, one must first be able to understand it. To further the benefits of speaking in text language, a British study showed that children who ‘texted’ scored better than those who didn’t wield so many abbreviations on reading and writing tests. The debate around whether texting is having a profound effect on the English language has raised issues that have been plaguing the English language since it was standardised. An example I will cite is Ammon Shea on the illogical way of spelling: the words “through”, “rough”, “dough”, “plough” and “trough” all in end with “ough”, yet none sound similar to the other. The English language, to say

the least, is illogical. So, perhaps texting isn’t the problem; perhaps it is the logical alternative to the Language we all speak. Then again, perhaps not. David Crystal (the linguist in this article’s spot light) says it makes young people better communicators, not worse (take note communication tutors next time you’re marking papers). The method of texting, emoticons (or pictograms), abbreviations, acronyms and contractions have been used right from the Ancient Egyptians through to current day journalistic short hand. Fact in point: aside from newest neologisms, such as ROFL, LMAO and LOL most, if not all, other abbreviations in texting have all been used been before. As it stands, it isn’t only texting that wants to revolutionise the language. The American language council suggests that the English language be changed to a phonetic system (the same people that say “airplane”). This is an easier way of spelling everything, but perhaps not so much when it comes to recognising the words. Imagine the next article you read written using phonetics: “fonetics”, “fone”, “trouff”, “lickor” or “akustik” being only a few examples. Although most of those words would be instantly recognisable to anyone who has ever sent a text message, more complicated words would not be such as a phonetic version of “supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.” Text language could be considered a perfectly valid evolution of the English language, much like biologists believe in the evolution of the human being – though even that is up for dispute. With that said, each side of the argument have their views, and linguists aside, I still hold mine. Nevertheless, I can’t escape the question: if Shakespeare used contractions, abbreviations and elisions and novel syntax, why can’t we?

Aries

Looks like sexy times are in your future. I say, go on and get those fetish heels you’ve been wanting for a long time - they may actually serve more use than as an awkward fashion accessory.

Taurus

You are a broke artist who has finally realised that simply saying “commissions open” isn’t gonna rake in the moola. A part-time job is the solution. It always has been.

Gemini

Stop trying to juggle more than one thing at a time! You look like a clown! Go and relieve your stress by punching a few pillows (or do whatever makes you feel better).

Cancer

Today, you are the problem solver. You know what to do. You tell those haters and slackers what is the biz-nasty. You are the one to solve problems.

Leo

Grrrraaaawr. Looks like the lion is lookin’ for a mate. Go out tonight, and show off your best catlike moves. You may pick up someone purrrrrfect for you.

Virgo

You may find yourself suddenly swamped by nosy relatives who just ‘happen’ to stop by. Keep cool - and try to hide that hideous mould-creature in the back of the fridge.

Libra

Your environment is changing. The world is changing. So now may be a good chance to change your clothes. You’ve been wearing your favourite sweater for too long.

Scorpio

Finally, that ‘learn-to-budget’ seminar has paid off! You can actually afford to live in your student flat! This is worth celebrating - but don’t break the bank.

Sagittarius

It’s time for fitness - of the body and heart. Get yourself out in those skimpy gym shorts and get a move on! Seriously, make some moves on that crush.

Capricon

You’ve finally finished one of your big projects. That glorious statue of yourself made from cheese string and old bus tickets is quite the artwork. Ebay it - you won’t regret it!

Aquarius

This week, everything you hope to do will be dashed to bits by some event out of your control. Don’t grovel over the tattered pieces. Use this chance to do something new! Like stitching!

Pisces

You will find yourself waking in the middle of the night - remembering you had that big assignment to do! Better put on that coffee pot, it’s gonna be a long night.

Face-fucking-book. We all use it.

I love it mainly for its entertainment value. Let’s be honest we all have those friends we keep just because they like to play out their lives in dramatic fashion on the interwebs. That’s ok. It’s acceptable these days. I went through my list of dramatic facebook friends and picked out a few common characteristics (just for you).

1. “Friends are forever. A good friend is someone who is always there for you.” Such an obvious hint

to that one person you’re unhappy with, who is probably oblivious to the fact that you are talking about them. However, keep going because it’s entertaining to watch you getting all heated with no response. 2. “What should I call my photo

album? huuummm I’ll call it 2012 but I’ll write it in words because that’s way cooler.” Enough said.

Yeah, right. We all know you just wrote that for a bit of attention, and because it’s secretly true. (Please do not be discouraged after reading this if you are the type of person that would make these posts. Just think there is probably one of your ‘friends’ somewhere who may be having a really shit day and they don’t have enough megabytes to watch the latest episode of the Kardashians; therefore, you fill that void.)

Twitter, on the other hand, is like

Facebook’s ugly but well groomed little sister. I use it mainly to laugh at celebrity rants. One celebrity that is entertaining on a daily basis is Rihanna. She has the same level of grammar etiquette as an eight year old from Tokoroa. It makes for brilliant entertainment. Share in this insightful wisdom I have plucked from Rihanna’s twitter feed :

3. I don’t live there anymore but I’m not changing my location. Period.

“London is cold AS FUCK!!!!!!!!”

4. “Omg just saw (name drop goes

Rihanna @rihanna

BTW: Bring the wheelchair OMG: Oy, my grandchildren! ROFL. CGU:

Rolling on the floor laughing. Can’t get up!

IMHO: Is my hearing-aid on? SUP:

Speak up, please

TGIF: Thank goodness it’s four (Four o’clock — Early Bird Special) FYI: For your indigestion TTYL: Talk to you louder DWI:

Driving while incontinent

here) .They look exactly the same in real life”. We’re all guilty of it.

“I be high, but my lows keep a nigga humble”

5. “(such and such) is at (such and such club) with 5 other people.” Way to make everyone else’s life feel boring.

Rihanna @rihanna “Life’s a bitch, but that’s the only love I know”

6. “God bless the Lord. God bless my family.” No thank you (clicks unsubscribe from but not unfriend because you don’t want to lose your stalker privileges).

Rihanna @rihanna

TALNINFTCW: Thanks a lot! Now I’ll never finish that crossword! GOML:

7. “I hate the new Facebook.

Rihanna @rihanna “#RedLipstick all on da papa...Lemme grab my d*ck while ya sit on top!” So, so much wisdom.

Zuckerberg ain’t going anywhere. Or you can go to Google plus but I doubt you’d have any friends.

And then this. It seems she is talking to Chirs Brown again. In fact they’ve made another song together. Enough said.

8. “I hate Justin Bieber.” The fact of the matter is he’s probably in the studio recording right now and you’re sitting behind a computer. How you like them apples.

Rihanna @rihanna “@chrisbrown Turn up the music remix #RihannaNavy #Teambreezy enjoy!!! vimeo.com/ mechanicaldumm…”

9. “Just graduated omg omg I’m

And I just spotted this:

Congratulations. Not to rain on your parade but Zuckerberg doesn’t have degree and neither did Steve Jobs. The symbolism is nice though. Well done.

Dara Adeeyo @DAdeeyo “I had to stop following Rihanna. Her tweets are too juvenile.”

Wahhh. I’m going to kill you Zuckerberg.” Embrace change because

educated. I’m part of real life.”

10. “I like to smell my own

“U gon’ learn today.....what a long dick look like”

media

Morgahna Godwin

TEXTING LINGO OF OLDIES

BYOT: Bring your own teeth MGAD: My grandson’s a doctor

Get off my lawn! WIWYA:

When I was your age....

Hear ye, hear ye. Now that’s wisdom.

farts”Comment “That was a frape.” wisdom taken from:

http://blog.ivman.com/

News that nobody else will cover ThePigeon.co.nz

Martin Guptill says cricket is too much of a cakewalk for him now, and warned that unless the sports governing body makes the game harder, he will be forced to take drastic action to prevent boredom. Guptill has made 499 in his last seven international innings, with six half-centuries, at an average of 99. He was also the top scorer in the HRV Cup.

In a series of angry tweets following his 78 not out against South Africa in the first Twenty20, Guptill bemoaned the ease with which he guided his team to a comfortable win, and called for “anti-me” laws, which would make the game more challenging for him. Among his suggestions were rules that would deem him out if a spectator catches one of his sixes, claiming “it would at least force me to find the gaps in the stands every time I nonchalantly lift a good ball into the crowd”, and a “six-and-out” rule, which would come into play when his mammoth hits, exceeding 125 metres, leave the stadium.

“For crying out loud! I’ve already chopped three of my own toes off, how much more of a headstart do you need?” New Zealand coach John Wright has backed Guptill’s demands for player-specific law reform, saying cricket risks losing Guptill unless it can find a way of keeping him interested. He also revealed the lengths the New Zealand coaching staff already go to, in order to appease the batsman. “I don’t think people understand how difficult it is to keep him motivated, in the kind of form that he’s in,” Wright said. “We’ve had to come up with unorthodox disincentives, so I’ve told him that if he gets out in the nets, a member of his family will be kidnapped. “It goes without saying, the hitmen I hired are still waiting for their first phone call.”

“Maybe I should also be forced to tow Jesse Ryder around when he gets injured, so that I might be slightly less of a catlike genius in the field,” he said. “Cricket’s so simple, I feel like I am the team at the moment,” Guptill said. “I’m almost tempted to just get out after a 50-run stand with Sideshow Rob so I can watch the rest of them mess it up against bowling I was pretty much playing with.”

Wright said he’d already threatened Guptill with having to go out on the town with Ryder if he failed to hit the stumps at fielding practice, and had even asked Tim Southee to put on his angry-boy routine during a characteristically awful spell in the hope that Guptill would cringe his way out of form. “I mean, I had to leave him out of a Twenty20 for no reason recently, just because I wanted someone down the order to have to earn their ridiculous wages. It’s been the only close game in the last three weeks.”

So frustrated had Guptill become with how good he has been at cricket recently that he toyed with the idea of playing left-handed, and reinventing himself as a fast bowler, just to make it a little tougher on himself.

Wright said the idea to create disincentives for Guptill was inspired by Barcelona football coach Pep Guardiola, who beheads a team-mate each time Lionel Messi goes scoreless in a match.

Disclaimer: The Pigeon is a satirical news site. None of the events reported, quotes or claims, are intended to cause constipation, heartache or incite sexually charged double entendres.

pigeon

News that nobody else will cover ThePigeon.co.nz

The Rena disaster has been labeled as the “worst maritime environmental disaster to hit the country” but officials are urging Kiwis to “see the bright side” as efforts are now underway to recover the Rena and have it back up and running as a NZ navy vessel.

NZ navy chief Rear Admiral Tony Parr says it’s a stroke of good fortune to be gaining another ship to the fleet in such a manner. “New Zealanders really should see this as blessing in disguise. “It’s a mark of our number eight wire attitude that we can look at a disaster like the Rena and say, ‘hey we can fix that,’” says Rear Admiral Parr. Insiders say since the Rena broke, engineers are also looking into equipping the two halves of the ship as separate artillery vessels. “We were delighted when the Rena split apart, as it opened up the possibility of adding two vessels to our fleet instead of just one,” Coleman said. But if the decision is made to stick the Rena together again as one vessel, Coleman is confident the Navy is capable of the task.

“I am told engineers will be looking to weld bow and stern back together again, a process that will also require a few thousand pop rivets and a few thousand litres of Gorilla Glue for all the fiddly bits. “She’ll be right,” says Coleman. Rear Admiral Tony Parr also said he was looking at acquiring the Costa Concordia for New Zealand’s next navy vessel. “If we could possibly get our hands on the Concordia, we could take New Zealand’s navy fleet to levels we’ve never reached before. “I’ve called dibs on it in repeated emails to the owners, but am yet to hear back. It’d be a great to just stick a few AKs on the front of that and call it a warship.” The New Zealand Navy had sought funding to glue several hundred bathtubs together in order to add a new vessel to their fleet before the stricken Rena presented itself as a possibility. “We’re obviously over the moon with getting the Rena,” Coleman said. “It’s already in much better condition than the HMNZS Canterbury, so imagine how good it will be when we fish it out of the ocean.”

Morgahna Godwin www.thisismorgs.com

Standing outside Mercedes Benz Fashion Week, in New York City, is beyond a dream. New Zealand Fashion

Week is exciting and I love it, but New York Fashion Week is on a totally different level.

The majority of men followed a well dressed hipster code, which consisted of a starched pants rolled to above the ankles and a plaid shirt with a reasonably fitted jacket. I have nothing but love for that style. The women were surprisingly dull. I thought being New York Fashion Week you would see copious amounts of colour. This was not the case. It seemed everyone wanted to play it safe with grey tones and blacks. However, that makes it al the more exciting when someone does take a risk. I ran after a few people like a crazed stalker asking to take their photo. What’s a girl to do? My entire fashion week experience was a little different to, say, a VIP front row magazine editor. I would even go as far as to say it was a little different to those seated in the fifth row. That was possibly because I wasn’t invited to the majority of shows I got in to. I may have been ‘ushered’ out of a few shows. But every time I found myself ruthlessly thrown out into cold I would meet someone insanely cool.

One such moment was at the second DKNY show. I somehow convinced one of the security personal that I was a legitimate foreign press reporter from New Zealand working for a ridiculously famous fashion blog. Famous can mean a lot of things and I guess in his mind that could have meant ‘viewed by hundreds of thousands of people’, but in my mind it meant ‘viewed by my nana 20 times a day’. Whatever. Anyway, I got backstage to hair and make-up and I was about to snap some pictures for my blog, when a second security guard came out of nowhere. He totally called me out on everything and politely asked me to “move with pace” to the exit. I thought it was wise to follow his instructions, because, let’s be honest, I didn’t want to be deported. After total deflation from being kicked out, I found myself standing next to Bill Cunningham. I cannot possibly explain to you how that felt except that I almost pee’d my pants. Bill is the father of street style photography. Anyone in fashion knows that he is one of the most respected people in the business. Even Anna Wintour (editor and chief of American Vogue) speaks about him like he is God, and she is one brutally honest biarch. I wanted to have a conversation with him, but to be honest, what are you meant to say to someone you admire that much without sounding like a stalker. I also got the feeling that he didn’t want to be bothered and just wanted to take photos. Thus, I didn’t approach him. However, when I was walking back to the apartment I found him walking to his bike. Why I know this is because I bumped into him. I was looking at my phone and he walked in front of me so I tried to swerve but failed miserably. I momentarily stopped (then realised who it was). I said sorry, he replied: “that’s ok, child.” My life is now complete.

SOME TIPS FOR THE TIME YOU GET A CHANCE TO GO TO FASHION WEEK! 1. Plan your outfits for each day. But be cohesive. It’s like you’re presenting your own collection to the public. 2. If you’re ordering Starbucks within a 2km radius of Lincoln Center (where the majority of FW events are held) they will assume you want low fat milk and no whipped cream. Wahh. Specify. 3. Be prepared to bullshit the pants off people. Hype yourself. 4. MAKE CONNECTIONS. Have amazing business cards! I’d definitely look twice at a strawberry scented business card. 5. If you’re taking street style photos, find shots that no one else has. Example: find another exit (mostly “show ponies” come out the front). Often the best outfits are seen in creepy lane ways while people are en route to a show. 6. Pack snacks. You will die if you do not have snacks and no one will care. They will walk right over your rotting corpse with their Louboutin’s on the way to the next show. Let’s face it, Alexander Wang is more important. 7. Take music. Nothing like a little Drizzy or The Black Keys to pump up the confidence levels. Having said that, don’t be an Ipod drone who acts socially oblivious to the world. Uncool fool. Uncool. 8. Get there EARLY! When I mean early I mean early like three hours early. If you don’t have the pleasure of being on Anna Wintour’s christmas card list, then getting there early is one of your greatest assets. Certain stage doors are open if you’re there early... 9. SMILE like you have just had more botox injections than Dolly Parton. People will find you approachable.

fashion

all images are ÂŠ M.Godwin 2012

I had one of those moments the other day

- one of those moments where you stop what you’re doing and you begin to experience overwhelming feelings of guilt over the very fact that you’re a human. For the purposes of this article, we’ll refer to such a moment as a MOPED (Moment Of Perceived Earthly Doom) MOPEDs are commonly brought on by TV reports on how Arctic ice is melting because of human-induced global warming, or by newspaper articles that detail the perils of the global food crisis. They’re often followed by feelings of fear and anxiety, which generally lead to increased heart rates and fragmented thoughts with the only distinguishable theme of said thoughts being “We’re screwed. We are so screwed.” (With ‘we’ in this instance referring to humanity.} Have you ever experienced one of these moments? Incase you don’t understand the sensation, here are some facts that should spur on a resonating, intense and highly depressing MOPED:

worldwide. But you know that you’re not a bad person. Thus at this point, you feel a gritty determination to challenge the modern way of living and thereby change and improve the planet and thus the lives of everything living on it. You’ll resolve to stop the deforestation in the Amazon, free every animal being needlessly detained for medical or cosmetic testing and shrink the wealth gap between the rich and poor. And then you’ll look at all those things you want to change about the world, and you’ll think “ugh.”“lolcry.” “fml.” and “I hate life.” because how does a single human like yourself even begin to attempt such a mammoth task? Well. I feel like at this point, you’ll be expecting me to come up with an answer. Let’s clear things up before things get awkward – I do not have one. All I’m giving you here, really and truly, is a coping strategy for when MOPEDs occur. It’s a coping strategy in the form of a column: becoming a Super Citizen. What’s a Super Citizen? Apart from being a phrase I made up, a Super Citizen is a person who cares about the planet we live on. They’re engaged in their community. They keep up with current events. They recycle their jam jars. They sign petitions. In short, through their everyday actions they genuinely try their hardest to be good people. I don’t know about you, but I’m definitely not a Super Citizen. I like to think I am, but then I step back and look at the shampoo I know uses animal testing, or I have a blazer shipped to New Zealand from the UK because it’s $40 cheaper than buying the exact same one down the road, and I’m not even close. So as cheesy as it sounds join me on my journey towards attempting to become a Super Citizen. As Charles Evans Hughes put it -

There. By now you should be feeling depressed, shocked, hopeless, guilty, or all of the above. That, my friend, is what we call a MOPED – a moment of perceived earthly doom. Once you begin to recover from your MOPED, you will experience a brief moment of optimistic resolve. You’ll feel angry and guilty that you, just by being a wealthy human, are inadvertently responsible for the degeneration of our planet and the suffering of millions of living things

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the track very catchy and strong.

Lana Del Rey – Born to Die (Deluxe Edition) RATING: BAmerican singer Lizzy Grant, a.k.a Lana Del Rey, a.k.a the self-proclaimed “gangsta Nancy Sinatra”, had already been labelled “the next big thing” and “overrated hype” before her album had been released. Now, with Del Rey’s debut Born to Die released to an anticipating audience of critics, she is set to try and make her music career last longer than her controversy. Her old film noir glam influences and selfdescribed Hollywood pop/ sadcore genre have brought something fresh and different, but her challenge will be whether Born to Die would give Lana Del Rey the credit to keep her elevated over the others in the charts. The first track, Born to Die, is introduced with an uplifting and theatrical romantic string group before a downbeat is played and Del Rey whispers, “What? Who me?” innocently. After this touch of old Hollywood sound, Del Rey’s deep crooning voice breaks in, dripping in melancholy. Del Rey’s vocals are backed by a string orchestra, accented with some attempt of hip hop influence as an (assumed) black man yells “alright” in the background. The overall effect of the song is something bridging between the dream-like and the dreary, but none the less, memorable. The following song, Off to the Races, changes the pace of the album with Del Rey’s voice the driving force as she sings about her odd relationship with her “old man”. When it reaches the pre-chorus, the tone and sound of Del Rey’s voice changes completely from mysterious and sultry, to a sickly sweet and higher pitched vocal. While it is nice to hear some contrast from what could have been a very monotone song, it is more irritating to listen to the chorus lyrics “scarlet starlet” being hiccupped in her baby voice. The accompanying beat, however, makes

The next couple of songs, Blue Jeans and Video Games, sound very relatable to the first track as Del Rey returns to her deeper toned voice and old-glam vibe. While Blue Jeans has too many production elements playing at the same time, Video Games is definitely her strongest track. Her moody toned voice with emotive lyrics like “they say that the world was built for two, only worth living if somebody is loving you” makes this lover’s angst song one of the more relatable on the album. After Video Games, the other songs pale in comparison as they nowhere reach the same sort of deep thinking, romanticised, or appropriately moody level. National Anthem would be a track that would have Occupy activists and old school feminists up in arms over Del Rey’s awkward white girl rapping, with Del Rey singing phrases such as “Money is the anthem of success” and “Ooh yeah baby bow down, making me so wow wow”. Overall, it is hard to say whether this is an outright good or bad album. The album needs to be listened to a few times, in order to get through the initial feelings of her dreary and seemingly monotone set of tracks. While there are a few strong songs, many weaker points are made worse through the overproduction. Also, while Lana Del Rey claims that she’s a “gangsta Nancy Sinatra”, the forced upon hip hop elements (the yelling black dude in the background, and attempts of ghetto lyrics) feel unnatural. So while the album may be different to any other sound on the current charts, it may not be different in the best way possible. Melissa Low

Ringo Starr Ringo 2012 RATING: B After the split of the Beatles, Ringo Starr’s music career has been flourishing. During 40 years of solo work, Ringo released more than a dozen records, participated in a few projects by fellow ex-Beatles and other notable musicians and toured around the world. Some say his music attempts are just a tiny glimpse of the Beatles’ genius, but nevertheless, not many artists can boast such longevity in the show biz. At the age of 71, Ringo has released Ringo 2012, his 17th studio record. Ringo 2012 is a collection of light songs full of Ringo’s genuine warmth and humour. It is also reminiscent of the swinging times of his youth and 70s tunes. Ringo’s inspiration definitely comes from the past and that adds plenty of nostalgia to the record. He even made a couple of covers on the songs from his previous albums. The record opens up with the upbeat Anthem; a song that celebrates peace and love, Ringo’s classical themes. Despite somewhat seriousness of the opener, throughout the album Ringo offers the elements of his usual repertoire – cheerfulness and tunes heavily influenced by the Beatles. Wonderful is a romantic song about Ringo’s wife, Barbara. The not so original melody means it’s not the greatest love song of all time. However, edgy guitars riffs make it more interesting. Also, the thing that stood out for me were the lyrics. They are about mature love and the feelings that made it through the years. It is a nice ode for the love of his life. The track In Liverpool follows which permeates nostalgia in every word and note. Ringo sings about the Fab 4, living their dream and just being foolish and young. It is so charming with all its naïve recollections of the past. For me it is the most memorable and lovely composition from this album.

Overall, Ringo 2012 is pleasant listening but lacking originality and frill. It will probably be of the most interest to fans of the Beatles and Ringo Starr in particular. Ksenia Khor

The Wall VECTOR ARENA

RATING: A+

reviews

Even though the record has a touch of timelessness with so many influences from the past and present, most of the songs sound just too painfully familiar. It just seems that despite the addition of modern synths and beats, Ringo’s mind is still wandering among his youthful memories. However, we can’t blame him for that.

Clooney. Gosling. Seymour-Hoffman. Tomei. The big cats were out to play in Hollywood’s latest presidential drama, The Ides of March. Popcorn handy and Frozen Coke laid to rest; the eyes in the audience were looking for something special. Something interesting. Something nonpolitically boring. This film, it seems, ticked all the boxes. As a campaigner in the American race for presidency, Stephen Meyers (Gosling) seemed to have the world The Ides of March at his feet. He was the man behind DUR: 101MINS. DIR: GEORGE CLOONEY. Governor Mike Morris’ (Clooney) spectacular running, and for a short RATING: B+ time, the lover of sexy intern Molly (Evan Rachel Wood). However, as with all great non-Jennifer Aniston/Adam Sandler films, the greatness came crashing down. Flattered by the overtures of the opposition, Stephen loses it all tragically, disgracefully, and, tackily, surrounded by journalists. The miracle of this film is that he also gets it all back, but also without a happy ending for any member of the cast. If you aren’t content with the above spoiler, you might enjoy some of the film techniques that made the movie a good one. Very little music set the scene silence is always the prime scene for a drama before its hiatus. Close facial shots showing an absence of Botox were enthralling and provided a closeness to the characters (this was a particularly good tactic in creating closeness towards Morris’ wife, which made his sexual indiscretions sickening later on). Small moments in the film left you with a feeling of suspense, which made up for the film’s initial predictability. The use of dull autumn colours and a slight change in accent, perfectly complemented Gosling’s 40s feel and gave a classic aura to the picture.

In 1979, Pink Floyd released the Overall, I believe this film is one that can be recommended - not a small feat in concept double album The Wall. Writthe midst of sci-fi blockbusters and irritating rom-coms. The acting is on the ten to serve as a metaphor for Roger nail and the characters are believable, sometimes evoking quite real emotion. Water’s contempt for playing live, The Definitely a watch for the discerning couple, The Ides of March is worth its ticket Wall tells the story of Pink, a man who price and keeps you thinking just a short while after. isolates himself behind a mental wall with bricks constructed of traumatic Danielle Whitburn memories. Subsequently brought to life on the big screen and a legendary tour, The Wall has become immortalised in modern music history. Three decades later, Mr Waters is taking his brainchild on the road again, this time with technology and effects that he could only have dreamed of in the early eighties. News of the spectacle’s planned trip to our very own Vector Arena had me giggling with excitement. Not only is Roger Waters an artist I never thought I would get the opportunity to see live, but The Wall tour? Tu meke! The concert was always going to be incomparable to anything I’ve been to. For those unfamiliar with the concert‘s premise, Waters has created a stage show that goes above and beyond any other. The album’s concept is displayed with a multitude of props, actors, pyrotechnics, flying pigs, surround sound, giant puppets and a seventy meter long wall which was constructed brick by brick throughout the show. One would think the grand theatrics would overshadow the music but the thrilled audience had Roger’s back at every lyrical turn, belting out the lyrics to Another Brick in the Wall and Comfortably Numb. It was obvious the album meant a huge deal to the audience who, like myself, were finally getting their chance to witness their hero performing his magnum opus. The most impressive aspect of his creation was the wall itself, which when completed stretched seventy meters and towered ten meters above the audience. The wall was slowly constructed brick by brick by the crew, all the while serving as a canvas for a stunning projector display. Animated scenes from the film, as well as relevant, modern images were projected in vibrant, clear definition, unlike anything I have seen. Think IMAX but with more precision. A projection source was dedicated to each and every brick, meaning that any brick could be turned on or off whenever necessary. Amazing. Roger himself kept up the show’s pace changing between vocals, bass, guitar, trumpet and acting. The band was flawless, but I have to say I did miss David Gilmour’s distinctive guitar and voice which, although covered exceptionally by the band, was not there to complement Roger’s. To everybody that went, I commend you. It was a once in a life time concert experience to tell the grandkids about. To everybody that didn’t, I suggest you research time travel. Matthew Cattin.

W/ Pancho Brothers

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Correctly identify the five differences in the two photos then circle them and drop your entry into your nearest AuSM office, or the box on the side of the red debate stands, or post to debate PO Box 6116 Wellesley St before 12pm Thursday. What’s up for grabs? Two “squawk burgers” vouchers for Velvet Burger on Fort St, Auckland CBD.

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Hometown: Ialibu, Southern Highlands Province, Papua New Guinea.

Henry Yamo, who is studying for a master in

communications at AUT, spent nine years as a primary school teacher in the Southern Highlands Province of Papua New Guinea. The time he spent teaching in the rural pockets of his country exposed him to the hassles and inconveniences that the local people put up with on a daily basis due to a lack of basic infrastructure and services. He decided to retrain as a journalist – a career which would enable him to tackle some of the immediate problems facing the country. He talks to debate about life in Papua New Guinea.

How was your life as a primary school teacher in the Southern Highlands Province of Papua New Guinea?

“Life as a teacher was quite interesting. In those days I was very young and energetic so I enjoyed going out into the rural areas to teach our young people. I saw that the work of a teacher was very important because we contributed towards the human resource development of our country. But the work itself in a country like Papua New Guinea is difficult as the territory is very rugged and you don’t find many services in the rural areas. The only existing services that you may find will be churches, schools and maybe an aid centre somewhere. Most often, these services are provided by the mainstream churches.” What challenges did you face living in the rural pockets of Papua New Guinea?

“It was hard to get around. There were some places where vehicles hardly travel. But we have to get to those places because schools are there and there are people living there and they needed our service. That involved

walking three to four hours from point A to B.” Why did you decide to train as a journalist?

While teaching, I encountered the problems that the people were facing in the rural pockets of our country. My observation was that the government was not really providing what it was supposed to for the people, the services were lacking, and it was turning a blind eye to the needs of the people. As teachers, teaching in those remote areas, we were also facing the consequences of the lack of services. I was doing the same thing as the local people. If I was sick and there was no medication or aid post there, I had to walk to the nearest health facility. I was no different to the people, the consequences we faced were the same. This haunted me. Although I was contributing in terms of human development, what about the immediate term and the benefits the people were supposed to get and how would I contribute towards that. Things like better roads, having medicine in the aid posts, getting more teachers in the rural areas and things like that. I decided I would look at other ways of bringing the plight of rural people in those pockets out into the open so the government and all those responsible could see what was actually happening to those people. I thought journalism was a good way of doing that. Does Papua New Guinea have a vibrant media?

We have a very vibrant media in Papua New Guinea. The people enjoy the media in our country. We have a very free and fair media unlike many other countries I’ve heard of. There’s no pressure as journalists are free to report without fear. Maybe self-censorship does apply in some cases but otherwise the media is free and vibrant.

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