columns by Melissa Low
by Danielle Whitburn
HOmegrown banana
Crass or Cultured?:
Epic Kai Time
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his year, I went on a nice holiday to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Food is of massive importance to that country and the extended family I have there are prone to eat a lot of good food (emphasis on ‘a lot’). My cousin wanted to do a comparison between our countries, so he asked me what’s good to eat in New Zealand.“Well in New Zealand, you can get New Zealand lamb and beef, good milk, great ice cream and pineapple lumps, which are chocolates with this chewy pineapple centre,” I told him. He cringed at the thought of pineapple lumps. “Okay, but what is the best New Zealand dish?” I didn’t know how to answer that one. New Zealand does not seem to have an actual iconic meal. We’re known for fish and chips, meat pies and sausage sizzles, but they’re not distinctively Kiwi dishes; Australia and England have the exact same thing. But that isn’t stopping some food joints from creating their own “Kiwi food” to sell to the tourists here for the Rugby World Cup. McDonalds, for example, has been marketing their “Kiwi Menu” everywhere, which includes bringing back the Kiwiburger and creating new products like the Kiwi Brekkie McMuffin, Kiwi Pav, and Frozen L&P. My friend and I were curious to give the Kiwi Brekkie McMuffins a try one morning at the new Britomart McDonalds (yup, right opposite the Maccas inside Westfield). We opened up our Kiwi Brekkie McMuffins and looked at the oozing tomato relish on top of the potato rosti (a glorified hash brown) and the bacon strips hanging out underneath the egg and sausage patty. Though it was decent tasting, we failed to see what made it so Kiwi. It was just an overpriced Massive McMuffin with a hash brown. The “Kiwi Pav” wasn’t much better; it was more like lime jelly on top of soft serve, with a small squishy bit of pav underneath. McDonalds is not the only one with mini pavlovas and beetroot in burgers. Wendy’s too have their own Kiwi menu they’ve labelled the “Tight Five”. This meal consists of a burger with beetroot and egg, sweet potato chips, pav, a hokey pokey shake and a soft drink. Though it sounds more creative than the Maccas menu, I’m unsure whether I’d want to order fast-food versions of our culture’s cuisine. (However, if anyone wants to buy me lunch there so we can give it a try, I will not say no.) I don’t know whether to call it clever or deceptive to create these “Kiwi Menus” especially for World Cup. The fact is that tourists (whose knowledge of this country probably stretches from All Black hakas to Lord of the Rings) will be more swayed to buy up any product labelled with “Kiwi” or “New Zealand” if that’s what they think all us locals do. So what are we meant to feed tourists then? Again, I don’t have an answer for that, unless someone wants to build a big hangi pit in The Cloud, or make the country’s largest chocolate fish. But it would just be nice to know that there’s some good Kiwi food out there for the tourists to enjoy, whether it’s a good meat pie, or a slice of lolly cake. I’m sure New Zealand could offer more than a squishy excuse for a pav. If you do have any suggestions on what the best NZ dish is – email debate, or tweet them to me @MellieNZ.
www.ausm.org.nz
The role of the nude in theatre
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s a person who had forsaken, and is now rediscovering, the beauteous joy of going to a play, I feel there’s a flash of something new in the plays of the last few months. Or maybe not so much flashes as flashers. Bouncing bits and private parts have frolicked in front of my eyes, and my mind’s eye. Flesh has been flung into the spotlight, sans-underwear, for the entire world (audience) to see. Giggling genitalia swing proudly, almost another character in the story. And I, humble spectator, have been left wondering what all this naughty nudity is about. Is it uncultured of myself even to surmise as to whether it’s appropriate to have a penis in my periphery? This week, I thought I might lay my thoughts bare. One could say that the context of being unclothed is what makes something crass or cool. Subtle draping or romantic backdrops add a certain artistry to what would otherwise be play porno. The way that a scene is built up, or down, justifies seeing that hint of something extra. Indeed this is true; there has many a time when it is appropriate and tasteful. Sometimes a bit of skin adds intimacy reality to what otherwise would look like a choreographed performance. But nudity is not always introduced in these circumstances. Where do you draw the line between what constitutes ‘undies’ and ‘togs’ in the space between the beach and the street of the performance theatre? There have been indeed a few borderline moments of late. These moments seem to go hand in hand with the full frontal view of pubic hair: no dimmed lights and no trimmed thighs. It seems if you can see it, it’s neither a tasteful moment, nor one of intimacy shared between the actor lovers on the stage. It’s something different entirely. There have been moments when I’ve questioned whether this, too, has added integrity to the story. With one floppy frolicking in mind, perhaps nudity can add something more to a storyline: not intimacy, not beauty, but a loss of power. Baring a small manhood can add humility, awkwardness, desperation. An elderly woman baring her all can show battles fought, the birthing of generations, submissiveness, a loss of the strength of youth. After all, if there is much range to acting, perhaps there should be recognition of a wide range of nude portrayals. It shouldn’t all have to be about hiding behind closed fingers. So in between the blushes and the fake coughs, perhaps there is something to be thought of the awkward and ungraceful nude debut. Perhaps next time, the lights will brighten, the clothes will untighten and… there won’t be any sensibility left to frighten. There’s nothing scary about an actor doing it. Just might pay to invest in a wax.
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