Law,
Literature
and
Laughter
Railroaded, Ramroded & Fired By Victor A. Fleming If you're a regular LLL reader, you'll recall that LLUs retirement in the summer of 1994 was likened to that of Michael Jordan. Jordan had, however, retired a full season before LLL did, completing only nine years in the NBA. LLL went out on its 10th anniversary as a humor column. Michael Jordan must read the Arkansas Lawyer. For, within days of the publication of the winter 1995 issue, in which LLL began its comeback, Jordan issued a press release which read, "I'm back." In his first game back Jordan hit about one fourth of his shots and the Bulls lost in overtime. In its first reappearance LLL lost its footnotes to an optical scanner which placed them at random throughout the
A closer proofread on a document recently received in my office might have made matters clearer. I was directed to proceed with a foreclosure of a residcntial loan taken out by a mother and her son. The client's letter to me said, "The mother is decased and the son lives in the real estate." Proofreading, like so many mundane tasks, can be a relative matter. Witness a self-typed, self-styled, and otherwise pro se document filed April 30,1990, in the Office of the Clerk of the U.S. Supreme Court. Giving it a liberal interpretation, I'd call it a petition for certiorari. Quoting therefrom: "Dear Sirr's,
textJ
Proceed; in forma pauperis, with appropriots affidavit. "I am still in pursute of my Case #81-1753.... I was Railroaded, Ramroded, Harrased and mentally forced and then Fired. After I was fired then Blackballed, slandered, character asssinated and condeamed to skid row and never to be resurrected to society of norms and values again." A sad tale for sure, but there's more. Under the heading "WRAPPUP," the petitioner wrote:
In the past I've written about typos, word processors, and malaprops. We now need a new word to describe the process by which scanners garbage up a document. Perhaps "proofreadaprop" would work 2 Speaking of proofreading, someone did not do so in a document that was handed to me in the halls of the newly renovated Pulaski Courthouse. Textually, it was quite familiar, pointing out that one party had tried unsuccessfully to move one trial date that conflicted with another and thus needed a postponement. The document was entitled "Motion for Continence." Seeing it, my trusted and faithful assistant said, "Well, it's better than a Motion for Incontinence." 4 ARKANSAS LAWYER SPRING 1995
that I have in me for him and the pepole of this country, and my new family. God did it; HE held me together. My prayer to God in the day time, and the night time is that this Case will not be turned down By The supreme Court. God is my secret Judge I have lold the truth. "Thank you'll for your time and consideration. 'God Bless You all: with your decision. 'Thank You.'" The petition from which the above excerpts are taken reminded me of the words of Jim Branton, President of the Texas Bar Association, who last year said, "In the Florida State Bar's lawyer advertising case, we have filed a curious amigo brief."3
"I want a Motion for Leave to
"It.. makes me ashamed to own my
self. I am almost ashamed to be called a citizen of the U.S. of America. It is so unbecomming to loose what I have lost and sitU carry on a good livehood and life style. "Be It Resolve, I thank my God for holding me together; with the love
Footnotes 1. As I tried to say in a footnote last quarter, footnotes are the quintessence of legal literature. 2. See, the former editor of this magazine did not like footnotes in columns. So,
when LLL was asked to emerge from retirement, I negotiated the coveted Ufootnotes? Okay" clause in my contract with the current editor.
3. I trust said brief was full of footnotes.
EDITOR'S NOTE: Vic Fleming is a member of the Gill Law Firm of Little Rock. Mail, call or fax him your true stories about humorous occurrences in law practice - 3801 TCBY Tower, Little Rock AR 72201; (501) 376-3800/ FAX 372-3359.