To Propose or Not to Propose? To Propose or Not to Propose?

(This piece talks about the ongoing petition in India to legalize same-sex marriage. This petition is currently being heard upon in the Supreme Court of India and has not seen a verdict as of 30th May 2023. Although LGBTQI+ relationships have been legal in India since 2018, couples in these relationships are still not granted the same rights as those in legally recognised marriages. Some parts of this piece are fictionalized and must not be considered as case facts entirely.)

My grandmother’s ring weighs a ton in my pocket as I sit anxiously as a silent witness to the scene unfolding in front of me. As cheesy as it sounds, to calm the nerves, I think back to the day when I first saw them and how easy it was to be my most authentic self around them. This somehow makes me a little less anxious, yet the reality was far too jarring for me to ignore anymore.

How was my want to celebrate my relationship an ‘elitist demand’? As if I had been given too many rights already, as if these basic human rights were a privilege that I should be thankful for every single day, and asking for the same rights my heterosexual friends enjoy would be flouting the traditions of this country. We are a country that worships cows and stone deities and godmen; we are a country where nobody would even look twice if you were to marry a tree as a ritual to ensure a happy marriage with your partner later on, yet, we are also a country where marrying another non-binary human is a perverse action comparable to incest.

Since I could only be a silent spectator today, I decided to distract myself and think about the times I’ve spent with them, the good ones and the bad. I remember our first public date in 2018 and the joy of holding their hand fearlessly as we walked on the beach. I think about what marriage meant to me. For me, it just meant finding joy in the mundane with them every single day, and the lawyer in me looked forward to having the legal benefits that came with a marriage.

The bell chimes, signaling the time to be 5pm. Another day went by, listening to the frivolity of this case with no outcome. Another day went by, where I witnessed the world’s largest democracy question and attempt to change the meaning of the right to equality for all. Another day went by where I chose not to propose.