SRC Queer Officer

Picture this: I’m two wines deep at a Budget Night event when my friend leans in to tell me that he feels as though he gets labelled as a straight guy despite being very gay. This is a lot to digest but it raised an interesting question. What does it really mean to accept your sexuality as a part of your identity?

For context, I have short hair, tattoos, and an illustrious collection of Dickies. I am the poster girl for the butch lesbian community and it’s honestly frustrating. I’ve had people tell me that my voice is too high for my gay behaviour, so I should probably tone it down. I would never want to strip my femininity from my identity, but apparently this isn’t gay enough to meet the criteria for ‘queer club’ entry. My bad.

Compare this to my friend’s situation. He enjoys collared shirts, beer and R.M. Williams. He falls into the category of conservative straight-man dressing. It’s how he enjoys presenting as a gay man, and that’s his prerogative. But he struggles to be seen within our community because he doesn’t toe the party line of glitter and thongs. Unlike me, he’s told to tone it up or also be denied ‘queer club’ entry.

I believe we have a certain amount of control over how much we let sexuality affect our identity. When I came out at 16, I felt so tragically misunderstood by my parents and friends. I grew up in many traditionally bigoted farming communities who could probably count the gay people they’d met on their hands (including the estranged cousin we don’t talk about).

because it wasn’t my cup of tea (is it really anyone’s if we’re being truthful here?), but I wanted to feel that strong sense of alignment with a queer community that seemed so endearing and welcoming.

So I raise the question again, what does it really mean to accept your sexuality as a part of your identity? I don’t believe we’re in a position to dictate who is gay enough, or not gay enough, for our community. Our community is one of the most loving, but also one of the quickest to discard if we don’t fit a perceived image of ‘queer’.

You, an individual, must decide how you dress - that’s not up to the community. The dichotomy between toned-down dressers and those who dress-up is the definition of embracing one’s sexuality as a part of one’s identity. It’s how you choose to live your life - it’s free will, for fuck’s sake! And I think that’s beautiful.