September 18, 2014 by 34th Street Magazine

September 18, 2014 34st.com

YO M I Th B N U D el U R ibe S O ral I W ar N N t

of fin din g

aj ob

september 17 LOL

3 HIGHBROW

POURITUPFROMTHEEDITOR

2014

Did you know that Harvest has outdoor fire pits? Me neither. Until last night, that is. I'm a Tap House girl; always have been, but I'm not sure how long I will be. Don't get me wrong, Tap is a lot of fun and I very much like the fact that it's socially acceptable for me to get wine even if it's past 1 on a Saturday (cough, Smoke's). But I pledged to aim for firsts last week and I'm keeping my word. The fire pits are Harvest are small, but they also don't make your face feel like it's going to burn off quite the way that Tap's pits do. The patio is protected from the street by a row of trees so you can't SABS, but it's also cool if you hang there in your gym clothes as I am wont to do. And the wine—oh don't get me started on the wine—the wine is c–h–e–a–p and the list is so large, you feel like you're getting something classy even if you order the shittiest thing on the menu. Three–plus years into this adventure we call college, I don't totally hate having a quiet night here and there. And god

roundup, colonic dispatch, my penn addiction

4 EGO

dollar stroll guide, ego of the week, penn & ink, top 10 roommates

LOL

7 MUSIC

album reviews, artists who love substances, artists on twitter

10 FILM

reviews, naked tv

11 FEATURE finding a job

16 FOOD & DRINK

drink of the week, streeets, fish quiz, fishmonger dos and don'ts

LOL

19 ARTS

the five senses

22 LOWBROW

lowbrow does pennapps

knows I need a glass of wine more than ever. Harvest is a perfect fit. The one thing that going to Harvest leaves me wondering is why doesn't anyone else come here? It seems to me like "people" (jury is out on who these "people" are) decided early on that Harvest was lame and then, in turn, it became kinda lame. But it's not lame and it's right in front of our faces. Harvest suffers the same fate as that shoe store on 40th Street and Penne—we've got our subconscious blinders on every time we walk past it. This scares me. What other great little gems do I ignore because someone one time told me I shouldn't care about them? Sorry, Harvest, for judging you by your tree–lined cover. Now that I've lounged by your very appropriately–sized fire ottomans, I've also learned how nice and warm it can be to open my eyes to what's right in front of me. See you at the bar.

CALLING ALL WRITERS, DESIGNERS, PHOTOGRAPHERS, PROGRAMMERS, VIDEOGRAPHERS, FLASH WIZARDS, ACTUAL WIZARDS, LIZARDS, LIZARDS–IN– TRAINING, BOUNTY HUNTERS, FRESHMEN WHO HAVE BEEN

MERTED, LORDE, HOT TA'S, TA'S WITH GOOD PERSONALITIES, JOHN MALKOVICH LOOK–A–LIKES, PEOPLE WHO LIKE VANILLA COKE, GIRLS

WHO WEAR JELLY SHOES, BAREFOOT CONTESSAS, ACTUAL ROYALTY, DEAD PPL 24 BACKPAGE locust bags

WRITERS' MEETING / 6:30 P.M. / 4015 'NUT

34TH STREET MAGAZINE Chloe Bower, Editor–in–Chief Patrick Ford-Matz, Managing Editor Abigail Koffler, Digital Director Margot Halpern, Design Editor Sarah Tse, Photo Editor Byrne Fahey, Assistant Design Ling Zhou, Assistant Design Conor Cook, Highbrow Emily Johns, Highbrow Ciara Stein, Ego Nicole Malick, Ego Alyssa Berlin, Food and Drink Ryan Zahalka, Food and Drink Clare Lombardo, Film and TV 2

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Katie Hartman, Film and TV Alexandra Sternlicht, Features Julia Liebergall, Features Marley Coyne, Features Lucy Hovanisyan, Music Mark Paraskevas, Music Justin Sheen, Arts Molly Collett, Arts Rosa Escandon, Lowbrow Ariela Osuna, Backpage Patrick del Valle, Backpage Sara Thalheimer, Copy Editor

Giulia Imholte, Senior Web Producer Diane Bayeux, Web Producer Rachel Rubin, Web Producer Cassandra Kyriazis, Web Producer Casey Quackenbush, Social Media Editor COVER DESIGN: Margot Halpern COVER PHOTO: Sarah Tse BACKPAGE DESIGN: Ariela Osuna Contributors: Katrina Murray, Amanda Silberling, Sydney Schaedel, Julia Wang, Val Bai, Ava van der Meer, Jeremy Bamidele, Joshua O'Sullivan, Syra Ortiz–Blanes

Contacting 34th Street Magazine: If you have questions, comments, complaints or letters to the editor, email Chloe Bower, Editor–in–Chief, at bower@34st.com. You can also call us at (215) 8986585. To place an ad, call (215) 898-6581. VISIT OUR WEB SITE: www.34st.com "OCR'nt you glad we didn't say banana" -JL ©2014 34th Street Magazine, The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. No part may be reproduced in whole or in part without the express, written consent of the editors (but I bet we will give you the a-okay.) All rights reserved. 34th Street Magazine is published by The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc., 4015 Walnut St., Philadelphia, Pa., 19104, every Thursday.

HIGHBROW

MY PENN ADDICTION: Complaining About Performing Arts Groups

“I absolutely hate Glee Club shows,” I say to a friend after being forcibly handed a flyer. “You know I’ve never seen a Glee show,” my friend says innocently, “what're they like?” I would love to answer her question, but I actually don’t know. I’ve never seen a Glee Club show, so I guess I only figuratively hate them. I don't reserve my arbitrary hatred just for singing men in ties. I'm addicted to complaining about all performing arts troupes, especially those I’ve never seen before. You'll hear me say something like “Penn Illusionists? I’ll barf into my own magic hat,” or “Without a Net show is so unfunny. It’s like watching LARPers—just freaking sad.” I have zero evidence to substantiate these

claims, but my friends seem to go with it. When I’m talking smack about ACK, many assume that I know something about a cappella. Have any of us actually been to a Dischord show? I highly doubt it, but that’s the great thing about feeling entitled to an opinion—it’s always subjective, never based on fact. After some rumination, here’s my logic: I could spend the $7–10 to see your show, but that's also about the price of a Chipotle burrito. I know I like sofritas, but the same cannot be said for a two–hour show composed of undergrad swing dance. Those two hours could be a fun and energetic romp back into the 1940s, but it could also be hell. I am not willing to take this chance, West Philly

Swingers, but you can all meet me at Chipotle after the show. Guac is on me. I sometimes feel guilty about shitting on so many performing arts groups; I wonder if I am single– handedly ruining their reputations. I wonder if people are actually listening to me and actively avoiding the arts. That would be horrible. Believe it or not, I myself am in a performing arts group. The arts are so important; supporting them makes you a “more cultured” human. I want to break my addiction, and I want to get help, but when someone hands me a flyer for “Penn Six–5000: all–male comedy a cappella show,” I suddenly remember: that will never happen.

THEROUNDUP If you haven't heard, the Social Ivy has a new title—welcome to the #1 party school in the nation, according to Playboy Magazine. Highbrow will drink to that, Ben Franklin. The yellow brick road isn’t always smooth. Sources witnessed a Theos/Oz couples brawl this weekend that was too intense for Penn Police to handle, leading Philadelphia cops to intervene. Highbrow had hoped that these nice, Jewish boys could live in harmony with the creation of some kind of TheOz peace pact. Maybe one day. The Wicked Witch of the West may melt in the rain, but Kappa Sig brothers don’t. Eager to spend some quality time with André, the brothers held a champagne–fueled darty in the rain. In return for braving the weather, two thirsty TriDelt girls felt they deserved party favors. One greedy sister was caught stealing of a case of champagne, while her sly friend managed to get away with a bottle. Unfortunately, upon entering the Radian, she dropped it, and the shattered glass resulted in seven stitches on her ankle. Karma’s a bitch—her name is Highbrow. Last time you were at the Inn at Penn, were you dressed up for OCR or undressing in a fifth floor suite? Sources tell us that a group of gays recently hosted an orgy at the hotel, and invites were quite exclusive. Regular orgy–attendees keep coming back for more, but are on the look out for new boys, so check your Grindr for next month's invite. FYI: it doesn’t always suck to suck. You can look, but you can't touch...a house’s Greek letters. This weekend, two SDT sisters sought revenge on the boys who stole the T from the porch of their chapter house. Upon discovering its location, the girls, dressed in black, surreptitiously grabbed the T and fled down the fire escape—those Flywheel classes have truly paid off, ladies. The other letters are still missing, and Highbrow hears that the sisters are sitting shiva for the loss of S and D. (Ed. note: send a tip to 34st.com if you know their whereabouts.) We have some political news that will blow Bill and Monica’s scandal out of the water. The Class Board of 2018 is looking for a President. One freshman released a rap video dissing other candidates in which he managed to be both racist and sexist, all while spitting shit rhymes. Even Highbrow is offended. Word to the wise: if you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say it at all. ;)

over heard PENN at

Desperate dude: But like, I’m coming to PV with you. Spring break is the one time of year that frats don’t matter, don’t you think? Only child: What are these ATM surcharges? I’m going to start taking out thousands of dollars in cash at a time. Bro to other bro: If you want to have a threesome with an Asian girl, I’m down. Instabetch at Shake Shack: Can I take a picture of your burger? I already ate mine. OCR Virgin: Should I bold my ACT score on my resume?

DISPATCH: COLONIC 1:29 p.m.: Waltz into the “health spa” just in time for my first colonic. I get Brazilians and Pap smears on the reg. I got this. 1:31 p.m.: Directed to a room where I’m told to remove my pants and “get comfortable.” What the hell are these weird contraptions? 1:33 p.m.: Lying ass– naked on a crinkly piece of wax paper. Romper was not the move. 1:34 p.m.: K it’s cold where is this woman? 1:37 p.m.: The lady comes in and helps me into the fetal position. facing the wall. More like fecal position. 1:38 p.m.: She inserts a plastic tube capped with a metal piece into my asshole. This was definitely a medieval torture device. 1:39 p.m.: “Is this your first colonic?" I must have a very tight asshole. 1:40 p.m.: She is literally sitting on a stool with her face in my ass, human–centipede style. 1:41 p.m.: Water rushes through the tube and starts inflating me like a water balloon via my asshole. 1:42 p.m.: imploding.

I’m

1:46 p.m.: Sudden alteration in pressure. Holy shit, I’m exploding.

1:50 p.m.: “I can see you’re not a vegetarian.” I look over and see last night’s filet–not– so–mignon flushing through the tube. No food left in my stomach to throw up. 1:52 p.m.: This is getting intimate. I attempt conversation. 1:53 p.m.: “Have you seen the movie constipation?” “No.” “It hasn’t come out yet.” She doesn’t laugh. 1:58 p.m.: A second explosion breaks the silence. 2:01 p.m.: This is weirdly pleasurable. Begin considering anal sex. 2:02 p.m.: 13 minutes to go. This is like an enema on steroids— no, laxatives. 2:03 p.m.: Refrain from making more poop jokes and endure 12 minutes of painful silence. 2:07 p.m.: violated.

Feeling

2:15 p.m.: She finally removes tube. Seriously consider buying an adult diaper en route home in case of leakage. 2:16 p.m.: Step on the scale and discover that I lost five pounds in 45 minutes. Never paying for a gym membership again. I'll take bowel movement over actual movement any day.

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EGO

It's tonight!

The first Dollar Stroll was in 2011. Back by popular demand, this is the second stroll this summer. University City District (UCD) expects more than 5000 people, following very successful past runs.

Describe the Dollar Stroll in three words.

Fun, cheap and diverse. Without even thinking about it, those are the three that I would say. – Lori from UCD

Little Baby's Ice Cream 4903 Catharine Street We all scream for ice cream at Little Baby’s ($1)

Baltimore Avenue Business Association (BABA) 48th & Baltimore Uncover a used book at Baltimore Avenue Business Association ($1)

There’s more than just food: Don’t miss the jugglers, fire performers (7–8:30!) and the DJ beats. Pro tip: Redcap’s Corner will be selling Pokémon cards. Get bang for your buck (singular): Most restaurants will be serving full–size portions. Curious about the pizza roll at Lucky’s Chinese? The time is now. Be social: Take pics, tweet and instagram using #DollarStroll to document your night.

5:30–8:30: Free Face Painting & Balloon Art 7–8:30: Fire Performance Get Spiderman/a butterfly/a Picasso painted on your face (fo’ free). Finish just in time to see the fire performers (MORE FREE)

50 ST

Dock Street Brewery 701 S 50th Street Drink at Dock Street Brewery—finish off the night with several 7 oz. brews (3 x $1)

Greensgrow West 4912 Baltimore Pick up a potted plant at Greensgrow West ($1)

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Vientiane Café 4728 Baltimore Chew some chicken skewers and splurge on spring rolls at Vientiane Café (2 x $1)

Dahlak Restaurant 4708 Baltimore Enjoy an enjera wrap at Dahlak Restaurant ($1)

43RD ST

VE ORE A

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Desi Village 4527 Baltimore Snag a samosa at Desi Village ($1)

EGO

EGOOF THE WEEK: ALON KRIFCHER

This Friar may be a Penngineer, but at Hogwarts, he’d be a Gryffindor. A self–proclaimed tech nerd, you’ll find him studying, eating or running the show at Hillel.

Street: So what does it mean to be president of Hillel? Alon Krifcher: It means a lot of emails. It means a lot of meetings. But much more importantly, it means that I’m a face that people can put to the Jewish community and to the Hillel community. I’m there when people have questions. Street: What’s your favorite about Hillel? AK: The food. The dining hall is really unbelieveable. Chef Ozzy is really one of the most amazing people in the building. Street: What did you do this summer? AK: I was coding for a tech company called betaworks and had a blast. It was in New York...I was able to take a program from start to finish and I learned a lot...They create apps. Street: What type of apps? AK: They do game apps...and they have a company called Giphy, which basically stores and is a search engine for gifs. Giphy’s amazing. Street: What’s your favorite gif? AK: Too many to count. I’m a huge sports fan, so most sports funny gifs are my favorite...SB Nation runs a gif tournament every year. They take 64 of the funniest sports gifs of the last 6 months or something, and they create a bracket. The greatest gif of all time is the gif champion. [Eds’ note: check out the winner here: http://assets.sbnation.com/ assets/516980/2009_medium. gif] Street: What are your favorite apps? AK: Mailbox is the best mail app you could possibly use. I think Tweetbot is a great Twitter app that’s not the main

one. Dots and Two Dots are the best games ever. They’re better than Candy Crush. I dare everybody to tell me that’s not true. Street: What song do you get ready to? AK: I actually don’t get ready to music, but I have tons of playlists on Spotify, which I listen to non–stop. One time I created a playlist when I was really drunk, and didn’t know what I was going to call it, so I just called it TBA. Street: Here’s your chance, name it now! AK: Uhh...Don’t Get That Drunk Again. Street: Did you have a Gameboy growing up? AK: Yeah, I played a lot of Pokemon. My first screenname was alonpokemon. Street: Did you have Pokemon cards? AK: I did, but I never really understood how to play them. So I just collected them, and I was like, “Oh cool, I have shiny Charizard!” Street: What would your superpower be if you had one? AK: I wish I could take stress away from people...So much of stress that people have here is self–imposed and I hate it. Street: Do you have a spirit animal? AK: I love my dogs, they’re definitely my spirit animal. They’re the cutest little things in the world and I wish we all acted more like dogs because dogs just sleep and chill and eat and give love and they don’t care about anything except when they are getting their next meal and attention and I wish that happened more. Street: If you could have a

drink with anyone in history, who would it be? AK: People who created fire. It would just be like “What were you doing? How did that happen? Tell me!” Street: What’s the last thing you bought? AK: This clay stuff called sugru. It’s like this air dry clay that you can basically do anything with...My phone cracked, so I put some clay in there and it dries up and it keeps it safe. Street: Who is your current celebrity crush? AK: Natalie Portman has pretty much always been my celebrity crush, not just current. She actually went to my high school. We had the same second grade teacher. I’m in love with her. Street: What’s your guilty pleasure? AK: Mixed drinks are definitely my guilty pleasure, but I’m not even guilty about them. If you’re drinking alcohol and getting drunk and it tastes delicious along the way then why does it matter? I’m not taking crappy shots of Vladimir vodka, I’m drinking delicious drinks that have more alcohol in them than your shot. Street: What house would you be in in Harry Potter?

AK: Gryffindor for sure. Harry Potter is a big love of mine— I’m still waiting for my letter. Street: Which was your favorite book? AK: Okay. It goes four, seven, three, six, one, five, two. I hated the second book.

Street: Can you tell us a joke? AK: I love puns. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta...What did the guy who invented the doorknocker get? Street: What? AK: A No-bell prize. [Eds’ note: still lol-ing]

Street: Tell us about your first kiss. AK: It was seventh grade, fairly spontaneous, sort of peer pressure-ey. Lots of people were watching and giggling and then it was over. Street: If you are what you eat, what are you? AK: A lot of chocolate, and a lot of gummies. The thing that I miss the most about Israel is that all the gummies there are kosher. Whenever I have family or friends that go to Israel I’m like, “Please pick me up six kilos of gummies, that’s all that I’m asking for!” Street: What was the first concert you ever went to? AK: I went to a Taking Back Sunday, My Chemical Romance and Linkin Park concert...A lot of goth, a lot of death metal people. It was me and my younger sister and my dad, and none of us really knew what we were getting ourselves into.

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EGO

Student Tattoo of the Week Name: Sydney Schaedel Year: Freshman Major: Communications and/or English Location: Left forearm Tattoo: Mandalas in Hinduism and Buddhism are maps of the universe. Although Sydney is neither Hindu nor Buddhist, she liked both the symbolism of the mandala and how it looked. She got it in May of 2013, before arriving at Penn.

ROOMMATES YOU'LL MEET AT PENN

1) The “We’re Kinda Dating”: This friends– forever roommate is difficult to find and even trickier to keep. Does breakfast in bed, love notes when you’re out late and movie marathons on weekends sound too good to be true? It might be, but we’ve heard rumors this exists.

6) The Workaholic: This roommate is commonplace at Penn and simply cannot do enough. “You mean you aren’t enrolled in seven courses, running an international non–profit and working full–time for Google? What are you doing with your life?”

2) The Lurker: This roommate is the stuff of horror movies. Have you ever felt that someone was watching you in the night? Call Sony to pitch the sequel to 2011’s thriller "The Roommate."

7) The Mess: This roommate inspired the term “pigsty.” You start to think your hardwood floors were a myth, you may find yourself with a few *extra* unwanted roommates (rats, they're rats) and all you want for Christmas is a clean set of dishes.

3) The Unwanted Addition: This roommate is your roommate’s roommate. You knew they were in a relationship. You didn’t know how thin the walls were or how creaky a bed could be.

Parent – approved?: She talked it over with her parents before and they made it clear that since she was 18, it was her body and she could do what she wanted with it.

8) The Control Freak: This roommate denies their OCD tendencies, but you know the truth. Your every move is dictated by multi–colored Post–its strategically placed throughout the apartment. Ignore at your own risk.

4) The Absentee: Roommate? What roommate? Not necessarily a bad thing. 5) The Greek Socialite: This roommate parties hard and drinks even harder. Although often confused with the absentee, you can expect the occasional late night together—holding their head over the toilet.

9) The Athlete: This roommate is constantly hitting the gym, whether for a sports team or simply for the sake of “good health.” As hard as you try, you can’t shake the guilt you feel when you opt to sit in bed and stuff your face with Insomnia instead. 10) The Stoner: This roommate is super chill, loves snacks and has a Bob Marley poster (or three). You’ll hear plenty about the Biopond, and may want to invest in some air freshener.

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MUSIC

“X” CHRIS BROWN

ALBUM REVIEWS

On his sixth LP, Chris Brown constructs a soundscape that spans quite a bit of stylistic terrain, despite being too long (it clocks in at 60 minutes) and sometimes redundant. It ranges from satisfyingly–bouncy club bangers, like summer smash “Loyal” and the Akon–assisted (yes, Akon) “Came To Do,” to a seductive R. Kelly tribute “Songs On 12 Play” featuring the maestro’s raunchy descendant, Trey Songz. His duet with Kellz himself, “Drown In It,” is a dull, oversexed afterthought in comparison to the rest of the effort. Brown invites us to his place of exile on the tense, semi–electronic opener “X,” and the moody “Autumn Leaves” has a passionate verse from Kendrick Lamar. The rapper captures Breezy’s troubles in one lyric: “and they won’t let me live even when remorse that I give.”

“GODDESS” BANKS

While on tour with The Weeknd in 2013, LA–based songstress Banks earned attention for her sensual dark–pop music, which is a perfect complement to The Weeknd’s provocative lyrics and diaphanous vocals. Her hypnotic voice and reverberating beats have inspired remixes by producers such as Ta–ku, Kaytranada and Snakehips. In her debut album “Goddess,” Banks showcases her seductive sound and offers a promising launch to her career. Her sound has a twinge of vulnerability and sadness, but more than anything, it’s sexy—like a bedroom whisper heard past midnight. In the title track “Goddess,” she belts out “fucking with a goddess and you get a little colder” in her soulful falsetto over a throbbing electronic beat. The album is a complete repertoire, fully exceeding any expectations. Don’t miss her at Union Transfer on September 27th. ARIELA OSUNA

KATRINA MURRAY

Grade: B+ Download: “Came To Do” Sounds Best When: You’re feeling rebellious after skipping a floor meeting.

Grade: A Download: “Begging For Thread” Sounds Best When: Contemplating sending a 3 a.m. text

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MUSIC

SEVEN ARTISTS WHO LOVE SUBSTANCES

“Hotel California,” yes. The Beatles, sure. Wu Tang, of course. We get it. Musicians love drugs. There are a lot of contemporary artists hitting the pipe and doing a line. Here are a few: Lana Del Rey: As she says in “Cruel World,” “I like my candy.” What kind of candy, exactly? It's probably not Reese’s, because, come on, have you seen her? We'd venture she hasn’t had trans fats in a while. Later in the same song she says, “I like my candy and your heroin.” So, venturing another guess, really not candy.

Danny Brown: The King of Trap doesn’t make his love for the dank shit any kind of secret, and Mr. Brown understands how to get truly messed up. Danny namedrops everything from Adderall in “Outer Space” to “Xanny” in “Blunt After Blunt” to lean and Dr. Pepper in “Attak.”

Listen when: You are already into the spin of the trip and just need to feel the vibe.

Listen when: You are trying to turn up but you only have 5 dollars, an insurance card and a coupon at CVS. Listen when: You are slowly giving up on your Math 240 problem set. Ed Sheeran: Being a British pop star, T–Swift friend, and Ron Weasley look–a–like barely qualifies him for this list, but his radio–friendly pop hit “The A–Team” is actually drugged out to the max. Pro–tip: it's about crack. “Breathing in snowflakes” sounds innocent, but there are actually two versions of this song, the latter being a rap about an abused prostitute (dark, indeed). It's called "Little Lady" and includes lyrics such as “she goes mad for a couple grams."

Listen when: You say you're sorry for your visible intoxication, but you're really not sorry at all. Kanye West: We all know Yeezus lives a hell of a life, but he, as he admits, struggles with “Addiction.” He's had problems with not just money, girls or weed, but “all 3.” While he may be his girl’s metaphorical “drug.” they're getting “blown” together in multiple ways.

Listen when: You're feeling nostalgic about how cool the 1980s were, because you definitely lived through them.

C O C K TA I L S & C R Ê P E S thurSdayS, FridayS, SaturdayS 11 pm - 3:30 am 21+

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to enter

alt-J: alt-J wants you to “dissolve me, 2 tabs on your tongue” as their hit “Dissolve Me” suggests. People don’t melt on tongues, but acid does. Plus, a lot of their music will make you feel a little high anyways.

Listen when: You're really trying to impress that girl who “seriously, just did shrooms last weekend.”

Goldfrapp: While it’s lyrically apparent that rappers like Rick Ross, Busta Ryhmes, UGK, Immortal Technique and Gucci Mane love their cocaine, given that they all have songs named “Cocaine,” Goldfrapp is a little less obvious. Still, “Ride A White Horse” is a coke anthem if I’ve ever heard one.

Tove Lo: For those who haven’t heard an EDM remix of one of her songs yet, Tove Lo is in essence a more talented, Swedish Ke$ha. While one of her singles is called “Not on Drugs,” the rest of her album seems to say otherwise, including her hit “Habits” where she “has to stay high all the time.”

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MUSIC

ARTISTS WITH THE BEST SOCIAL MEDIA

AMANDA SILBERLING

We all have those friends with cringe–worthy (or hysterical) Twitter accounts—and although we may not realize it sometimes, celebrities are people, too. Here are some of our favorite musicians to follow on Twitter. Their poor, poor publicists. 1. Grimes:

August 23, 2014

4. Lil B:

December 23, 2012

Don’t worry, Grimes. That’s how we feel about 10 a.m. class in DRL.

Think about this tweet next time you spend the entire day in Van Pelt. #thankyoubasedgod

2. Liam Gallagher:

5. Marina and the Diamonds:

July 19, 2012

You can throw shade at your frat brothers...or at your actual brother and ex– bandmate from Oasis. It’s casual, LG. 3. Cher:

THIS. IS. NONSENSE!!!

This could very easily apply to every morning during NSO. 6. Ezra Koenig:

March 7, 2014

September 15, 2014

Ezra Koenig of Vampire Weekend is the indisputable King of Twitter—even if he chose the wrong Ivy (Columbia, for the record). I’m not sure what it feels like to be in a wicked competitive M&T class, but I assume that this tweet sums it up pretty well.

here @ street,

Rosh Hashanah at Penn

2014-5775

Service Times

the only lines we cut

CONSERVATIVE

ORTHODOX

REFORM

Wednesday, Sept. 24

Services 6:40 pm Student led at Steinhardt Hall Community Service at Irvine Auditorium

Thursday, Sept. 25

are the unfunny ones

don't do drugs

May 13, 2014

Morning Serices 9:00 am Student led at Steinhardt Hall Community Service at Irvine Auditorium Afternoon & Evening Services 6:40 pm All services are at Steinhardt Hall

Services 6:40 pm Steinhardt Hall

Thursday, Sept. 25

Morning Serices 8:30 am Steinhardt Hall Afternoon & Evening Services 6:40 pm Steinhardt Hall

Friday, Sept. 26

Morning Serices 8:30 am Steinhardt Hall Afternoon & Evening Friday, Sept. 26 Services 6:35 pm Morning Serices 9:00 am All services are at Steinhardt Hall Steinhardt Hall Candle lighting 6:35 pm Afternoon & Evening

CREATIVE • BALANCED • SIMPLE 1608 SOUTH STREET • PHILADELPHIA, PA 215-790-0330 • ENTREEBYOB.COM

Services 6:35 pm All services are at Steinhardt Hall Tashlich Candle lighting 6:35 pm Conservative, Orthodox, & Reform Student Led on Holiday meals will be served Thursday, Sept. 25 following services in Falk Dining at 5:00 pm. Meet at Steinhardt Hall. Commons, Steinhardt Hall.

Services 6:40 pm Student led at Steinhardt Hall Community Service at Harrison Auditorium

Thursday, Sept. 25

Morning Serices 10:00am Student led at Steinhardt Hall Community Service at Harrison Auditorium Community Tashlich following services

SERVICE LOCATIONS

Penn Hillel, Steinhardt Hall 215 S. 39th Street (39th between Walnut and Locust) Irvine Auditorium 3401 Spruce Street (34th and Spruce Streets) Harrison Auditorium 3260 South Street (University Museum) Bodek Lounge, Houston Hall 3417 Spruce Street

Candle lighting 6:38 pm S E P T E M B E R 1 8 , 2 01 4 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E

FILM & TV

Don't let the word "naked" fool you. There's no real shock factor on any of these shows—blurs or not.

B–ROLL:

” D E K “NA

IS NOT SYNONYMOUS WITH

“INTER ESTING ” "Naked and Afraid": Sundays at 10 p.m. on The Discovery Channel "Dating Naked": Thursdays at 9 p.m. on VH1

"Sex Box": Coming in 2015 on WE tv "Buying Naked" Off– air. Check TLC.com for clips.

With the announcement of WE tv’s “Sex Box” (a reality show where couples have sex in some sort of box–like structure then talk about it with a panel of judges afterwards), it’s officially time to address “Naked TV” as a trend. The fad's spawned tons of shows, all with one thing in common: if you want to be a contestant, you have to be naked. Oh, and a whole lot of ass cheeks. But the thing is, despite the sheer volume of nudity among these shows, none of their content really makes for compelling television. Discovery's “Naked and Afraid” is the weakest I've seen, where being naked really only matters because it’s slightly harder to survive nude in jungles and deserts. It’s like watching a less dramatic version of “Survivor” with more pixels. The beginning of each episode typically features bland monologues about contestants either being confident in their nakedness or confident in their survival skills. Apparently, they're mututally exclusive. “Dating Naked” comes in second for pointless nudity. The only difference between “Dating Naked” and something like “Next” is that mutual nakedness triples the amount of awkward giggling to which viewers are subjected. The

conversations aren’t that much more interesting, because you can basically tell if someone’s hot or not regardless of whether they’re dressed. A guy figuring out if he wants to date the hot chick or the one with whom he actually had an emotional connection is nothing new to reality dating shows. “Buying Naked” is the only installment in the naked TV trend that might be interesting because it’s the only one about actual nudists. The show follows around a real estate agent named Jackie Youngblood (apparently that’s her real name) as she sells houses to residents of “The Nudist Capital of the World,” Pasco County, Florida. But even this show doesn’t offer any real insight into nudist colonies, as it focuses more on the plight of the clothed realtor and her team of young metrosexual associates. Clips of "Buying Naked" show nudists shaking hands instead of hugging and placing objects in front of their naughty bits the way naked scenes are shot in sitcoms. More honest titles for these shows would be: “Afraid for 21 Days,” “Dating” and “Buying Houses” and, honestly, that's nothing special. Cover up, naked TV. No one wants to see that. CASSANDRA KYRIAZIS

ATTN: the tyranny of MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE SAURON (Street's photo editor) will soon come to an end WHO WILL BE HER SUCCESSOR? if you like fiddling with cameras if you like photoshop abominations if you like spending endless hours alone in a windowless office Mon & Tues- CLOSED Wed & Thurs- 5pm-9pm Fri- 11-2pm + 5-10pm Sat- 9am-2pm + 5-10pm Sun- 9am-2pm

SEND YOUR NAME, PORTFOLIO, RESUME, BLOOD TEST RESULTS, AND DICK PICS (all optional except the first and last) TO: streetphoto@34st.com

(translation: Street needs a new photo editor) 1 0 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E S E P T E M B E R 1 8 , 2 01 4

WHAT'S UP

• Have you heard that we have a newsletter? Sign up your mom and your worst enemy (assuming those are different people) At 34st.com. • Have you heard of cameras? Do you know how to use them right? Street's in search of a new photo editor—our current one's a total swug. Send your soul (or a portfolio) to streetphoto@34st.com. • Have you heard that our website is still brand, spankin' new? It's like a little online baby, coddle it and let it suckle on your digital nips. • Have you heard that our writers' meeting is tonight, at 6:30, at 4015 Walnut? Of course you have—see you there. • Week three in the bag. We're having a great time, so far. We hope you are too.

S E P T E M B E R 1 8 , 2 01 4 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 1

F E AT U R E

We join clubs. We build relationships with professors. We add lines to our resumes. But when it comes time to leave Penn, whether it’s for the summer or for graduation, are we more or less on our own? By Sophia Fischler–Gottfried and Lauren Greenberg There are two types of people at Penn: the ones who get jobs through OCR, and the ones who have to make it on their own. No one knows this better than Barbara Hewitt, whose conservative black pantsuit makes her look like an OCR hopeful herself. In fact, Ms. Hewitt is a Wharton Undergraduate Advisor and Penn's On-Campus Recruitment Supervisor, who helps students prepare for the corporate world from her windowless office in the basement of McNeil. In the 16 years she has worked for Career Services, Ms. Hewitt has guided a steady stream of young professionals through interviews, internships and full–time offers from some of the world’s leading names: Goldman Sachs. Bain & Company. Teach For America. “Because OCR is so visible, that’s what people think we only care about, and that’s not true,” Ms. Hewitt sighs. “We’ve always wanted to help students find other jobs. We do a lot of one–on–ones with students, connecting [them] with alumni.” But she agrees personal attention, however helpful, pales in visibility compared to OCR’s resources. “I think we’re already doing [the best we can]. But we always want to do more.” With the resources to recruit college juniors and seniors and offer handsome salaries, companies like Morgan Stanley and McKinsey are OCR’s high–rollers, hiring students months before graduation due to their predictable turnover in employees. It’s no surprise, then, that of the students who graduated with full-time job offers in 2013, 57% went to work in finance, consulting or technology. “Penn students can do all kinds of interesting things,” Ms. Hewitt says. “But they’re not. Students who are interested in other kinds of opportunities need to take initiative and look harder.”

Dylan Hewitt wants to run for office some day. But there’s no OCR for the White House. He discovered the Communications and Public Service (ComPS) major while talking to a like–minded student at a protest in front of City Hall. “The ComPS program is such a hidden gem,” says Dylan, explaining how it enabled him, as an undergrad, to take graduate–level courses at the Fels Institute of Government, Penn’s graduate program for public management. His first Fels professor, former Pennsylvania Congresswoman Marjorie Margolies, became a mentor for Dylan. The relationship provided him a wealth of unique opportunities, including accompanying her to the 2012 Democratic National Convention. 1 2 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E S E P T E M B E R 1 8 , 2 01 4

He continued to pursue his interests in politics throughout his undergraduate education. During his junior year, a different friend told him about the opportunity to submatriculate into Fels. He is now working towards his Masters of Public Administration and TA–ing the same Margolies class that first sparked his interest. “If there was one thing I could go back and say to freshman year Dylan, or even any freshman,” he says, “it would be to be open to opportunity, because it might not be the way you are planning for things to go. It might be the way things are meant to go all along.” Although Dylan discovered his passion later in college, Sarah Wilker found hers in a high school Greek mythology class. When it came time to apply to college, Sarah fell in love with the archaeology resources at the Penn Museum. And the rest was history. Because of her archeological aspirations, Sarah received funding from the Center for Undergraduate Research and Fellowships (CURF) for her past two summer trips, which she spent preserving monuments in Athens, digging in the deserts of Turkey and excavating ruins in Tuscany. She gained access to these highly–coveted excavations with the help of one of her professors, who connected her to a Nautical Archeology project run by Stanford University. “I’m incredibly thankful for everything I’ve been able to accomplish through CURF’s generosity. They don’t let their research kids flounder,” she laughs. “It’s not really a Career Services kind of job.”

Forgoing the concrete jungle of his finance–minded peers, senior Isaac Silber spent two summers in the wilderness as a counselor at Windsor Mountain International, a camp in New Hampshire. Though Isaac concedes that choosing to be a camp counselor instead of an intern “wasn’t a very Penn thing” to do, the experience did expose him to one thing every Penn student is familiar with: networking. “If I want to travel somewhere,” he says, “I have so many connections all over the world now. And I got to teach kids music, which was pretty great.” One connection in particular, a drum teacher at the camp, helped springboard Isaac’s thesis project. He received funding from the English department and the Mellon Mays Undergraduate Fellowship program, which seeks to represent minority interests through scholarship. Using his grants, Isaac spent a month living and play-

ing music with a master drummer in Kingston, Jamaica, while researching the Kumina and Revival religions for his thesis. Isaac reflects on his unique experience: “I definitely thought summers were the time for a break from Penn culture. But I also realized by junior year that I needed to do something productive.” Having given himself the space to explore genuine interests, Isaac now looks forward to pushing his English major and jazz minor towards a graduate degree in ethnomusicology. “You should want to study something that you’d also like to do in your free time,” says Manola Gonzalez, another senior English major. When it came time to decide on a career path, Manola found herself in a pack of College cohorts at an OCR info session for consulting. “It’s actually a really practical career for an English major, because it’s the same kind of analytical skills,” she explains. But as Manola researched consulting companies and dropped her resume, she found herself hesitant to completely follow through. “When it really got down to it...did I ever want to go into business? No.” She smiles. “My somewhat cognizant self knew that I wanted to write.” Enter RealArts. Funded by the Kelly Writers House, RealArts is a summer internship program that offers creatively–inclined students opportunities to work in some of the world’s leading media companies. Not only are RealArts interns getting facetime with the heads of companies like MTV and Rolling Stone, but they also receive a $4,000 stipend. Manola, a former DP beat reporter, applied for the RealArts internship during her junior year and was selected as the summer editorial intern for Philadelphia Magazine. Though the job entailed a lot of research and fact–checking, its creative environment allowed Manola to write and brainstorm freely. Looking forward, Manola hopes to continue her passions abroad in the United Kingdom, where she is applying to graduate creative writing programs. “There’s a tendency in any writing program to have your head in the clouds...but there’s still a real–world verdict out there. That’s what the name ‘RealArts’ is meant to convey,” says Anthony DeCurtis, a creative writing professor and co-founder of the program. “That however esoteric your interests, there are possible ways to realize them.” And then there are those who go it alone. Matthew Gibstein’s after–school job in high school was at the local Apple Store. When he wasn’t busy selling

iPhones at the age of eighteen, Matthew was avidly following tech startups via Twitter and tech news websites. At Penn, he was attracted to the Science, Technology and Society major and hoped it would help him land an internship at one of the innovative companies he used to follow. But when Matthew logged onto PennLink, there was nothing. “You go on a website and you don’t see an internship [listing]. You don’t see an internship recruiter or university recruiter on LinkedIn,” he recounts. “All the resources that you would have from traditional companies seem to be absent.” Matthew soon learned that these budding companies, with their scarce resources and hyper–focus on growth, were not going to come to him. He started cold–calling startups, sometimes even tweeting at them, convincing them he could help promote their visions. “Once they finally picked up the phone...I basically told them they had to hire me,” Matthew says sheepishly. His tenacity paid off, landing him internships at companies like Square, Uber, Dorm Room Fund and First Round Capital. His greatest feat was being accepted into the ultra–selective Google Internship Program, where he spent his sophomore year summer. But as OCR picked up during the spring semester of his junior year, Matthew couldn’t ignore the chance “for the last time, potentially ever...to try something, and if [I didn’t] like it there would be no consequences, there would be no story to explain, just [an] opportunity to try something new.” Eager to learn more about the “hard skills” his friends allegedly gained from their finance internships, Matthew interviewed for and accepted an internship offer to work in technology consulting for a prestigious global firm. But he soon realized that those “hard skills” he was so keen on learning did little to whet his appetite the way a startup did. So with graduation looming on the horizon, Matthew is looking forward to reverting back to his original method of job recruitment: telling tech industry leaders that they need him on their team. “We go to one of the best schools in the world,” Matthew says proudly, “and if there is something that we want to do and it’s not readily accessible at our fingertips, most of us are well–equipped to figure out how to find that.” Sophia Fischler-Gottfried and Lauren Greenberg are communications majors from Teaneck, NJ and Avon, CT, respectively.. Both are former social media editors for 34th Street; Sophia is also a former Ego editor. S E P T E M B E R 1 8 , 2 01 4 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 3

FILM & TV

Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Let The Opportunity

PASS YOU BY!

RUS H IN

TO DISCUSS YOUR PLAY FOR 2015-2016 GO ! S R E K A QU

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FILM & TV

REVIEW:

“THE DISAPPEARANCE OF ELEANOR RIGBY: THEM” The first in a trio of deceptively–titled films. When I told my brother I was going to see “The Disappearance of Eleanor Rigby: Them,” he thought I’d be watching a documentary about The Beatles. Ned Benson’s inaugural film isn’t about John, Paul, George and Ringo, but watching it, one can’t help but think of their melancholic 1966 song and the woman wearing the face she keeps in the jar by the door. “Them” isn’t really a film at all, but a puzzle pieced together with parts of two other films. In a series of flashbacks and chronological jumps, it tells the story of Eleanor Rigby and Conor Ludlow, a married couple in their early–thirties whose relationship and lives have caved in. Two other films, subtitled “Him” and “Her,” are told from each spouse’s perspective, and won’t be released until October 10th. “Them,” which came out on September 14th, is an account of their relationship as one might have seen it from the outside looking in. The movie begins with its happiest, least ambiguous scene: the couple dining and dashing and very much in love. Next comes Eleanor’s attempt to take her own life and her “disappearance” from Conor’s. As she recuperates at her parents’ house, the audience learns about her past with Conor and catches hints of the tragedy that changed the course of their marriage. While Eleanor takes classes on identity from Viola Davis, Conor manages his struggling restaurant alongside chef and best friend Bill Hader. Benson and his team chose to use different color palettes and camera rhythms to convey each perspective, and in “Them,” these subtle differences deepen the divide between the couple. Each scene in “The Disappearance of Eleanor Rigby: Them” is tinged with sadness and obscurity. While this haziness leaves more questions than answers, it’s also believable: tragedies and the sadness that follows don’t come in neatly wrapped packages for the theatre–going audience. It’s frustrating, but it doesn’t seem fake. If “The Disappearance of Eleanor Rigby: Them” is a puzzle, it seems incomplete without “Him” and “Her.” While it’s a long shot that all viewers will be willing to return to the theatre for two more films, the first installment isn’t quite enough for me. Grade: B Rating & Runtime: R, 122 minutes See if you liked: “Blue Valentine”

REVIEW: "THE DROP"

Check out James Gandolfini's last film, a not–so–typical crime thriller. New crime drama “The Drop” follows the story of Brooklyn bartender Bob Saginowski (Tom Hardy), a shy, solemn man who works for his cousin Marv (James Gandolfini, in his last role). The bar, unsurprisingly named Cousin Marv’s, is the “drop bar” through which local gangsters launder money. When a robbery goes horribly wrong, Bob and Marv become involved in an investigation of the criminal underworld. While the premise sounds familiar, the film is more than just your typical crime thriller. The cinematography is stylish, with its cool, moody color palette and its use of shallow focus. What really stands out, though, is the acting. Noomi Rapace, John Ortiz and Matthias Schoenaerts give wonderful performances as Bob’s friend Nadia, Detective Torres and psychotic creep Eric Deeds, respectively. All of them, however, including the late Gandolfini, take a backGrade: B+ Rating & Runtime: R, 106 mins. See if you liked: “Léon: The Professional”

seat as Hardy steals the show. With a slightly duck–like gait that is far from Bane’s purposeful stride, Hardy creates a perfectly awkward character. The bartender is a man of few words, but his deadbeat sarcasm is well–received as a release for the tension that builds from the slow–moving plot. For those who aren’t into the dark, criminal world of “The Drop,” perhaps a puppy is enough incentive to give this movie a go. Bob takes in an injured pit–bull and raises it with Nadia’s help. The “very good lookin’ dog” garners enough sighs of empathy from the audience to make you feel warm and fuzzy for the rest of your night. The character–driven plot of “The Drop” makes it successful. Each person’s story slowly unfolds, clue by clue, explaining their actions and adding depth to the already top– notch delivery from the actors.

JULIA WANG

CLARE LOMBARDO

S E P T E M B E R 1 8 , 2 01 4 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 5

DRINK OF THE WEEK: SEAWEED SMOOTHIE

Seaweed is like, totally the new kale. Rich in antioxidants, vitamins, minerals and low in calories, its the perfect green substitute for your morning smoothie. Ingredients: Half a sheet of dried seaweed 2 kiwis Half an apple 1 cup cranberry juice 1 tablespoon honey 1/2 tablespoon flax seed 3-5 ice cubes Directions: Soak dried seaweed overnight. In the morning, cut up fruit and mix ingredients together. Add ice and blend until desired consistency. Drink up!

Café Renata

CAFE | RESTAURANT | BYOB

FOOD & DRINK

#STREEEATS

FISH TACOS — Do you want to taco ‘bout it? It’s nacho problem...

Ingredients: Fish: Tilapia from Fro Gro or any white fish will do. Two good sized Tilapia filets will make about 6 tacos. Small tortillas Olive oil Salt and pepper Garlic powder Cayenne pepper Lettuce (we used Romaine from a bag) Shredded cheese Salsa, sour cream, guacamole... anything else you want on top! Directions: Rinse your fish and pat it dry with a paper towel. Put a little olive oil in a pan, turn it on high and let it heat up. Lay your fish in it and sprinkle salt, pepper, garlic powder and Cayenne pepper on top (this is to taste—if you don’t like things too spicy, go easy on the Cayenne). Cook for about five minutes on each side. When you flip the filets, season the other side with your spice mix. Check if your fish is done by trying to break it up with your spatula. If it pulls apart easily, it’s done. The inside should also be opaque white—not translucent. Chop up the fish, and get set up to build your tacos! I loaded mine up with cheese, lettuce, sour cream and salsa. Variations: For a Cajun spin, use a “blackened” seasoning on the fish and whip up an easy remoulade with ketchup, mayo, dijon mustard and horseradish. For fish fajitas, fry up some green peppers and onions to go on top. SYDNEY SCHAEDEL

taco

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served as it was meant to be:

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3549 Chestnut Street 215.387.8808 sangkeenoodlehouse.com

or not taco? that is the question.

FOOD & DRINK

WHAT KIND OF FISH SHOULD YOU EAT? Do you like “fishy” fish?

Is walking to Pottruck too much effort?

Do you wear a full suit every time you go to Huntsman?

Do you like when your food overcompensates too?

Do you care about the difference between Omega 3 and Omega 6 Fatty Acids?

Swordfish

Salmon

Make: Grilled Swordfish: Marinate with olive oil, salt, pepper and lemon juice. Cook on a grill pan to get fancy grill marks.

Make: Lox Blinis: Top a mini pancake with smoked salmon, some sour cream and a sprig of dill.

Are you willing to sprint to Whole Foods too?

Trout

Do you like fish sticks?

Cod

Make: Trout in Parchment Paper: Take a filet of trout with chopped up celery, onion, carrots and pepper. Wrap everything in parchment paper and bake at 350 for 30 minutes.

Make: Fish and chips: Coat cod filets in eggs, flour and breadcrumbs. Shallow fry in a skillet, open up a bag of Lays and pretend to be British.

/ \ / \ / \ / || \ \ o / \ / squid \ / by street /|\ \|/

HEART OF UNIVERSITY CITY

EVERY WEDNESDAY 11 to 5

Miami Burger • Wild West Bison • Salmon Burger Black Bean Burger • Acapulco • Atlantic City Buffalo • Cannes • Caribbean Jerk • Charleston Monterey • Monte Carlo • San Antonio • Yucatan Brighton Cheddar • San Remo • Burger Benedict St.Tropez • NEW! Meatloaf Burger

40th & SPRUCE S E P T E M B E R 1 8 , 2 01 4 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 17

FOOD & DRINK

A Fishmonger’s Lexicon: Filleting: slicing the flesh away from the backbone to get—you guessed it—fillets. Butterflying: removing the backbone and ribs of a whole fish while leaving the two main fillets connected. A good choice for stuffing. Deboning: removing all the bones from a whole fish. Pin–boning: removing the smaller set of bones from a fillet. Gutting and scaling (AKA “straight clean”): removing the innards and scales from the whole fish. Steaking: breaking down the fish into steaks, usually done on larger whole fish.

Garg Behavioral Health is Accepting New Patients! All Students Welcome! We provide evidence-based, up-to-date treatment for the most common psychiatric conditions: Depression Anxiety Addictions Eating Disorders Trauma ADHD Relational Issues

“You had a choice of where to go to college. You now have a choice of where to go for the best mental health care.”

FISH(MONGERS) ARE FRIENDS, NOT FOOD

Rosa, manager and monger at the Golden Fish and Seafood Company in Reading Terminal Market, shares some tips on how to get along with your local fishmonger.

Ask how fresh your fish is and from where it was sourced.

Make sure you know what you’re asking for (see lexicon).

Venture out of your comfort zone and try cooking a whole fish. Consider cooking with the bone–in on larger fish. “A lot of the flavor is from the bones and skin, if you’re comfortable with that,” says Rosa.

Minimal wait time. No referral out. One-stop shopping. Evening and Weekend Hours! SEPTA stops below our office! We understand your time crunch! Nick Garg, MD | 1500 Market Street | (215) 665-5618 nick@gargbehavioralhealth.com | www.GargBehavioralHealth.com 1 8 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E S E P T E M B E R 1 8 , 2 01 4

Take advantage of your fish monger's culinary expertise. "Sushi, grilling baking, frying...I know what fish is the best!"

DON'T Make small talk when your fishmonger is busy. “We can talk now because it’s late. But when the market’s so busy, ask us questions, but don’t ask a million.” Backtrack. Rosa is very emphatic about this one: “Don’t ask us to fillet and then say ‘no no no, I wanted full steaks.’ I can’t glue it back together!” Try to scale and gut your fish. “If you do it at home, scales will go everywhere—in your hair, floor, sink, counters...you’ll keep finding them.” Rosa also advises you to leave the gutting to the professionals: “It’s gross, and you might mess up the fish.” Forget to ask for deboning if bones aren’t your thing. “We’ll do it, no problem. Most [fishmongers] should. Just tell us when you get to the counter.” Treat them like a cookbook. They're fishmongers, not (necessarily) chefs.

ARTS

TOUCH In the midst of the Penn routine, it’s easy to forget the passions that fulfill us. Between lectures, seminars, recitations, group meetings, lunch dates, weekend activities and late nights in Huntsman Hall, one’s interests take a backseat. In my case, writing, painting and drawing have become practically nonexistent in my time at Penn. Even so, I hadn’t realized how much I missed these loves of mine until last weekend, when I snuck into Addams Hall to make a vase. My last ceramics class had been in the 3rd grade. The extent of my expertise was crafting crooked lamp covers and molds of my face. Essentially, I wasn’t sure how to use a pottery wheel. As I slapped the clay onto the machine, I mused about what was significant about this act of creation. As I began to spin the soon–to–be Christmas gift for mama, the ceramic gods enlightened me. There is something special and forgotten about working with one’s hands. It is an imperfect process—it’s personal and human. Yes, my vase did not look like a vase as I clumsily molded it between my fingers. I’m pretty sure I got a rash thanks to the friction between my hands and the spinning clay. Even

TAKING A STANCE ON MAKING CERAMICS

when I spent a solid 20 minutes trying to salvage my wobbly creation, it still looked like a pile of mud. Yet that wasn’t what made the experience worth it. The act of creation was worth more. I was engaging in an activity that I really enjoyed and I had found a voice that I long ago forgot resonated inside me. We are here to learn, both in the classroom and out. We can’t permit academics and our ambitions to consume us. Under the pressure of upcoming papers and midterms, I had not taken a moment for myself to do what I loved. Before Penn, I wrote at least two to three times a week. I tried to draw and paint often as well. Our university is a high–stress environment. It’s a place we’re lucky to experience, but sometimes we just want to cry our eyes out. It’s easy to focus on the things that you have to do and not the things you want to do. We forget that it’s important to prioritize the activities that provide us with venues for creativity. Particularly, the fine arts and literature are often overlooked and even denigrated in college environments in favor of hard sciences and “more prac-

SMELL

REVIEW: “A BIG STICK OF CONFIDENCE” I recently visited Clara Ursitti’s scent exhibit “A Big Stick Of Confidence” at the Esther Klein Gallery. Unfortunately, I wasn’t sold on the kind of nostalgic sensory “trip” that the artist is so admirably known for. If anything, the only trip I took was to the front desk to ask them: “Is this it?” Perhaps my personal interpretation reflects some naiveté, but I failed to recognize the connection between Ursitti’s intent and execution, leaving my senses unchallenged and my understanding of the message vague at best. Surely Ursitti’s past work has challenged audiences to interact with unlikely surroundings, driving their perspective away from normalcy. That’s what good art does— it draws us away from our present mental whereabouts and into the creative universe of the artist. If only for a brief moment, we forget about the stuff and fuss of daily life as our undivided attention is not merely

asked for, but demanded by the work itself. But at “A Big Stick Of Confidence,” I merely wandered through bamboo, palm and phoenix trees that reeked of dank men’s cologne. All I could ask was “Why?” I opened a door labeled “Exhibition continues,” and entered a lackluster lobby, left to wonder what was simply bland interior and what was “exhibition.” Entering the room was like recalling memories of foot odor and moist locker room air. On the wall, in a lone circle of light, was a tiny stick resembling a penis. No context, no incentive. That was it? Is the takeaway of this exhibition that masculine stereotypes conceal insecurities? Or that size doesn’t define masculinity? Whatever the case, “A Big Stick of Confidence” was far from effortless. The execution was disappointing and directionless. The vision was incomprehensible, its underwhelming climax a small stick exposing the artist’s uncertainty.

tical” fields of study. In my case, my passions are the arts. It doesn’t matter what they are. Whether you’re an English major or you like to write a haiku once in a blue moon, don’t stop doing it because of the pressures of daily life. If you’re painting the next Starry Night or just have a penchant for stick figures, don’t leave it behind because you don’t have time. Go to the museum you’ve been dying to check out. Make the recipe you’ve had on your Pinterest board for months. There is nothing more powerful than human expression, and the arts are a fantastic way to do so. Maybe I’ll see you next semester in one of the Fine Arts ceramics classes (and then maybe I’ll be able to get into Addams whenever I want). SYRA ORTIZ-BLANES

The Philadelphia Orchestra

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highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow

FILM

ARTS

TASTE & VISION

DO YOU PAY PER VIEW? Sugar Philly Food Truck YOUpolled ARTyou WHERE EAT Film to find YOU out how you are getting your Sunday afternoon Parked at 48th between Walnut and Sansom

How Penn Students Watch Movies Borrow from Library

24.6%

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Avril 50 ANTHONY KHAYKIN movie fixes. Here’s what we learned. BY streets every weekday afternoon, the exterior of

Free Streaming This yellow–trimmed storefront at 34th and San- the Sugar Philly truck is as sweet as its contents. hough we all know the watch Hugo in theaters. And we you guess then that Penn stu47.7% som streets is a work of art disguised as a coffee– 16.9% The vehicle depicts a storm of desserts raining Paid Online Services Internet is for porn fit this mold of overworked Ivy dents would prefer to get their chocolate–cigarette shop. collage, well, down Philadelphia over seasons, inked (thanks Avenue Q),The the medium Leagueisstudents withon only RomCom fixfour online with free the material merchandise. walls17% of Avril candy–huedstreaming pinks, blues andlike violets. It’s a bedroom is noislonger the only Theabout of Penninundergrads websites SideReel 50 are a mosaic of art publications, coffee beans, 9.2% of evdesign,and both aesthetic area being ceded to digital terri- watching movies at work the Rave Ch131 ratherand thanfunctional. pay for cigarette cartons, imported chocolate bars and The truck’s signage provides visual tory. For every girl with daddy’s ery semester. services provided by instruction Netflix and to obscurewindow concert posters—all curatedBut in loving de- the customers on how to enjoy the tiny sugared pasAmEx, browsing on how about other steRedbox? 1.5% tail by John Shahidi, Persian–Parisian who the thattries quantities, day,movfalling Fifth Avenue has beenareplaced reotype, theisone sayssold: all col-in largeWhile 75% ofevery us watch shop’sonline sole owner, managerAnd and employee. with shopping. lege students are poor? ies online, pay macafor fromThe thefree sky. Make it rain nearly (salted50% caramel FYEs everywhere have virtu- movement of information made it. creme I hearbrulee Horrible a Why do you go to the movies? rons and vanilla andBosses tiny — cheeseOxbeen Coffee ally rendered useless (pun possible by the interweb cakes,makes please). new release on iTunes — is hys3.1% 6.3% Downtown Street is of perfect for window– intended) withSouth the existence terical, but is Other shopping and iTunes people–watching. But its Hill College Whosewith recommendations do you take? the multifarious store. it worth the House It's a way to hang out with friends 25% myriad smoke Things thrift are nostores, different here shops,50 tattoo par- I would prefer 1.5 salads at 47.7%for Benjamin Franklin’s involveOther It's a good study break 40.6% art,thepicture beautiful 40% pe- ment in my meals to be on the faceSweetgreen atlours, Penn,street where Rave framers, gets Ox Coffee of a $100 bill 40 A Friend It makes you feel relaxed and happy nearly halfetc. theetc. traffi c for can the be exhausting. Ox as I pay Lyn, but Hill it has would destrians etc.—it College House other Cinema Studies 25% midnight screenings of of blockif Coffee, tucked just off South on 303rd26.2% Street, is ideas. Instead of fun–sized Required for Class Major Ben,have Hill cost presents 25% 25% buster hits like Twilight as Hulu I had seen it a minimalist respite from the visual gang–bang hungry freshmen and Professor or TA confused upperclassmen 20 does thearound day after newest in theaters? raging the the corner. Part coffee shop, part still on a dining planStreet with a supersize wall mural episode 30 Rock airs. This Ramen noogallery of space, Ox displays the work10 of a differ- of the prez that takes *Students surveyed were Benjamania to a whole new allowed to choose more makes sense.on WeitsPenn students walls every few level. The dining experience dles aren’t ent artist whitewashed at Hill is accompa- es seven movies, more or less, than one option. are too The busycafe’s procrastinating bad, Ben I every semester. Simple arithmeweeks. decor consists of0 small pot- nied by a distinct feeling of beingthat watched: on InTouch and tables design-and benches and an Franklin is looking down on you with guess.his resting tic proves that it’s $40 cheaper tedPenn plants, raw wood ing funny lacrosse pinnies of forartwork, entertainment and The average Penn student to watch said movies on Netflix ever–changing smattering all curated accessible bitch face as you follow that egg white and spinthe clubsawe’re in to inexpensive to anyone with an (who is anything but average, if than at the Rave, and an addiaround crisp, involved chill aesthetic. ach omelette with six bowls of blue ice cream. leave the comfort of our beds to AirPennNet account. Wouldn’t you ask Amy Gutmann) watch- tional $20 less on iTunes (cost of popcorn and Mike and Ikes not included in these calculations). The low cost of watching seven movies on iTunes for >> Total amount of less than 30 bucks is worth the money spent in movie many conveniences thatSugar onlinePhilly Truck theaters* by Penn paid services afford us: not bestudents each semester ing interrupted by incessant buffering and commercials, the4002 Spruce St, immunity to computer viruses PA 19104 and most importantly, notPhiladelphia, having to wait 54 minutes after 387-1583 >> Total amount of watching 72 minutes of a movie (215) money spent watching on Megavideo. online, if all people who Not to mention, it’s a small paid for online services price to pay when you look at Dine-In, Catering & Delivery used iTunes* the big picture — the combined savings of the 47.7% of Chicken Penn Teriyaki $9 Happy Hour: Mon-Fri 5-7 students who pay for their online services rather than going to the Curry Katsu Any $10 Lunch Special: Mon-Fri $8.95 movie theater is somewhere between $196,136 and $295,344, Bulgogi >> Total amount of$11 Early Bird: Sun-Thur $10.95 depending on whether they use money spent watching Buy 1 get Netflix or iTunes, respectively. Specialty Rollsif all people online, who 2nd 1/2 off Moral of the story is: we won't paid for online services judge if you just stay in bed. Bibimbab used Netflix* $2 off

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*A simple random sample of 100 Penn undergrads were surveyed to collect data about their film viewing habits.

*$12.50/ticket at the Rave We serve Korean and *$3.99 to rent a movie on iTunes Japanese food! *$7.99/month on Netflix

ARTS

SMELL

SOUND

VISION

TASTE TOUCH

SOUND

SUSAN HOWE AND DAVID GRUBBS PERFORM AT ARMADO HALL The duo is known for multilayered compositions. Grubbs lays synthesized sounds and solemn piano notes over Howe’s poetry, which is sometimes quick, and other times slow. The effect is a sound that resonates with something primal within us. Listening to the duo inspires movement of the mind. The synthesizer was used to mock sounds found in nature. There is the whirring sound of the wind, the crashing of waves, crickets chirping and birds tweeting. The sound recordings are meant to transport the audience to a place where nature and humans live in harmony, not separated as they so often are today. The pace of Howe’s voice resonates with the meaning of words—chosen for their pronunciations as well as their meanings. Howe tricks the mind into experiencing several senses, all through the vehicle of sound. The scene was contemporary and minimalistic, with only a table covered in blue tablecloth with a microphone and three bottles of water laid upon it. The acoustics of the music hall and the resonating sound it emitted were a perfect accompaniment to the performance. The audience existed within a vacuum of sound—separated from the bustling society right outside the room’s four walls. JEREMY BAMIDELE S E P T E M B E R 1 8 , 2 01 4 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 2 1

LOWBROW

WELCOME TO PENN APPS:

A MANIFESTO

Yo,

It’s my honor to welcome you all to the 2014 PennApps hackathon and continental breakfast. It’s inspiring to see so many bright young people who didn’t have other plans this weekend gathered together to change the world through the power of technology. Make no mistake, we are here to change the world. After this weekend, everything will change. Get ready for everything you know to be disrupted. Everything. The way you pay for things. The way you look at things. The way you never seem to be able to get girls to talk to you. We’ve got some amazing ideas already percolating. Walking around today, I heard no fewer than seven ideas for new social networks and none of them were even a little like Facebook. And the dating apps I’ve been hearing about, well, I’ll just say you guys are regular Casa-no-grammers. Amirite? Amirite? But let’s not forget that this conference also has a social justice mission. That’s why we’re working hard to bring Uber to areas that never had it before, like the suburbs. Also, Africa. Someday, I hope there will be nowhere on the planet where you can’t get a driver to pick you up and take you where you need to go. And I hope he’ll know to keep his mouth shut the whole time, too. Jesus, I had this driver the other day who was just going on and on about his kids or whatever and I was like, “Come on, man, I just want to get to this VC meeting. What do you think this is, Lyft?” But enough talking. It’s time to move fast and break things. (Please don’t actually break anything. We don’t want a repeat of last year.)

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Lowbrow doesn't even know how to use technology. We definitely didn't go to Penn Apps.

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The Brains:

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This guy knows more about C++, HTML and DRL than you can ever imagine knowing. And when he says he’ll show you his Python, it’s not what you think. While he could build a whole app himself, extreme fear of people makes marketing or pitching that app a total no–go. Look for him in his own dorm room. He lives in Gregory. He has multiple computer screens and a girlfriend that he has never actually met. She seems really nice, though.

They might just look like three dudes from your fraternity, because that is exactly what they are. One is a COMM major or something, and the other one took Intro to Marketing pass/fail. They are def gonna throw a party for your big release and they already invited 600 people on Facebook. Which is “also an app,” as one will astutely point out pre–high five.

She is just as smart and qualified as the Brains, but let’s be real, no one here is looking at her brains. The patriarchy is still very much alive at PennApps. She really is super qualified. Oh my god, she is looking at me right now, what do I do? Should I smile? We made eye contact? Does that mean she’s my girlfriend?

LOWBROW

New Apps To Optimize Your Penn Experience Friend or Pho

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Spoonify

This steaming hot app changes the hair of everyone in your favorite PHOtos into noodles. Yeah you heard us right, all this app does is make spaghetti hair. Look out for its sister app Pho Money, Pho Problems, being released this fall. Price: $6.45 cash only, 10 more cents for the to–go box

Like Tinder, but instead of meeting up for sex you just go to the same party and stand on opposite sides of the room not talking to each other. Perfect for those who always feel left out when their friends complaining at brunch about their shitty sex lives. Price: Your dignity

Spotify lets you connect to millions of artists. Spoonify connects you to one— Spoon! Hey, does anyone remember Spoon? I think they played at Made in America? That guy in your poetry class loves them. They were in “Garden State” or something? Price: Free, but you never get laid again.

PennApps

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Just a lot of photos of appetizers. We're going to be honest, this app was only created for the pun. #doitforthepun. Price: It comes free when you do the three course.

It’s Yo, but only for Jews. It’s also kind of like J–Swipe, but nothing like J–Swipe. Great bar mitzvah gift for the tech savvy 13–year–old in your life. Price: Any denomination of 18

A great place to dish about dick. Boyfriend broke up with you? Tell the world how weird his penis shape was. Was he uncircumcised? Double points! Price: $4, but he swears it’s $6.

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