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Poems and

Writings Of


For my one true love Mrs Sunita Beck -----------------------

Oxygen Intoxicated with drink, drugs and pleasure, Not a care in the world. A look, an offer, an invitation, Suspicion, temptation, arousal at the thought. A hand, a touch, all resistance terminated, Control, rational, reason....obliterated! Emotions once held in check rise to the fore, Primal instincts surging for dominance. Senses igniting with new meaning, body trembles, limbs jerk, brain pulses, Head races, blood rushes, breathing intensifies. Kissing, stroking, tasting, biting, licking, Sucking, pulling, pushing, feeling, probing, Squeezing, rubbing, flicking, fucking. Enthralled, lost, time is nothing...everything, The beginning and the end....release! Satisfaction, bliss, normal function returning, Confusion, delusion, regret, Shame, dishonour, guilt. Lies, many lies, sorrow and torment. Imprisoned, escape, time to reflect, repair, Grow stronger, prepare, redemption, Liberation, live and learn, keep moving, No fate but what we make, No fuel, no fire, no heat!


If If the rains stopped pouring, And the clouds went away. If this endless night Would only be day. The rain won't stop And the night won't pass;

Trapped inside the looking glass!

Seeing all of time and space But running at a different pace.

Cast adrift upon rough seas, And never knowing what might be.

Passing through without a clue To what it is I'm supposed to do. In this body where I lie, waiting for my turn to die.

Hoping that I don't come back, To this life and all this crap. ------------------------------------------------------------------------

Obligation Dreaming? A distant memory of a primal existence. Floating, wandering the stars, Enjoying a weightless serenity. Completely aware of being.


Independent and self reliant, Yet feeling....


Connected, part of a higher purpose. Remembering unfulfilled responsibility, Destiny, To learn, discover and grow,

Enlightened. Conceding to return to chaos and be re-born, To forget and suffer, To become ignorant, To start again. Why? Why not?


Innocence What lies beneath the facade of the man you see before you? Can you penetrate the layers and bring to light the truth, Is it even possible to lay hands on the serpent in the dark? Or will he take you with him on his journey to the abyss?

Do you think yourself ready to absorb his teachings? Will your conscious submit to what it cannot understand? Does it matter to you at all that you will become tainted? And who will listen to the rantings of a mad man?

So this isn’t enough to put you off looking still further, If you ask too many questions are you prepared for the answers? Why do you continue after all that I've said? Shall I dissuade you some more or do you want to be dead?

How can you comprehend the danger you face, When will your curiosity stop putting you at risk? Where is your God to protect you from me? Must you become forsaken before you will see?

Have you fear of the Devil and the tricks he can spin, Should I show you my position in relation to him? Would it dazzle your brain to compute such a distance? Could you begin to fathom that he is under my influence? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------


Do I tell you everything about where I've been? Do you really want to know all the pain I've seen? Would it hurt you more to know I'm the cause? Of a thousand broken hearts just because; I was a sadist, looking for a little buzz, Imitating all the thing that the gangster does, Without a care in the world for my family, or a thought about the future that I'd made for me.

If I could take it back, maybe start again, I'd probably fuck it all up, never knowing when, To take advantage of the chances life gave to me, Because I'm a dumb motherfucker with a bad pedigree. If I take a look at my life, hear and now, Trying to work out if I'm gonna allow, Things to carry on the way they were before, Or do I sort it all out and be something more, Like the person that I've always wanted to be, With time on my hands and completely free? --------------------------------------------------------------------

Acceptance Contemplating times past; the history of this body and the discovery of the mind within, Enraged and distressed at finding myself confined inside a restricted space with limited purpose. Raging against the situation in an attempt to re-work fate, trying to free the energy by annihilating the matter, to be like the Phoenix and rise from the ashes. Delusion; a mistake Born from ignorance and confusion, causing pain and damage to both body and spirit. A pause; a re-think to access the problem and stop the snowball effect that is already in motion. Depression; panic and worry that it's too late to change or that in the end there won't be enough strength left to tackle the Hydra and escape the abyss. In that pit of despair an ancient power infused my being, enfolding my spirit and lifting me out, a transference of energy from around the globe, costing a life in sacrifice, that I will not forget. Dreams; visions, prophecy and reflection, turbulent times on a journey inward, as two become one and the force worked its way through, the realisation of true self regret for the terrible price paid for it. Times change; here and now hoping that evil actions done under the stress of an unsound mind truly do not bear evil consequences. Constantly alert for signs of regression. Amassing knowledge, facts and observations so as to be prepared for what might be. A storm is over, lessons learned, more to come. The future; forever a distant place of endless tomorrows, ifs, buts and maybes, uncertainty is the only sure thing. Nothing to do except wait and submit to the wisdom that the universe knows what it is doing, to go with the flow. Heads and tails; make a choice and take a chance, believe in yourself and look after your friends, your body and your mind equally. Each battle dictates the outcome of the war. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Taking it, there's no other way, Holding on for one more day, Paining me as I carry on, Feeling weak but I must stay strong.

Don't hold back, give it your all, Stand up again even if you fall, Do your thing and nothing more, Never break your moral law.

Who can say that they know best? Fuck the world and all the rest, Stick it to them anyhow, Live your life here and now.

Through the fire and the rain, Never coming back again. --------------------------------------------------------------------------


The ground has crumbled, looks like I've tumbled, Now is the time to jump on down. Open my arms, screaming and I cried, Now is the time to jump on down. No chance of flying, I'm gonna be dying, Now is the time to jump on down. The destiny I'm dating, is no longer waiting, Now is the time to jump on down. I feel myself falling, the darkness is calling, Now is the time to jump on down. Twisting so I see, the stars up above me, Now is the time to hit the ground! --------------------------------------------------------------------


As a little kid I was always frustrated, Because of the world and all its hatred. Always fighting the system, right from the start, Took what I needed, but by being apart. Went through a stage of pain and confusion, got by with the drugs while living in delusion. Then came a time I started to struggle, And my only solution was learning to smuggle. The money came easy, and went even faster, It didn't take long to end in disaster. I came to Brazil, to impress my boss, And ended in prison, like an idiot does. Went to the trial, got the minimum sentence. Fuck all the police, no chance of repentance. They hijacked the coke, and pocketed the money, Stole all my belongings, while thinking it funny. When I am free, and selling my gear, Then who'll be laughing, they'll still be here. --------------------------------------------------------------------


longmans writings and poems