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Permanently There is something I cannot comprehend about death. Being dead is permanent, irreversible. Death is heartbreaking and destructive. Death ruined me from the inside out. My mum is dead. The one person I believed would never leave me, left. Permanently, heartbreakingly, destructively. June 8th. She died in a car accident. I thought my mum was indestructible, I thought she would live forever. Today, I am moving in with James Yardley. My dad. Thing is, he's hardly a dad, mostly just a prick. He lives in Burbank Illinois, which is quite a transition from where I have lived for my past 18 years: Chicago. I'm glad I only have to stay here for the remainder of the summer, before I start my courses at Chicago State University. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure my dad has changed since 2009 when he came home pissed drunk and hit my mom, but no I will never forgive him, and no I will not enjoy this last month before uni. *beep beep beep* The obnoxious sound of my alarm wakes me up at 6:30 on a Saturday. Great. As I look around my bed room, memories flood back from times when mum and me would wake up early to watch the sun rise. Take a deep breath Lilly. Today is the day. My gran who lives next door has been asking me everyday for a week how I feel about seeing him. I tell her that I will be fine, but I know I won't be. The thought of my dad makes me want to vomit. I mean, its not like I haven't seen him since he's got back from rehab because of course I have. He came to the funeral with his new fiancee. She seems nice, she really does, but she’s not my mom. I stiffly manage to part myself from my bed and head over to the shower because I know I smell like shit. I can't remember the last time I showered, I honestly can't see the point in cleaning myself. I can't see the point in doing anything anymore. I look in the mirror and my reflection is atrocious. My long, dull brown hair looks like a rats nest. My blue eyes are red from tears even though I don't remember crying. Am I crying in my sleep now? The hot water from the shower soothes my aching muscles enough to let me relax and prepare myself for the stressful day ahead of me. At noon, after I have put a light amount of makeup on and pulled my hair back into a pony tail, my father's shitty old Volkswagen pulls into the lot and I leave my childhood home behind for the last time, along with the remainder of my belongings and my ugly cat Molly. "Hi Lilly, I'm really glad you're coming to stay with me this month." James says with his deep husky voice. I hate his voice. I hate everything about this man. This month is going to be hell. I just reply "Yeah." For the remainder of the drive we sit in silence. Inside of me I feel many emotions bubbling up, just aching to surface, but I force myself to push them back down, for my sake. Not for James'. When we come to a stop at an apartment building in the heart of Burbank, my dad carries my bags and I walk Molly on her little cat leash that my mom


bought her for her cat-birthday a few years ago. The building looks pretty spiffy from the outside, but it's nothing compared to the inside. The lobby actually has a fountain AND a fireplace. Even the elevators are fancy, the sides are all mirror so it looks as if there are hundreds of Lilly's and James'. Great, just what the world needs, more James'. When we reach floor 15 we leave the elevator and walk down to the end of the brightly lit, clean hallway to room 16F. Dad opens the door and I enter my new temporary home. And my god is it a nice temporary home. I thought the lobby was something but this apartment was beautiful, I wish I knew how James could afford such a nice place. All of a sudden I am wrapped up in the embrace of a bubbly woman who smells strongly of Chanel No5: Patricia, my dads fiancee. In a condescending voice, she squeals "Lilly! Welcome to our home, we are so excited to have you here! Let me show you around." She takes me through the apartment, telling me about the building's history and the cute boy that lives down the hall in 16C. She stops at a room with a window that covers most of one wall, it is painted white and has little fairy lights strung above the bed. "This is the room we prepared for you, it's got the best view in the house. I'll leave you to settle in for a while, we are thinking of going out to dinner for around 7.." She then left the room and I began to feel everything all at once. All the pain from my mother's death and all the hate that I have for my father that's been shoved inside of me for too long. I crawl into bed to escape my life, as I have been doing frequently since the accident and I drift off to sleep. ----------------------------------------I hope you guys enjoyed chapter one! :)) I'd love some feedback if you have the time, and follow me on Booksie and/or Wattpad for weekly updates: zrmorrisx


Permanently  

Short story by a young artist. Follow on Booksie or Wattpad for weekly updates: zrmorrisx

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