YELLOWBURN I NV E STM E N T OPP ORT U N I T I E S
Yellowburn Borough Council Town Hall, King William St, BB1 7DY Main Switchboard: 01254 653194 www.yellowburn.co.uk www.increasing-UK-happiness.net 2
It is not money that makes people happy, but peopleâ€™s happiness that makes money.â€?
J. Samsom Yellowburn Borough Councillor
In 2011 the UN passed Resolution 65/309, which encouraged all member states to measure Happiness. Subsequently, nations are ranked according to their Happiness, and Happiness came to be regarded as a better measure of a nationâ€™s success than GDP. Back in 2014, the UK was in 22nd Place. This was considered by the UK Government to be not at all reflective of the position that the UK should hold in the world. Blackburn - a town in the north of the England - was at that point one of the least happy places in the UK. It was therefore chosen to be the first town in which to implent the new proposals; it changed from Blackburn to Yellowburn and was the very first city in the world to ban all Non-Happiness in public spaces, in order to help the UK rise up the Global Happiness rankings.
Coat of Arms
Coat of Arms
See Appendix B for more information on Coat of Arms Redesign
C ON T E NTS
Rising up the Global Happiness Rankings Happiness : The New Definition Happiness of the UK : 2014 to Today Global Happiness : 700BC to Today
1 2 3–4
The Financials The Cost-Benefit Analysis of Emotions Yellowburn : The Profit Potential
The Investment Opportunities 1. FRCCTV 2. Social Happiness tax 3. Y-Districts 4. Black Clothing Tax 5. Information Bouncy Booths 6. Costa Rican Exchange 7. Freephone Optimism 8. Encouraging Playgrounds 9. The Cat Tail Wagging Device 10. Prescription Glasses
13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22
APPENDICES A Profit and Loss : Yellowburn, Year 1 B Yellowburn Coat of Arms Redesign C Cities to target after Yellowburn
25 26 27–28
RISING UP THE GLOBAL HAPpINESS RANKINGS
HAPPINESS : THE NEW DEFINITION
Back in 2014, Dawn Snape, Head of Personal Wellbeing at the UK Office of National Statistics, was quoted as saying ‘Whilst measuring Happiness, we do not really know what we are measuring — what I class as Happiness could be very different from what you think it is’. With every nation in the world ranked according to its Happiness, this lack of clarity, as to what was being measured, was deemed inappropriate. One year later, in order to reach a consensus about what Happiness is and thus make it truly measurable, experts came together for a 10 day summit in Denmark. Over the 10 days, the definition of Happiness was debated with input from politicians, scientists, psychologists, legal teams and other experts on Happiness. Although legal experts explained that there is no legal definition as to what Happiness is, they introduced the term ‘merepuff’ into the proceedings. This term commonly refers to a statement which is not meant to be taken seriously, and therefore allows companies and corporations to make claims they cannot substantiate. It thus allowed the politicians to define Happiness as:
33.4% 33.3% 33.3%
A smile upon the face A pleasant demeanor An optimistic outlook
HAPPINESS OF THE UK
Back in 2014 the UK lingered in 22nd place in terms of Happiness. In one year since the introduction of Yellowburn and putting the proposals into action, the UK rose 6 places in the Global Happiness Rankings. Projections by external Independant advisors show that, with continued implementation of proposals in Yellowburn, and by extending the proposals to other â€˜unhappyâ€™ cities in the UK (See Appendix C for further information), the UK will rise to 3rd place within the next 5 years.
The 10 Happiest Nations Projected Rankings in 5 years time 1. Denmark 2. Norway 3. UK 4. Switzerland 5. Netherlands 6. Sweden 7. Canada 8. Costa Rica 9. Finland 10. Austria
GLOBAL HAPPINESS 700BCâ€“today The pursuit of Happiness has long puzzled and eluded man, while remaining a goal of the highest order for centuries. But today, Yellowburn has stop merely trying to pursue Happiness; by effectively banning any NonHappiness, and rewarding Happiness, Happiness is attained.
1. Happiness is a gift from the Gods, we have no control over it. 2. Happiness can only be reckoned at death. 3. We control our own Happines. 4. To find Happiness one must order the soul. 5. To find Happiness one must live by reason. 6. There is no Happiness on earth; we will be happy when we die. 7. To find Happiness one must follow the rules of God. 8. Forgiveness is pure Happiness. 9. Government cannot legislate for Happiness. 10. Everyone has the right to Happiness. 11. Happiness can be bought. 12. Government has an obligation to provide Happiness. 13. Happiness is not found in possessions. 14. We need Unhappiness to feel Happiness. 15. NonHappiness is outlawed from society.
Fig. 1: Productivity and Profit of Emotions. By Yellowburn (then Blackburn) Economic Advisor S. Morrister
COST-BENEFIT: EMOTIONS COSTS
Less critical Healthier More productive / Less sick days
May need therapy / drugs Less Productive More creative
Cost to Healthcare Sevices Potential costs for Business
Potentially act out their anger Increased risk of health problems
Cost to Healthcare Sevices Cost to Police Sevices
Cost to Police Sevices
Low Productivity May need help
Cost to Business General cost to society
BENEFITS Reduced Police Costs Reduced Healthcare Costs Increased Profit for Business Increased music & art
Fig. 2 : The Costs and Benefits of Emotions. By Yellowburn (then Blackburn) Economic Advisor S. Morrister
THE PROFIT POTENTIAL Research shows that happier people are:
More productive More agreeable More healthy
Happier citizens are therefore cost-effective:
Increased productivity increases profit for Business, raises income from Business taxes, and encourages Business Investment in to the town. Agreeable citizens reduce the cost to the police service. Healthier citizens reduce the cost to the health service.
THE PROFIT POTENTIAL As well as pushing the UK up the global Happiness rankings, Yellowburn has the added benefit of being a profitable investment opportunity. On the following pages you will find a number of investment opportunities.
PROPOSAL 1: FRCCTV FRCCTV
INFORMATION Every major city or town in the world has CCTV. Yellowburn has not only joined them but beaten them by installing FRCCTV : Facial Recognition CCTV. These cameras, on every corner, can accurately detect from someoneâ€™s face and body how happy they are.
FINANCIALS Investors will receive a 5% return on their investment into FRCCTV.
other By comparing people to a standardized scale, FRCCTV allows the Happiness level of each resident to be tracked.
PROPOSAL 2: social happiness tax
INFORMATION Residents who the FRCCTV classes as Happy will receive Social Happiness Tax Credits. Residents who are classed as NonHappy will be fined with a tax penalty.
Tax Credits: A sliding scale of £5- £25 per hour. Dependant on the level of Happiness detected by the FRCCTV while the resident is in any public place.
Skipping while smiling, making eye contact, and being optimistic for a full 60 minutes in a public place results in the top tax credit of £25.
Penalties: £10 for every 30 minutes in which the resident is detected by FRCCTV as NonHappy in any public space.
PROPOSAL 3: Y-DISTRICTS
CBT NLP ANG ETC INFORMATION Residents who are detected as NonHappy will be taxed and escorted to a Y-District for a selection of therapies including CBT, NLP etc.
FINANCIALS Price per 1 day stay : Cost per 1 day stay : Profit per 1 day stay: Expected Annual Profit: £165,000
other £100 £32 £68
Y-Districts will be located in the North, East, South and West of Yellowburn.
PROPOSAL 4: BLACK CLOTHING TAX
INFORMATION Black is the colour of misery, insecurity and fear. Wearing it can create NonHappiness not only in yourself, but in others too.
FINANCIALS Tax: £17.50 for each minute of wearing Black in public places. Expected Annual Profit: £483,000
other FRCCTV will detect whether a resident is wearing black.
PROPOSAL 5: INFOrmation BOUNCY BOOTHS
In today’s media landscape with ‘no flyers’ and spam email filters, disseminating information to residents about new proposals or enforcements can be difficult. By allowing them to be happy, and bounce like they did in the happy days of their youth on bouncy castles, they are more likely to take in the information.
Investors will receive a 5% return on their investment.
The Information Bouncy Booths will be located every 500metres throughout Yellowburn whenever a new proposal or enforcement is announced. Maximum 7 proposals printed on the walls per booth to avoid information overload.
PROPOSAL 6: COSTA RICA EXCHANGE
INFORMATION Costa Rica currently has a higher Happiness ranking than the UK. An annual exchange to Costa Rica aims to increase the Happiness of the residents of Yellowburn.
FINANCIALS Cost of Annual Trip :
Expected annual income from sales of chayote : £131,000
Tax breaks for Yellowburn shops who sell chayote (a popular Costa Rican Fruit) rather than apples.
PROPOSAL 7: FREEPHONE OPTIMISM
0800 401 4121
INFORMATION A freephone optimism number is available 24 hours a day to provide an optimistic outlook whatever situation a resident finds themselves in.
Fixed costs of ÂŁ2,500 per annum.
Voiced by a computer simulation of a human voice.
Investors will receive 5% return on their investment.
PROPOSAL 8: ENCOURAGING PLAYGROUNDS
INFORMATION Happy, confident children grow into Happy adults. Speakers in playgrounds around Yellowburn will react to the child’s play, and speak encouraging words to build their confidence.
FINANCIALS Fixed costs of £7,800 per annum. Investors will receive 5% return on their investment.
other Additional speakers can be purchased by residents (£45-85 per speaker) and attached to a child’s bicycle, scooter or other toy.
PROPOSAL 9: THE CAT-TAIL WAGGER
THE CAT-TAIL WAGGER
INFORMATION This device is mandatory for every cat to wear if they are unable to be trained to wag their tail by resident cat trainer Sheila Carruthers.
FINANCIALS Cost per unit : Charge per unit : Profit per unit : Total Profit per annum : £ 91,367.00
other £3.78 £38.00 £34.22
Tail wagging speeds can be set between 5mph and 25 mph.
PROPOSAL 10: PRESCRIPTION GLASSES
INFORMATION The glasses are programmed to the financial staus of each resident. Whilst wearing them, the glasses blur any item which is in the line of sight and which the resident cannot afford. This helps the resident avoid feelings of jealousy, insecurity and NonHappiness.
FINANCIALS Mandatory Unit Price to each resident: £42* *Extra £7.50 for any colour other than yellow. Not available in black. Unit Cost: Profit per item: Annual Profit:
£13.50 £28.50 £2,994,922.00
other Expected to be introduced in Year 3 of Yellowburn.
Appendix A Profit & loss Yellowburn, Year 1
To view the Balance Sheet or to obtain other accounting information, please visit the website: www.yellowburn.co.uk
Appendix B Coat of Arms Redesign Dove Bird of Peace Shuttlecock An instrument for passing weft threads through a weave to make cloth. Horn The Mayor was called Mr Horner Three Bees The busy people of the mills in Blackburn.
The River Blakewater This river runs through Blackburn
Arte et Labore The Latin for Skill and Work
BLACKBURN Coat of Arms
Two Doves Birds of Peace
The Sun Everyone feels happy when the sun is out Five Lambs Lambs are really cute, cuddly and looking at lambs makes people smile.
The River Blakewater This river runs throughYellowburn
Beatus Beata Beatum The Latin for Happy Happy Happy
YELLOWBURN Coat of Arms
Appendix C the cities to target after Yellowburn
Stoke on Trent
Appendix C the cities to target after Yellowburn The cities which will see the proposals implemented are those which are ranked as amongst the least happy places in the UK. By raising Happiness in these places, the overall Happiness of the UK will rise, and thus push the UK up the Global Happiness Rankings into one of the top positions in the world.
Yellowburn Borough Council Town Hall, King William St, BB1 7DY Main Switchboard: 01254 653194 www.yellowburn.co.uk www.increasing-UK-happiness.net