BIRTHDAY A small child wanders through aisles 9, 10, 11, singing happy birthday to no one in particular.
BEES My interactions with bees get weirder every year. They seem to become more and more like people, rude and standoffish, but I still have never been stung.
DIVORCE I will sometimes hold a bottle of water up to my lips without drinking it and allow a tear to roll down my cheek pretending I have just signed the papers for my imaginary divorce.
4 GHOSTS I hope when I get my wisdom teeth extracted, they find 4 ghosts instead.
HYPOCHONDRIA If I could ask my entire body a single question, it would be “What the hell are you doing?”
I LOSE EVERYTHING I STOP TOUCHING â€”for J. Gillis If I ever set down a pen or pencil on a desk or tabletop, I might as well have just tossed it off of a sailboat and into the Pacific Ocean.