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Midnight Showings


Post-mortum Oscar-nod?




Iron Curtain V.2?



Varsity Cheer




RNC riots rock St. Paul

charges, according to the Star Tribune and A number of violent protesters Smashed windows. Slashed were from a group tires. Tear gas filling the air. called the RNC WelRiot police swarming the scene. coming Committee, This is probably not the first whose goal was to image associated with a Reshut down the convenpublican National Convention. tion. Rioters blocked However, disturbing scenarios roads, threw bottles, such as these were common in and attacked property areas surrounding the Xcel Enand even delegates. ergy Centre in St. Paul the first A group of five was week of September.   arrested for jamming a Sophomore Dan Lee saw flaming dumpster into a the action first-hand. He depolice car. Several threw scribed the group of thousands rocks directly at police, as “colorful” due to the yellow challenging and verYouth Against War and Racism bally assaulting them. flags he and his friends held The assistance of 150 to the anarchists decked out soldiers from the Minin black. nesota National Guard “My initial thought was was needed to suppress mainly excitement,” Lee ex the riots. Police used plained. “I had been waiting photo courtesy of pepper spray and tear for this protest for months, and gas to ward off those I knew it would be big. I didn’t GASSING THE STREETS: Riot police gas a group of protestors at the RNC in St.Paul. causing the chaos. get nervous until I saw the very Some journalists also large police presence...I was gassed and what came Dolan, commented, “The vast majority were peaceful became part of the stroy when caught in the middle of out of it was a lot of people either staying and yelling and respectful.  Then there was a small group of the pandemonium. Police used smoke grenades in atat the police or just running away.” about two hundred in St. Paul that wanted to disrupt tempts to disperse the mobs of people, while news media While most visitors to the Xcel came to support the conference through whatever means possible. They members were wedged in the masses trying to cover the their political party and nominate Senator John Mc- were generally referred to as ‘anarchists’.” story. Several reporters and photojournalists were tearCain for President, others came to protest. MinneapoDuring the four days of the convention, about 800 gassed and pepper sprayed just because they were in lis Police Chief, Tim Dolan, father of junior Tommy people were arrested, while 119 faced potential felony the crowds.

Taylor Turner staff writer

New building on the block Robbie Latta staff writer A nineteen story, modern building has sprouted in the center of Edina’s ever expanding shopping district. Adjacent to the Galleria shopping center, the recently completed Westin Edina Galleria and McCormick & Schmick’s Seafood Restaurant, in the lobby of the hotel, opened on August 21. With 225 guest rooms and six suites, this new crash pad won’t disappoint anyone looking for a good night’s sleep. Each room comes equipped with a large flat screen LCD television, mini-bar, large workspace, and Westin’s signature “Heavenly Bed” that ensures maximum comfort. “Where do guests spend most of their time? In bed relaxing,” said Patrick Clemons, director of sales and marketing. The hotel gives business travelers yet another reason to come to Edina. With rooms priced $129 to $190 a night the Westin doesn’t break the budget considering the comfy style it offers. “Westin has been known for luxury,” said Clemons. In addition, there are five ballrooms, 10,000 square feet of meeting space, a pool, whirlpool, and a workout center.

The upper part of the building holds 82 condominium residences that go for $450,000 to $2 million. Another touch to the Westin is the independently owned McCormick & Schmick’s Seafood Restaurant, a renowned eatery with a flagship location in Minneapolis. It won the coveted spot at the Westin because of its casual atmosphere and because “it’s different than what currently exists,” Clemons explained. “You have the Cheesecake Factory, which caters to the masses, whereas McCormick’s caters to those who just want great seafood.” Even the price range is attractive. A typical seafood entrée goes for about $17. With prices as appealing as the food it serves, McCormick’s should be a popular spot for people looking for a nice, affordable meal. Although the Westin wows many with its modern look and luxurious style, many Edinans remain wary. “It’s too tall for the area that it’s in, and I can see it from my house”, complained junior Sarah Kemp. “It’s not that attractive.” “It sticks up in the sky too much,” commented junior Beau Farmer. Concerns aside, the Westin Edina Galleria will surely bring commerce and new visitors to Edina.

photo by Robbie Latta

SKY HIGH: The Westin is one of the new bulidings captivating the Edina skyline.

2 Doc Loc has high expectations for EHS Zephyrus Volume 29, Issue 1 October 3, 2008


High School. High School 102, another part of this program, gives students a second chance in their studies by letting them retake a class they need in order to graduate. In only his second session at EHS, Dr. Bruce LockDr. Locklear is most ecstatic about a new math lear has a wide variety of initiative, E-Math. This program complans for the 2008-2009 bines Algebra 1, Algebra 2, and Geomschool year. He and his etry into one class. staff have set new ideas “E-Math is a very cutting-edge math in motion to improve program that combines several differstudents’ academic perent math courses into one class that formances and leaderstudents take over the period of two ship skills, including to three years,” explained Locklear. an internship program, “E-Math takes Edina’s high academic Intervention Committee, standards to a whole new level.” E-Math, and the LeaderDr. Locklear also has plans to deship Academy. velop the leadership of the senior class The goal of the internand the 212 Leadership Team. ship program is that stu“The seniors this year are unique, dents will be able to get and so are their leadership abilities,” work experience while they explained Locklear. are still in high school. Dr. Locklear described the upcom“I would be interested ing Leadership Academy. Tentatively, in an internship program three sessions are scheduled in which because I’d love to get 212 members will learn the skills needsome real world experied to lead other students effectively. ence,” said senior Mikey Dr. Locklear hopes that these training Spencer. “I’d love to parsessions will strengthen 212. ticipate in a business Dr. Locklear’s academic and leadermarketing program.” ship programs are just the beginning. photo by Grace Kerr Dr. Locklear is also “It seems a lot of people are wanting excited about the innoand working for positive change at EHS. vations of the Interven- DOC LOC AT WORK: Locklear is constantly coming up with new plans The high school is such a special place to tion Committee which to help make students’ experience at Edina as successful as possible. be,” Locklear concluded with pride.

Kelsey Hansen staff writer

was started last January and includes 12 teachers. This program was put in place to ensure learning for all students. The Intervention Committee has established two new classes. High School 101 is a course that helps sophomores transition to Edina

Hurricanes continue wreaking havoc in south Ashley O’Neill staff writer Hurricanes have been plastered all over TV and magazine headlines; the massive storms have flooded and destroyed entire towns and communities and pose enormous threats to the safety of many. From the tsunami in the east in 2004 to Katrina in the US in 2005, more and more people seem to be affected by hurricanes and natural disasters. Minnesotans may know tornadoes, but the average mid-westerner is clueless about hurricanes. “I remember my aunt talked about putting up storm windows on the beach house because of the violent weather,” commented junior Lacey

Jung, who has family members living on the coast in North Carolina. “Other than that, I’m not very well-informed when it comes to hurricanes.” During this hurricane season alone, which starts in June and continues into November, Florida and other southern states were hit by hurricanes Gustav and Ike, while still recovering from previous storms. Because of this wave of deadly weather in the south, many are in need. Having lost their homes, friends or family members, and their possessions, they need as much help as they can get. Hurricanes appear most commonly in the Atlantic and eastern Pacific oceans and are capable of huge destruction with their large waves, heavy rain, strong winds and even tornadoes. The

photo courtesy of

A TRAIL OF DESTRUCTION: There have been over 800 deaths from this year’s hurricane season, 143 of those results of Hurricane Ike.

A HIGH PRICE TO PAY: Hurricane Ike was the third costliest hurricane in US History, resulting in $27 billion in damage. most deadly effect of a hurricane is, by far, a storm surge. Storm surges produce a rise in sea level due to a hurricane’s or other tropical cyclone’s power, resulting in 90% of hurricane deaths. Storm surges caused the vastly destructive flooding during hurricane Katrina, the costliest and one of the five most deadly in United States history. The immense toll taken on the US has especially changed the way Americans view the government emergency response systems. Jung commented, “Katrina was a flashing light that let us know how devastating a hurricane can be and how unprepared our government was for the situation, like the problems with FEMA [the Federal Emergency Management Agency].”

This is why so many non-profit organizations are important in helping those who need food and shelter because of these natural disasters. For anyone interested in helping out those affected by the hurricanes, there are multitudes of websites devoted to aiding the victims of natural disasters all over the world. The local Twin Cities Red Cross Chapter website says that “[The] Red Cross is providing shelter, food and emotional support to the tens of thousands affected by Hurricane Ike. Additional volunteers needed.” For those who want to help out but can’t go to the areas affected, donating online only takes a few minutes. The websites also provide information about where donations are going and how they are being used.


Zephyrus Volume 29, Issue 1 October 3, 2008


Word on the Street A midnight date with Batman and Robin...

What’s your favorite smell and why?

“The smell of’s so sweet!” -Mike Lund (12)

“The Breadsmith- I just love the aroma of fresh carbs in the morning...” -Savanna Ellena (10)

“The distinct Peruvian scent of Thomas Chavez just gets me going-” -Zack Worthy (11)

photos by Kenzie Temple

“My favorite smell is chocolate babka rolls from my favorite bakery because it reminds me of when i visit Isabelle and Kenzie at work...” -Marit Pavek (11)

It is definitely Caroline Valenta photo/art editor

Fall…autumn…the start of the Winter Solstice. Most students associate Fall with school starting and the weather getting colder. However, students at Edina have their own way of doing just about everything...So how does our student body classify “Fall” ? Students start wearing their sport uniforms on game days.

The stars are out, clocks tick toward midnight, and most people are lying comfortably in their beds. Senior Josh Stewart, however, with a slew of other Edina students, is standing in a line, anxiously waiting for his ticket to the newest Batman movie. It’s the eighteenth of July, The Dark Knight has finally hit the silver screen, and when both hands point north, Stewart will be among the first to see it. “It’s mostly the excitement and the social atmosphere that makes it so much fun,” explained Stewart. “You look around, and you know practically everyone. You’re surrounded by your friends.” When the pros and cons are weighed, many students feel that the midnight experience is worth it. Stewart may have spent three hours shivering in line, but he’ll be rewarded by being one of the first people in the nation to see the famed agent of justice combat evil in Gotham City. The Dark Knight isn’t the only movie that has kept students’ eyes open much longer than usual. “I saw midnight showings of the last three Harry Potter photo by movies, and I definitely plan on going to the next one,” MIDNIGHT AND THE SHOW IS ON: Many said senior Alex Eastman. “I guess you could say I’m a bit EHS students love to frequent the midnight of a fanatic.” For Eastman, showings of their favorite movies. “dressing up, staking it out, and building up the anticipation” make the social aspects both appeal to students. midnight movie worthwhile. As Stewart put it, “You’re out with your The midnight movie can also have its friends, it’s well past curfew, and you’re drawbacks. Although die-hard fans are about to see a movie before practically the main draw, the post-curfew setting anyone else. What’s not to like?”

l l f

A hot cocoa sounds better than a blizzard from Dairy Queen.

The Starbucks “Pumpkin Spice Latte” appears on the menu.

Girls break out Uggs and sweatshirts.


You get into your car and have to pull your sleeves over your hands to avoid touching the cold steering wheel.

Edina spirit is in full bloom.

There is a mad rush to ask girls to Homecoming.

also tends to attract a less dedicated, more party-oriented crowd. Die-hards may have to share the theater with some rather obnoxious, boozers. “It’s still not a majority,” Stewart said. “You can’t let it ruin the experience.” Midnight movie showings have become an almost universal part of the high school experience. The late night atmosphere and

Michael Fetterman features editor

“Right after it rains, it smells so fresh and clean!” -Jessie Lovell (12)

Your tan fades, and girls start going to the tanning booth.

Any amount of homework seems like way too much.

Through a true Edina eye, Fall isn’t just a time of the year when the leaves start changing. Fall means Hornet pride. And Hornet pride is a way of life. So jump on the tailgating wagon, because it won’t be long before the football field is covered in a foot of snow. photo by


Zephyrus Volume 29, Issue 1 October 3, 2008


That is so... Thomasin Franken’s thoughts

annoying Teddy Hoffman staff writer The words of comedian Whoopi Goldberg capture Edina’s peevishness perfectly: “I don’t have pet peeves. I have whole KENNELS of irritation.” Think you’re oversensitive? Consider this passel of peeves from your fellow students: • “People chewing with their mouth open! It’s rude and just straight up nasty!” – Mira Leon, junior • “People who think they can sing, but in reality suck.” – Tommy Glass, senior • “When my Ipod Touch freezes up and/or doesn’t respond to my touch. It’s called Ipod TOUCH for a reason, darn it!” – Will Lidke, sophomore • “I hate people who use adjectives as descriptors for verbs. Sorry people, but seriously, adverbs exist for a reason.” – Tom Schmidt, junior • “My biggest [pet peeve] is when people don’t finish their sentences. It’s like, if I’m giving you MY attention, you should do the same, you know?” – Christine Johnson, senior

art by Maddie Krasno

Ben Streeter managing/in-depth editor Last August I interviewed Al Franken’s daughter and educational advisor Thomasin Franken. As one campaign worker rushed by with 6 coffees and others counted donations from the State Fair booth, Thomasin and I headed to Al’s empty office to answer a few questions for Zephyrus. Why is this race important for high school students –some of whom will be voting in November for the first time? This race is important because you’re about to go to college, and the government can play a large role in supporting your ability to pay for college. My mom grew up on Social Security. She went to college in 1969, and she was able to pay for college because of Federal Pell grants and scholarships. At that time, Pell grants paid for about 98 percent of her college, and now I think they pay for less then 40. My dad has also talked a lot about loan forgiveness programs for people who graduate from college and give back to their community through professions such as social work, teaching, or nursing.”

of which is to release some of the oil from our strategic reserves. We have plenty, and in the past, it’s shown that doing that bring prices down by a third. We’d also like to end speculation. Long-term solutions are obviously more important. We really need to get off of foreign oil. One of the things we do is give tax breaks to the oil companies, and I don’t know why we do that. If we take those away, there will be a lot more money for us to invest in renewable energy research and development, building, and implementation. Not only will it improve our renewable energy resources, but we’ll put a ton of people to work. I’m sure you’re also aware there’s an economic problem in this country, and Minnesota’s unemployment rate is higher than the national average. There’s a whole economy I think that can be based on this renewable energy project. This is a crisis, but we also have an opportunity here.

Norm Colman is a professional politician, while Franken is a cophoto by Franken staff Does your father support No Child median, writer, and Left Behind (NCLB)? Does he feel there satirist. Why should THE MEETING: Senior Ben Streeter should be more federal control of eduvoters believe that cation, or should it be left more to the interviewed Al Franken’s daughter, Thomasin Franken can be a more states? successful Senator? about her father’s campaign for US Senate. I don’t think that NCLB has done My dad, as a citizen, a very good job at solving the achievement gap. One of the things as a comedian, as a satirist, has been involved in politics his whole we can do is fully fund mandates. Special Education is supposed life. He worked with Dr. Bob Meaders to get 40,000 helmet liners to be funded at 40% by the federal government. It’s funded at 19%, for Marines. His career has been focused on politics, on talking 16%, 17% – it changes every year but it’s never even half of that and advocating these issues and helping politicians, so I’d also add 40%. I don’t really understand how you can mandate a group of activist to that list. He was in Iraq before Norm Coleman was there. students and teachers to do something without giving them the He has been to Iraq and Afghanistan four times. He’s a smart guy, resources you promised. It doesn’t really seem fair to me. So my he’s a good guy, and he’s right on all the issues: renewable energy, dad, in addition to calling for funding mandates, also has called improving the economy, education, ending the war—my dad wants for improving assessments. to end the war in a safe and responsible way, but also soon. I really think we need a whole new team in Washington this year. It will Does Franken support the draft or mandatory community be harder for President Obama to get his agenda through Congress service? if he doesn’t have the number of senators that support his agenda, I don’t think so. One of the things in his education platform is and my dad and Barack Obama see eye to eye on many things. supporting after school programs. That’s not exactly community service, like helping homeless people or the elderly, but community Al Franken was a wrestler in high school and Paul Wellstone involvement is really important for young people in order to keep who previously occupied this seat was a wrestler in college. What them in school, keep them happy, and keep them involved. other similarities are there between Wellstone and Franken? Um, they’re both Jewish, they’re both shortish. My dad’s not What does Franken feel the correct energy policy is? really short, but he’s not tall. They’re both outspoken and true to He thinks there’s a lot to be done. My dad thinks we should have their heart. Lets see, they’re both smart, and I think people like both been doing something about this energy crisis and global warning of them very much when they need them and can feel the sincerity a long time ago. We have a number of short-term solutions, one and the warmth of both.

Upperclassmen advice to sophomores Corrin Carlson staff writer If you are a sophomore, your first week here may have been a shock. On my first day as a sophomore at Edina, I spent twenty minutes trying to find stairs that would bring me to my Spanish class on the first floor. New school, new teachers, new classmates, and you haven’t even totally figured out the school’s maze of hallways and staircases that never take you to the floor you want. Not to worry, some upperclassmen have offered advice on surviving your sophomore year and the rest of your time at EHS.

Get involved

Many upperclassmen point to participation in activities and events as their favorite part of high school. “Take all the opportunities that are offered to you,” recommended senior Lane Madich. Even if you are not able to be in a club or on a team, show off your school spirit by cheering in the

fanatic green-and-white-clad student section at an Edina game, or go to a school dance.

Learn how to manage your time

From AP classes to sports, Edina students have a lot going on. “You need to stay on top of things because you can get hit hard if you fall behind,” said senior Matt Schaak. Learn to prioritize your homework first. “When I am involved outside of school in theatre and band, I am more diligent with my studies because I don’t have any time to waste,” said junior Chris Sjolander. “When I get home I have to put all the distractions like TV and music aside. Then I have more coherent thoughts and can be more efficient with what I get done.”


Because your sophomore year is a transition between the comfortable haven of middle school and the chaos of high school, you may need help. Most upperclassmen are more than willing to answer questions about high school, so don’t be afraid or nervous.

“Don’t pay any attention to rumors about seniors hazing sophomores,” said senior Margot McKlveen. We seniors love giving our opinions about the teachers we’ve had and the classes we’ve taken. “But make sure you take others’ recommendations with a grain of salt,” said McKlveen. “Not everyone is going to like the same things.”

Enjoy high school

It’s easy to become overwhelmed as a high school student. With so many classes and activities, schoolwork is sometimes all students have time to think about. “My sophomore year I focused a lot of my time and energy on trying to be involved in things that would help me with colleges,” said McKlveen. “After a while, I learned I shouldn’t stress over the little things. I’m now taking classes I enjoy but that still challenge me.” There are so many memories to be made in these three years. Don’t get too buried in the business of school that you can’t stop to enjoy the community that is EHS.


Zephyrus Volume 29, Issue 1 October 3, 2008


EHS motivators merge spirit into winter. In addition, each competition team has a halftime slot in two home football games. The white team performed on September 26, and the green team will be performing at The field lights are on, and the the Homecoming game. These opportunities allow the cheerleaders football players loosen up. But it’s to showcase their competitive acts. the group of peppy girls in front of the Some friends and spectators have questioned the change, but Jenn stands that draws your attention. They Carter explained, “We’re taking it to the next level. Minnetonka switched lead spectators through familiar Edina cheers last year, and it’s also what all the colleges do.” but this year the group is different. There are also many positives to the change. The squad can practice Last year, EHS had two separate cheerleadgood audience presentation during a game to help boost points later in ing teams. The Varsity cheerleading team, which the competition season. Further, cheerleaders can demonstrate their performed at games, had 13 girls, and the Competistunt and tumtion team which had 30. This year the teams were bling skills on combined. Ninety girls tried out and 63 made it, the sidelines, according to Coach Jenn Carter. and the tricks Anyone who made the squad this year will both get everyone compete and cheer for games. For game cheering in the crowd the team is split up into four different game squads, excited. which rotate for each big fall and winter sports game, “This said senior and game cheerleading captain, Kelsey new change Hansen. is definitely Kenzie Temple For competitions, the squad is split up into the growing on me features editor green team, which competes in the Varsity diviand is better than sion, and the white team, which competes in the I expected,” said Junior Varsity division. The competitions start sophomore Kristen on the first weekend of November and continue Heupenbecker. Most fans attend football games to watch their favorite stars sprint down the field scoring touchdowns or the cheerleaders doing high kicks and waving their pom-poms. But on the sidelines, sports managers are working hard and have proved to be key contributors to the team. Since more athletes are involved in football than any other sport at Edina, coaches need all the help they can get. players who compete individually in tournaments “The other managers and I set out the football pads and Todd Barin in the spring time. the equipment, we get balls for the coaches, and make sure staff writer Most people in Edina, including the Edina High water is ready for the players during practice,” revealed School Frolf Club, play disc golf at Rosland Park junior Ali Eikoff. What do actress Jamie Lynn Spears, students Joe near the Edina pool. It is a pretty course because of After becoming involved with the team due to her love Wagner, Brett Kissell, and Robert Hoops all have in the surrounding trees and lake, and it does not cost of football, Eikoff has made lots of connections with the common? They are all frolfers, or Frisbee golfers. anything to play there. players and coaches. But she’s not the first girl to manage One Edina enthusiast is sophomore Robert Hoops. Frisbee golf has grown into a very popular sport Edina football. College freshman Emily Temple started “I started playing disc golf about three years ago,” with over 1000 courses across the country, including 10 the tradition her sophomore year at EHS. revealed Hoops. “It was a cheaper game than golf, and courses in the Twin Cities. There is even a Profession“I got involved with managing because it’s the next it encouraged exercise and an outside activity.” al Disc Golf Association that sponsors an annual disc best thing after playing,” said Temple. “As a manager, you golf chamreally get to see the game on a whole new level. It’s a lot pionship at of behind-the-scenes work. People in the stands see BudWinthrop ish make a tackle, but what they don’t see is a manager University stretching him before the game or taping his ankle.” in South Since girls are managing the football team, then it is Carolina, only appropriate that a guy manages the cheer squad. drawing Senior Tony Quattrini takes this job quite seriously. players “What got me into managing the cheer team was the girls, from across of course!” said Quattrini. “I run the music when they practice the country their routines, and I’m also there for moral support.” to compete Also a football and rugby star, Quattrini reflects on the for the benefits of playing versus managing. treasured “I just love to get out there in games and hit kids. But National I can’t really do that to the girls…” Quattrini joked. Disc Golf Eikoff, a former soccer player, much prefers managCup. ing to playing. Frisbee “When you manage a team,” commented Eikoff, “there’s golf began a different type of adrenaline rush than when you’re actuon the ally playing. You want to see the team succeed and play west coast well, instead of wanting that feeling for yourself.” in 1976. In a coach’s eyes, a hard-working manager is indisA man by pensable. Reed Boltmann has coached football at Edina photo by Maddie Krasno the name for eight years and said that managers weren’t always of, “Steady as hard-working or reliable as they are today. He credits PUTTING FOR PAR: Many students, including senior Frank Ed” Headthis change partially to the direction and organization Sullivan, enjoy playing frisbee golf because of its relaxed nature. rick, took of the new team equipment manager John Temple, who his two facoordinates responsibilities for the student managers at This sport may seem easy, but it is actually pretty vorite games, golf and Frisbee, and combined them, all the games and practices. tough, according to senior Brett Kissell. Kissell noted making up this great game. Frisbee golf is similar “If a player needs their helmet fixed,” said Boltmann, that, “Disc golf takes many skills in order to be good to regular golf in that it has 18 holes and that the “managers can take care of small details like that so at it. Frolf is a mental and athletic game, so you have players aim for a “hole” as in golf. The target is an coaches can focus more on the team. Little things like to have determination and passion, along with the above- ground, chained basket. The fewer throws that can become big issues if you don’t have people to arm power and accuracy to score well.” it takes to get the Frisbee in the basket, the better take care of them.” “Disc golf is very tricky,” said senior Joe Wagner. the score. This new generation of managers at EHS is showing the “I am a very inconsistent player. One day I play well, If you want to try something fun, different, and school that there is more than one way to get involved in a and the next I play poorly.” inexpensive go to your nearest Frisbee golf course varsity sport. So next time you’re cheering on the Hornets The Edina Frolf Club is not a team sport, but it and give the disk a toss. You might even run into at Kuhlman Field, shift your gaze to the sidelines. is an intramural sport. The club consists of 15-20 Jamie Lynn Spears.

Carolyn Beese staff writer

art by Tess Jensen

Frolfing spins into EHS


Managers are valuable off the field


ed/op Edina should not be left behind Zephyrus Volume 29, Issue 1 October 3, 2008

Chris Greeno Ed/Op Editor Believe it or not, Edina High School is a failing school. But you ask, “Wait, isn’t Edina one of the top 100 high schools in America?” How can a school that is ranked 93rd in the nation be failing? Good Question: The answer relates to federal legislation. The No Child Left Behind (NCLB) act states that all students whether 8 or 18 will understand

basic math and English, graduate from high school, and have learned everything they need to know to be a productive citizen. Theoretically, of course. Recently, a growing number of schools nationwide have failed to meet the ever rising standards imposed by NCLB and thus have received federal sanctions. Edina is one of these and has been falling short of standards on tests in reading/writing and mathematics administered by the state. Remember the MCA’s? That’s what they’re for. Students are evaluated and their success determines this year’s proficiency percentage for the school. This, in turn, is compared to previous year’s scores to determine a rate of Adequate Yearly Progress (AYP). Basically, student success needs to improve until all – 100 percent – are proficient in 2014. The catch with NCLB is that each school is divided into 9 “subgroups” based on racial and economic backgrounds. If any one of these groups fails to clear the bar, the whole school is put on the list of schools that need improvement. In theory this seems like a legitimate request. It holds educators to “standards based delivery,” as Principal Bruce Lock-

Iron curtain callback Jack Rohkohl news editor

Photo Courtesy of

RUSSIA ON THE MOVE: Relations strained as soldiers invade Georgia and South Ossetia on August 7th. Slowly but surely the cold hand reaches out from Moscow and chokes the life out of a neighboring country, later swallowing it whole behind the Iron Curtain. Although it may sound like another one of Mr. Baron’s lectures on the rise of the communism, it is a recognizable depiction of what could develop from the current conflict in Georgia, where Russia has attempted to take back its former Soviet-controlled neighbor. Although the fighting officially ended after the August 12 ceasefire, thousands of Russian troops continue to occupy part of the now westernized Georgia, violating the fragile truce that is keeping them from round two. The crisis, which began on August 7, started with a Georgian offensive to retake South Ossetia (a region in southern Georgia) from Moscow-supported revolutionaries. Russia responded by sending forces to occupy the area. Thousands of Georgians subsequently left their homes, and hundreds were killed. While the United States has publicly criticized Russian attacks on Georgia, other Western powers have yet to make a real statement against the Russians. Meanwhile the rest of the world has either ignored the incident or has given Georgia “moral support”. The leaders of the free world have apparently lost their backbone as Russia once again walks all over former Soviet block countries. It is blatantly obvious to anyone who has been paying attention for the last forty years that Russia isn’t trying to “protect” the thousands of people of South Ossetia to whom they granted Russia citizenship in 1991. In fact, the invasion is really an attempt to annex sections of Georgia. After seeing the Russians take over a good chunk of Asia and Europe during the 1950s, the governments around world should have realized that Russia’s busy conquering former territory. They need to apply economic sanctions on Russia. Georgia should also be admitted into NATO, which will deter possible future invasions. If these steps are taken, Russia will have to leave Georgia for good, or face possible economic and retaliatory challenges. It is time for the world to openly force Russia’s hand. We must not appease its desire for former territories. We are obliged to put pressure on Russia and threaten them to stop the violence. If not, this occupation could possibly be the beginning of another Iron Curtain.

Zephyrus Staff

lear put it. It forces schools to improve and close the learning gap among racial/economical groups. In Edina this is achieved by providing more attention in the needed subjects to all subgroups. But these tests alone cannot come close to delivering a full picture of a school’s ability. Edina is a place that furnishes countless examples of success. Between our outstanding extracurricular participation, amazing athletic program that fosters many of the highest GPAs in the school, and literally topof-the-line ACT/SAT/AP test scores, it is clear that Edina does not fail to meet any standards besides those imposed by the federal government. So when our national leadership changes in the coming months, a couple of standards could be refreshed. First, who says that students who may be slightly below par in math and reading cannot shine in other areas? The areas of evaluation need to be expanded to subjects across the board, such as science, economics, or even technology skills. In addition, more than academics needs to be considered. Much of high school “success” relates to social and leadership skills, not just arithmetic. Finally, while a single test is efficient, many students would show greater levels of proficiency if everything from GPAs to other standardized test scores were considered. After all, according to Dr. Locklear, “Learning is much more than the ability to pass a test.”

Facebook for mommy? Christina Kosters staff writer We thought life was hard when we had to learn how to work Facebook, but now we face a bigger problem: parents on Facebook. Here’s the scenario: One night, while heading to peruse his Facebook, a student realizes Mom has beaten him to it. He is horrified to find out his mother is in fact checking her own Facebook, and contemplating the conversations he’s had with friends. This situation is occurring more frequently and it is not fair for the kids involved. Adults love the idea of checking up on us, seeing pictures, seeing who our friends are, and all the conversations we have. Parents have Facebooks because they want to see what their child is up to online. They think it’s an unsafe place for students to be. A mother of an Edina sophomore explained that she likes to inspect her children’s pages, “…so I know nothing dangerous or unkind is going on.” Thanks to the Eden Prairie kids and the big party, this argument becomes valid. When it come down to it we all love keeping in touch with our friends in one easy place. “I like that it’s convenient and personal,” says senior Allie Krug. But now with parents in the mix, the personal side of Facebook just got less personal. Even if we truly have nothing to hide, is this an invasion of privacy? The answer is

a resounding, Yes. Once a parent makes a page, students feel obligated to accept them as a friend to avoid family arguments. This allows the adult to see all pictures, friends, and

photo by Eliza Gabriel

MOMS ON FACEBOOK: Should your mom’s name be in the login? conversations and lowers our privacy. “It’s kind of weird because they don’t get one for the reason intended (to socialize with friends) but to check up on their kids,” explained junior Monika Buska. Parents should ask about events or friends instead of invading Facebook to keep tabs on their kids. Shouldn’t a high schooler be trusted to handle a webpage without being watched by an adult? All we want to do is stay in contact with friends and communicate more efficiently. Students, we have little or no way around this: be careful what you post. No red cups!

editors-in-chief: Alison Dirr, Lizzie Meller managing editor: Ben Streeter copy editor: Kenzie Miller photo editor: Caroline Valenta advertisement manager: DJ Adams news editors: Jack Rohkohl, Anna Waldo features editors: Michael Fetterman, Kenzie Temple sports editor: DJ Adams in-depth editor: Ben Streeter ed/op editors: Chris Greeno, Kristin Groth culture editors: Trevor Aufderheide, Maddie Krasno back page editor: Tony Quattrini columnist: Tony Quattrini staff writers: Todd Barin, Carolyn Beese, Corrin Carlson, Sean Carney, Megan Evans, Lyndsay Hage, Kelsey Hansen, Teddy Hoffman, Matt Hussian, Catherine Kerwin, Christina Kosters, Robbie Latta, Anders Lindquist, John Lucke, Ashley O’Neil, Taylor Turner photographers/artists: Eliza Gabriel, Lindsay Hage, Tess Jensen, Olivia Kavanaugh, Grace Kerr, Maddie Krasno, Robbie Lehman, Cindy Pyles, Sharanya Srinivasan webmaster: Matt Norris advisor: Van Anderson

Zephyrus is a monthly publication produced by students of Edina High School; 6754 Valley View Road; Edina, MN 55439; (952) 848-3800 x3087. Zephyrus is an open forum for student expression that recognizes the First Amendment guarantee of freedom of the press, and abides by Tinker standard. Opinions published in Zephyrus do not necessarily reflect the views of the entire staff, advisor, administration, or entire student body. Submissions and letters are printed based on the space available. Anonymous letters may be printed only if a Zephyrus advisor or editor knows the author’s identity. Letters should be mailed to the school or given to the advisor or a staff member. Zephyrus reserves the right to edit any letters for clarity and length.


Zephyrus Volume 29, Issue 1 October 3, 2008


Sophomores: Welcomed or scared? Maddie Krasno culture editor The night before I walked through the doors of EHS with shaky hands and an oversized map of the school, I carefully chose my outfit for the first day of sophomore year, changed my mind, and chose another. I was with the big dogs now and wanted to look the part. I feel silly looking back on my uneasiness because the school really wasn’t that big or scary. Yes, I got lost, everyone did once or twice, but I managed. But 2008 brought a change for the new sophomores entering EHS. First, they were applauded and cheered as they entered the enormous building by a large number of juniors and seniors, and then they attended a pepfest in the blazing hot gym. The subsequent activities included a low ropes course, team bonding games, a Power Point presentation about EHS, and a tour of the school, all of which took place in random groups of 10 sophomores led by a junior or senior mentor. When asked about the success of the orientation, 78 of 95 sophomores polled found it extremely helpful. However, of the 95, 75 disliked the team building activities and, as an sophomore stated, the overall feeling of being treated “like a 5 year-old.”

I agree. We’re all a little old for another Kindness Retreat, and frankly, this is high school. Name games are only necessary in classrooms where you’ll see kids every day, and even then it’s a bit sixth grade. “Awkward,” “frustrating,” “pointless,” and “unnecessary” are just some of the sophomores’ descriptions of the small group activities. When asked her opinion on the orientation’s activities, a sophomore replied, “Maybe it was just my group, but it wasn’t that fun.” It wasn’t just her group. Being applauded as I walk into a new school by older kids would freak me out. Being forced to play childish games with kids I don’t know would make me uncomfortable. The point of the orientation is to make sophomores’ transition to high school smooth and enjoyable. My suggestion for next year: m/ m Keep the pepfest to create a friendly a c e c ien and fun atmosphere, and then proceed with ersc p u a small group tour of the school led by a junior or w.s w //w senior mentor who can answer the sophomores’ questions. ttp: h f yo Conclude the orientation with lunch, and you’ll have yourself a to b pho happy bunch of sophomores.

Won’t vote? Then stop complaining Alison Dirr editor-in-chief At sixteen we are handed the car keys and told to “be careful out there” and to “make sure you keep your eyes on the road.” When we are eighteen, we are handed the keys to our country’s future and again told to make the right decision, to choose our leaders wisely, and above all, to have enough knowledge of politics to make sure the country doesn’t end up in one huge, smoldering wreck. With the power to vote comes a responsibility to pay attention, know the issues, and each candidate’s stance. Overwhelming? I think so. Necessary? Absolutely, because the decisions the candidates make affect our futures.

Recently, the Minnesota legislature passed a law that limits drivers under eighteen to one other passenger in the car and a 12:00 a.m. curfew. Not surprisingly, most students are not ecstatic about these restrictions. However, the ability to influence legislators lies in our vote. Hamline University professor of political science David Schultz brought up an interesting connection: When young people don’t vote, we lose all influence in government which leaves us feeling powerless, frustrated, and disenfranchised. Ironically, if more of us took the time to vote, much of the legislation against young people would be less likely to pass. Why? Because politicians would be vying for our attention, for those deciding ballots. As citizens of this country, it is our responsibility to understand politics and to remember the important details so that when it comes time to choose our leaders, we can rely on more than whether or not we “like” a candidate. Many voters “liked” George W.


Bush when he was running against Al Gore in 2000 because they felt that they could relate to him. Just look what a bind that decision put us in. Though voters “liked” him, when it came down to supporting their opinions with facts, they were at a loss. It’s a scary time when the voting population remains so ignorant that a candidate’s politics and qualifications for the position become irrelevant. We could be the deciding generation. Many of this year’s seniors have the opportunity to vote in the November elections and it is absolutely imperative that every student pays attention from this point on. Yes, during elections the political debates seem to focus on the same issues over and over again. Yes, we still have a responsibility to watch the debates and to pay attention because the people on that stage decide our future. We have the keys, and it’s about time we figured out how to start the engine. The road we’re on heads straight towards our future.



Driving restrictions stereotypical John Lucke staff writer They have been waiting for it nearly all their life, that great ticket to teenage freedom: the driver’s license. The ability to come and go as they please is finally fulfilled with the magical little card. But these days that card doesn’t mean as much as it used to. The Minnesota Legislature passed a law last month that prohibits drivers age sixteen to seventeen from having more than one passenger under the age of twenty-one in the car. The restriction lasts for the first six months of the issuance of the license, and the only exception is for family members. Commenting on the purpose of the new law, driving school instructor Keith

Krumrie said, “The Legislature wanted to cut down on the high amount of teenage auto accidents. These crashes happen because teens are easily distracted by other teens while driving.” Although the new law may be well intentioned, it is unnecessary and stereotypes teens as being irresponsible. There are plenty of teenagers in Minnesota who can be just as alert and safe when they are driving with friends in the car as when they are driving alone. One sixteen year-old driver at Edina High School who falls under the new law’s provisions said he feels just as safe driving with several friends in the car as when he is driving alone. In fact, many teens have flawless driving records and reach their eighteenth birthday without even a parking

ticket. At the same time, many adults who have had their license for many years receive tickets for multiple infractions. This new law clearly discriminates against capable drivers and does nothing to stop bad ones. This student also pointed out an unintended complication with the new law, particularly for teens who are short on cash. With rising gas prices, teens who are driving alone can’t share the cost of gas with friends because they can’t carpool. This raises the cost of driving, which adversely affects many teens. Having a law that unfairly discriminates on the basis of stereotypes, discourages carpooling and puts a financial burden on those least able to afford it is a law subject to being changed.

art by Lyndsay Hage


Zephyrus Volume 29, Issue 1 October 3, 2008


Becoming a vampire has never been so tempting Anna Waldo news editor Harry Potter’s era has ended, and vampires are taking over the fictional world. Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight series is dominating teen literature, having sold millions of copies since Twilight’s release in 2005. The series features Bella Swan, a somewhat anti-social high school student who develops an obsession with the dazzling Edward Cullen. But there’s a catch: He’s part of a family of vampires and wants to suck her blood. Bella and Edwards’ relationship progresses over the four novels as Bella deals with evil vampires out to drink her blood, werewolves, and her own mortality. Cheesy? Perhaps, but still, the series has become the latest craze among teenage girls. “At first I thought the idea was a bit stupid,” admitted junior Amy Zhang. “My friends kept bugging me about the books, and I finally gave in. Now I’m hooked.” Zhang is certainly not the only Twilight fanatic. On August 2, thousands of fans decked out in vampire attire and lined up at their local Barnes and Noble to snag a copy of the final book of the series, Breaking Dawn, at its midnight release.

The book sold over 1.3 million copies on its opening day. Some, particularly males, may not be so inclined to read the books because the story revolves around Bella’s feelings for Edward and her best friend Jacob Black (who happens to be part of a werewolf clan that despises vampires). Despite criticism that the series is shallow and possesses no literary merit, Twilight was named New York Times Editor’s Choice and Publisher’s Weekly Best Book of the Year, among many other awards and recognitions. Twilight has gone beyond just books; the “Twilight” movie, starring Kristen Stewart as Bella and Robert Pattinson as Edward, began filming in February and comes out in theaters this November. “I don’t think it’ll be nearly as good as the books,” commented sophomore Irini Lappas-Grigoraki. “But I’m still excited because… well, it’s Twilight.” Fans can also look forward to reading Midnight Sun, which is Twilight rewritten from Edward’s perspective. Unfortunately, release of the novel has been postponed because twelve chapters were leaked online. However, to be fair, Meyer agreed to give all fans access to the leaked section on her website. “It was a bit weird reading it because I already knew what was going to happen,” said Lappas-Grigoraki, who read the leaked segment on Meyer’s website. “But I still like it a lot, and I’m really annoyed it’s being postponed.” Fans who are impatiently waiting for Midnight Sun and the movie can pick up Meyer’s The Host, another New York Time’s Best Seller, which is unrelated to the vampire series. Meyer also plans to release a sequel to The Host called The Soul. Twilight has captivated readers worldwide, and there’s more to come. A compelling and addicting read, Twilight is truly a dark romance with a bite.

Losing Ledger Sean Carney staff writer

art by Lyndsay Hage

HSM3: still in it together Megan Evans staff writer While Troy and Gabriella sing “it’s the start of something new,” their lyrics actually reflect a continuation of a Disney channel movie success. That’s right, High School Musical 3 is coming! For those of who missed the first two, “High School Musical” is a story about two lovebirds Troy (Zac Efron) and Gabriella (Vanessa Hudgens) who, alongside their friends, experience high school and its many joys while singing and playfully dancing through life. The new movie’s plotline involves the production of a spring musical to portray the cast’s hopes and fears about the new world they are about to experience. As with the first two movies, viewers can look forward to the intense on-and-off relationship between Troy and Gabriella as they head off to separate colleges. Audiences can also get excited about new actors Matt Prokop and Jemma McKenzie Brown whose characters remain a mystery. Those planning on seeing the third movie can anticipate the same choreographed dancing and energetic music. The classic “We’re All in This Together” gets one last showing. But there are also new songs to look forward to such as “I Want It All” by Sharpay and Ryan Evans (Ashley Tisdale and Lucas Grabeel, the sort-of-antagonists), “The Boys Are Back” performed by Zac Efron and Corbin Bleu, and the much anticipated “Scream” by Zac Efron. There are many mixed reviews about the movies; people either love or hate them. Senior Danielle Anderson said, “I think they are fun and enjoyable.” Junior Natalie Dymtrenko commented, “It was good for a Disney channel movie, but for a real movie it sucks.” However, for those HSM enthusiasts, October 24 couldn’t come soon enough.

Many students may remember camping out to see the midnight showing of “The Dark Knight” this summer —the huge crowds, the dedicated, costumed fans, and finally, seeing what many say is easily the best movie of the year. The best part, of course, was Heath Ledger’s amazing portrayal of the Joker. Ledger was one of the most popular young actors before his untimely death on January 22. He had been a star in many critically acclaimed films, including “A Knight’s Tale”, “Brokeback Mountain”, and of course “The Dark Knight”. At age 28, his career was cut short by his death from prescription drug abuse. “The Dark Knight” had already finished shooting at the time of Ledger’s death, making it an unofficial tribute to him. In fact, “The Dark Knight” is dedicated to him in the credits, and Christopher Nolan, the director, stated in Newsweek that “there aren’t many actors who can make you feel ashamed of how often you complain about doing the best job in the world. Heath was one of them.” To prepare for the role of the Joker, Ledger sat in a hotel room for a month and experimented with voices. He was trying to discover that iconic Joker laugh and said he ended up more in the realm of a psychopath. Apparently this technique worked, as “The Dark Knight” is now the number two box office gross of all time, and Ledger’s performance is considered by many to be the most outstanding aspect of it. “It was just in the way he fiddled with his fingers, and licked his lips, and all those other mannerisms, that combined into a perfectly haunting character,” said sophomore John Mertes. His memorable performance clearly leads to the question of whether Ledger is going to win the Oscar or not. “If he loses, I want to see the performance that beats him!” said sophomore Will Lidke. Only one actor, Peter Finch, in “Network”, has ever won best actor posthumously, and the Academy looks at superhero movies with disdain. Next February 22 at the award ceremonies, coincidentally the one year and one month anniversary of his death, who knows, maybe the Joker will thwart Batman once again and win an Oscar, except this time Christian Bale will art by Lyndsay Hage be on his side.


Zephyrus Volume 29, Issue 1 October 3, 2008


Harry Potter is a no-show, fans protest DJ Adams sports editor Warner Brothers Incorporated has changed the release date of the sixth movie of the Harry Potter series, “The Half-Blood Prince,” from November 21, 2008 to July 17, 2009. To a corporate hotshot this postponement might be merely a business measure, but to fans it is an act of treason. “I am outraged,” declared Linnea Bullion, a Harry Potter stalwart. “All the big businesses care about is the money.” For films that are expected to gross high sales, delays are quite normal. Producers often excessively labor to make the movie a masterpiece. However, according to Warner Brothers, “The Half-Blood Prince” is complete, leaving fans perplexed about the holdup. Warner Brothers executive Alan Horn declared that the decision was made in order “to guarantee the studio a major summer blockbuster in 2009.” With the stunning success of blockbuster “The Dark Knight,” corporate officials figured they had already fulfilled their paycheck for 2008. Warner Brothers may have harmed themselves by deciding to delay. Several fan sites have already begun organizing protests against seeing the film in theaters, advising viewers to wait for a bootleg version online instead. Whether this threat will have any later impact is uncertain until opening

art by

art by Sharanya Srinivasan

day when the numbers are finally compiled. “I doubt that I would actually refuse seeing the movie. But there are some diehard fans out there, and we have truly been wronged,” explained senior Yasmine Ghanem. Although the long wait poses a grim future for fans, they can still benefit from the late release. For younger fans, a summer release might convince strict parents to allow their kid to attend the magical midnight showing during the week, an event unimaginable during the school year. Further, with the new premiere date, the time between the sixth and seventh films has been shortened by seven months. This will surely prevent anxiety and insanity in many fans, not to mention giving them more time to search for the perfect opening night outfit. While many fans wish their corporate superiors death by the Avada Kedavra curse, it seems Warner Brothers’ enchantment has accomplished its goal. But when push comes to shove, no true fan can resist attending “The Half-Blood Prince.”

Michael Scott: Music resounds in EHS “World’s Best Boss” returns Catherine Kerwin staff writer

Matt Hussian staff writer

World’s best boss Michael Scott is geared up for season 5 of “The Office,” which began September 25. People who know “The Office” are anticipating what’s to come, while new audiences just want a taste of the exciting Emmy award winning show. “This season has potential to be the best because there are mysteries waiting to be solved,” said John Connell, sophomore at EHS. Season 4 couldn’t have ended any more dramatically. Anything could happen this season. Take Jim and Pam’s relationship. In the ending episode, Andy and Angela’s engagement stole the spotlight as Jim was about to propose to Pam. This of course sent the ring back to his Dockers. Now the big question is: What will happen to the two couples? “Jim and Pam won’t get married; it just doesn’t finish the story line!” exclaimed, junior Michael Ellenberger. Michael Scott also became acquainted with new employee Holly Flack who took over Toby’s job, and he seems to be interested in her, but we will have to wait and see if he hooks up with his ex girlfriend Jan or goes with Holly. Let’s not forget, we witnessed Big D (Dwight) and Angela sneak off together, which could really carve up Andy and Angela’s engagement. “The Office” depicts modern American offices, which on the surface might seem lame and boring, but students enjoy the humor on the “The Office,” especially the that’s-what-she-said joke. Students are ready to set their friends up for a good that’s-what-she-said joke right in class. They are ready to pounce when they hear anything suggestive or previous “Office” lines from Michael Scott. That’s-what-she-said jokes have always been true lines from “The Office” and for some fans, they never get old. They are the base of Michael Scott’s awkward humor and set a tone at Dunder Mifflin. Some students have to be careful though because some teachers don’t find it amusing. “I would that’s-what-she-said’ in class, but I know Mrs. Kinner would scowl at me!” protested Harvey Murphy.

surprises. Symphonic Orchestra member Hannah Mirman says she enjoys concerts because “Performing has the ability to convey deeper emotions through music.” (Tickets cost $5 for adults and $2 for students.) And finally, the boy’s choir will debut at Edina’s Homecoming football game this Friday night, singing the school’s Alma mater before kickoff. (Tickets for the game cost $14)

“Music goes into the walls [at EHS] and brings them to life,” said Mrs. Bartsch, the Orchestra director at EHS. But whether students are in band, orchestra, or choir, it matters not this year for the music department is sure to bemore lively than ever. The band will set the bar high in October when they team up with “The Dallas Brass” for a highly anticipated concert. This six member group not only tours the country, but also the world, combining their brass instruments with percussion to create a unique sound. Hundreds of Edina students will attend clinics held by the ensemble members, and a select few Edina band members will get the photo by Grace Kerr rare opportunity to team up with “The CLAIM YOUR TICKETS: The music department is Dallas Brass” in Fick preparing a moving musical experience for this fall. Auditorium to perform on October 21 (Tickets for the concert cost $15). Regardless of whether students will Following soon after, the Symphonic be performing or attending, the EHS and Philharmonic orchestras will be concerts this fall and throughout the performing their combined seasonal rest of the year are sure to be excepconcert on October 28. The selected tional. It won’t be too long before these pieces will include some frighteningly hardworking musicians take center good Halloween tunes as well as other stage, so mark your calendars!

Athletes Of the Issue photos by Tony Quattrini


back page

Name: Peter Zwickey (12) Sport: Domestic Housewife

Name: Tess Jensen (12) Sport: Halo 3 Gamer

Q: How long have you been playing? A: Since Home Economics in seventh grade. Q:What sort of training do you do? A: I work on steadying my hands, and I spend four hours in the kitchen, two hours doing laundry, ten hours tidying up and ten hours shopping at the mall. Q: That’s a 26 hour day...? A: Yes, sleep is for babies. Housewives play all night. Q: What are the most challenging things about housewiving? A: Grease stains and unappreciative children. Q: What is the most frustrating thing about your sport? A: When Hollister doesn’t carry my size.

Q: How long have you been playing? A: Since I crawled out of the womb. Q: What sort of training do you do to prepare for gaming? A: Every morning I drink three raw eggs and then play for fifteen hours straight. Q: Do you have any rivals or big competition? A: I have no rival, because I am the best, but Zach Baker (12) is the most enjoyable to play because he is so bad. Q: What is the most frustrating thing about playing Halo 3? A: When noobs with high voices talk trash. Q: Anything memorable or any cool stories? A: I lost my virginity to a grunt.

The 5 Manliest and Girliest Things


Tony Quattrini back page editor

1. Fighting I’ve never been in a fight, but since it’s manly, I’m sure I would do just fine… against a girl or small child. 2. Hair Hair is very manly but only in specific places. In order from least to most manly, it would be: head, upper-lip, upper thighs/butt, arms, and knuckles. 3. Grilling Grilling meat is incredibly manly, especially if it’s done with your buddies. A wellknown rule of thumb is: The bigger your grill, the manlier you are. The best meats to grill are steak and whale.

photo by

As I sat in my basement watching Ninja Warrior on SpikeTV while eating a steak, it hit me: “Holy Smokes! Wow, I am manly.” At that exact moment I decided there should be a list of the manliest things ever, and who better to write that than me?

Girly Honestly, the list goes on and on. After writing this list, I decided it wouldn’t be fair to just write about manliness and not give girliness any credit. So here is a brief list of the girliest things in the world. 1. Tight Jeans Just because these look good on girls, doesn’t mean they look good on guys. Bro, they can’t be comfortable, and they don’t look cool, so why are you wearing them? 2. Feelings …Sorry I just fell asleep because feelings are so boring and pointless. I would rather rip off my ears and eat them than listen to people whine about feelings. Exceptions: Pain, Listening to Cathy Day! :) 3. High Voices When I hear high voices, I tune them out. If I wanted to listen to something unnecessarily high and loud all day, I would shop at Abercrombie.

4. Lumberjacks They are strong, hairy, wear plaid and jack lumber with huge axes and saws. What more can I say? Oh yeah, they were raised by monsters. Uber-manly.

4. Disney Channel Everything about it is girly. Mainly the Jonas Brothers because in their new smash hit, “Burnin’ Up,” after every line they sing, they let out this girly moan or voice crack. I can’t tell, but either way, it is incredibly girly.

5. Stealing Taking something that is not yours without permission is one of the burliest things ever. Even if you get caught, it just gets manlier. Stealing was also invented by the kings of manliness, pirates.

5. The Color Pink The color pink just radiates girly. It goes well with no colors but girl, and every guy looks ridiculous wearing it. The only people that should wear pink are women and babies.

Zephyrus 08-09 Issue One  

The first issue of the Zephyrus News paper from the 2009-2009 school year.

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