May 2014 . Issue 3.5
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Steamboat Springs Hayden Oak Creek Yampa
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For those who live here and for those who wish they did.
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Dropping lids of any kind when you’re over 50...
The TMI Struggle Page 4 By Paulie Anderson
Tiny Little Bits
DUI Arrests in Routt County
Sam Haslem: BS’n
The Stop Sign Dilemma
By Matt Scharf By Scott Ford
By Paul & Ellen Bonnifield By Cody Badaracca
Smoke Signals Page 9 By Scott Parker
The Auction Page 10 By Lyn Wheaton
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The TMI Struggle By Paulie Anderson
I recently received a crack on the ass – literally – that provided a wakeup call like no spanking I’ve ever received before. On March 15th we were having a nasty little snow storm with winds that would have blown your toupee into the next county. The garage door was annoyingly banging away in its frame so I went outside to latch it. I slipped on some ice on the stair leading to the door and landed feet out, arms up and butt down right on the edge of the stair. Long story short, I went to the ER for some pain that I was having internally and got diagnosed with a form of cancer called carcinoid tumors. Since receiving this whoopin’ I’ve been forced to evaluate every aspect of my life from a prospective that I would never have imagined in a million years – a finite prospective. From habits to diet; fitness to hobbies; work to play and mostly, what to say and when to say it; I’ve had to look at them all. It has become acutely apparent that I will not live forever and I’m just a little bit upset about that. In fact, it’s pretty probable that I won’t make it to see my hundredth birthday, which was my ultimate goal. I have been struggling with the idea of writing a column about this life altering event for weeks now. Which aspect is the most important, interesting, communicable, unique or entertaining? Oh yes, I went there – I said entertaining while talking about cancer. Why the hell shouldn’t there be some entertainment from something so utterly life-altering? I firmly believe that life should be thoroughly entertaining and enjoyable even if something as dire as cancer plays a role in my life. I don’t need sympathy, I need to be happy, and that can be a little difficult with nests of aliens setting up shop deep within my most valuable inner workings. My deepest sentiment was phrased perfectly by my friend and business partner, Matt Scharf. We were driving back from Clark having all kinds of deep philosophical conversation when he held both his hands up and exclaimed, “Look at this place! We should be taking time off from hiking to go to work!” Has there ever been a more evident truth spoken to date? Methinks not. That “Ahhhhh” moment came at a time when the dominate pool of thought in my brain was filled with questions of how to manage time better to play more, get into prime shape and still maintain my entrepreneurial lifestyle. I have the catchphrase, now I need the implementation.
For those who live here and for those who wish they did.
Really, what do you do when you wake up one day and find out that there is soon to be a nuclear war in your guts? This is not something that we are trained to prepare for. Yeah, we give money to fundraisers and wear our little pink ribbons. We’ve probably all lost someone to cancer or know cancer survivors, but until you find out that you are supporting a colony of the evil invaders yourself, it’s just something to throw money toward in hopes of finding that cure before you’re infected. Or worse yet, something to ignore or sweep under the rug so you don’t have to see its ugliness in the flesh. My answer to that question is pretty simple: Take life day by day and make the very best of every possible moment. Though the answer is simple, making it happen is one of the most difficult things I can possibly imagine. For example, I’m not a big fan of going to hospitals. In fact, I have avoided them at all possible costs for my entire life up until this point. I also have a particularly deep loathing for waiting, which is one of the biggest time-sucks of spending time in hospitals. How, then, am I supposed to gain any happiness from having two of my least favorite things in the world become my life’s blood?
Again, the answer is pretty simple: I had to change my mind. I get to read magazines that I would never waste a single penny on but enjoy when they’re calling to me from the rack in the doc’s office. I get to enjoy the people (well, most of them, anyhow) who are there to help me through this process, as sucky as it may be. In my new life, the thing I’ve noticed missing most from hospitals is laughter and understandably so, as one doesn’t usually go to the doctor to have an over active funny bone repaired. I think it’s fun to try to get a rise out of the people who spend their time by choice in the sterile environment that would drive me insane in a matter of days. Laughter is truly the best medicine and I’ll just bring that with me wherever I go, whatever the cost. I’m not going to use the Valley Voice as a platform to draw attention to this struggle any more than I already have by publishing this piece. If you wish to read the full story, visit my blog at www.paulieanderson.com. I’m not the most prolific blogger, but I’ll be updating every couple weeks with the latest on the alien invasion and ensuing nuclear war. Enough of this… let’s go ride bikes!
Tiny Little Bits
Thinking about it... for now. By Matt Scharf
I just love bikes. It’s not the safest passion to have, but I guess it’s better than Russian roulette. – Ryan Reynolds
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Common Sense of Our Dollars and Cents
DUI Arrests in Routt County Compared to Other Colorado Counties By Scott L. Ford
I am going to continue my series “Busting” or confirming some of the common myths (beliefs) that exist in our wonderful town. In the last issue I explored the belief that most folks leave town for Spring Break. Without question a lot of folks do leave. The best estimate is that the economic impact is equal to about 1 in 5 people leaving town in April for at least a week. This month I am going to explore the belief that one is more likely to get a DUI in Routt County than any other place in the state. It appears that the source of this belief is from reading the weekly jail report published in the Pilot. Do we have more DUI arrests than other places? Are our local police more attentive to this problem? Is it because Steamboat Springs is a resort/ party town? Do we have more bars? Do our visitors drink and drive more? Before we begin exploring a host of hypothetical “Whys” we first need to get the facts.
In addition, to do this comparison we need to guard against what I call the tyranny of small numbers. What this means is that in places where there are relatively few DUI arrests, small changes in the absolute number from year to year can have a big impact on any type of percent change calculation. To minimize the tyranny I used a rolling six year average. This helps to blunt the impact provided that the population within the county has remained relatively stable year over year. And lastly in order to do a comparison one must choose the counties to compare against. This is more of an art than a science. For this analysis I chose the following Colorado counties. The counties I selected and why. • Boulder & Larimer counties, (home of Ft Collins), because they look and act a lot like us from a social/ civic perspective.
I live in a world where facts matter. Fortunately facts such as the number of arrests for DUI also matter to the Colorado Bureau of Investigation (CBI). This organization tracks by law enforcement agency across the state the number of arrests that are made.
• Eagle County, (home of Beaver Creek & Vail), Pitkin County, (home of Aspen & Snowmass) and Summit County, (home of Breckenridge, Keystone) were selected because they have a strong winter/summer resort influence.
In Routt County we average about 1,200 DUI arrests per year. Like most data there are limitations to it. In the CBI data DUI arrests performed by the Colorado Highway Patrol (CHP) in Routt County are not reported. (At least it is not reported in the publicly available data sets I have access to.) What this means is that the data is not absolutely perfect and it has some inconsistencies. Although inconsistent, the data is consistently inconsistent and that is a beautiful thing. CHP DUI arrest data is consistently not available for any Colorado county.
So how does Routt County’s DUI arrest rates compare? See the table below:
The Steamboat Springs Police Department is responsible for about 80% of the DUI arrests in the county. This makes sense because, with a relatively few exceptions, most of the establishments that serve alcohol are also within the city limits. In addition, a little over 50% of the residents of Routt County live in Steamboat Springs, and again with relatively few exceptions the vast majority of visitors are staying in accommodations located in Steamboat.
How does Routt County compare to other places? It is not as simple as merely counting the number of DUI arrests in other counties compared to ourselves. Boulder County has a population about 10X that of Routt County. Of course there would be more DUI arrests. To create a simple “apples-to-apples” comparison we need to “normalize” the data. The easiest way to “normalize” this data is to calculate a per capita rate. Doing this calculation essentially removes the impact that a county’s population has on this data. For the purpose of this analysis I used only the population of those 21 years of age and over.
For those who live here and for those who wish they did.
DUI Arrest Rate Per 1,000 of Population Age 21+ by County Boulder 6.2 Larimer 8.6 Eagle 6.9
Routt 11.7 Summit 7.5 Routt County has a higher rate. Why is Routt County higher than other selected comparable counties? The reasons are debatable. Having these numbers allows us to have a somewhat more informed debate as to the “Whys.”
Next Issue: Who is moving in/out and who is staying and why should we care?
The Bonnifield Files
Sam Haslem: BS’n By Paul & Ellen Bonnifield With the county emphasizing its agriculture heritage, we decided to interview long time county agent Sam Haslem. I’ll tell you what – don’t do as I did and expect to interview Sam in the usual manner: born where, mom and dad were, attended school at . . . ? That won’t work. He’s a people person who takes the time and effort to know everyone’s name and life history. His feet and soul are deep in the soil and he remembers its past – when that piece of ground was sagebrush, where the cattle trails ran, the magnitude of wheat and oats farming. The extension service and Sam played a major role in improving breeding practices. Once the region was filled with sheep outfits, and Sam was important to their ranching operations as they improved wool and meat production. Sam spent his life making sure the rest of us didn’t go naked and hungry. He is also able to BS and generally tell the truth at the same time. This article follows the path Sam laid out. By traveling his trail, we will see the landscape that shaped him and how he, in turn, shaped the landscape. Sam’s dad Joe and his uncles put together an excellent working ranch headquartered at Jensen, Utah. They summered their cattle on Blue Mountain and wintered them along the Green River seven miles below the Jensen River Bridge. Theirs was a pretty good cow camp on Blue Mountain where the family spent much of the summer. The ranch operated on private ground and ran on free range until Taylor Grazing ended free grass. In the mid-1930s, Joe served on the first Grazing Committee that established allotments. Since the action of the Committee dramatically affected all of the ranchers within the district, it was an extremely important job. More people applied than there was range. Serving on the Grazing Committee had the potential of making some mean enemies. Nevertheless, Joe was respected and fair and apparently did not make any permanent enemies. During World War I, Joe and two of his four brothers joined the service. Joe was in the cavalry stationed at Houston, Texas, and his brother Mel was stationed at Austin, Texas. On a long pass, Joe went to see Mel and by chance met his future wife. Sam’s mother was quite a woman in her own right. Working through the Congregational Church, she was teaching at a Black College at Austin when she met Joe. She had better things to do than get married right away. After leaving Austin, she went to Turkey where she worked with kids speaking Turkish and Greek. Later, when teaching school in Utah and Colorado, students from Greek families soon learned she under-
Cattle scattered at a run. The Haslems trailed cattle to Craig until the 1940s; however, Sam did not get to take part in it because he was too young. An enjoyable midsummer break from work at cow camp was the three days spent at Meeker over the 4th of July. On July 6, Sam knew he would be mowing hay at Jensen. While all the Haslems were busy haying, a neighbor on the Mountain gathered Haslem bulls and put them with his cows. That saved the neighbor the expense of buying quality bulls. Rather than cause trouble with the neighbor, Joe put up a seven-wire fence. “To keep the sheep out,” Joe said. The neighbor knew what Joe really meant, and bought his own bulls.
stood what they were saying and could speak their language. She was the first woman to attend classes at Harvard in 1926. She and Joe were married in 1928. In the school year of 1935-36, she taught son Sam and Pat and Potch Mantle in a one-room school in Pat’s Hole. In the late 1930s or early ‘40s, Joe went out to get some camp meat. He shot and crippled a big buck. It’s a long story of adventure and misadventure in getting the deer, but the family was busy butchering and drying meat (mid-July), when a car drove into camp. They were sure it was the game warden. Instead, it was Sam Wisemart, a cattle buyer, and his sons. Joe invited them to “take their hats off, wash, and come in to eat.” They moved the table so that three could sit on the bed, three on a bench, and two in chairs at each end of the table. Before roasting venison, Mrs. Haslem wrapped the meat in strips of bacon. The Wisemart’s were Jewish and everyone recognized the pork problem at about the same time. It would be bad to offend a dinner guest. Wisemart quickly solved the problem. Looking at his boys, he said, “Eat!” Haslem cattle were about half wild because they were only handled when driven from winter to summer range and back. In the fall the “stuff” on Blue Mountain was gathered and the “shipping cattle sorted off” – usually long yearlings or two year olds. The cattle were trailed off Blue Mountain to Calico Draw near Elk Springs, down the draw to the river, up to the Maybell Store, and on to Craig. They let the cattle graze along as they trailed out, only covering six to eight miles a day. Usually everything went well, but one year as the herd approached the stockyards, a woman stepped outside and tossed a dishpan of water onto her yard.
Sam skirted the subject of trouble between sheep and cattle ranchers. At one time considerable blood was shed among men considering the topic. The Haslem outfit ran cattle, but Granddad had a little bunch of sheep for “camp meat.” Despite its troubled history, Sam lamented, at one time thirty-five bands of sheep (more than 35,000 sheep) were trailed to a corner a short distance from the home ranch. From there the bands went into the Uinta Mountains to summer and back in the fall. Three years ago the last band of sheep were trailed onto the Uinta Mountains. The rich accent of the Greek sheep men is gone. The excitement of the sheep men’s barbeque in Craig is only history. (Stock drives - wide paths - along highway 40 and 13 were established where it was possible to accommodate the numerous bands of sheep that trailed each summer and fall.) Craig and Hayden were among the largest lamb shipping centers in the nation. Time passed and Sam grew up to attend Colorado A&M College. Besides studying agriculture, he was in ROTC and dreamed of becoming an air force pilot. He was slightly near sighted and did not qualify. Instead, he proudly served the nation as a navigator. Despite the disappointment, he remained involved in flying. He was a darn good pilot. After several adventures and misadventures, Sam became county agent at Norwood. While there, using his own plane, he began his version of “flight for life.” Over time he made fifty-plus lifesaving flights. Many people around Norwood were well served by their flying county agent. I’m out of space and I haven’t accomplished much but listen to Sam BS’n. He is good at it. Readers, take heart, Ellen is going to talk to his wife. She thinks they can get it right.
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. – Gloria Steinem
Rules of the Road
The Stop Sign Dilemma By Cody Badaracca See Full Menu at: www.johnnybgoodsdiner.com
Stop me if you’ve heard this one: A bicyclist rolls through a stop sign and gets caught by a policeman. Cop says, “License please.” Biker says, “What for?”
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Cop says, “You didn’t come to a complete stop at the stop sign.” Biker says, “I slowed down, and no one was coming.” Cop says, “You still didn’t come to a complete stop. Your License please.” Biker says, “What’s the difference?” Cop says, “You have to come to a complete stop. License, PLEASE!”
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Biker says, “Show me the difference between slowing down and a stop I’ll give you my license.”
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Cop says, “Okay,” and starts beating the biker, who yells for him to stop.
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Cop says, “Now: do you want me to slow down, or stop?” I use that amusing anecdote for segue purposes only. It’s not intended to showcase our law enforcement’s predilection for knee-jerk violence or reflect the holierthan-thou attitude that bicyclists tend to have for the rules of the road. It highlights a quandary that causes an ethical schism in any law-abiding commuter in a hurry: the Stop Sign Dilemma. Shakespeare might’ve phrased it as: To stop, or not to stop: that is the question. Whether tis nobler in the mind to abide by the rules of the road, no matter how time consuming; or to take arms against them, flaunt anarchy in the octagonal face of its crimson warning. And by opposing, end them? To break the rules, but not momentum. That…didn’t clarify anything. Bicycles didn’t exist in Medieval Denmark, so let’s be plain-spoke: should bicyclists be required to stop at stop signs if nobody’s around? It’s contentious – like the tension between citizens and the law, and the relationship between serrated knives and fingertips. Bikes and cars are two distinctly different beasts of transport vying for the same resource. Bikes are gazelles, cars are elephants, and both drinking from the same river. While gazelles and elephants should and do have equal access to the river, the physical nature of elephants are probably going to take up most of the river, marginalizing gazelles to the banks. Now, is it necessarily fair to make gazelles and elephants abide by the same dams in the river? The Serengeti analogy isn’t working. Look, pros and cons can be argued for bicyclists’ special rights on the road. A bike technically is considered a vehicle on the road and is subject to the same laws as cars, something
For those who live here and for those who wish they did.
officially committed to international law in the late 60s through the Vienna Convention on Road Traffic.*But holding cars and bikes to the same standard is comparing gazelles to elephants. Two. Different. Animals. You don’t need a license to operate a bicycle. Cyclists don’t pay registration fees or need to deal with the DMV – a major boon for cyclists. (It could be argued that drivers then get priority on the road, since money from licensing fees and vehicle tax is funneled into road and bridge maintenance.) And of course, the stock argument is simple physics. An elephant will win against a gazelle every time, so they’d better abide by the same rules. (I’d kindly remind cyclists of this fact, riding two or three abreast on county road 129. Despite religion’s view on the sanctity of human life, the cold impact of physics transcends moral law, and at 7 billion strong we can afford to lose a couple in the grill of a Ford F-150.)
A bicycle, however, is an efficient and beneficial mode of transport. It improves the quality of life not only for the cyclist, but improves the environment and community as well. But it’s hard work. Because bikes are directly powered by human exertion, momentum becomes an important factor. Enter simple physics again: gravity, speed and incline planes are forces that keep momentum going. A stop sign...well, stops momentum, in theory (physics transcend societal laws, too). Joel Fajans and Melanie Curry explain a cyclist’s need for speed: Bicyclists can work only so hard. The average commuting rider is unlikely to produce more than 100 watts of propulsion power, or about what it takes to power a reading lamp…(compared to 100,000 watts generated by a 150-horsepower car engine), bicyclists must husband their power. Accelerating from stops is strenuous, particularly since most cyclists feel a compulsion to regain their former speed quickly. They also have to pedal hard to get the bike moving forward fast enough to avoid falling down while rapidly upshifting to get back up to speed. For example, on a street with a stop sign every 300 feet, calculations predict that the average speed of a 150-pound rider putting out 100 watts of power will diminish by about forty percent. If the bicyclist wants to maintain her average speed of 12.5 mph while still coming to a complete stop at each sign, she has to increase her output power to almost 500 watts. This is well beyond the ability of all but the most fit cyclists.” ** In 1982, Idaho adopted a unique position on the matter. The Gem State was finding its courts being overrun with “technical violations” of bicyclists not coming to a complete, one foot down, stop at stop signs and red lights. Minor traffic offenses were considered criminal offenses at the time and the courts wanted to figure out a way to change these misdemeanors to civil public offenses. Carl Bianchi, then-Administrative Director of Idaho Courts and avid bicyclist, tried to rectify the situation. (Bianchi is also the name of a renowned Italian bicycle company started in 1885. Coincidence?)
(As far as I can tell, yes.) As the Idaho legislature set to revise the state’s traffic code, Bianchi saw an opportunity to modernize the bicycle law and bring it in line with America’s Uniform Vehicle Code.*** The new law allowed cyclists to merge left, take lanes when appropriate and included statue 49-720, which states, “a person operating a bicycle or human-powered vehicle approaching a stop sign shall slow down and, if required for safety, stop before entering the intersection... a person after slowing to a reasonable speed and yielding the right-of-way if required, may cautiously make a turn or proceed through the intersection without stopping.”**** The “Idaho Stop” law has been on the books for over 30 years now, remaining essentially the same, but the issue is still contentious between cyclists and drivers. Critics of the law feared that children would be a risk, not being able to understand when and where to yield, and the new law lacked a “presumption of fault.” This clause, present in the Uniform Vehicle Code’s treatment of yield signs, specified that if a motorist drives past a yield sign, and is involved in a collision in the intersection… is presumed that the motorist failed to yield the right of way, but the motorist can rebut that presumption with the introduction of contradictory evidence. Because the new “stop as yield” law in Idaho did not contain a “presumption of fault” clause… determinations of fault would be more difficult to establish.*** I’m not trying to advocate for one position or another in this article. The success of the Idaho Stop comes down to the personal responsibility of commuters behind the wheel AND the handlebars. It‘s worked for Idaho. According to safety statistics from the U.S. Department of Transportation, out of the 167 traffic fatalities in Idaho in 2011, none were bicyclists. In fact, cyclist fatalities comprised only 2 percent of all U.S. traffic fatalities in 2011.***** I’ve been on both sides of the pavement. I’ve been pulled over – on my bicycle – for running stop signs in Tennessee, and I’ve been cut off by cyclists who barrel through intersections just to duck into an alleyway. Ultimately, it comes down to dialogue and respect and compromise. Elephants and gazelles need to coincide and cooperate, because there are crocodiles in the river and feral pigs lurking in the brush. …Yeah, that analogy still doesn’t work. * http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bicycle_law ** http://socrates.berkeley.edu/~fajans/pub/pdffiles/StopSignsAccess.pdf *** http://www.bicyclelaw.com/blog/index. cfm/2009/3/7/Origins-of-Idahos-Stop-as-Yield-Law ****http://legislature.idaho.gov/idstat/Title49/ T49CH7SECT49-720.htm *****http://www-nrd.nhtsa.dot.gov/Pubs/811743.pdf
News from the Chief of the Chief By Scott Parker
Hello all and thank you for reading the 9th installment of Smoke Signals: News from The Chief of The Chief.
813 Lincoln Avenue 970-871-4791 www.chieftheater.com
Nine Times!!!! Nine times? Nine Times! Hopefully some of you get my reference to Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. If not…go rent it…pretty good movie. Yes. Nine times. Thank you for reading! My does the time ever fly! Feels so good to be back here in the Spring. Playing outside with the kids in 70 degree shorts weather one day and then a foot of slushy snow the next. Ahhhh Springtime in the Rockies! Life is good.
May 2nd and 3rd Check us out at chieftheater.org
Steamboat Student Film Festival May 7th
What a ride it has been so far. We are gearing up for an EPIC summer at The Chief Theater. We are teaming up with the Free Summer Concert Series, and having a few of the acts stay in town an extra day to play an intimate show at The Chief the day after they take the stage at Howelsen Hill. I just love it when groups work together rather than compete with each other. Last month, Steamboat Springs got some more great international press as Smithsonian Magazine listed Steamboat Springs as one of the top small towns in America to visit in 2014. One of the main reasons….THE ARTS! (Loved that The Chief Theater was mentioned.) A sincere thank you to all of our supporters. The people that buy tickets, donate time and money and share our vision are the reason we are seeing so much success!
$30. Dinner at The Cantina, movie to follow at the Chief at 8pm.
Be sure to check out the May installment of our new “Friends and Family Concert Series.” May 23rd and 24th we present Boldly Beethoven by The Generations Trio. In April we had standing room only for “Duel of The Strings.” Mak Grigc and John Sant’Ambrogio brought the house down! These are shows not to be missed!!!!
(Yes, this is a real thing!)
As always please contact me with any questions, concerns, and ideas. • Call me! 970-367-3830 • Email me: email@example.com • Stop by: 813 Lincoln and let us chat!! Cheers Scott
Dinner and a Movie: A benefit for Integrated Community Happy 40th Birthday Shannon Parker!
May 9th and 10th 7pm Tickets $10.
The Internet Cat Video Festival May 16th 7pm Tickets $25.
Chief Theater Anniversary Party!
Worried Men will be playing, door prizes, free appetizers, Silent Auction, Drink Specials
May 23rd and 24th Tickets $20 for Adults and $5 for Students
Friends and Family Concert Series presents:
Boldy Beethoven by The Generation Trio
May 30th 8pm Tickets $10 online $15 at the door
LIZ LONGLEY 813 Lincoln Avenue 970-871-4791 www.chieftheater.com
Life is like a ten speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use. – Charles M. Schulz
Routt County Disasters
The Auction By Lyn Wheaton
I have an extremely robust social media platform. In the interest of getting as many “likes” as possible, it is crucial that I keep my “friends” abreast of my every thought. If I don’t post every ideation that pops into my head, or a picture with some uplifting caption, or the results of a Facebook quiz that declare me right-brained, John Lennon, or tell me where I should be living, I will dissolve into nothing more than a dust particle in cyber space. Of course, I use the excuse of promoting my writing as the reason for spending iniquitous amounts of time on these outlets, but I’m aware no one reads anything longer than a sentence, especially if it doesn’t have a colorful picture attached. I may be critical of our instant gratification society, but I think I might be contributing to it. Hold on, I have to check the Life Events section of Facebook to make sure nothing significant has happened in my life, while I was writing this. This is interesting. Facebook has a “life event” to announce when a person has become an organ donor. If I post this am I asking for trouble? Furthermore, is this really a life event? It seems more like a “post-life” event. Who is responsible for deciding what qualifies as a life event on Facebook? What if you donated a musical organ to your church? Wouldn’t that be a life event more worthy of announcement than the post-mortem activities you may or may not engage in? Whatever. I gave this considerable thought and decided screw donating these suckers. I’m going to auction them off. This is a great plan. I can leave my daughter a nice inheritance and she won’t have to bother with a funeral and all that morbidity. Like any good business endeavor, I need to kick this off with a schematic. I will start by taking inventory of the goods for sale. I open up an Excel spreadsheet and set up my rows and columns. Where should I start, from the top down? Bottom up? Inside out? Wow, there are a lot of organs to sell. This could be very lucrative. I need an anatomy book. I don’t want to forget anything. I wonder if I could sell some of this stuff now? I could really use the cash. I decide to resume with a methodical approach and continue to develop the inventory sheet, starting at the top of the head and working my way down.
the big-ticket items; Brain, that’s debatable. Liver and nose, I don’t think we’ll get much for them (thanks to the eighties.) Ditto on the kidneys; spleen; stomach; and intestines. Lungs; not worth much (thanks to the sixties, seventies and eighties.) Things aren’t looking too good here. Teeth? Oh shit. George Washington had better teeth than me. Maybe I could sell them for parts. Let me go get that updated panoramic from my last dental visit. Twenty-five porcelain crowns, implant screws, I even have a few real teeth. If I could unload this bric-a-brac maybe I could buy a grill. Speaking of grills, how is it I don’t have any gold in here? Let’s do this- what do I have that may be of value? My hair. My hair is still pretty good except that it turned green for no reason last month, but I’ll just sell it as is. I could throw in a box of Clairol Hair dye, if the bidder drives a hard bargain. Good, now we’re getting somewhere. I can sell my hair and that can go in the category of not really needed now, because it should grow back. Ears are pretty good. I may be a little deaf (thanks to the sixties, seventies and eighties), but my ears could fetch a few bucks and I am an artist so cutting them off now is not at all irrational. My heart and eyes appear to be fine. How did they escape the sixties, seventies and eighties? These last two items will comprise my daughter’s estate. Ok. I am ready to open the bidding.
Brain – well, I need that for now. This is hard. I know, I’ll divide the sheet into three sections:
I considered hiring one of those professional auctioneers like they have on Storage Wars or our very own Cookie Lockhart, but I don’t have time to fool around with all that. Besides it may be a little creepy, if I just stood there on display while she verbally dismembered me. Defaulting to a more mainstream platform, I went on line and posted my items for sale.
1. Organs definitely needed
EBAY AUCTION LISTING- ORGANS FOR SALE
2. Organs may be able to do without
Hair - Opening bid 25.00
3. Organs not needed (or wanted)
Ears - Opening bid 500.00
I never realized the amount of merchandise I was carrying around. I am a virtual Pop-up retail kiosk with profits margins that would make Wall Street weep.
Heart - Opening bid 1,500.00
Starting again, with organs needed now, after all this is for my daughter, not me. I have to remember – it’s not always about me. Anyway, the items I still need are
Eyes - (here’s looking at you kid) Opening bid 1,000,000.00 All organs are sold “as is” - other organs available upon request.
For those who live here and for those who wish they did.
I gear up for the sale by reminding myself of the ABC’s of selling: Always Be Closing. The first bidder is interested in my eyes and wants to know why they are priced so high in comparison to the other organs. I tell him I don’t want to see the world through his twisted mind; it was hard enough seeing it through mine, he seems to understand. When it comes to the law of supply and demand, Ben Bernanke, I am not. Within an hour of opening auction, I was stripped bare of all my organs, the good; the bad; and the ugly. These people are going to suffer a great deal of buyer’s remorse, I’m glad I’ll be dead. I put the finishing touches on the spreadsheet and totaled the columns. This worked out better than a garage sale. Social media makes all things possible. I decided to post the outcome of my auction online but there was no classification suitable for this announcement. Facebook should really have a category for otherworldly events. I scribbled a note to Zuckerberg suggesting a few names: The Hereafter, The Other Realm, Knock-knock-knocking, or The Fifth Dimension. Here you could post things like: Died and went to heaven, realized I had to continue working on myself, wasn’t going to get any rest, so I defected. Status: Lost soul. Stuck in Purgatory - hit “like” to help get me out: 1 “like” = 1 hour off my sentence. This could include a melting clock tracking the time remaining on your detainment. We could get reports from Hell, and I mean real Hell as opposed to the normal Facebook day to day. It would bring the thrill of horror right into your living room, wondering if the Devil was going to heave your electronic device across the room and through the plate glass window. Suddenly the doorbell rang, interrupting my productivity. With trepidation, I answered. I wasn’t expecting anyone. There stood a man carrying a medical bag and a large cooler. He announced he was here for the heart and eyes. I told him I wasn’t dead yet. He said I didn’t specify a waiting period and if I didn’t produce the organs I’d have to refund his money. Next weekend I will be having a yard sale, details will be on Facebook.
How to Live Your Motorcycle Dream By Joel Mayne
We all have dreams inside our heads. Perhaps you’ve dreamed of joining the Cirque Soleil, playing the drums at Lollapalooza, pirouetting for Disney on Ice, singing Journey Songs on the teevee, flying like Peter Pan, spending a sweaty, sleepless night alone with Brittany Spears or Justin Bieber … (fill in the blank)
“One down four up. right?”
The Easy Way-Moto Training Light
I’ve been systematically crossing things off of my Dream List for decades. I make a point of asking people, as I bounce around the country and the world on various motorcycles, “How’s your dream list coming?”
If you want a less intense sampler, and just want to ride off-road when you’re camping or on your own land, I teach a one-day dirt-bike class which occurs on private property. Often, groups of three friends will do this together. We cover controls, posture, using the clutch, shifting, stopping, counterbalancing, riding over small obstacles and riding on hills. It’s fun, less intense and there is no test. This class is a great sampler and a fun way to explore your moto curiosity.
The Dream List is an essential tool in making everything O.K. when the day comes to take your journey to God, Buddha, Allah, or the worms. Do you want to lie there staring at the rubber tubes protruding from your body and reflect on what you didn’t do? Excuses are triple word score weak at that point in time. When the students in my motorcycles classes introduce themselves on the first night it’s very common to hear, “I’ve always wanted to learn how to ride a motorcycle, but….” And then the list of valid reasons comes along: kids, dogs, motos were strictly forbidden in their family, busy at work, never quite had the money…it’s endless. We are all enslaved to some degree by pressures of chasing the American Dream of Wealth and Material Success. The things we’re supposed to do are shoved in our faces just as soon as we can understand language. But here’s the deal: If you have a personal moto dream, there is a systematic way you can cross it off your list this summer. I can help with this. The Old School Way Learning to ride hasn’t always been such a blueprinted process. Many riders have harrowing stories of their unconventional motorcycle riding “lessons.” I received my first experience in operating the handlebar controls sitting in front of my father on the gas tank of a 750. He clicked the foot shifter because my leg wasn’t long enough to reach it. I was hooked and I desperately wanted my own machine. We had a perpetually rotating collection of various dirt bikes that Pops fixed and sold as a side business, but they were WAY too big. Every time I begged for a dirt bike he would point to the gaggle and say simply, “You show me you can ride one and we’ll talk about getting you something of your own.” It was a very lightly supervised crash course. Eventually, after much labor as world’s smallest construction site trash boy at 1$ per hour, I was able to pay for half of a $300.00 used YZ 80. It became my life. I paid attention to nothing else for 3 years. I hear similar stories every day at work, but times have changed. A Better Way in One Weekend These days there’s a fun, fast and safe way to learn. It’s called The Motorcycle Safety Foundation Basic Rider Course, and it’s an intensive, weekend long, class that
Without fail, something magic occurs and suddenly this diverse group of people forms a great team with a common goal. The rest of life melts away and we are riding motorcycles together. This often forms long-term riding partners long after the class is completed. Yes, it’s a lot to learn. It’s intense and it’s fun.
Conclusion will enable you to learn to ride well enough to earn a Colorado Motorcycle Endorsement for your License. Some of the things you will learn include: Types of motorcycles and how to choose the right one for you. Demystifying the clutch, starting and stopping, proper shifting and gear selection. How you conduct a pre-ride inspection, and understand all the parts, pieces and controls of your motorcycle, how to select and fit all of your super cool safety gear, traffic strategies and riding techniques including cornering, and my personal favorite: braking. Certified “Ridercoach” Instructors like myself, who have completed a long and extremely rigorous training program, offer the course nationally. A good instructor is essential, but the magic is in the curriculum and the large number of carefully crafted riding exercises. Everything is covered but the emphasis is getting you a calm, well-managed start and then having you ride and improve as much as possible the rest of the weekend in a safe environment with lots of assistance. Everyone is welcome. As an instructor, I’ve had riders with quite a bit of experience take the class in a pact with a friend or lover with no experience. Often, starting with no experience produces amazing riders with no bad habits. Everyone is treated equally, and I adjust feedback to his or her personal needs. I limit my class to 5-6 students so I am able to fine tune each exercise and offer individual tips on each skill-set. Every exercise is first explained and then demonstrated by an instructor on a motorcycle before you do it. One of the greatest things about teaching the Basic Rider Course all these years has been watching the solidarity that develops in each class. You don’t often see massage therapists, judges, ranchers, school teachers, law enforcement officers, bartenders, county managers, lawyers, outlaws, medical farmers, and kid wranglers enjoying a weekend together. It’s very rewarding to see this menagerie of people on motorcycles, smiling, and making amazing improvements in skill whilst cheering each other on.
A whole weekend class including the use of a motorcycle costs about half the price of an I-phone or that optimistically sized pair of designer jeans. Get your Dream list together, and if riding a motorcycle is on it, come see me and we’ll cross that one off. Be an icon, not a slave on the treadmill following orders from that electronic machine in your pocket.
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The bicycle, the bicycle surely, should always be the vehicle of novelists and poets. – Christopher Morley
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The Wandering Rose
Butterfly When the snows were still heavy, falling, falling, a lone butterfly crossed the land, dodging flakes as large as one wing, a flitting contrast of brown lost in white. With its fawn velvet wings edged in ivory and turquoise dots, tiny eyes calling out to blue skies, the Mourning Cloak butterfly or Nymphalis antiopa, was sent to bring word of spring. This year the word came too early, the voice silenced before spoken, strangled and buried in layer upon layer of snow.
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Most years, woodland nymphs could lose themselves against coffee bean trees and pine needles floors, but this year the still wings lay peacefully, a feather indent of warm body on snow, as if resting. Stillness caught Audrey Rose’s eye. This year the snows had been constant, afraid perhaps if they gave up too soon snow itself might be forgotten. Audrey Rose cupped the butterfly in her hands, tried to breathe warmth back into the still body with no luck. She swallowed the wings, the velveteen body, the antennae so that the messages carried would continue. Once the butterfly was absorbed, broken down through acids, a message trickled into Audrey’s blood, carried through her heart, nutrients taken before being pumped back out and sent up to her brain – Alas, we are merely mortals, filling our souls, piling emotions like rocks in a jar – love, suffering, exploration, joy, anger, caught in our here, in our moment and forgetting that the sands of the future will fall down amongst our rocks and fill our jars unless we, ourselves, look forward to the future, to what and how this world should be left beyond our passing. For some the sands will suffocate the rocks, for others they will trickle in, giving time, giving room for something greater, something further, something beyond the realm of what we believe possible, but achievable nonetheless. Change begins with a simple act, a kind word, a thing of beauty. Audrey Rose, after having so recently shared her body – not soul – with a stranger, was feeling the need to keep her words inside, to remember beautiful places. Some days she longed for someone who would enter her and crack her wide open to find the vermillion marrow of her soul and devour her, ingest her so her stories might be remembered, so she might be remembered. Instead, she decided to create something beautiful for the world, so that something beautiful might sprout inside her and what then might grow?
For those who live here and for those who wish they did.
Audrey wandered to the butterfly barn, green roof, exposed beams, falling apart but not forgotten - a kindred spirit. Outside, facing the road, cars passed, person after person drove by without looking, while faded butterflies, once placed so carefully by a little girl with a dream and her father, still sat. Audrey Rose climbed the ladder to a wooden stand high off the ground, where a tiny rectangular window allowed her to look out at the world, where someone may once have looked out for friend or foe arriving from the distance. She poked her head out of the window and looked down at the faded forms of grey wings, painstakingly carved, bodies with only antennae and no wings, still held tight after all these years to the bleached wood of the barn. To celebrate the bright light butterflies bring to our lives before they so quickly perish from this earth, Audrey Rose collected butterflies made with mesh and sequins of orange, pink, blue and white and wove them into a tapestry. In hanging them where they could let the winds carry them, where they could fly, Audrey was letting a part of herself be free to fly. As Audrey Rose tied the rope to secure the butterflies, a man and his dog, a curious white husky, wandered by. Whether movement or beauty or butterflies caught their eye, they paused. The man smiled. Something beautiful. With that smile, a seed sprouted inside of Audrey Rose, something small, something with room to grow, something beautiful.
Mister Helpful’s Dating Guide
It’s all about your Happiness
By Mr. Helpful, M.D.
I see you. I like what I see. I want to know more. I, uh, … Quite possibly the greatest challenge any human being can face in the history of their own lives; approaching someone they find attractive, starting conversation and asking them out for a date. For some people, an actual physical heart attack would be less painful and traumatic. But the truth is it is not that difficult. It’s just a matter of putting on yer big boy pants and doing your best. The most basic opening approach line is to simply say Hello. Countless surveys have revealed both men and woman saying just that. OH RIGHT!! We’re just supposed to walk right up to the Hotness over there, say hello and NOT be so flat out rejected and laughed at. It would be better that I go a police station and admit to a murder; so much easier to do that instead. Ok it’s not that bad and here’s how you can deal with creating your own Approach. First things first: Be yourself, comfortable and calm. If that is not easy to do, here are some other methods to consider: Excuse me, can you help me please? – A basic human need is to be connected to another or to a greater purpose. Asking someone for help is a great way to start an interaction. That being said, it’s a crap idea to make up some total BS over-the-top emergency just to chat someone up. Keep it simple and ask what time it is or directions to a place. Foot in door, take it from there. The Cheesy Pick Up Line Approach – Strangely enough does work, but only if it’s SOOOO bad that everyone laughs. Honest it truly works on many levels, but only from the right kind of person to the right kind of people who are in the proper mood to hear it right then and there. If not, yer an ass and have lost the opportunity. A Tale to Tell: Robert’s younger brother loves dating girls much younger then himself and ones that seemed to be a bit stupid. At a bar once, he spotted one and told us what he was going to say before he went over to her. He would ask her if she had a quarter because he promised his mom that he would call her the minute he fell in love. Of course he would say that he fell in love with this girl he just met. A totally stupid thing to say and we all laughed thinking it would never work. With great confidence, he walked right up to her, played his line and she laughed like the marked prospect he thought she was. 45 minutes later they walked out together for a one night stand that she never saw coming. Some people receive The Cheesy Pick Up Line and think it is so stupid and over the top that they start talking
about it on an intellectual level. Conversation starts and that’s all it took. The line still worked. But the overall truth is that Cheesy lines are a lousy way to start conversation. They lack confidence of personality and your potential date most likely will not be into you for just that reason.
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Confidence vs. Too much Confidence – Crap, I just put those words into BOLD and realized that I might have no idea how to express this section. I mean that fine line is not really defined by ourselves, but really perceived by our potential date and the world at large for sure. We might think that we are coming on to our date just fine and they think we are coming on too strong. Having confidence in ourselves, the stories we tell, the information we share about ourselves; can come across as egotistical to some and just fine to others. In a certain way, it’s out of our control and in another way, we don’t have to care what anyone thinks about us. But if we want to attract our Date, then we should care not to come on like a jackass. What if I Approach and they aren’t into me? Not everyone likes broccoli. Not everyone will think we are the greatest thing since sliced bread. Not everyone will think we are good breeding stock. Not everyone likes us. Please do not let it hurt your feelings if you get turned down. Sweetie I know it took guts to ask them out and I know you are disappointed that they said no. But there are other fish in the sea and there is someone out there who will say yes. Just keep trying. I believe in you. The Biggest Problem in trying to meet someone you have NEVER seen before but want to Approach is that you have nothing to base your next move/line/overall approach on. This is when you are completely flying blind and the only thing you can do is genuinely pay attention to them and be as pleasant as possible. Asking softball questions will lead to easy answers and hopefully a general overall picture of who is standing in front of you – Someone you want to keep talking to vs. “Nice to look at, I’ve made a terrible mistake.” In the end, your Approach comes down to several key factors: the situation/setting, your confidence, their attraction to you right from the start. If the stars align just right, then Smoochie Time could be in your future. Now get out there and Make it Happen Captain.
Sign up for ReTree!
Event is Sunday June 8 at Community Center, and the sign up link will be at www.yvsc.org/retree
150 people needed to help plant 2000 trees along the core trail!
LEE’s Keys Plus, LLC Door, Kitchen & Bath Hardware
Lee A. Schoeneman
Certified Master Locksmith
Find Mister Helpful’s Dating Guide on Facebook, hit the LIKE button and read the expanded versions of this column and others.
Next month – Sex Toys, not the worst idea – not the best idea. 1169 Hilltop Pkwy # 106B Steamboat Springs, CO 80487 Laskeys2805@gmail.com
Office: 970-871-9161 Cell: 970-846-9161 Fax: 970-871-7965
One of the most important days of my life was when I learned to ride a bicycle. – Michael Palin
Vol. 2, No. 5 May 2014 The Hayden Surveyor is a joint project by the Hayden Revitalization Project and Hayden Chamber of Commerce. The Surveyor’s goal is to improve communityawareness and communications about special events, business, local government, history, feature stories and more.
For news tips, contact the editor at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Greater bandwidth headed for Hayden schools By Brodie Farquhar HAYDEN--Students and teachers in the Hayden School District will have access to vastly greater Internet bandwidth next school year, meaning downloads and uploads will happen faster and accommodate larger data loads.
101 N. 6th Street
750 Hospital Loop Craig, Colorado 81625 Phone: 970-824-9411 e-mail: email@example.com
Jim Early, the information technology guru for the district, said Cedar Network has agreed to provide 100 megabytes of broadband service, as well as 17 digital phone lines -replacing breakdown-prone analog phones by Century Link. Currently, the district can download six megabytes of data and upload three. The big jump in bandwidth means more students can go online to take state tests at the same time, do research for homework and file schoolwork in “the cloud” of remote data servers, which can also be accessed by faculty and parents. Early said students will ultimately have access to bigger broadband width at home, via secure WiFi with individualized passwords for each student. “I think everyone involved -- teachers, students and parents -- will be thrilled,” said Brian Hoza, board president.
140 S 6th St, Hayden, CO 81639 Phone:(970) 276-8060 Louis Nijsten and L. Karen Fox, brokers
Early said the district will get a break on Internet costs with a federal subsidy program called E-Rate, which will provide 67 percent of the cost for the upgrade, or $15,000. CedarNetwork, based in Durango, will charge the district $330.90 a month, and pay for installation. The Hayden district won’t have any difficulty meeting a spring deadline for standardized testing going digital, said Early. That will require a 10-megabyte capacity, and the district will have 100-megabyte capacity. Work to link the district to the fiber optics cable begins July 1, he said. Storage of all student work in “the cloud” will mean faculty can access and analyze each test and paper and respond to gaps or problems in comprehension, as they become apparent, Early said. By picking up on these problems earlier, faculty can apply individualized strategies to get each and every student up to speed, quicker than ever before. This mastery of the material idea, before going on to the next lesson, is borrowed from the online Khan Academy, which is augmenting math instruction in the district. Khan Academy requires students to pass tests showing 100 percent comprehension, before advancing into more advanced materials.
Early said he’s been trying for eight years to access the fiber optics cable that runs alongside Highway 40. He was stymied for several years by a contract with Eagle-Net, which Looking down the road, Early said that in five years time, went unfulfilled. Unfortunately, it does not appear that the broadband capacity could be as big as 1 gigabyte, or regular-size ad in town, district can extend broadband access to everyone megabytes. And if made the district pursues foundation Early said. “I think the more critical is why (Do youquestion have art of acan’t dog paw1,000 print or a border of paw prints?) grants, he said, the day could come fairly soon that every these Internet providers, or the town itself, provide access student in the district would have a personal computing to greater bandwidth?” Hoza said it was frustrating to be in TEXT: devise with access to the Internet. a holding pattern for so many years.
A Routt County Classic Entry gift, Great Food, Prizes for Winners!
Small Dog Grooming Hayden, CO
ANNE REED’S Small Dog Grooming
Saturday, May 10, 2014
Race starts: 10:00 am
Sponsor: Hayden Parks & Recreation 970-734-4148
All Racers assemble at the Hayden Town Park on South 3rd St.
firstname.lastname@example.org Hayden, Colorado
For those who live here and for those who wish they did.
Vol. 2, No. 5
New Superintendant Iron Wheel shop opens for Hayden By Brodie Farquhar
By Brodie Farquhar
Downtown Walnut Street in Hayden is showing more signs of life. Essam Welch is leasing the 1903 building mid-block, on the east side of the street that used to house a church and a pool hall. He is calling his business Iron Wheel, harkening back to frontier days in Hayden, but embracing modern cycling as well.
The Hayden School District has a new superintendent, beginning work July 1. The board offered the position to Trudy Vader, principal of the Cripple Creek-Victor JuniorSenior High School in Teller County. Vader has been principal there since 2009. A native of Gunnison, Vader said getting the Hayden superintendent job was “like coming home. I’m thrilled, because I’ve been focused on rural education all my life.” She said she’d spent quite a bit of time studying Hayden, looking at the chamber, town and school websites. “It just seemed like it could be a good fit,” she said in a telephone interview April 7th. “I think Trudy will do an awesome job for us,” said Board President Brian Hoza. “She’s a strong fit for our agricultural culture and small town economy. She’s going to move us forward, because she has a great package of skills.” Vader won’t be bringing any children to augment the district’s population of students. Her kids are grown, with a daughter headed for graduate school in Western State, Missouri and a son working as a mechanic in Gunnison.
Spike Reedy Insurance Forest D. "Spike" Reedy, Agent 129 W. Jefferson Ave. Hayden, CO 81639
Welch, a well-known cyclist up in Steamboat Springs, trades in bicycles in the classic sense of trade. He seeks out undervalued bicycles, buys them, addresses any mechanical or aesthetic issues, then sells them for full, fair value. He uses a national and international range of personal contacts in the cycling world, as well as Internet tools and communications. With bikes constantly coming and going via the Hayden post office, “I may be their best customer,” said Welch. Buying and selling bikes long distance, or bikes handed to him on consignment, has allowed Welch to buy a home in Hayden and spend a lot of time with his 17-month-old daughter. He could have continued to work out of home, but has leased the Walnut Street building for six months as something of an experiment. “This building has good space to work with and good exposure,” he said. Something he’d like to chip away at over time is to incrementally buy a full set of bicycle repair and maintenance tools and then set up classes or tutor fellow cyclists. When he has the tools in place, Welch said he’d like to hold classes, which could provide advanced training to bicycle enthusiasts who’d like to learn the skills Welch has gained over the years he raced, built, customized, tuned, repaired and maintained high-end bicycles in Steamboat Springs.
“I’ll be coming to Hayden with my Doberman Eli and my quarterhorse Tule,” she said. Vader said she’s looking for a rental that’ll accept her dog and a boarding arrangement for her horse. She said she’s looking forward to getting into the quarterhorse community in the Yampa Valley.
Daily Breakfast & Lunch Specials Catering / Vegetarian Options
• Breakfast- Monday thru Sunday $6.95 daily breakfast special • Lunch-Monday thru Sunday $9.95 lunch specialDinner Specials: • Monday- Wing Night- New dry rubs available and great deals on pitchers of beer! • Tuesday- Chicken Fried Steak: Made in house, served with mashers, gravy, and corn! • Wednesday- Italian: Diﬀerent pasta dish every Wednesday includes one trip to the salad bar! • Thursday- King Crab: served with side and trip to salad bar! • Friday- Fiesta Night: Tacos, Burritos, Salads, and ½ priced margaritas! • Saturday- Steak and Seafood: Steak cut fresh from the Hayden Mercantile served with lobster tail, shrimp or crab!
Vader said she’s always believed that the small town/rural work ethic translates well into education. She said she was gratified by comments from the school board that the school district is critical to the local economy and development. Trudy Vader, principal of Cripple Creek-Victor JuniorSenior High School, 2009-2014. Education Specialist Degree, 2007, Colorado University of Denver. Principal’s Licensure Program, 2006, Colorado University of Denver. MA Fine Arts, 1998, Adams State College. BA Art Education, K-12, 1994, Western State College.
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Essam Welch firstname.lastname@example.org
P.O. Box 1453 Hayden, Colorado 81639
Valley Voice Vol. 2, No. 5
Yampa Valley Data Partners Brain Injury Alliance of Colorado release March snapshots By Brodie Farquhar
By Brodie Farquhar
Yampa Valley Data Partners release March snapshots and Routt County’s January 2014 unemployment rate remained at a five-year low of just 4.5 percent. Following a Moffat County seasonal trend, Moffat’s unemployment rate jumped to 7 percent, which still represented the county’s lowest January unemployment rate in four years.
The Brain Injury Alliance of Colorado is sponsoring a Brain Injury Support Group that will meet in both Hayden and Steamboat Springs. The Hayden meetings will be the second and fourth Fridays of every month at the Hayden Library, 5:30 p.m. to 7 p.m. The Steamboat meetings will be the first and third Tuesdays at the Bud Werner Library, 6 p.m. to 7:45 p.m.
Retail Sales Moffat retail sales dropped 20 percent in December 2013 compared to the previous December, while 2013 annual retail sales dipped 5 percent from 2012. Routt retail sales in December were up 1.6 percent from the previous December, with annual sales up five percent from the previous year. Real Estate
http://community.als.net/cogride or call Wes at 970-846-2333 Happy Graduation to Liam Delaney and the Class of 2014!
Average February 2014 home listing price in Routt County was $495,000, a drop to prices comparable with September and October 2013. Average home listing price in Moffat County was $175,000, remaining steady since the previous month. Energy Coal production for 2013 was down about 10 percent in both Routt and Moffat counties, and declined 21 percent statewide. Routt and Moffat accounted for roughly half the Colorado coal produced in December. Routt gas production for 2013 was up 33 percent from the previous year.
198 East Lincoln Ave. Hayden, Colorado 970-276-4250
The support group is for individuals with brain injuries, Parkinson’s, strokes, cerebral palsy, epilepsy and veterans of post-traumatic stress disorder. Information to be covered includes: • Learn about the agencies and the people that provide services for individuals with brain injuries. • Engage in community conversation about brain injuries, cerebral palsy, strokes and Parkinson’s. • Engage in conversation about housing, transportation, home community-based attendant services, employment and social/recreational opportunities. • Discuss logistics for ongoing efforts to identify goals, provide mutual support and create positive results. • Share information about services available and discuss working together. • Need transportation? Call Jerry Van Voorst with Northwest Colorado Center of Independence at 970-620-3897.
Coming soon, online:
One week into spring, snow-water equivalent was running a healthy 140 percent of average on Rabbit Ears Pass and 119 percent on Buffalo Pass. Snowpack for the Yampa/White River Basin remained at 123 percent of average, outpacing the statewide average of 113 percent.
Details for May Cleanup Day Meet the UC-D students who have bright ideas for Walnut Street
See Our New Menu!
Great Selection! Great Service!
Corner of Walnut & Hwy. 40 in downtown Hayden
Open daily at 8 a.m.
825 Jefferson Hayden, CO 81639
For those who live here and for those who wish they did.
Landscape Services Irrigation
Josh Webster 970-846-0900 email@example.com
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ÂŠ 2014 Valley Voice, LLC. All rights reserved. NOT TO SCALE! No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the written permission of the artist. The publisher does not guaranteethe accuracy of this map.
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ÂŠ 2014 Valley Voice, LLC. All rights reserved. NOT TO SCALE! No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the written permission of the artist. The publisher does not guarantee the accuracy of this map.
Map under construction
Spring Creek Fish Creek Falls Rd.
Rollingstone Golf Club
Valley Voice, LLC 730 Lincoln Ave Steamboat Springs, CO 80487
Hill Top Parkway
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Highlights for the May First Friday Artwalk May 2, 2014, 5 pm – 8 pm CIRCLE SEVEN FINE ART 1009 Lincoln Ave., 879-4744 All gallery show featuring mineral, bronze, wood and glass sculptures, photographic art, oil, watercolor, acrylic paintings, fiber art and jewelry. SPECIAL EVENT. Students from Whiteman Primary School inspired by art works at Circle Seven Fine Art created art and poetry. A book has been produced from this collaboration. DOUGLAS KENYON COLLECTION 435 Lincoln Ave., 970-629-9999 Edward S Curtis Curt Tone Photographs After producing many Curt Tone images of American Indians in the beginning of the twentieth century, Edward Curtis developed his own variation- 'Curt-tone'. The Douglas Kenyon Collection has created, through modern technology, a way to archival replicate these Curt Tones with the same luminosity Curtis himself had achieved. MANGELSEN-IMAGES OF NATURE 730 Lincoln Ave., 871-1822 The work of legendary nature photographer Thomas D. Mangelsen. Introducing Tom's newest book The Last Great Wild Places: Forty Years of Wildlife Photography. Pre-Order today and save for September delivery.
STEAMBOAT SPRINGS ARTS COUNCIL AT THE DEPOT 1001 13th St., 879-9008 At the Steamboat Springs Arts Council - Behind the Scenes: Art from the Staff of Oehme Graphics, an inside look at work from Oehme printers including prints, paintings, fiber pieces, installations, and works on paper. In the adjoining Platform Gallery: Behind the Mind installation by Susan Hover Oehme. Opening Reception, Friday 05/02 from 5-8pm ~ Saturday Art Talk, 05/03 10am ~ Workshop Demo 05/17 10am. Call for more information 970-879-9008. STEAMBOAT SPRINGS CENTER FOR VISUAL ARTS 837 Lincoln Ave., 846-5970 The flowers are blooming and so is new spring art and photography at our must-see local artist gallery. New, colorful paintings from Ken Elliot, Jan Maret and MB Warner, speak to the season. Wendy Kowynia and new member, Carla Ooyen, offer up new works in textile and fiber. Complimentary wine & hors d’oeuvres. ALTERNATIVE VENUES COLORADO GROUP REALTY 509 Lincoln Ave., 875-2917 Chelsea Call’s body of work featured this April & May is a selection of wildlife photographs from a recent trip to various National Parks and Conservation areas in Tanzania. It’s the artist’s intention to bring awareness of wildlife conservation to the viewer. Please visit her website for more information: www.chelseacall.com.
CREEKSIDE CAFE 131 11th St., 879-4925 Watercolor paintings by local watercolor painters.Weekly classes lead by Mary Levingston meet weekly to explore the many facets of this medium. Artists of all levels will be showing their paintings from May 2 to June 5. For more information call Mary at 879-5388 DELUXE TATTOO 837 Lincoln Ave., 879-1243 Courtney Adamo grew up in Steamboat, where she had always had a passion for art and the great outdoors. Sunsets and the ways they form profiles of landscapes, animals, and natural forms have captured her attention for many years. She hopes that her depictions of them using mixed media will capture yours. HARWIGS/LAPOGEE 911 Lincoln Ave., 879-1919 “For me, everything is about bright colors. Influenced by Miro, Picasso, the Cubists and the Fauvists of art history, it is the expressive line which dictates movement and flow. Much of my work is informed by contemporary cartoon, particularly South Park, where I find a wealth of inspiration in color, composition, and humor. Working with paper, I find the pen, markers, basic crayon and ink imparts a primal sense of carving and scratching to the artistic process and it always wins out over painting. In drawing each subject in a piece I never lift the pen or marker from start to finish and find this technique to be very rewarding.”
9th STREET TATTOO STUDIO AND ART GALLERY 111 9th St.(corner of 6th & Lincoln Ave.), 970-367-3136 Vinni Alfonso is a Denver based artist. Enamoured with cartoons, the "vandalism" of graffiti and complexes of human behavior. His work contrasts a child-like innocence with the darker side of maturation. You will see the beautiful mess which encompasses Vinni in his show, GROW TUSKS: Sex, Monsters and Man.
GROW TUSKS: Sex, Monsters and Man. Denver artist, Vinni Alfonso is enamored with cartoons, the “vandalism” of graffiti, and complexes of human behavior; his work contrasts a colorful, child-like innocence with the darker side of maturation. His artwork is one way he sheds light on these intrinsically human characteristics, including hope, pain, and the beautiful mess which encompasses his view of life.
URBANE 703 Lincoln Ave., Suite B101, 879-9169 URBANE presents Colorado Native and URBANE employee Sheldon Sickles. Sheldon uses a mix of paints, markers and photographs to highlight objects and colors to portray a simple message. Join us Friday from 5-8pm.
20 AApril 2014
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ÂŠ 2014 Valley Voice, LLC. All rights reserved. NOT TO SCALE! No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the written permission of the artist. The publisher does not guarantee the accuracyof this map.
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Calendar of Events Thursday May 1 Lost Steamboat 11 AM @ Tread of Pioneers Museum Photo collection of significant Steamboat buildings lost over the years. Exhibition opening. www.treadofpioneers.org Steamboat Writers Group Noon @ The Art Depot Writers meet to discuss and critique their work All are welcome. FREE. www. steamboatwriters.com, firstname.lastname@example.org Friday May 2 Student Film Fest 7 PM @ Chief Theater 2nd Annual Steamboat Springs Student Film Fest. www.chieftheater.org, www. steamboatstudentfilmfest. com Articulated Art 5 PM @ Circle 7 Fine Art (1009 Lincoln Ave.) Artwalk opening featuring the Circle 7 artists and poetry by Emerald Mountain Middle School students. A collaborative photo book with poems will be available for sale; live music by Backroads, Emerald Mountain School’s advanced strings ensemble. Women’s Yoga and Chant Retreat 5 PM @ Sundance Studio (385 Anglers Drive, Suite D) Immersion into the healing powers of Yoga and chant for women. Workshop-style classes,Hiking, dining, and soaking at the Strawberry Park Hot Springs. Lodging at the Hampton Inn. Cost: $150 for entire weekend retreat. www.sundance-studio.com, email@example.com JazzReach: Strings School Days 7:30 PM @ Strings Music Pavilion Performance featuring Strings School Days musicians-in-residence from Brooklyn who will work with local students. Performance will feature jazz music along with video and narration in the Strings Music Pavilion. FREE. www.stringsmusicfestival.com Saturday May 3 Student Film Fest 7 PM @ Chief Theater 2nd Annual Steamboat Springs Student Film Fest. www.chieftheater.org, www. steamboatstudentfilmfest. com
Women’s Yoga and Chant Retreat 9 AM @ Sundance Studio (385 Anglers Drive, Suite D) Immersion into the healing powers of Yoga and chant. Workshop-classes, hiking, dining, and soaking at the Strawberry Park Hot Springs. Cost: $150 for entire weekend retreat. www.sundancestudio.com, firstname.lastname@example.org Cosmic karaoke night 7 PM @ Snow Bowl Sing your favorites under disco lights and the clang of bowling pins. Karaoke is FREE. 970-879-9840 Episode II: Attack of the Third 9:30 PM @ Carl’s Tavern Carl’s Tavern’s 2nd Annual Star Wars Theme Party. FREE. Sunday May 4 Community Yoga Practice 10 AM @ Bud Werner Memorial Library Two-hour yoga practice using Sarah Powers’ “Insight Yoga” DVD. One hour vinyasa sequence and one-hour Yin Yoga sequence focusing on the kidneys. Bring your own mat and practice at your own pace. FREE. www.steamboatlibrary.org/events Women’s Yoga and Chant Retreat 9 AM @ Sundance Studio (385 Anglers Drive, Suite D) Immersion into the healing powers of Yoga and chant. Workshop-classes, hiking, dining, and soaking at the Strawberry Park Hot Springs. Cost: $150 for entire weekend retreat. www.sundance-studio.com, email@example.com Cosmic Dollar Night 7 PM @ Snow Bowl $1 PBR, $1 Games. Reservations recommended: 970-879-9840 Monday May 5 Cold Warriors: Wolves and Buffalo 6:30 PM @ Bud Werner Memorial Library International Wildlife Film Festival’s 2013 award-winning film about thousands of years on the vast North American plains where wolves and buffalo have an ancient relationship not lost altogether. FREE. www. steamboatlibrary.org/events
To submit your events or calendar information e-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org Events may be edited for length or content. Calendar entries must be received by the 15th of each month. Open Mic Night 10 PM @ Old Town Pub Hosted by Jay Roemer. Free drink for Performers. FREE. Tuesday May 6 Danceworks Teen Class 4 PM @ The Art Depot Modern fusion dance class for Teens, ages 11-15. All levels welcome. Ballet, hip-hop, modern, African and Belly-dancing. Tuition (May 6 onward): $70, or $15 for a drop in class. email@example.com, www. danceinsteamboat.com, 970-846-4450
Thursday May 8 Steamboat Writers Group Noon @ The Art Depot Writers meet to discuss and critique their work All are welcome. FREE. www. steamboatwriters.com, firstname.lastname@example.org
Cosmic karaoke night 7 PM @ Snow Bowl Sing your favorites under disco lights and the clang of bowling pins. Karaoke is FREE. 970-8799840 Internet Cat Video Festival 7 PM @ Chief Theater A collection of Internet cat videos, Part of the Walker Art Center’s festival, started in 2012. For ticket prices and more info: www.chieftheater.org
Beers with Peers 5:30 PM @ The Rusted Porch Networking event with appetizers and beer tastings from Colorado, Oregon, Germany, and more. Great opportunity to make business connections in a casual after-hours setting while expanding your beer palate.
Old River Road 9 PM @ Circle R Bar (Oak Creek) Local Bluegrass. FREE.
Yampa Valley Photography Club 6:30 PM @ Bud Werner Memorial Library Excited about photography, join us! We meet the second Thursday every month to inspire, educate and share. This month’s theme: “The Old West”. Bring a flash drive with your images to share. yampavalleyphoto@yahoo. com, 970-846-4577
Cosmic Dollar Night 7 PM @ Snow Bowl $1 PBR, $1 Games. Reservations recommended: 970-879-9840
Friday May 9
Dollar Bowling Night 9 PM @ Snow Bowl Only $1!
Internet Cat Video Festival 7 PM @ Chief Theater A collection of Internet cat videos, Part of the Walker Art Center’s festival, started in 2012. For ticket prices and more info: www.chieftheater.org
Dam Nation 6:30 PM @ Bud Werner Memorial Library Screening of the 2014 SXSW Audience Choice Award winner, “Dam Nation.” Presented by Bud Werner Memorial Library and Friends of the Yampa. FREE. www.steamboatlibrary.org/ events
Wednesday May 7
Saturday May 10
Tuesday May 13
Dinner and a Movie: A Benefit for Integrated Community 7:30 PM @ Chief Theater Movie: “PUSHING THE ELEPHANT” In the late 90s, Rose Mapendo lost her family and home in the Democratic Republic of Congo. Powerful portrait of an indomitable woman dedicated to peace and forgiveness. Dinner: CANTINA RESTAURANT. Choice of several entrees, includes chips, salsa and a non-alcoholic beverage. Enjoy dinner any time before the movie. Cost: $30 per ticket. www.chieftheater.org
International Migratory Bird Day 8 AM @ Carpenter Ranch (Highway 40 West) Guided bird walk and family activities. FREE. www.yampatika.org
Danceworks Teen Class 4 PM @ The Art Depot Modern fusion dance class for Teens, ages 11-15. All levels welcome. Ballet, hip-hop, modern, African and Belly-dancing. Tuition (May 6 onward): $70, or $15 for a drop in class. email@example.com, www. danceinsteamboat.com, 970-846-4450
Danceworks Adult Class 6 PM @ The Art Depot Modern fusion dance class for adults. All levels welcome. Ballet, hip-hop, modern, African and Belly-dancing. Tuition: $15 for a drop in class. firstname.lastname@example.org, www.danceinsteamboat.com, 970-846-4450 The New Black 6:30 PM @ Bud Werner Memorial Library Documentary on race and religion intersecting in the battle for same-sex marriage. FREE. www.steamboatlibrary.org/events
Carl’s Bluegrass Wednesday 7 PM @ Carl’s Tavern Featuring: Caribou Mountain Collective FREE
Hayden Cog Run 10 AM @ Hayden Town Park (South 3rd Street) One of the longest consecutively run races in Colorado and part of the Steamboat Springs Running series. Course is a challenging 8.4 miles out and back on Routt County Road #76. The 5K is out and back with rolling hills County Road #53. Pre-Register ONLINE ONLY. Early registration ensures entry gift. www.runningseries.com
Sunday May 11 MOTHER’S DAY: I love you, momma.
Monday May 12 Open Mic Night 10 PM @ Old Town Pub Hosted by Jay Roemer. Free drink for Performers. FREE.
Danceworks Adult Class 6 PM @ The Art Depot Modern fusion dance class for adults. All levels welcome. Ballet, hip-hop, modern, African and Belly-dancing. Tuition: $15 for a drop in class. email@example.com, www.danceinsteamboat.com, 970-846-4450
Parent Empowerment 6 PM @ Bud Werner Memorial Library Interactive evening for parents of middle and high school students. Hosted by Ronna Autrey from Reaching Everyone Preventing Suicide. Discussing “Question, Persuade, Refer”: three steps anyone can learn to help prevent suicide. FREE. www.steamboatlibrary.org/ events Dollar Bowling Night 9 PM @ Snow Bowl Only $1! Wednesday May 14 DIY Organic Gardening Series 5:30 PM @ Legacy Ranch (Highway 40 East) Intro to Organic Gardening. $20/course or $80/series Registration required, call: 970-871-9151 Carl’s Bluegrass Wednesday 7 PM @ Carl’s Tavern Featuring: Michael Jonas & The Wayward Mountaineers
Free Foreign Film: The Iran Job 7 PM @ Chief Theater Part of Bud Werner Memorial Library’s free foreign film series. American basketball player Kevin Sheppard accepts a job playing in Iran and expects the worst. What he finds is generosity, acceptance, and sensuality. Kevin’s season in Iran culminates in something much bigger than basketball. www.chieftheater. org Thursday May 15 Steamboat Writers Group Noon @ The Art Depot Writers meet to discuss and critique their work All are welcome. FREE. www. steamboatwriters.com, firstname.lastname@example.org Acutonic 9 PM @ Schmiggity’s (821 Lincoln Ave.) Local Reggae band. $5 online, $7 at door. Tickets and info: www.schmiggitys. com Friday May 16
Chief Theater Anniversary Party 6 PM @ Chief Theater The Chief Theater’s 1st Anniversary! Free food, door prizes, drinks, silent auction. Music from the Worried Men at 7 PM. New Chief Theater Membership Packages. www. chieftheater.org
Socialism can only arrive by bicycle. – Jose Antonio Viera Gallo
Calendar of Events Rowdy Shadehouse 10 PM @ Schmiggity’s (821 Lincoln Ave.) Super funk music. $5 online, $7 at door. Tickets and info: www.schmiggitys. com Saturday May 17 Rockin’ Bhakti Yoga Weekend Noon @ Yoga Center of Steamboat Opportunity for yogis to drop into their hearts and how things feel. Sweat, sing, shift, and SHINE! Early Rates (sign up by May 10): $75 for the weekend/ $30 per class. After May 10: $95 for weekend/ $40 per class. 970-870-1522 MTHDS 10 PM @ Schmiggity’s (821 Lincoln Ave.) Beastie Boys Tribute Band. $5 online, $7 at door. Tickets and info: www.schmiggitys. com Cosmic karaoke night 7 PM @ Snow Bowl Sing your favorites under disco lights and the clang of bowling pins. Karaoke is FREE. 970-879-9840 Sunday May 18 Rockin’ Bhakti Yoga Weekend Noon @ Yoga Center of Steamboat Opportunity for yogis to drop into their hearts and how things feel. Sweat, sing, shift, and SHINE! Early Rates (sign up by May 10): $75 for the weekend/ $30 per class. After May 10: $95 for weekend/ $40 per class. 970-870-1522 Cosmic Dollar Night 7 PM @ Snow Bowl $1 PBR, $1 Games. Reservations recommended: 970-879-9840 Monday May 19 DIY Organic Gardening Series 5:30 PM @ Legacy Ranch (Highway 40 East) Wild Edibles. $20 per course or $80 per series Registration required, call: 970-871-9151 The Man Behind The Throne 6:30 PM @ Bud Werner Memorial Library New film by Kersti Grunditz about Vincent Paterson, the Hollywood choreographer who created defining moves for Michael Jackson and Madonna. Part of the Dance on Film series, introduction by Perry-Mansfield Executive Director Joan Lazarus. Presented by Bud Werner
Memorial Library, PerryMansfield and Steamboat Dance Theatre. FREE. www. steamboatlibrary.org/events Open Mic Night 10 PM @ Old Town Pub Hosted by Jay Roemer. Free drink for Performers. FREE. Tuesday May 20 Essentrics and Spring Detox Noon @ Bud Werner Memorial Library Health Perspectives Series session with certified Essentrics instructor and herbalist Susan Mead. 30-minute Express Essentrics class, plus Q&A on “Spring Detoxing The Gentle Way” FREE. www.steamboatlibrary.org/events Danceworks Teen Class 4 PM @ The Art Depot Modern fusion dance class for Teens, ages 11-15. All levels welcome. Ballet, hip-hop, modern, African and Belly-dancing. Tuition (May 6 onward): $70, or $15 for a drop in class. email@example.com, www. danceinsteamboat.com, 970846-4450 Danceworks Adult Class 6 PM @ The Art Depot Modern fusion dance class for adults. All levels welcome. Ballet, hip-hop, modern, African and Belly-dancing. Tuition: $15 for a drop in class. firstname.lastname@example.org, www.danceinsteamboat.com, 970-846-4450 Hula Hoopla celebration 6 PM @ Bud Werner Memorial Library Celebration of two new free download services, Hoopla and Zinio, which allow library card holders to download movies, shows, music, and more on a browser or mobile device. Steamboat Springs’ hoop dancers will host hula hooping, followed by a hands-on introduction to Hoopla and Zinio. FREE. www.steamboatlibrary.org/ events Dollar Bowling Night 9 PM @ Snow Bowl Only $1! Wednesday May 21 Day of Caring 8 AM @ Olympian Hall (Howelsen Hill) Join Routt County United Way to Strengthen Our Community. Volunteer to take part in projects that help individuals and non-profit agencies in need. Free celebratory lunch will be served at noon. 970-879-5605;
Friday May 23
Monday May 26
Boldly Beethoven 7 PM @ Chief Theater The Generations Trio presents “Boldly Beethoven”, Part of the Friends and Family Concert Series. Tickets: adults;$20. Students; $5. www.chieftheater. org
MEMORIAL DAY: Hang a flag and remember those who’ve fallen while in service.
Carl’s Bluegrass Wednesday 7 PM @ Carl’s Tavern Featuring: Ragweed Band FREE
Throwdown 10 PM @ Schmiggity’s (821 Lincoln Ave.) Classic Rock cover band. $3 online, $5 at door. Tickets and info: www.schmiggitys. com
Open Mic Night 10 PM @ Old Town Pub Hosted by Jay Roemer. Free drink for Performers. FREE.
Thursday May 22
Saturday May 24
Inspired Life Network Event 8:30 AM @ Bud Werner Memorial Library Creating your Extraordinary in the Mind and Body Yoga and meditation. Presented by Valerie D’Ambrosio, life and Business Coach. Cost: $15. Sarah@InspiredLifeNetwork.com, www.inspiredlifenetwork. com
2014 Spirit Challenge 9 AM @ Steamboat Springs Middle School A long standing race in the Steamboat Running Series. 10 and 5k running races on paved roads through Strawberry Park. Pre-register ONLINE ONLY. The races is a fundraising event for the Yampa Valley Autism Program. Proceeds are a donation to YVAP in the name of Jenna Gruben Morrill. www. runningseries.com
2 Step Tuesday 7 PM @ Schmiggity’s (821 Lincoln Ave.) Dancing. FREE. www. schmiggitys.com
email@example.com Inspired Life Network Event 7 PM @ Chief Theater Global Glue Project: The secrets of sticking together. Relationship advice. Presented by Gillian Pierce, co-founder of Global Glue Project $20 per individuals, $30 per couple. www.inspiredlifenetwork. com
Inspired Life Network Event 10 AM @ Bud Werner Memorial Library Psychology of Money and Understanding our Personal Style with Q & A. Presented by Laura Cusenbary, Financial Advisor Cost: $20. Sarah@InspiredLifeNetwork.com, www.inspiredlifenetwork. com Steamboat Writers Group Noon @ The Art Depot Writers meet to discuss and critique their work All are welcome. FREE. www. steamboatwriters.com, firstname.lastname@example.org Yampa Valley Gives Kickoff Event 5 PM @ Chief Theater Inaugural Yampa Valley Gives Day, part of ColoradoGives and Colorado Gives Day fundraising efforts. Yampa Valley Gives is the new community based awareness and marketing campaign designed to support qualified non-profits in the Yampa Valley region. Kickoff event will present information about Colorado Gives Day and acts as webinar participation required for ColoradoGives. org registration. www.chieftheater.org The Arcadian Wild 9 PM @ Schmiggity’s (821 Lincoln Ave.) Indie-Folk music. $3 online, $5 at door. Tickets and info: www.schmiggitys. com
For those who live here and for those who wish they did.
Cosmic karaoke night 7 PM @ Snow Bowl Sing your favorites under disco lights and the clang of bowling pins. Karaoke is FREE. 970-879-9840 Boldly Beethoven 7 PM @ Chief Theater The Generations Trio presents “Boldly Beethoven”, Part of the Friends and Family Concert Series. Tickets: adults;$20. Students; $5. www.chieftheater. org The Arcadian Wild 9 PM @ Circle R Bar (Oak Creek) Folk Music. FREE James and the Devil 10 PM @ Schmiggity’s (821 Lincoln Ave.) Rocky Mountain Rebel Rock music. $5 online, $10 at door. Tickets and info: www.schmiggitys.com Sunday May 25 Psychedelic 70’s Sunday 7 PM @ Schmiggity’s (821 Lincoln Ave.) Dancing. FREE. www. schmiggitys.com Cosmic Dollar Night 7 PM @ Snow Bowl $1 PBR, $1 Games. Reservations recommended: 970-879-9840
Ladies 80’s Night 7 PM @ Schmiggity’s (821 Lincoln Ave.) Dancing. FREE. www. schmiggitys.com
Tuesday May 27
Dollar Bowling Night 9 PM @ Snow Bowl Only $1! Wednesday May 28 Carl’s Bluegrass Wednesday 7 PM @ Carl’s Tavern Featuring: Old River Road FREE Pat Waters 7 PM @ Schmiggity’s (821 Lincoln Ave.) Local solo Acoustic Music. $2 at door. www.schmiggitys.com Aliver Hall 7 PM @ Circle R Bar (Oak Creek) Jam Rock FREE Thursday May 29 Soldiers on Skis 11 AM @ Tread of Pioneers Museum A history of World War II’s 10th Mountain Division. Exhibition opening. www.treadofpioneers.org Steamboat Writers Group Noon @ The Art Depot Writers meet to discuss and critique their work All are welcome. FREE. www. steamboatwriters.com, email@example.com Yampatika’s Wild Edible Feast 5:30 PM @ Steamboat Grand Yampatika’s signature fundraising event. Cocktail hour, silent auction, wild edible feast! $100 per ticket. 970-8719151, www.yampatika.org Chief Greenbud 7 PM @ Circle R Bar (Oak Creek) Pot Rock. Described as, “Cheech and Chong meets Jimmy Buffett” FREE
Worried Men 9 PM @ Schmiggity’s (821 Lincoln Ave.) Quality Music from the Grateful Dead to Heavy Metal. $3 online, $5 at door. Tickets and info: www.schmiggitys. com Friday May 30
An Evening with Liz Longley 8 PM @ Chief Theater An intimate evening with Liz Longley. Singer-songwriter who crafts personal portraits through her music. Winner: BMI John Lennon Songwriting Scholarship Competition and Rocky Mountain Folk Fest Songwriting Competition. Doors at 7 PM. Show at 8 PM. Tickets: $10 online; $15 at door. www.chieftheater.org ; www. lizlongley.com Fox Street 10 PM @ Schmiggity’s (821 Lincoln Ave.) Denver-based Soul/Funk/ Rock n’ Roll $5 online, $7 at door. Tickets and info: www.schmiggitys. com Saturday May 31 Yampa Valley’s Talent Showcase 7 PM @ Chief Theater “Playing for the Playground” Fund-raising event for Young Tracks new playground. www.chieftheater.org Cosmic karaoke night 7 PM @ Snow Bowl Sing your favorites under disco lights and the clang of bowling pins. Karaoke is FREE. 970-879-9840 Juno What? 10 PM @ Schmiggity’s (821 Lincoln Ave.) Electro-Funk music. $5 online, $10 at door. Tickets and info: www.schmiggitys.com
Happy Hours Last minute changes can and do occur - Mother Nature, illness, tour malfunction, whatever - the accuracy of this calendar is not guaranteed!
The Rusted Porch 2-6 PM, Everyday McKnight’s Irish Pub & Loft 4-6 PM, Everyday Rio Grande Mexican Restaurant 3-6 PM, Everyday Sunpie’s Bistro 3-6 PM, Everyday Steamboat Smokehouse 3-6 PM, Everyday Mambo Italiano 3-6 PM, Everyday Carl’s Tavern 4-6 PM, Everyday Cantina 4-6 PM, Everyday Old Town Pub 4-6 PM, Everyday Boathouse Pub 4-6 PM, Everyday Sweetwater Grill 4-6 PM, Everyday Big House Burgers & Bottlecap Bar 4:20-6 PM, Mon – Sun Rex’s American Grill & Bar 4:20-6 PM, Everyday 8th Street Steakhouse 4:30-6 PM, Everyday Mahogany Ridge Brewery & Grill 4 – 5:30 PM, Everyday Laundry 4:30-6, Everyday Riggio’s Ristorante 5-6 PM, Everyday
2989 Riverside plaza Steamboat Springs, CO 80487 www.steamboatpowersports.com 970-879-5138
GETTING CREDIT JUST GOT EASIER!
Mazzola’s Italian Restaurant 5-6 PM, Everyday Bistro CV 5-6:30 PM, Everyday The Tap House 3-6 PM, Mon. – Fri.
Steamboat repesents at Elevation Belly Dance Festival in Golden, Colorado
Slopeside Grill 3 – 6 PM, Mon. – Fri. Cugino’s Pizzeria & Italian Restaurant 4-6 PM, Mon. – Fri. Circle R Bar 4-6 PM, Thurs. – Sat.
Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race. – H. G. Wells
Ernest & Teresa By Mical Hutson
about our Steamboat Symphony Orchestra, now that I’m involved as its director, I can’t help but draw a comparison. A symphony of this quality is not supposed to be here. It’s just not. It’s unheard of. And our professional symphony orchestra is one of the first reasons the Smithsonian Magazine lists Steamboat Springs as the #4 Small Town to Visit in the U.S. The Symphony (Steamboat Springs Arts Council is the parent organization of the SSO) is the only classical symphony game in town.
There is a rumor that buried deep in the earth below Steamboat Springs lies one of the world’s largest and most spectacular crystal caves putting the Lechuguilla Cave on BBC’s Planet Earth to shame. If you haven’t seen Planet Earth, go pick it up at our library. Explorers wind through a maze of gorgeous crystals more than two stories high. It looks like science fiction. Adding to the mystery of Steamboat, there is also a “ley line” theory that has roots in ancient Chinese Earth Feng Shui. Supposedly, ley lines are subtle energy paths across the Earth’s surface, which move in a perpetual circuit. Ancient mysteries in architecture (i.e.Stonehinge) consistently lie on these ley lines. And yes, Steamboat Springs is a major player on that map. What I am trying to say with all of this New Age, or Old Age talk if you prefer, is that Steamboat Springs is a powerful place. Even if you don’t want to delve into the mysteries of energy, our record of excellence cannot be denied. No other U.S. city produces more Olympic medalists, and we’re just a tiny little blip on the map. As I learn more
When I analyze the magic of our small town professional orchestra, it comes down to the man waving the wand on stage: Ernest Richardson. But it is the magic of Steamboat, its people and streams, that brings us a leader from a professional orchestra in Omaha with an annual $7 million budget playing in a $100 million 2005-seat performing arts center where he conducts the successful Symphony Pop series and is the chief architect of Omaha Symphony’s outreach and education programs. It is also the magic of Steamboat Springs that brought us our concertmaster, Teresa Steffen Greenlee. Both of these people belong in 2005-seat centers, but we find them front center on stage at our only performing arts venue large enough to house our full symphonic cast, the Strings Pavilion. And we all get to sit close enough to them to see if they look tired or invigorated by their day of fishing (Ernest) or biking and skiing (Teresa) in our mountains instead of peering at them through steampunk opera glasses. Because I am a plain woman of the earth with two colors of dog hair woven into my baggy sweaters, people are comfortable taking off the cloak of sophistication around me and revealing the true nature of their symphony understanding. One of the most frequent questions I get is, “what difference does it make having a man on the stage waving a stick around? How can that really matter?” The next most asked question is, “why don’t we just keep our orchestra at the community level so it costs less. I mean,” they say, “who can really tell the difference between a community orchestra and a professional orchestra?” The third question I get is, “what is a concertmaster?” Let’s start with question number one. Does a conductor really make a difference to an orchestra? It is a ques-
For those who live here and for those who wish they did.
tion in the same vein as, does the suit make the man? And the answer is fundamentally yes to both questions. Imagine our tall, lean conductor on stage in converse sneakers and a Van Halen tee-shirt. It just wouldn’t be the same experience. In our little cowtown, some of us need an excuse to break out our best black dress and cute shoes. However, back to the conductor question: believe it or not, this question has been answered by science in a study with laser lights and computers. The conductor’s wand is actually leading the violins, not the other way around. Many argue that the real work of a conductor comes during rehearsals before he ever sets shiny black leather footwear on stage. Which is why we hire professional musicians at the Steamboat Symphony Orchestra. Ernest Richardson hops on a plane, leaving his 2005-seat performance hall and Cirque du Soleil acrobats (more on that later) to come out for a week of rehearsals before the concert. This rigorous one-week training period is something amateur musicians cannot rise to. Perhaps if a good player had a six months of twice-weekly rehearsals with Ernest, they could perform at a professional level, but we don’t have that time or budget. Our professional musicians are all ready to play the piece and for Ernest to put his polish on the performance as a unit. The difference from first rehearsal to final performance is a completely different listening experience.
It’s kind of like the Grey Goose versus cheap potato Monopolowa vodka debate. In blind tastings, most people who spend triple for a premium vodka and swear they can tell a difference, when tested, actually cannot tell the difference. When blind tests were done with orchestras, there was a different result. Same orchestra – different conductor – blindfolded listener – the listener could choose the professional conductor from the newbie conductor every time. Stay with my thinking here. It is higher-level vodka reasoning with an inverse equation. Basically I am suggesting you can save your money at the bar by choosing the cheap potato vodka because you can’t tell the difference anyway – thereby giving you extra pocket money to spend on symphony tickets at our next concert led by an awesome professional conductor with professional musicians, where you can tell a difference. Though it’s not entirely necessary, I suggest you leave your blindfold at home. To impress upon you what it takes to conduct an orchestra, allow me to lead in with a violin player. A professional violinist is a miracle in itself. Think about the timing, the bowing, the math, the artistic expression, the performance, so many little notes, so little time, so much expression . . . it all has to come through that one person’s body, brain and soul. And it takes years, many hours a day to get there. They are finally tuned instruments of excellence. It’s almost a miracle of human spirit for one player to be perfectly executing a thousand little perfectly timed notes, bows moving in unison with twenty other violins. To be a conductor, you have to multiply that miracle by twenty, because he or she is reading twenty different musical scores, directing all of the music being played on stage in mul-
tiples: violins, oboes, violas, cellos, bass, flutes, horns, percussion, etc. Ernest Richardson, our Steamboat Symphony Orchestra musical director and conductor offers that same skill set to our young and adult amateur players in the Steamboat Symphony Orchestra Education Program, and also writes original compositions and arrangements that can be performed alongside our professional orchestra and in their bi-annual Together in Concert series. Some in the SSO Education program have graduated to become professional musicians. And most have gone on to become better humans. (*census data taken from their mothers) So not only are our youth learning to strive for a professional level of excellence in an art form that is proven to raise test scores and teach a lifetime of discipline, we are also bringing an orchestra that is integrating all of the arts in our community. “I am dedicated to the value of collaboration,” said Richardson in a recent interview. “I believe in it. I believe it is the way that the orchestral world reintegrates itself into the community on a broad scale. In this community we can show how that happens. We can actually become the hothouse. We can become the place of experimentation where we can say, this is how an orchestra becomes integral to its community, and I think the Steamboat Springs Arts Council is in a perfect place to make this happen. Who can say how it is that all of this has happened, how all of these forces have come together in the same place at the same time. (An arts council adopting a symphony orchestra is a recent and quite probably unique situation). It’s a mystery. It’s almost a miracle. But if the SSAC wants to use the orchestra as a resource to change the community, to highlight what is great about this community, there is no conductor that is more excited about this than I am. I have already developed my
us in our Christmas Concert. It’s a win/win. He also shakes hands with sponsors and donors and inspires people to care about classical music and the importance of the arts to an evolved community’s soul. And he does it all while looking like the next and best Doctor Who. (*source: my two nerdy, brilliant children, ages 13 & 24) Collaboration really is part of his DNA. One night when Ernest was conducting in Omaha with Cirque Du Soleil acrobats performing aerial maneuvers behind him, he noticed a disturbing pattern in his musicians. All of their eyes widened in a terrifying rhythm every ten or so beats of music, over and over again. After the concert they explained that the acrobat flying in huge circles behind him, kept increasing his arc. He was only missing the back of Ernest’s head by an inch. Obviously collaboration carries an element of danger.
own career as this collaborative force in my orchestra in Omaha, and I would love to bring that to this community. In fact, I can’t NOT bring it to this community. It is part of my genetic code. All I need is to find the collaborative partners who believe in the vision this community can have and then provide the resources, which are really small compared to the impact we’re doing. I know you can look at the budget that we’re talking about and get frightened by it because it has six figures in it, but when you see what we’re actually able to do with relatively small resources, and featuring the visual artists, the local performers, the students whose lives we’re impacting with the orchestra . . . I would love to incorporate theater and dance, but our space is too small and that builds the argument for a space that we can actually fully integrate what is going on in our community. I am fully behind it (collaboration) and already have some success with it on a professional level. I’d love to see that happen. I absolutely see myself as an employee of the SSAC.” It’s easy to believe that Ernest is earnest about collaborating. He has already played filmmaker for us at no additional charge because Steamboat doesn’t have a $7M annual budget like Omaha to hire filmmakers. Because of his time and talent offered freely, we’ve already seen two films in conjunction with two concerts, one highlighting art (Rod Hanna photography) and one highlighting our Olympic history. As an employee of the Steamboat Springs Arts Council, he works hard to promote all of the arts and our endeavors in this community, sharing his musical knowledge with affiliates, making their organizations stronger. The most recent example is his collaboration with the Yampa Valley Choral Society where he will provide his conducting and musical knowledge for their opening concert at the Catholic Church and prepare the orchestra to play music for no additional charge and they will sing with
Now we arrive at our last question. What is the purpose of a concertmaster? She, in our case, Teresa Steffen Greenlee, is the second most significant person in an orchestra. The concertmaster is always the leader of the first violin section and the most skilled musician in the section, experienced at learning music quickly, and counting rests and observing the conductor for the rest of the section to follow. If there is a violin solo, besides a concerto which usually introduces a guest violinist, she is supposed to take the part. She sits to the conductor’s left, closest to the audience, and makes decisions regarding bowing (that’s why all their bows are moving in unison! When one is up, they’re all up! Like a bow dance) and other technical details of playing the stringed instruments. She is also responsible for tuning before concerts and rehearsals. The non-verbal communication between the conductor and concertmaster is so finely tuned it is almost supernatural. While everyone is watching Ernest, she is scrutinizing him, because all of the violins are also following her lead. Relationships are interesting for me to watch, and theirs is beautiful. They claim it is a friendship that came quickly and easily as they share the same school of thought in teaching and playing stringed instruments, which translates into a broader picture: how they live life. Which seems to be excellently and carrying a wide net to pull anyone who wants to learn, into it. While she “should” probably be in a big city orchestra somewhere, she is in Steamboat for the mountains offering of biking and skiing opportunities. This adrenaline junkie’s unofficial contract demands she stays off her skis and mountain bikes for two weeks before every concert. So the magic of Steamboat’s crystal caves & ley lines has done it again. Our classical music is on a level that perhaps no other small town can dream of matching, and its trajectory is heading even higher as it involves itself into every nuance of the arts that wants to become a part of it. My favorite review to a concert was posted on Facebook the night of the March 8th Tchaikovsky Spectacular. A mom of a 20-something ski bum with a free ticket to the concert said her son posted a photo of the orchestra with this tag: “this town pisses excellence.” While it may be a little crass for your average symphony lover, I smile because it speaks volumes about the excitement our orchestra can stir in people, any age, classical music aficionado or not; even 20-something dude with his ski pants on who stopped in with a free ticket.
Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit. – Billy Connolly
By Karen Vail
and an impressive lower jaw armed with long incisors. These incisors can continue to grow for the life of the animal, like all rodent incisors, and the lower incisors can grow .04 inches each day. If that rate was continuous over the year, and not constantly worn down by all the work of the gopher, the lower incisor would grow 14 inches a year!
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We should call May the “month of exposing winter’s secrets.” The least palatable of winter’s secrets, of course, is all the dog poop that people have been negligent in picking up all winter. But that is not a story for the Nature Almanac (although we could argue about all the damage that dog poop does to our local waterways with the pathogens and medications that are flushed into the water with spring runoff). The winter’s secrets I am thinking of have to do with all the unseen activity that is exposed in spring as the snow melts. One that always befuddles people is the brown snake-like lines of soil flowing along the ground, over rocks and branches, with no seeming hole or tunnel. These are “eskers” created by our shy and fossorial (living most of their life underground) Northern pocket gophers (Thomomys talpoides). Let’s learn a little about these small animals first, and then look at how they create this unique artwork. Northern pocket gophers are like the rototillers of nature. It is estimated that one individual can turn over 16 tons of soil every year! In a natural system this means bringing up valuable mineral components of the soil and making them available to plant roots, aerating the soil and increasing porosity in soils. This digging is done to gather succulent plant roots, their main food source. They will also occasionally come above ground to gather plants. We might think pocket gophers mean the death of plants when they enter an area, but research has shown that because of the tilling of the soil and increased porosity and water holding capacity, plants actually thrive at the edges of newly dug gopher areas. These animals are highly adapted for their life mostly underground. Their sausage-shaped body has reduced eyes and ears, both of which are little used underground. Their lax fur allows movement both forward and backward, and their short, almost hairless tail has many nerves, muscles and blood vessels. The gophers move backwards almost as readily as forwards, and their tails probably provide important sensory information. They can close their lips behind their front incisors so they can loosen dirt or collect roots without filling their mouth with dirt. The name “pocket gopher” comes from a nifty fur-lined cheek pouch from their mouth back to their shoulder which they stuff with food to transport. The cheek pouches can be turned inside out. Since they are the ultimate burrower, they have the ultimate “shovels” with heavy, stout claws
For those who live here and for those who wish they did.
OK, on to the “eskers.” To dig their tunnels, pocket gophers push the loosened soil back under their body in the tunnel, then further with the hind feet, then finally they push the soil out of the tunnel to the surface using their head and forefeet. In summer these mounds are nice little rounded mounds. But in the winter they must first create tunnels in the snow where they push their underground diggings into as they cannot simply push it onto the surface. These sinuous compact soil eskers are then visible after the snow melts in spring. Our other winter’s secret has been growing quietly under the snow, along our lawns and meadows, and the branches of young conifer trees and other plants as a white, gray or pink lacey mat. These are the mycelium, the “body,” so to speak, of a fungus known as snow mold. There are parasitic snow molds; those that actually consume the plant materials they grow on and damage them. We find these in our lawns as white or pink round patches as the snow melts, and as ugly, gooey brown branches toward the base of young conifer trees. There is also a non-parasitic snow mold that, if you catch it just right as the snow melts, is a beautiful white lacey blanket across meadows and forest floors. It will only last a couple of days without snow protection. Saprophytic snow molds feed on already dead material, so are not as economically important as the parasitic snow molds. They have been mostly overlooked until researchers started looking at what is going on under the snow those last couple of months when the snow is on the ground. These snow molds put on a burst of growth as the snowpack begins its thawing process before spring truly erupts. So, under the snow, as the soil-snow interface is becoming saturated with melted snow, this lacey growth of hyphae is growing by leaps and bounds. Scientists from Colorado University found in a research study in 2008 that this increased microbial activity in a couple month period contributed significantly to CO2 increases in the area. They are continuing to study how global CO2 dynamics will change as global warming changes both the duration and depth of snowpacks at our higher elevations. I also have to talk about the GREEN stuff coming up, as this is the optimal time for collecting spring greens. Oh boy, here come the glacier lily flowers and leaves (in moderation!), the dandelion greens for my soup, the sweet anise in my salad and many other tasty delicacies. If you would like to learn more and help collect these goodies for Yampatika’s Wild Edible Feast coming up Thursday, May 29th, contact Morgan at Yampatika at 871-9151. Keep an eye open for those beautiful snow molds and pocket gopher eskers. We’ll see you out on the trails!
Looking at the Night Sky for Satellites By Scott L. Ford
ALS Cog Ride
Not to be outdone by the Soviet’s, the United States launched its first satellite called Explorer 1 on January 31, 1958. It was essentially a tube about as long as one of my fly rod holders. Explorer 1 also broadcast a pulsing tone – its radio stopped working after 28 days. Hey, we beat the Russians by 6 days and during that era that was very important. Both nations were quickly learning that the environment of space is hostile to electronics. I never saw either one of these satellites pass overhead. The first satellite I can recall seeing transit the sky from west to east was called Echo I. It was essentially a giant very shiny space balloon. It was technically called a “satelloon.” It measured about 100 feet in diameter or about 10 stories high. I could easily see this satellite. The main purpose of Echo I was to allow a carefully aimed radio signal to be bounced off it. This was ricochet radio technology, thus the name “Echo.” Among Echo I’s many contributions was the first live voice communication via satellite, delivered by President Eisenhower. Echo I was launched on August 12, 1960. The spacecraft proved remarkably durable; however, it was susceptible to the solar wind, which would shove it around and eventually pushed it back into Earth’s atmosphere. It burned up on re-entry on May 24, 1968. The movie that best captures my fascination with spotting satellites is October Sky – well worth watching.
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As a kid I used to lay out on summer evenings and simply stare into space for hours. I still do when camping in the Flattops or Zirkels. I try to spot satellites. The prime time for spotting satellites begins about 90 minutes after sunset.
I started trying to spot satellites shortly after the nSoviet Union orbited Sputnik on October 4, 1957. I can remember staring up in the sky straining to see Sputnik. It was pretty small – about the size of a basketball and likely dull Russian gray. It had a radio that broadcast a simple pulsing tone. Its radio transmitter stopped working after 22 days. Since Sputnik was in a relatively low orbit, it also had a short life – burning up as it re-entered the earth’s atmosphere just 90 days after being launched.
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In 1941, Lou Gehrig died at 37 years old. A first basemen, two-time American League’s Most Valuable Player, six-time World Series champion and seven-time All-Star who played 17 seasons for the New York Yankee’s, Gehrig was afflicted by a disease that would eventually bear his name – Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis, “ALS” (also known as “Lou Gehrig’s Disease”). ALS is a progressive neurodegenerative disease which affects nerve cells in the spine and brain, attacking motor neurons that reach from the brain to the spinal cord and from the spinal cord to the muscles throughout the body. Victims of ALS lose the ability to stand, walk, talk, and have difficulty breathing. On average, people with ALS die from respiratory failure within 30 months of the disease’s onset. Approximately 30,000 people in America have ALS, while more than 350,000 people worldwide struggle with the disease. Currently, there is no cure. Diane Heavy, a Routt County resident of 7 years, is one of the event coordinators in the Inaugural “Cog Ride For ALS”. Heavy works as a certified nurse’s assistant with ALS patients in Routt County. Her father (a dedicated Boston Red Sox fan, incidentally) died nine years ago of ALS. It has fueled her passion for finding a cure. Diane has gone to Boston to ride 270 miles for the ALS Therapy Development Institute in support of finding a cure. 2014 marks her 10th year going back to Boston, but she’s always wanted to bike for a cure in Routt County in honor of patients she takes care of in the Valley. Wes Dearborn, the event’s other coordinator, wanted to help Diane with her dream of creating a fundraiser in Routt County. Wes has raised money for the Heuga Center for Multiple Sclerosis. In an e-mail, Wes writes, “while training with Diane last year, we thought the Cog route (near Hayden) would be a good ride for the fundraiser. We could just start and finish at the Dearborn’s property on top of the Cog.” Set to take place on June 7th, the 30 mile fun-ride at Wesley Park in Hayden will include a barbecue, silent auction, prizes for cyclists and a music festival with Yer State Bird, Johnny O Band, and the Brian Smith Band performing. The bike ride costs $30 and the barbeque and music festival costs $30. For those wanting to participate in both the ride and BBQ can pay $50 in advance or $60 on the day of the event. For more information on the fundraiser and ALS, please visit: http:// community.als.net/cogride
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Chicken Fecal Soup By Erica Olson for Deep Roots
After researching how salmonella gets into chicken eggs (namely, via the oviducts of an infected hen), I started wondering how the bacteria got into chicken meat. I wanted to know whether or not a chicken infected with the salmonella bacterium would pass it from the guts to the muscle tissue, just by carrying the bacteria. From my research, the answer seems to be “no.” Chicken meat becomes tainted with salmonella bacteria in a much more insidious, yet preventable, practice. First, a quick review. Salmonella bacteria come in many different strains, but their natural home is the intestinal tract. Chickens can pick up salmonella in many different ways, including feed contaminated by rat droppings or pecking at manure in their cages. Hens infected with salmonella may pass the bacteria on to their young when the eggs form in the oviducts. So how does it happen? Once again, we humans are the masters of our own misfortune. The biggest root of salmonella-tainted chicken meat is cross-contamination during processing, usually via fecal matter.
WHAT? Chicken poop on the meat? Gross! How does that even happen? To start, we need to take a look at the modus operandi of commercial chicken processing. Live chickens are almost never tested for salmonella, and the bacteria strains that negatively affect humans rarely cause symptoms in the birds. As a result, most chicken farmers have no idea whether their birds are infected or how widespread it may be. Upon leaving the farm, transportation stress can lower a chicken’s immune defenses, allowing the number of bacteria in its gut to increase. Overcrowding, temperature fluctuations, indelicate handling, food and water deprivation, and the normal motions of a truck in transit can all raise a chicken’s stress levels. Once salmonella bacteria enter a processing plant, the chances for cross-contamination only increase. Whether the chickens were raised organic or free-range doesn’t matter when they come to the slaughterhouse. At the processing plant, chickens are hung upside down from their feet on a conveyor line. They are passed through a vat of electrified salt water that stuns and paralyzes the birds. Next, they go through an automatic neck slicer, then hang until the blood has fully drained from the carcasses. From here, they are scalded, defeathered, washed, eviscerated, sprayed down again (inside and out), and sent to a chill tank to rest before they are cut up or bagged whole. Sounds pretty neat and tidy, doesn’t it? Well, not necessarily. The longer a chain, the more opportunities for a weak link. Gerald Kuester of the USDA has been quoted as saying, “There are about 50 points during processing where cross-contamination can occur. At the end of the line, the birds are no cleaner than if they had been dipped in a toilet.” For example, chicken farmers are supposed to remove feed from their birds a day before processing so that the guts are empty; some delay this step, gaining additional profit from the added weight. Mechanical evisceration is fast, but not always tidy or completely accurate. Sometimes intestines are not fully removed; other times, they may tear, allowing fecal matter to spatter the carcasses, equipment, and/or slaughterhouse employees. Even though the birds are rinsed, this may not eliminate all the bacteria. And then we have the chill tank. In order to reduce bacterial growth, the internal temperature of the carcasses must be brought down to 40 degrees or less before further processing. This is done by allowing them to rest in a tank of cooled, chlorinated water--which is often fouled by fecal matter from partially-intact intestines or bacterial spatter from the evisceration process. Contamination is such a common occurrence that the chill tank is often referred to as “fecal soup” by those in the industry. The birds soak in batches, absorbing the
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water--and its contents--into the meat of the carcass. Not only is this water gain perfectly legal, but even desirable in the sold-by-the-pound chicken industry. Inspectors monitor the line in several places, but almost all of the inspection is visual. It is only within recent years that swab testing for bacteria has been implemented. Inspectors are hampered by the speed at which birds are processed--current rules allow for mechanized processing at a staggering rate of 140 birds per minute--as well as restrictions to their scope of practice as dictated by law. In certain places on the line, inspectors are only responsible for auditing one carcass in 22,000. Sound terrifying? Here’s the really bad news: it’s only going to get worse. Proposed rule changes (from the USDA, no less) are in the final stages to raise the 140 birds-per-minute limit up to 175 bpm. Supposedly, this will free up federal inspectors to investigate other areas of the slaughterhouse process, such as performing more randomized spot checks and verifying sanitation and contamination procedures. Opponents of the change estimate, however, that this will leave one investigator at the end of the line responsible for reviewing three birds per second. Critics also claim that the increased line speed will contribute to even higher rates of employee injury, including repetitive stress problem. It is not uncommon for 40% or more of slaughterhouse workers to suffer from the symptoms of carpal tunnel syndrome. Employees hampered by chronic nerve pain and dysfunction in their hands risk being unable to do their jobs properly, leading to a greater frequency of cross-contamination. To increase the hazard level, the new rule solidly puts the fox in charge of guarding the hen house. The proposal boasts that it will save taxpayers money by cutting the number of federal inspectors at processing plants. Instead, their roles will be filled by plant employees responsible for overseeing the line. There are a number of “what’s wrong with this picture?” bullet points, but the most egregious is the obvious conflict of interest. Industry whistleblowers have noted supervisors rebuking such employees when they attempt to slow or stop the line of production. At the same time, chicken is the most widely-consumed meat in our country. The National Chicken Council estimates that Americans eat 83 lbs. of chicken a year, up from 50 lbs. per person 30 years ago. As for me? I’ll continue on with eating my home-raised, home-butchered birds. Then again, after reading this article, backyard chickens may become an interest of yours, too.
Those Dreaded Canine Hot Spots! By Lisa Mason
Hot spots, also known as pyotraumatic dermatitis or superficial pyoderma, are moist, sometimes oozing areas often hiding under your dog’s fur. It’s a localized area of inflamed, infected skin caused when your dog’s natural bacteria overpopulates sections of her skin. Your first clue that your dog may have a hot spot may come only after you’ve noticed her dedicatedly rubbing/scratching against the furniture or the carpeting. Parting the fur, you discover a wet, irritated looking oval or round spot. The fur around it is probably matted, soon to fall out. Hot spot. Found usually on the head, neck, chest, hip or rear legs, hot spots can develop quickly and, if left untreated, will spread rapidly. Although they can occur at any time, they happen more commonly during the warmer months -especially for those dogs who love to swim. Dogs with thick coats, dirty and/or moist skin and those prone to allergies also seem to be victimized more often. What to do if found? Treat the hot spot as quickly as possible. Remove the fur on, in and around the infected area as best you can. If you don’t, the fur may become trapped in the hot spot, making it that much more difficult for it to heal, possibly allowing the infected area to grow and get worse. Clear the fur until you can see healthy skin all around the location. Next you’ll need to clean and disinfect the area with a gentle solution such as an antibacterial soap. Diluted Betadine (povidone iodine) has been used effectively to remove the bacteria, as it has a solution of ¼ witch hazel and ¼ aloe vera gel. Repeat this disinfecting routine as frequently as you can at the beginning, as often perhaps – depending on the severity of the spot – as every two hours, but a minimum of at least twice a day. Your goal is to keep the area clean and as dry and pus-free as possible. Once clean, topicals such as colloidal silver or raw aloe can be applied to help soothe and heal the area. If you feel comfortable with and knowledgeable about homeopathy, or if you have an experienced practitioner who can guide you, there are some homeopathic remedies worth investigating such as apis, graphites or belladonna. Please don’t use anything too astringent or stinging such as tea tree oil or vinegar as these can be extremely painful when applied to an open wound. Aside from cleaning and keeping the hot spot dry, another challenge you may face, depending on where the hot spot is located, is keeping your pup from fussing with it. You may want to invest in an e-collar for the healing period. Or have your dog don a fashionable tshirt! It is imperative that the wound be allowed to dry and heal without disturbance.
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Be mindful that if the wound continues to spread, you need to take your pup to a veterinarian.
1pm till 5pm. Join us at the YVMC Conference room 2, 1024 Central Park Drive in Steamboat!
So, what causes a hot spot? A variety of possibilities:
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• Allergies or sensitivities to foods - especially those foods with grains - and/or things in the environment, such as grasses, molds and pollens
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• Allergic reactions to flea or other bug bites. (It can take only one bite for some dogs!) • Untreated hypothyroidism
Work is the curse of the drinking classes. - Oscar Wilde
• Wounds or burns from too-close grooming, skin abrasions that become infected, infrequent bathing and even not rinsing all the soap off after a bath • Pain on the body, such as joint or arthritic conditions or neuralgia (nerve damage pain) which causes your pet to chew on a hip or ankle or toe incessantly attempting to self-soothe • Emotional issues such as separation anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorders or even sometimes, simple boredom which may cause a dog to obsessively chew an area possibly causing the development of a hot spot • Often, and more seriously, the underlying culprit can be a weakened, ineffective immune system that cannot tolerate the natural levels of bacteria and skin yeast and cannot successfully fend off or tame allergic reactions to outside forces. In terms of prevention, there are several steps you can take. Cleanliness, including frequent brushing and cleaning the coat to keep it and the skin free from dirt, salt, grass, foxtails, burrs and anything else that may get caught there, is extremely helpful. Also, check those ears to make sure they are clear and clean as well. Also health-filled nutrition is perhaps the most important prevention you can offer. Think of yourself and how important good nutrition is to your state of health. If your dog is eating a species (canine) appropriate, nutritious diet, her immune system will be strong and better prepared to combat most common outside assaults on her health and well-being.
The Original Local’s Liquor Store On the corner of 40 and Hilltop Pkwy 10 to 10 Mon. – Thurs. 10 to Midnight Fri. & Sat. 11:30 to 7:30 Sundays
Is your pet slowing down? Acupuncture can help put the SPRING back in your pet's step. Dr. Michelle & Dr. Paige are certified veterinary acupuncturists and they can help!
Hot spots deserve attention. Become an avid observer of your dog so that if they develop, you can help your pet by quickly and effectively administering to them.
Lisa works at Wild Horse Plaza’s Outdoor K-9 and writes in memory and honor of her dog Zoey.
Please call Pet Kare to update your e-mail address! www.petkareclinic.com 102 Anglers Drive
970-879-5273 For famous men have the whole earth as their memorial. – Pericles
The Way I See It
It would be perfect if only... By Nina Rogers
My dear friend Lisa and I were sharing our weekly phone call during early December and she mentioned that her niece had been decorating the tree with her young daughter and got the blues because there was no “man of the house” around to join in the festivities. Her niece, I should add, has been a single mom pretty much since the conception of the child. Were the blues the result of too many Hallmark commercials showing loving families gathering together to “share precious moments?” or the assumption that the Holidays were somehow incomplete without the stereotypical family unit? Whatever the reason, I saw from my perspective of distance that her niece might be holding herself away from enjoying the event of holiday tree-trimming because of her perception that the event would somehow be better if only... And, once I became aware of it, I saw that tendency in myself when, during my daily walk, I was thinking it would be a perfect day if only the wind wasn’t blowing so hard... How often do we hold our joy at arm’s length because something isn’t quite the way we envisioned it? How often do we qualify away our appreciation of a person, place or thing? “Well, it’s pretty, but I’d like to see it with more yellow in it.” “He seemed nice enough, but he was wearing a really ugly suit jacket.” “It’s tasty, but my mother used to make it with tarragon.” And all the while, we’re diminishing our appreciation by way of our judgment instead of allowing ourselves to just experience the person, place or thing. It seems to me that we have somehow come to believe that it is attractive to be jaded. The media (especially the popular media) is quick to point fingers and decide whom should be wearing what, who is too fat, too skinny, too whatever (or not whatever enough). This extraordinarily ego-centric point of view assumes that the “whom” in question has worn that dress/ eaten that donut/gone to the store for no other reason than to gain our approval, which might tend to give one an exaggerated notion of one’s importance. On the other hand, the tendency toward being hyper-critical and judgmental might tend to leave one afraid to take
any action of one’s own, for fear that the judgment be directed towards oneself. So one can find oneself practically immobilized by the fear of judgment. And if one does nothing at all, what else is there to do but to sit and watch television shows or read print articles that carry on the cycle of judgment and criticism? I was watching a short video titled Vitality in which practitioners of various health & wellness disciplines were interviewed. There was a lot of good information in the video, and I was particularly struck by something a karate master said. Basically, he said we rarely find ourselves in a confrontation with another (threatening) person, but we are faced every minute with the critical/confrontational voice in our own heads! Wow! How true is that? Is there mental karate? I’ve tried karate chopping myself in the head and it HURTS! I was faced with that recently when someone reacted really strongly to something I had emailed them, and they emailed me back, very angry. Had a copy of my original message not been attached to their reply, I might have thought I had suffered from some kind of mental fugue, as what they saw was so far away from what I had written. Try as I might, I could not find anything even remotely awful in my original message (and I grant you, I am biased!) and it came to me then how much of the judgment they heard/read was coming from within themselves. That knowledge made me feel very sad for that person, rather than angry as I might have been at having been “falsely accused.” I am often amazed at how much we get in the way of our own joy, wonder and awe. I understand that my conscious mind (ego) is trying to protect me by keeping me in my comfort zone (why do we call it comfort zone when it is so often uncomfortable?), but what is unsafe about joy, wonder and awe? Doesn’t matter, I suppose. What matters is that I keep reminding myself to be aware in every moment; to not follow the well-worn path of least resistance and to break new trail into uncharted territory once in a while. If I fall, so be it! If I make a fool out of myself, at least it’s good for a laugh. But, oh! What adventures may await me!
Becky, Levi and Courtney
For those who live here and for those who wish they did.
An exchange in C Steamboat Springs T By Sam Dossogne
I arrived here in the summer. I can say that it was a big change for me; not only the language, but also the culture, the people, and the lifestyle. I had the chance to already know English so that I could understand people and make friends easily. In Europe, we have a bad Image of America. I was sharing that idea of Americans being full of themselves, and not respectful. My time spent here totally changed my mind. I have been spending time with wonderful people; not only nice and kind, but also helping each other and always trying to find a way to make this town a better place to live. I am thinking of organizations like Rotary, Comunidad Integrada and many others that work hard to help people in need. I am doing an Exchange program through Rotary. I have been living in two different host families that are amazing. They have been helping me get involved in the community of Steamboat and I want to say that I grew strong feelings towards them. I can say now that I have several families. I am very thankful to have been able to come here and spend the most amazing year of my life. I grew great friendships and I know that some of them will be for life. I am also thankful because this exchange made my vision of the world different. Discovering another culture is the most amazing thing that happened to me.
Un échange a Steamboat Springs Par Sam Dossogne
Je suis arrivé ici pendant l’été. Ça a été un gros changement pour moi ; Non seulement la langue était différente, mais aussi la culture, les gens, et le mode de vie. J’ai eu la chance d’apprendre l’anglais a l’école. J’ai alors pu me faire facilement des amis. En Europe, Nous avons une mauvaise image des Etats-Unis. Je partageais cette idée d’Américains prétentieux, et non respectueux. Mon temps passé ici a complètement changé ma façon de penser. J’ai passé du temps avec des gens merveilleux. Ils ne sont pas seulement gentils mais s’aident aussi les uns les autres et font leur possible pour rendre cet endroit meilleur. Je pense notamment à des organisations comme Rotary, Comunidad Integrada, et bien d’autres qui travaillent très dur pour aider les personnes qui en ont besoin. Je suis donc un programme d’échange avec le Rotary. J’ai vécu avec deux familles d’accueil différentes, toutes deux sont extraordinaires. Ils m’ont aidé à m’intégrer dans la communauté de Steamboat et je dois dire j’ai une très grande affection pour eux. Je tiens à dire merci d’avoir eu cette opportunité qui m’a fait passer la plus belle année de ma vie. J’y ai lié de merveilleuses amitiés et je sais qu’elles seront pour la vie. Je tiens aussi à dire merci car cet échange m’a permis d’avoir une meilleure vision des choses et une plus grande ouverture d’esprit. Découvrir une culture différente de la mienne est la plus belle chose qui me soit arrivée.
Custom Fitted Socks Part II: The Ravelling By LA Bourgeois
When last we left her, our intrepid knitter continued to knit a sock which was growing bigger and bigger until she feared it could only fit Godzilla! Now, let’s return to her tale: I trusted myself and continued knitting. Then, after about six inches of increases, I realized my mistake. When I changed from the foot to the leg, I didn’t decrease for the ankle. That’s why this sock looked more like half of Madonna’s cone bra than anything you could put onto a foot. I unravelled the leg back to the foot and began again, this time decreasing for the ankle. However, without a heel, she couldn’t try the sock on! How could I know if this sock truly fit until she tried it on? Perhaps there WAS another way. I’d taught a class where we worked a sock heel-out, and in that class, we reserved the leg stitches by binding off with scrap yarn. Brilliant! I transferred my reserved stitches onto needles and bound them all off with scrap yarn, leaving an opening for her heel. Success! I slipped the sock onto her foot and discovered a billow of fabric surrounding her leg. Dang. Every inch of knitted material costs time. Someone who doesn’t knit might think that you, as a knitter, would celebrate unravelling your work and knitting it again. After all, you get to knit more without buying any more yarn, right? While knitters measure progress in inches, unravelling gets measured in time. A knitter recently approached me and said “I’d rip it back, but that’s sixteen hours.” Then she sighed and began figuring how to repair her error without pulling out seven inches of sweater.
The carefully considered sock slipped easily onto her foot and up her leg. She wore it for an evening exclaiming, “My right foot is jealous of the left!” Only at the end of the evening did she confess: the leg of the sock slumped. It fell right down her leg. She protested that the sock was fine, but I knew all about “fine.” A selection of “fine” socks sat unused in her sock drawer. I sat; disappointed in the sock, myself, my calculations. However, I had another sock to go! I could redeem myself with the second sock! The best way to proceed was simply to decrease the number of stitches by 10%. The second sock would have the same length, since she loved the length, but would just be smaller around. I began knitting, rejoicing that making custom socks meant that you never got Second Sock Syndrome, that dreaded disease where knitters don’t want to make the second sock because, dang it, they already finished a sock project! With these custom socks, each sock was brand new! I quickly knitted through the foot and continued up the leg. Since I’d started with fewer stitches, merely following the same directions should keep me on the right foot (as it were). One quick detour with the wrong set of directions (at this point I had three different sets and only one had a big X marked through it – Doh!) and I quickly regained my way, only having to rip out about an inch of work. Warp speed, I continued through the leg and cuff and doubled back to the heel. I sat for a moment with the finished product. I knew she needed to try it on. I’d never know if it fit if she didn’t. Fear gripped me. If this sock didn’t fit, I didn’t know if I could bounce back. She allowed me to slip the sock on her foot.
Those increases had cost me three evenings of work!
“How does it feel?”
I love my wyfe, so I unravelled.
I unravelled, re-calculated, and knitted back up. I slipped the sock back on her foot and back off and unravelled again. I made her pick another yarn for the heel and the cuff when I realized I wouldn’t have enough for both the leg AND heel. I knitted the afterthought heel into the sock, and made her try it on again. More unravelling and re-calculating. I convinced myself the ribbing at the cuff would make up for any remaining looseness in the leg, even as she said, “That looks bigger than any sock you’ve made me before.”
Unwilling to simply accept “Good,” I asked her to wear it for the rest of the evening.
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Now to knit up another sock to match! Is there such a thing as Third Sock Syndrome?
Finally, I handed her the finished sock.
Memorial services are the cocktail parties of the geriatric set. – Harold MacMillan
Exit Stage Left
Cabaret’s on “Steamboat Time” for 2014 By LA Bourgeois Sounds like a lot of first times, huh? For me, more than anything else, Cabaret each year has become a way to connect with friends. The camaraderie of our annual bacchanalia makes me rejoice as I re-enter Steamboat society after a long winter of frigid temperatures and waves upon waves of tourists. I get to dress up in something other than snow boots and layers, reveal my pasty white legs (How else do you think they light the stage? It’s dimmer when I’m not there!) and get back into the swing of things.
David Jolly The first time I ever went to Cabaret, a group of us got together and went to dinner before heading over to the show. At dinner, I had a couple of scotches and, by the time I arrived at the show, I was pretty gone. As I poured a glass of wine to enjoy while I watched, I looked around the room and realized that, even as a “brand new” local (I’d only been in the Valley for five or six years at that point), I knew my share of folks. I waved and chatted until Scott Parker (then a member of We’re Not Clowns – now the executive director of the Chief Theater), quieted us all down and began the show. He was the MC that year, and the only other thing I remember about the show is laughing so hard I almost peed my pants.
Every year, the fabulous folks who put on Cabaret jump into the fray along with us. Their satirical pen spears just about everyone, sometimes with a super-sharp point and others with more of a dull spoon. This “spaghetti at the wall” approach allows the raw talent of our homegrown actors and singers to shine throughout each performance and, more often than not, I leave with dried tears on my cheeks, aching sides, and a little pee in my pants from laughing so hard. Usually, Cabaret is held in early May but this year, the Steamboat Arts Council (for this event is a fundraiser for them) decided to wait until June 5th through 7th. Taking their cue from the Council, the creative team took the theme “Steamboat Time” for this year’s Cabaret.
With Kris Hammond on board as the MC, a line-up of Steamboat’s finest including veterans Brad Kindred, David Jolly, and Patty Zimmer, and the Cabaret debut of Cookie Lockhart, this year promises more laughter at the foibles and follies of our small town. Katy Kriz and Paula Salky, the co-directors, let me in on a few of their personal highlights so far; Dogs, Subarus, Cowboys, and the Police Blotter, as well as the always funny City Council. And even the Arts Council isn’t immune from satire this year! I wonder if they’ll just set up a revolving door on the stage for the Arts Council. Or have a pole dancer on the giant post in the middle of the Chief Theater’s seating? Whether or not those events happen, we’ll all get to dance along to Willie Samuelson and the band, including the always amazing Randy Kelley. When he played in my partner’s ex-wife’s band, The Ellen Davis Rumor, she used to say he had a brain in every finger. I think that description has been used by almost everyone who has heard him play. As Katy remarked, Cabaret is “one of the best times in the year for all of us Locals to get together and Laugh together at ourselves, our town and our country. What a great way to ring in the Spring - Whoops! Summer this year! Steamboat Time!”
729 Lincoln Avenue Downtown Steamboat Springs
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Green Machines By Andy Kennedy
For nearly ten years, the Safeway Green Machines, two 20-yard free recycling containers coordinated by Yampa Valley Recycling (YVR), funded by Routt County, and serviced by Waste Management, have been a viable solution for those who had no other way to recycle. However in the last year, this once-tidy drop-off location has been growing into an eye sore – with increasing yards and yards of recycling overflow sitting next to the containers every Sunday. Through a survey done by the Yampa Valley Sustainability Council’s YVR committee in early 2013, results showed that no longer were these containers being used by people without recycling options (as originally intended). Other options include visiting the Waste Management site on Downhill Drive during the week prior to 4pm, signing up for residential curbside recycling service, or multiunit housing dumpster service. The Green Machines were set up for those without residential curbside service, whose condos didn’t have recycling dumpsters, or who worked between the hours of 8 am and 4 pm when Waste Management was open. The surveyed revealed that a majority of people frequenting the Green Machines were using them for convenience or because they didn’t want to pay for curbside trash and recycling services.
Then, in January of 2014, Waste Management starting charging a nominal $5 fee for dropping off recycling at their Downhill Drive location (for up to 96 gallons, and even slightly more). Subsequently, the already increasing problem at Safeway was exacerbated. YVR contracted for another dumpster for cardboard only to be supplied by Waste Management. Immediately this dumpster also proved not enough. Since early 2013, YVSC, Routt County Environmental Health, and the City of Steamboat have been fielding an ever-increasing number of complaints and suggestions on how to deal with this problem. The YVR Committee, with representatives from both the City and County, has been discussing this issue, evaluating these suggestions, and trying to determine the best plan of action for the Safeway Green Machines. To this end, the current Green Machines are being removed from the Safeway parking lot starting May 10th and an alternative option is being provided in their place by Twin Enviro Services on Saturdays only. Starting May 10th, Twin Enviro will provide singlestream recycling for paper and paperboard, 1-7 plastics, and aluminum. Additional dumpsters will be provided for the collection of glass and cardboard, separately. The recycling drop-off will be attended by a Twin-Enviro staff member who can help answer questions and direct people to the correct dumpster for recycling. The times of this service have yet to be determined at press time, but the YVR Committee will provide more information through multiple media streams as well as on the YVSC website prior to this deadline. (www.yvsc.org)
However, this solution is only temporary. Due to recent changes in the City of Steamboat’s Planning Department definitions for a Recycling Center, the Safeway location will no longer be viable as of October, 2014. Therefore the YVR Committee is working overtime to find a permanent solution because the ultimate goal, and the mission of YVR, is to have recycling provided for everyone who wants and needs it, and to divert as much as possible from the landfill. In the meantime, for those of you who use the Green Machines, if you are in Oak Creek or Yampa, those services will continue. If you currently use the Safeway location on Fridays, please take your recycling to Waste Management or sign up for curbside recycling. If you use the Safeway location on Saturdays, you will still be able to do so, free of charge (for now). If your only option was to use the Safeway location on Sundays, you will have to modify your recycling to do one of the above. Unfortunately, we must add that this is a probationary situation. If any waste is left on Fridays or Sundays – when there is no administered dumpster present, this temporary option is at risk of termination. Please do not litter on this private property; Safeway has been generous to Steamboat residents by providing this location, free of charge, for many years, and we thank them for that. Waste Management has been a partner with YVR for over 15 years. Without their support and dedication to recycling in our community, we would not be where we are today.
Corner of 6th & Lincoln, downtown Steamboat Springs
Every Thursday. 1/2 price burgers. Now better than ever with handmade, in-house ground beef. All day & all night.
Until “Last Call” EVERY Night!
ALL NEW “ALL SCRATCH” MENU - OPEN FOR LUNCH EVERY DAY - 1/2 PRICE DRINKS FOR HAPPY HOUR 3-6 EVERY DAY - OPEN MIC MONDAYS - CALIENTE WEDNESDAYS - Starts at 8:30 - LIVE MUSIC EVERY THURSDAY/FRIDAY/SATURDAY - NEW 100 INCH PROJECTOR SCREEN FOR SPORTS VIEWING COME CHECK OUT THE (NEW) OLD TOWN PUB
600 Lincoln Avenue 11:30 am – 2:00 am Of joys departed, not to return, how painful the remembrance. – Robert Blair
Your Monthly Message
By Chelsea Yepello Aries
March 21 - April 19
So it’s finally over. After countless breakdowns, breakups, broken hearts and broken belongings, the dust finally settled and left you here. Once again you are at the loose dirt roads pointing in different directions. Unfortunately, you seem to be taking the familiar one that you took before, as if nothing happened while convincing yourself that it will all be different this time.
May 20 - June 20
It’s time for you to stop referring to your obnoxious moments of gastrointestinal flatulence as a “barking spider.” Even in the rare occasion that a spider makes any audible noise, it will not bark, and even if it did, a bark will not sound wet or last sixteen seconds.
June 21 - July 22
A wise man once said that your eyes are the window to your soul. Then again, he was arrested last week for being a peeping tom.
December 22 - January 19
Though many regale you as a expert fisherman and would love to know the secret of your success, somehow it just doesn’t seem appropriate to tell them that you go out to the lake with a sack full of cherry bombs and a big-a$$ net.
August 23 - September 22
And to think that you got slightly upset when your classmates voted you Most Likely to Have a Disease Named after You. You thought they were just being mean… but really… now all you want to know is which classmate could see into the future like that?
November 22 - December 21
Children are our future and the greatest resource for our earth. This is why you should collect as many of them as you can in case of an emergency.
July 23 - August 23
You’ve always wanted to be one with nature, and soon you will with that magnificent and amazing thing called decomposition. Cheerio!
April 20 - May 20
They may not find it funny at the time, but years from now… many… many years, they will see the humor in your gesture and how you were just trying to keep it original. Regardless, you showing up to a wedding in a farmers outfit with your date jumping around in a chicken suit will start an epic chicken dance that will be talked about for generations.
October 24 - November 21
The universe has been trying to tell you something for a long time, but somehow you always seem to miss it when you close your eyes, put your fingers in your ears and sing as loud as you can.
January 20 - February 18
You really want to help people, so you write a book about the best workouts for a busy life in 2014. Somehow, most people don’t find staring at a wall for several hours to work out their “eye ball muscles” as effective as you do.
September 23 - October 23
Dear people that clean up their dog poo by putting it in plastic bags and abandoning the crap on the side of the paths… though the rest of us appreciate your attempt to keep the trails free of dog poo, it seems a little unproductive to wrap it up in a material that will never decompose… or maybe you just love your dog so much you want their poo around for the next several generations to see? Well, in that case, thanks very much.
February 19 - March 20
This month you will decide that the only thing that separates us from the animals is several plot twists and one very large how-do-you-do from evolution.
Making Apples out of Applesauce Formerly The Computer Support Guys
Steamboat Apple users: Are you having abandonment issues? STC, your local source for Apple sales, repairs and training. We speak Windows, too!
Call the experts! Sign up for Mac or PC training classes. It’s like obedience school for your computer. Call us today to schedule one-on-one training. For those who live here and for those who wish they did.
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Give us a call today at or stop by our office at 675 S. Lincoln Ave. Unit 3 next to the Verizon Store.
“Now do my bidding, evil clown!”
By Dale Boberg
By Matt Scharf
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