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The Yale Herald Commencement Issue New Haven, Conn. Friday, May 17, 2013

From the staff

The Yale Herald Commencement Issue 2013 New Haven, Conn. Friday, May 17, 2012

Parents, siblings, grandparents, guardians, aunts, uncles, cousins, in-laws, friends, pets of the Class of 2013: welcome to New Haven—land of lux, veritas, and a whole lot of other things. You must be very proud of your graduate. And you should be. This place is great, but the living’s not always easy and the going can certainly get tough. So give them lots of hugs and kisses and it, and they’ve hopefully lost that Freshman 15 by now.

Publishers: Shreya Ghei, Joe Giammittorio, Stephanie Kan

We are the Herald, the weekly newspaper of Yale College. But also

Designers: Sam Lee, Christine Mi

treat them to ice cream from Ashley’s—they sure as hell deserve

we are more than that: we’re fun, we’re hip, we’re sexy and we know it. If you want to be a cool mom (or dad or sibling or grandparent or guardian or aunt or uncle or cousin or in-law or friend or pet)—and let’s be honest, who doesn’t—then the Herald is your new best friend. Your sidekick, your wingman, your guru, your partner in crime. Trust us, we’re the cool kids around here and you want to be seen with us. The Class of 2013 is destined for greatness. We saw it on the radio, heard it on the news, and checked our Magic 8 Ball just to be sure. But before they can go forth and conquer the world, you have to make it through this weekend. So bring us along for the ride. We’ve got advice and we’ll make you laugh. What more could you need? (Ok fine, we can’t give you a job. Rock on, yetto-be-employed graduates. The Herald will always be unemployed at heart.) Finally, congratulations to the Class of 2013, and to all who have helped them along the way. We wish you the best of luck as you brave reality. Consider this issue to be our big, wet, sloppy kiss goodbye.

Emma Schindler Editor-in-Chief

The Yale Herald (May 17, 2013)

The Yale Herald is a not-for-profit, non-partisan, incorporated student publication registered with the Yale College Dean’s Office. If you wish to subscribe to the Herald, please send a check payable to The Yale Herald to the address below. Receive the Herald for one semester for 40 dollars, or for the 2013-2014 academic year for 65 dollars. Please address correspondence to The Yale Herald P.O. Box 201653 Yale Station New Haven, CT 06520-1653 Email: Web: The Yale Herald is published by Yale College students, and Yale University is not responsible for its contents. All opinions expressed are those of the authors and do not reflect the views of The Yale Herald, Inc. or Yale University. Copyright 2011, The Yale Herald, Inc. Have a nice day. Cover by Christine Mi


Editors: Emma Schindler, Maude Tisch



Yale: Fall 2009 - Present Having trouble remembering what actually happened in the past four years? Herald editors help jog your memory.

INDEX 1,302 Current population of the senior class

The Yale Herald

Editors-in-chief reflect


Former Herald chiefs Ariel Doctoroff, SY ‘13, and Marcus Moretti, BK ‘13, look back on their time here at Yale. #THYFFE

7.5% Class of 2013’s overall admissions rate

165 Economics majors

Deans and masters’ farewells


148 Political science majors

Your guardian angels bid you adieu for the final time. (But some promise they’ll see you later!)

9 Classics majors

Family congratulations


Surprise! Your family wanted to wish you a formal “mazel tov” in the Herald. There’s an embarrassing photo of you in here...

Weekend guide Commencement weekend is a confusing time—but fear not, we’re here to help. Check out the Herald’s guide for the lowdown on where to go and what to do.


$205,300.00 Total cost of tuition for the class of 2012

Sources: 1) Yale University Full Enrollment (Headcounts), 2) Yale News, 3-5) Yale College Undergraduate Junior and Senior Majors by Department and Program, 6) Yale College Charges, 2012-2013 (extrapolated) —Maude Tisch

The Yale Herald (May 17, 2013)


The most memorable events from the best four years of your life


hile the fondest memories of the past four years are different for each graduate, there were many moments and events that captured the attention of the entire campus, and touched every member of the Yale community. Some events, such as the tragic deaths of Yale students, brought the campus together. Others, like the DKE chanting incident and the Title IX investigation, divided us. In the end, these moments are chapters in everyone’s Yale story.

Fall 2009 Shortly after students arrived on campus, Annie Le, GRD ’13, was pronounced missing. Her body was subsequently found stuffed in a wall in the basement of 10 Amistad St., and her colleague, lab technician Raymond Clark, was later arrested for the crime. As the whole campus came together in mourning, the national news media descended onto campus. The Yale Daily News’ tireless and extensive coverage of the crime also garnered much well-deserved praise. Twitter and GoodCrush became everyone’s new favorite form of Internet procrastination. Musical prodigy Kurt Schneider, CC ’10, wrote new arrangements of popular songs and launched the career of Yale’s very own YouTube celebrity, Sam Tsui, DC ’11. The controversy over Yale’s ownership of Vincent Van Gogh’s “The Night Cafe” was added to growing list of battles over artistic pieces that includes Yale’s dispute with Peru over its acquisition of artifacts from Machu Picchu that began in 2008 and continues to drag on. Meanwhile, liquor stores around campus cracked down on the presence of fake IDs around campus in the weeks leading up to Halloween, following several incidents of alcohol poisoning after the Safety Dance. Police were stationed outside the gates of Pierson during the Inferno to deny entrance, after a certain point, to all but Pierson students. On Sun., Nov. 1, Andre Narcisse, BR ‘12, was found dead in his suite in Branford. Yale’s campus, for the second time in two months, mourned for a lost friend.

Spring 2010 Yalies returned to campus to find fellow students the subject of viral YouTube video, the arguably brilliant or devastating but undeniably campy video, “That’s Why I Choose Yale,” which set the blogosphere a-buzzing. Jumping off the success of Glee and the High School Musical trilogy, the video featured an energized slew of students literally singing the praises of being an Eli. The video caught the eyes of more than just prospective Yalies: its view-count now soars to more than half a million. Students signed up for Harold Bloom’s seminars were more than disappointed to hear of the courses’ cancellations due to the deteriorating health and subsequent hospital visit of the esteemed professor. The death of Cameron Dabaghi, BK ’12, was yet another campus tragedy—an unprecedented third student death of the academic year—and inspired a discussion of mental health on campus that featured in the 2010 YCC election. The election was one of the most bitter in recent memory, and featured a three-way race for President that required a run-off. There were nasty emails, accusations, and the YDN even contributed some last-minute reportage criticizing Jeff Gordon, SY ‘12, the opponent of one of the paper’s own editors, Courtney Pannell, MC ‘11. Gordon won the run-off by only 71 votes. Some untraditional celebrity appearances added some spice to the otherwise predictable gaggle of dignitaries,


The Yale Herald (May 17, 2013)

intellectuals, and public figures that grace us with their visits: Yalies flocked to the nightclub Alchemy to party with Vinny Guadagnino of Jersey Shore fame; Sex Week at Yale brought in porn star Sasha Gray; and Eli fashionistas revelled in the presence of Vogue editor and America’s Next Top Model judge André Leon Talley. And despite the gray weather, Spring Fling performers Matt & Kim, the Ying Yang Twins and Mike Posner brought the house down—though MGMT left something to be desired. The end of the semester also saw some shuffling around of various administrative posts. President Levin named Penelope Laurans Master of Jonathan Edwards College, a position she had been filling as a substitute for several months. Dean of Admissions Jeff Brenzel took the post of Master of Timothy Dwight College, following the retirement of the beloved Robert Farris Thompson, affectionately nicknamed “Master T.” Professor of Slavic Languages and Literature Hilary Fink replaced Daniel Tauss as the Dean of Branford College.

Fall 2010 As always, the school year began with excitement. We were excited to see our friends, we were excited to sit outside and play lawn games, we were excited to jump around. Jump up, jump up, jump around. But this time, there were a few new places to go and a few new people to meet. In August, we were greeted by a flurry of new buildings. Most importantly, a new store opened on High Street and subsequently stole our hearts. Its name: Froyo World. Hailed as “a haven for girls and gays alike,” Froyo World quickly destroyed its competition across the street, the ever-depressing Liberry. Now, just 10 months later, Froyo World has a strong following—groups of students can be found loitering in the lounge at all times of the day. In a sense, Froyo World replaced Copper Kitchen, the friendly neighborhood kinda crappy/cheap (which is good because we’re not made of money) diner. On the downside, now we have to walk all the way to Patricia’s if we want to get some eggs and home fries. On campus, DUH-turned YUHS-turned Yale HEALTH moved from its former location on Hillhouse Avenue to a beautiful new home at 55 Lock St., just around the corner from Ingalls Rink. Whether the actual health services will improve remains to be seen. In other construction news, the University presented

the penultimate piece of the residential college renovation project: the grand reopening of the Eero Saarinen-designed Morse College. Those in charge of the renovation made a conscious effort to respect Saarinen’s design, albeit with modern updates. Among the new features are common rooms and a large fountain, nicknamed “the Beach,” in the middle of the college’s courtyard. On a much larger scale, the administration announced plans to open a campus in Singapore, to be called YaleNational University of Singapore College. Administration officials have stated that the new school is an attempt to bring liberal arts education to a new venue. A model of the future Yale-NUS campus displayed the incorporation of tradition Yale architecture and Singaporean design. The news of the campus sparked debate amongst students and alumni alike­. Many were suspicious of the University’s desire to expand its brand; others saw Yale as providing superior education to a greater number of students across the world. Later in the semester, a group of students caused quite a bit of controversy campus-wide. As part of their pledge activities, member of the Delta Kappa Epsilon fraternity were heard chanting, “Yes means no, no means anal!” on Old Campus. As a result, students argued over the group’s intent and punishment; their case went to the Executive Committee. In May, ExComm handed down a harsh sentence. According to an email from Yale College Dean Mary Miller, “The Committee imposed sanctions on the DKE chapter as an organization that prohibit it from conducting any fraternity activities on campus (including recruiting) for a period of five years, prevent it from communicating with Yale students by means of Yale bulletin boards or Yale email, and severly limit its use of the Yale name in connection with the DKE organization. The Committee has also formally requested that the DKE national organization suspend the chapter for five years.” But what has become known as the “DKE incident” was not the only controversy on campus this fall. Police brutality became the subject of much student fodder in early October. At approximately 12:50 a.m. on Sat., Oct. 2, the New Haven Police Department raided the Morse-Stiles Screw, held at Elevate, in response to an anonymous tip about underage drinking at the club. The officers asked each attendee to present their IDs. But it was when students finally started to leave that violence broke out­—NHPD officers used a Taser on one student, Jordan Jefferson. The raid on Elevate that night was part

The plans of Ezra Stiles College, Morse College, and neighboring buildings superimposed on the construction area for the two new colleges. (Courtesy Arielle Haves/YH)

of a program that the NHPD had initiated, named Operation Nightlife, designed to, ironically, crack down on violence in the bars and clubs in downtown New Haven. Though the NHPD’s actions outraged the student body, many outside accused the Yale community of believing it is above the law. As happens every two years or so, Yale students engaged in national politics—this fall, it was time for the 2010 midterm elections. Yeehaw! In one corner were the majority-holding Democrats, attempting to hold on to their power despite disappointing approval ratings. In the other corner, elephants, gaining momentum off of the failures of their opponents. But the season offered more than just our fuddy-duddy political parties. There was a new guy in town—The Tea Party, the freaky younger and more extreme sister of the GOP. They were serious—they actually won some seats, too. The Democrats held on to the majority in the Senate, but dropped the ball on the House of Representatives. John Boehner of Ohio dethroned Queen Nancy as Speaker of the House of Representatives.

Spring 2011 Students returned from their winter holidays refreshed and ready to study! They had gotten some much needed rest over the vacation, perhaps had gone to see the newest (but not final!) installment of the Harry Potter series, granted they had not already seen it over the Thanksgiving recess, of course. However, despite how well-rested, rosy-cheeked, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed they may have been upon arrival, their dreams of a semester filled with long walks in the brisk winter air were soon shot to pieces. The cold months of January and February brought with them harsh weather, including the greatest accumulation of snowfall that had ever rested on the ground in this, the fair Nutmeg State. It seemed as though the frozen precipitation would never disappear, and for many weeks, it did not. Spring has yet to arrive. This year has sucked. However, the semester provided much in the way of on-campus hubbub as things got underway. First of all, Chief Ronnell Higgins replaced Former Chief James Perotti as the Chief of the Yale Police Department. Many were sad to see Perotti go, but as long as the emails keep providing details such as, “the suspect was wearing a purple wig,” no one seems to mind too much. Second of all, Amy Chua, the John M. Duff, Jr. Professor of Law at the Yale Law School, penned the controversial book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. Chua received much flack for her perceived harsh parenting methods, generating a heated response both for its portrayal of Asian-American child-rearing styles, as well as the implicit comparison Chua made to “Western” parents, and their stereotypical mollycoddling, especially among the Boomer generation. However, Chua’s

University’s handling of incidents of sexual harassment and assault. While the complaint was met with equal parts skepticism and commendation, no one can deny that it has created a media whirlwind, which began right here at the Yale Herald, where the story first appeared. The Office of Civil Rights at the Department of Education, the arm of the federal government that is conducting the investigation, has yet to release its findings, but the University is already taking steps to combat the issues raised in the complaint. Regardless of one’s personal feelings about the validity of the complaint, it seems that the filing of the complaint will do much to improve how the University and its students think of sexual relations within and outside of its walls. After a long battle against leukemia, Yale Women’s Hockey star Mandi Schwartz, CC ’11 passed away on April 3. The Yale student body rallied around the Canada native—many students participated in bone marrow drives which were organized in the hopes of finding a match for Mandi here at Yale. After a second relapse early this year, Mandi passed away at home in Wilcox, in Regina, Saskatchewan. She is remembered not only for her talent in the field of ice hockey, but for her generosity of spirit and bottomless kindness. In a second tragic event this semester, Michele Dufault, SY ’11, was killed in an accident at Sterling Memorial Chemistry lab. A talented saxophone player and member of the Yale Precision Marching Band, Michele was an accomplished Astronomy and Physics major who planned on becoming an Applied Oceanographer. While it is difficult to know how to process an incident of this sort—one of random tragedy—it is certain that Michele was an incredible friend, as well as student and musician. The outpouring of love and affection that arose in the wake of her death reminds us all of the supportive community of which we are lucky to be a part, and which will certainly make a concerted effort to keep the exemplary legacies of both Michele and Mandi burning brightly.

Fall 2011 Students returning to campus in late August were faced with the imminent threat of destruction thanks to Hurricane Irene. Yale’s campus was left mostly unscathed, the exception being Lynwood Place, whose tenants remained without power for over a week. New Haven as a whole suffered 13 million dollars’ worth of damages, and Toad’s Place was forced to cancel their Aug. 27 dance party. October saw heated campaigning throughout the city, as the Mayor’s seat and all Aldermanic positions were up for grabs. Vinay Nayak, DC ‘14, and Sarah Eidelson, JE ‘12, energized campus with a month and a half of stumping for the Ward 1 seat. November 8 saw a record 962 voters turning out in Ward 1 to elect Eidelson, 563 to 399, as well as an easy reelection for DeStefano, who is now

While the Title IX complaint was met with equal parks skepticism and commendation, no one can deny that the media whirlwind it created began right here at the Yale Herald. success was a big ol’ slap in the face to any and all of her naysayers. At the bi-annual Herald-YDN banquet for all editors hosted by President Levin and his wife at their ceremonial home, President Levin said of this here publication, “The Herald is less accurate [than the YDN], but it’s interesting.” This prompted a tearful and angry outcry among every student on campus since, in a recent poll, 100 percent of the student body said that they read the Herald in its entirety every week. Additionally, the Herald has a lot of money to spend, and Yale has an on-campus dog-breeding facility. How’s that for accurate, Mr. Pres? Another important and watershed moment for the Yale student body this semester was the grand opening of the ¡Ay! Salsa dining room. Described as “heaven” by its acolytes and “pretty close to heaven” by its detractors, no one has anything bad to say about this fine dining establishment in the heart of the Elm City. On Mar. 30, 16 current students and alumni filed a Title IX complaint against the University, on the grounds that it creates a hostile environment for women, thereby barring them equal access to a Yale education. The complaint combines several public incidents of sexual discrimination with personal testimonies about the

serving his ninth term as mayor. The University continued to deal with fallout from the Title IX suit filed in the spring. Communication and Consent Educators, a new peer-education program sponsored by the Dean’s office, was rolled out to a mixed response among the student body. In November, President Levin released the findings of the Advisory Committee on Campus Climate along with a seven-page response, detailing the recommendations of the committee and the University’s planned responses. A new website offering resrouces for cases of sexual misconduct was launched, along with an expansion of SHARE and a renewed focus on registering and regulating student organizations. Running parallel to many campus discussions of sexual climate was an intense debate on the legitimacy of Sex Week at Yale (SWAY). This debate, played out in classrooms, dorms, and on the op-ed pages of the YDN, involved a back-and-forth between the supporters of Undergraduates for a Better Yale College (UBYC), a socially conservative group that publicly called for the end of what they saw as SWAY’s morally corrupting influence on campus hook-up culture. 2011 closed with a record number of murders— 32—and a shake-up in the NHPD that saw the end of

Police Chief Frank Limon’s career in New Haven. Limon was replaced by Dean Esserman of the Providence PD. A fatal tragedy at the Harvard-Yale tailgate left one person dead and two more injured; Brendan Ross, BK ‘13, was driving a U-Haul when it crashed into a crowd of tailgate attendees. The New Haven iteration of the global Occupy protests set up camp on the upper Green in October. In November, a group of Yale students affiliated with the Occupy movement organized a protest of Morgan Stanley’s recruiting session at the Study Hotel. The fall also saw the arrival of an Ay! Arepa foodtruck on York and Elm, which provided the much-loved burritos, arepas, and quesedillas made by Ernesto Garcia for nearly half the in-restaurant price. FroYo World’s new franchise on High and Chapel found itself embroiled in fierce competition only a few months after its opening, as Flavors arrived on York to challenge it for the frozen yogurt crown. Little Salad Shop, a student-owned and run fast-food restaurant, joined Fro Yo World as High St’s newest resident. In early November, Elm City Market, a food cooperative on the first floor of the newly-opened 360 State Street apartment building, opened its doors. As if in response to fall’s culinary explosion, the University announced a lifting of the long-hated food ban in Bass Library. On the technology front, the creation of new panlists was banned. Panlists are now replaced by Mailman lists, whose added security measures make it more difficult for students to send emails to lists of which they are not members. Broadway Ave moved further towards suburban malldom as a retail Apple Store opened its sleek glass doors in September.

Spring 2012 In late December, the New Haven Independent reported that Richter’s, the recently-closed Chapel Street pub frequented by junior societies, would be up and running “before the snow melts.” The bar never re-opened, maybe because the snow never came—New Haven saw some of the warmest late winter days of all time (and we could see sunbathers in bikinis on Old Campus as soon as we returned from Spring Break). Unfortunately, not all the news this semester was warm and sunny. On Jan. 26, the New York Times reported that Patrick Witt’s, JE ’12, admirable decision to play in the Harvard-Yale football game last November was not really admirable—or even a decision—after all. As it turns out, “the Rhodes Trust had learned through unofficial channels that a fellow student had accused Witt of sexual assault,” and suspended his candidacy. Witt countered that he had in fact made the choice to formally withdraw his candidacy, and that the Trust had received “false information.” As of January he was no longer enrolled at the University, but he claimed he would graduate. February saw the culmination of a heated, year-long debate in the YDN opinion pages (and Jezebel!) about the ethics of Sex Week. The event, which President Levin mandated remove “at Yale” from the end of its name, kicked off on Feb. 3 and ended on Valentine’s day, featuring such talks as “On the Grind: Queer Online Social-Networking on Campus,” “Play With Your Playlist: Talk with Suki Dunham, Founder of OhMiBod Musical Vibrators,” and “Relationships and Faith at Yale: A Panel Discussion,” to name a few. Undergraduates for a Better Yale College’s True Love week scheduled alternative talks during the same week, including “The State of Marriage Today” and “Chastity and Human Goods.” To protest the homophobia of True Love week’s second speaker, Prof. Anthony Esolen of Providence College, about 50 students staged a same-sex “kiss in,” which they carried out when someone’s cell phone began playing Diana Ross’s “I’m Coming Out.” As always, April was the cruelest month. Yale lost Zachary Brunt, DC ’15, an aspiring musician and scientist who tragically took his own life. He reminded us never to take the people we love for granted. A University-wide vigil was held in Davenport, and two of his Drop Team teammates wrote in the YDN, “Our memories of Zach encourage us to brighten others’ lives as he brightened ours.” Also in April, Occupy New Haven was evicted from the Green after a six-month long occupation and a long legal battle with the city. They left chanting, “You can’t evict an idea.” The Yale Herald (May 17, 2013)


Fall 2012 Shopping period had hardly begun when President Levin sent a University-wide email announcing his decision to step down from his position at the end of the 2012-2013 academic year, after 20 years serving as president of Yale. Before his presidency, Levin was hardly a stranger to Yale: he received his Ph.D. in economics from the University in 1974, and went on to serve as chair of the economics department and dean of the Graduate School of Arts and Sciences. As president, Levin undertook ambitious projects to expand Yale’s presence both in New Haven and the world. During his tenure, the University successfully completed its Yale Tomorrow campaign, raising $3.881 billion dollars in the school’s largest fundraising campaign to date. All 12 residential colleges were renovated and plans were made for the construction of two more. Yale-NUS College, in the face of considerable resistance from Yale faculty, is set to open in Singapore in August 2013. In a joint effort with the City and the Community Foundation of Greater New Haven, the University announced the New Haven Promise scholarship program to help send the city’s public school graduates to college. “It is a source of great satisfaction to leave Yale in much stronger condition—academically, physically, and financially—than it was when I began in 1993,” Levin wrote in his email. On Sept. 21, the University said its official welcome to 50 Yale undergraduates who together comprise Yale’s first class of Reserve Officers Training Corps since 1972, when it was discontinued at the suggestion of a faculty vote in opposition to the program. Classes required by the ROTC program do not count toward the 36 credits needed to graduate from Yale College. The program’s reinstatement comes in the wake of the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. “The day after the repeal of DADT, I called [Defense] Secretary Robert Gates,” President Levin told the Herald in October 2011. “I told him Yale would very much like to explore reinstating ROTC.” In another break from recent tradition, the University cancelled all classes and extracurricular activities for the first time in 34 years when Hurricane Sandy hit in late October. Classes were cancelled, all nonessential staff was told to stay home, and curfews kept students inside. A 100-pound exhaust fan fell from the top of the Malone Engineering Center, and a glass bus shelter near Commons shattered. In the wake of the storm, Yale provided warm showers, ice, and discounted lunches to faculty, staff and students who had been affected by the storm. A report released in February by the National Hurricane Center said that Sandy was the deadliest hurricane to hit the Northeast in 40 years and the second costliest in U.S. history. Connecticut found itself in the national spotlight during election season, with one of the 10 Senate races— out of 33—in which each of the major parties’ candidates seemed to have an equal shot. On Tues., Nov. 6, Connecticut voters had a choice between Republican Linda McMahon, former President and CEO of World Wrestling Entertainment, and Democrat Chris Murphy, a veteran Connecticut politician who, at the time of the election, was a member of the U.S. House of Representatives. Just two years earlier, McMahon spent over $50 million—out of her own pocket—on a Senate race which she ended up losing to Richard Blumenthal, LAW ’73. Her bid proved once again unsuccessful: Murphy won the seat, despite the 42.6 million McMahon spent this time around. Yale students campaigned actively for both candidates, undeterred by Hurricane Sandy. Most importantly, the New Yorker stole the headline of the Herald’s piece covering the race, “Pinning down Connecticut.” Murphy’s victory at the polls was arguably overshadowed by President Obama’s. Obama captured both the popular vote and electoral college, defeating Republican candidate Mitt Romney. Seven current Yale undergraduates took the fall semester off in order to work on the Obama campaign. Students who remained on campus could stop by the recently-opened Chapel Street branch of Danny Meyer’s burger empire, Shake Shack, to take a Pledge to Vote and receive a coupon for a free custard on their next visit; Atticus gave out free loaves of bread to customers with an “I Voted” sticker from the polls. While many Yalies turned out to the polls to vote for Obama, there were other presidential decisions being made, albeit not quite so democratically. On Nov. 8,


The Yale Herald (May 17, 2013)

Edward Bass, ’67, senior fellow of the Yale Corporation, sent an email to the Yale community announcing the election of President Levin’s successor: Peter Salovey, who, according to the email, will take office on June 30, 2013. Like Levin, Salovey came to Yale as a graduate student and has been here ever since, having served as chair of the psychology department, dean of the Graduate School of Arts and Sciences, dean of Yale College, and, currently, as provost. Students criticized the administration and the Corporation for their lack of transparency in the search process, mocking the choice of the word “elected,” pointing out that Salovey had instead been selected. As final exams got underway, students found a choice study break in the Yale University Art Gallery, which celebrated the grand opening of the renovated and expanded museum on Dec. 12, 2012. The expanded museum is comprised of three buildings and showcases more than 4,000 objects; its opening marks the climax of a 15-year project. The Gallery, which has a heavy focus on education, aimed at Yale, New Haven, and beyond, is free and open to the public. “New Yorkers, who have museums huge and tiny but few at the harmonious inbetween scale of this one, will want to start checking New Haven train times,” declared the New York Times. This moment of rebirth for the YUAG was tempered as Yale and the entire nation watched in horror as the tragedy of the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting unfolded. On Dec. 14, Adam Lanza shot and killed his mother in their home in Newtown, Conn.; he then drove to Sandy Hook Elementary, where he shot and killed 20 children and six adult staff members before taking his own life. Sandy Hook Elementary is 24 miles from Old Campus’s Phelps Gate.

Spring 2012 On Jan. 29, New Haven Mayor John DeStefano, Jr. announced that he does not plan to run for reelection. DeStefano has served 10 terms—20 years—effectively overseeing New Haven’s regeneration; he’s worked to win a federal grant to develop a stretch of city boulevards from the unfinished Route 34 highway, supported a “jobs pipeline” proposed by the Board of Aldermen, and worked to cultivate a relationship between Yale and New Haven. DeStefano’s decision not to run again has opened up the November 2013 election. As of printing time, seven candidates have thrown their hats into the ring, and the race to replace DeStefano promises to be exciting. The administration’s first-semester historic decision to suspend University operations during Hurricane Sandy was followed by a second instance of class cancellations. On Feb. 9, massive snowstorm Nemo hit New Haven; over the next three days, the Elm City was pummeled by more than 34 inches of snow and winds that reached 55 miles per hour. Connecticut declared a state of emergency, and Linda Koch Lorimer and crew ended up cancelling classes on Mon., Feb. 11, and Tues., Feb. 12. Yale students found this snowstorm, which proved

hugely destructive elsewhere, to be a godsend; the FCC organized an “ice art” competition, and “Snoads” was a popular destination. After a Feb. 19 YDN op-ed by Alejandro Gutierrez, CC ‘13, about low-income, first-generation college students at Yale, the College’s accessibility became a popular topic of discussion. Other students echoed Gutierrez’s questions about easing the transition to college, and later that month, the College Dean’s Office announced the launch of a new five-week summer bridge program to help incoming freshmen get acclimated to Yale. February saw other University policy come into question as well; on the 19th of that month, an ad hoc faculty committee released a proposal to change Yale College’s grading practices, recommending a transition from a letter grade system to a 100-point scale, the imposition of recommended grade distributions, and presenting grading data to departments. Campus exploded with discussion and debate about grading and the value of a Yale education, and only nine weeks later, the faculty met in the heavily guarded Davies Auditorium to vote on the proposal as protesters chanted outside. The faculty ended up electing to postpone the vote nine months in order to allow for further examination and student input. On Apr. 15, two pressure cooker bombs exploded at the finish line of the Boston Marathon. Three spectators were killed. For the next four days, the nation’s eyes were trained on Boston as the search for the suspects ensued, through a shooting, manhunt, and subsequent firefight that killed another police officer and one of the two suspects, Tamerlan Tsarnaev; the other suspect, his brother, Dzhokar Tsarnaev, was apprehended in hiding under a boat in Watertown on the night of April 19. Boston Yalies as well as those from around the world watched in horror and extended their support to citizens and students of that city. Sports are not generally a central topic of campus conversation; however, Yale athletics came to the forefront of discussion in April, when the College Hockey team defeated Quinnipiac in a surprise 4-0 victory to win their first NCAA championship. And more exciting news came at the end of the month, with Yale Health’s announcement that their plan would now cover sex-reassignment procedures for students. Health services at Brown, Harvard, and the University of Pennsylvania already offer insurance for the surgery; in May, Princeton followed suit and extended their medical coverage plan accordingly.

—Summary compiled by Emily Barasch, Tatiana Schlossberg, Ariel Doctoroff, Emily Rappaport, Lucas Iberico Lozada, Emma Schindler, and Maude Tisch.

Yale men’s hockey: golden boys of the Frozen Four. Boola boola! (Yale News)

Reflections Former Herald chiefs share their thoughts as they graduate Ariel Doctoroff on the excitement of uncertainty

Marcus Moretti on change and permanence

I sold all of my furniture last week. Every single piece, except for this ugly television stand that I thought would really bring the living room together but really, really didn’t. I sold everything because it looked at that moment like I would be living with my parents forever—even if I had gotten a job, which I hadn’t. There would have been no place to store the large green couch whose cushions never seemed to stay in place or the uncharacteristically girly bed frame that I had purchased from one of my brother’s friends. My garageless sale probably has something to do with the small but nagging

When you’re about to go off to college, the thing adults always tell you is that the next four years will go by lightning fast. “They’ll fly by,” your parents’ friends and uncles and aunts say; “It’ll be over before you know it.” I believed the dozens of people who said this to me that summer four years ago. And now, from the perch of this commencement weekend, it still seems true: the past four years flashed by, and fled sooner than they arrived. The reason this sort of remark comes so easily to adults searching for sage advice to give the college-bound is that it is the simple application of one piece of conventional wisdom to another. Namely, it combines the maxim “time flies when you’re having fun” with the popular belief that the funnest years of your life are the bright college ones. Like much conventional wisdom, this piece has some holes. Setting aside the possibly injurious assumption of this that college students can be expected (and can expect each other) to be generally happy, this common impression of “college time” as blink-of-the-eye quick misses some strange warps in time visible to the college student from his unique (i.e., non-adult) point of reference. To be sure, college does sometimes seem to be hurtling along at 120 mph, but this is only when we consider the present moment. We feel this way when we think, for example, “Wow, today went by real fast,” or, “Jeeze, it’s already Sunday night?” When we look back on our memories from earlier semesters, though, time doesn’t seem so rapid. Instead, these memories seem to be much farther back in the past than we thought they’d be. A regularly overheard conversation here runs thus: “Hey, remember that night at Toad’s when X did Y? It was just last semester.” “No way, last semester? It feels like that was so long ago.” The lightning pace of college time, in other words, does not show in reverse. Part of why time gets warped like this has nothing to do with the fact that we’re in college. Whenever you’re having a good time, you’re not paying attention to time passing, which is why all of a sudden it’s unaccountably late. Realizing how late it suddenly is is basically the same thing as

whatever we think will result in the best mix of success and happiness. And for the most part, that is pretty right. But give me a second, because I feel like I just finished my senior essay and I’m still trying to catch up on sleep and did we already go to the beach because I don’t totally remember getting there and back except that my car is way dirtier than it was before and I completely forgot to get a cap and gown. Whoops. Clearly, I need to relax. It’s easy to get worked up about the future and forget that next year is just another year in which I want to spend time with people I like and find

It’s easy to get worked up about the future and forget that next year is just another year in which I want to spend time with people I like and find some sort of excitement. knot that I have noticed in my stomach recently. I told myself it was party anxiety, the pressure to have constant fun when sometimes all I want to do is watch the new episode of The Mindy Project. And maybe that was part of it, but it’s certainly more complicated than that. That pit isn’t about unemployment either. That would be too easy, and definitely unoriginal. I know this because even though I now know roughly where I will be or what I might be doing next year, it is still lodged right in there. The textbook explanation: this is the first time in our lives that there have been quite so many moving pieces. Uncertainty, that’s the name of this game. We have had to make decisions about where to go to college, who to be friends with, whether to drink this thing or take that class. Regardless, our next steps have been more or less plotted forever. Now, however, the decisions (though they are probably made for us more than we make them) have multiplied and they are far more meaningful than ever before. We need to synthesize our efforts from the last four years, and pinpoint exactly what we are good at so that we can start our careers in


The Yale Herald (May 17, 2013)

some sort of excitement. And vagueness is the key here, because I have no idea what form that might come in. Work could suck but maybe I’ll get really into ping-pong or something wacky like that. The Herald has been the ultimate lesson in doing something because it seems like it will be fun and weird. I never thought it would lead to anything else, mostly because I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I never anticipated that writing a column about a television addiction (a subject my mother has since told me must be retired) would precipitate a new community and passion for fixing both little and big problems that I didn’t know existed. That my junior friend took advantage of my freshman eagerness to please was probably a little manipulative albeit serendipitous in a way that I can only thank her for now. All of this is to say that it is impossible to know what is going to compel me to wake up in the morning next year. And I can certainly try to predict it now, but I’m just hoping that another Herald falls into my lap sometime soon.

feeling like something that happened just last semester couldn’t have happened that recently. Individual instances over a day are fleeting and then gone before you feel you have a chance to fully enjoy them, but they accrue outside of our notice. It’s only by looking back to some memory across all of the accumulated instances that we feel their immensity. But another part of the time warp comes exclusively from the fact that we’re in college. These years we are still making dramatic strides in personal growth. As Evelyn Waugh remarked about his own alma mater, “The truth is that Oxford is simply a very beautiful city in which it is convenient to segregate a certain number of the young of the nation while they are growing up. It is absurd that a boy of 18, however sound he has been as a school prefect, is a fully grown man.” We all change in college in our own ways. The changes are of the body—metabolic slowdown for some, hair erasure for others—and of the mind. When we look back on how we’ve changed, we see direct evidence of the passage of time, and time becomes to us a more tangible and powerful force. But the change that tops them all in this respect is one change of mind in particular. This change, which makes you suddenly aware of your unappealable prison sentence in time and in your own body, is the discovery of those parts of your personality that won’t change. These permanent things, which we all have in us, tuned to different frequencies in specific keys, make us who we are, whether or not we are proud of them. The discovery of these internal pieces, and of their fixedness, is the beginning of the lifelong project of accepting them, owning them, and in some cases working around them. And this project starts in college, the time which adults talk about as an image of evanescence, but which to us in this moment is a lesson in permanence. After this project commences, to let Waugh get the last word, we “can begin the dreary and futile jobs that wait for most of us, with a great deal more chance of keeping our sense of humour and self-respect.”

Parting words ezra stiles Camille Lizarríbar, Dean Dearest Stilesians, It has been a privilege to be your dean these last three years, and I will miss your spirit, your dedication and the wonderful energy you have brought to our residential college. Stiles has changed with you and because of you, and you have been a powerful example of what it means to be part of a community. You have gracefully navigated a last year full of challenges and accomplishments, and before going on to the next adventure I urge you to take time and bask in the beauty of this milestone. Look around to your Yale peers, your Stiles community, your close friends and your families, and celebrate all that you have done for yourselves and for each other. My wish for you is that you find happiness and success, however you may define them, and that you will continue to learn, explore and love throughout your life. We will miss you very much, and I look forward to hearing about all of your future successes (big and small). Congratulations class of 2013! Yours in love of the moose, Dean Lizarríbar

TRUMBULL Jasmina Besirevic-Regan, Dean Congratulations, Trumbull Class of 2013! What a great four years it has been—from Rumbles in Trumbull, Pamplonas, apple picking excursions, New York art gallery trips, study breaks, Ex Com gatherings, and most notably, your IM participation and victories! We will never forget you! Thank you for letting us into your lives and for sharing your bright college years with us. We will miss you enormously! Stay in touch (it’s really easy to befriend me on Facebook now that you’ve graduated)! Moo-rah!!! Dean Besirevic and family Janet Henrich, Master We would like to congratulate the amazing Trumbull College class of 2013; it has been a privilege being a part of your time at Yale. Your enthusiasm for IMs brought Trumbull to the top of the pack for the past three years. You have been very active socially, which made Trumbull an exciting, interesting and fun place to live for all of us. More importantly, you helped foster the unique Trumbull spirit and, in doing so, enriched the lives of those around you. We wish you all the best in your lives after Yale. We know you will leave your marks wherever you go and whatever you do, and we are proud to have known you. We hope that you will come back to visit Trumbull often; it will always be your home. Congratulations! Master and Professor Henrich

TIMOTHY DWIGHT John Loge, Dean A postcard arrived a few years back: “Dear Dean Loge. We went to North Carolina to live deliberately, to front

The Yale Herald (May 17, 2013)

only the beach, to swim deeply, to suck all the meat out of crab legs, to learn what the sand dunes had to teach, and not, when we had come to graduate, discover that we did not have a suntan. Having a wonderful time —wish you were here.” As I think of you at Commencement time, I want to remind you to heed your education and continue to ask those old questions, to heed Einstein and walk around those turtles, and to heed Thoreau and live on purpose. And, of course, turn that boat over, get behind those oars, and row with all your heart. I see you making your final preparations, packing in time with your friends, and shuttling boxes and relatives about. I want to remind you again that you are prepared and ready for what you next will do. I know what you may not yet know—that you developed here at Yale resources and strengths that are not yet known to you but that will reveal themselves as you meet the expected and unexpected that await you. You are ready! In fact, you succeed already when you stand by Emerson’s definition of success:

ney that nourishes the mind and spirit of all who enter its wrought-iron gates. Never forget that my fond remembrances of you will not become weak with old age. They will always be with me, as sweet memories of all that is good and unblemished. Never forget that I shall always love you and treasure our time together. Your grateful Master G. Amerigo Fabbri, Dean Hello Piersonites! Will you carry that eternal flame with you, that Sun that warmed up your days of leisure and days of sorrow in your beautiful Pierson home? Will you nurture that dream, that state of mind that transcends bricks and stones and mortar of a place called Pierson, Pierson College? So, “sing with me, sing for the years, sing for the laughter, sing for the tears, sing with me, just for today, maybe tomorrow,” maybe forever for the Pierson Sun. Fare thee well, Class of 2013! And make sure you will always dream on!

To laugh often and much. To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children. To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends. Hugh Flick, Dean To appreciate beauty. Dear Silliman Class of 2013—I have To find the best in others. enjoyed getting to know you over the To give of oneself. past four years. You have collectively excelled in many things while here and To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy have contributed to many Varsity teams, extracurricular child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition. organizations, musical groups, and community service To have played and laughed with enthusiasm and activities as organizers and leaders. I will miss your ensung with exultation. thusiastic presence in the college but wish you the best To know even one life has breathed easier after as you leave the Silliman courtyard for other green pasone’s efforts. tures. I expect to see you achieve great things as you This is to have succeeded. go out into the real world and I look forward to seeing you back here in the future for visits and reunions. You I will always remember our time together in TD and the are always welcome back home here in Silliman. Dean friendships we have made; we will always stand together Flick with our courageous red lion. See you around the courtyard. Judith Krauss, Master AN ODE TO SILLIMAN 2013 Dean Loge To each one of you in Silliman ‘13 Jeffrey Brenzel, Master To being part of the Silliman team As you depart Yale, the land of your initial formation as To friendships you’ve made – each and every one an independent soul, and you reflect back on all your To times we’ve shared from sad to fun experiences, I hope you will recognize that the value To the courtyard in summer, fall, winter and spring of your mistakes and failures has been equal in impor- To stickball, Frisbee, hammocks and the swing tance to any of your achievements. You could be nod- To the dining hall and custodial crews ding briefly in assent to this commonplace sentiment, They took exceptional care of you without realizing how true it will continue to be. Perhaps To KC, Joann, Michelle, and Carole you are ready to embark on a more advanced exploration Without them you’d be over a barrel of the same subject. You must discover as well how to To Mellon Forums and Champagne punch learn from the mistakes of others. You will never live To Midnight Breakfast and Music Brunch. long enough to make them all yourself. To haunted houses and Halloween And, let’s not forget our dunk-tank Dean. I send you off with hugs and kisses To each of you my very best wishes!



Harvey Goldblatt, Master My beloved Pierson Seniors, Class of 2013! Never forget that while it is a great pleasure to be given a gift, there is no greater reward than the gift of love and to give of yourself. Never forget that the journey, the journey is what brings you the true prize. Not the destination. Never forget that Pierson College is not just a place built of bricks and mortar and stone but also a precious idea and a magical place. Pierson, too, is a special jour-

Fondly, Master K

branford Hilary Fink, Dean Congratulations, Class of 2013! You are now embarking on a journey that is, at its core, the same journey that we see in the timeless classics of literature: Homer’s Odyssey, Virgil’s Aeneid, Joyce’s Ulysses, and so

Deans and masters say good luck and farewell to the Class of 2013

many others. It is a journey that involves going out into the world, exploring the unknown, facing and ultimately overcoming hardships and challenges, but realizing that everything you need to succeed is already inside of you. The skills, knowledge, varied experiences of all kinds that you have gathered over the past four years—in addition to the solid foundation of love and support provided by your family—all of this gives you a core that will guide you through the shifting currents of your life. And there will be shifting currents. Life will at times be tough, sometimes disappointing. Nothing will ever be perfect. But as we learn from Milton’s Paradise Lost, it is precisely the absence of perfection that allows for true humanity, for the freedom to make your own decisions, to learn from mistakes, to walk toward the future filled with some trepidation, but mostly with the exhilaration of knowing that you are the creator of your own story. Follow your passion, because life is too short to hate your job. Open your heart to others, because the relationships you make over the years will enrich and sustain you like nothing else. Be grateful for your health, for the beauty of nature, for all the (non-monetary) riches of your life. Congratulations once again to you all, and good luck as you begin writing your post-Yale chapters of exploration, discovery and understanding. All the very best, Hilary Fink Elizabeth Bradley, Master Best wishes to you all. Enjoy your graduation day and come back and see us in New Haven. You have left a wonderful mark on Yale!  

some anxiety, but carries an abundance of excitement; brings sadness to separate from classmates, but will allow you to experience other communities and cultures. To me, it’s more like, “See you later!” In Saybrook we forge bonds that last a lifetime. Bonds that transcend handshakes and hugs, and manifest instead as deep and meaningful feelings, thoughts, and memories. I know that you will remember these bonds and treasure them for a long time. And of course there will be many opportunities to renew these bonds as we stay in touch, attend reunions, and of course, return for The Game. And so I simply say to you, “See you later!” Master Hudak Christine Muller, Dean It began with an eager, yet tentative approach to Old Campus in a car filled with clothing and keepsakes. Passionate upperclassmen cheered to welcomed you. Everyone was excited to meet the newest members of Saybrook College and to help them move into their new homes. Almost every person around you then was a stranger. So many now are life-long friends. For many years before Yale, you were not a part of Saybrook. But from that move-in moment forward into the unforeseeable future, you are and always will be an integral and inseparable part of the Saybrook community. No matter how far away you might go, here you will always have a home. We celebrate and congratulate you on your past and ever-unfolding accomplishments. We will miss you, and we wish you well. Dean Muller

jonathan edwards


Leslie Woodard, Dean To the Class of 2013: You are, each and every one of you, one of the smart, talented, spiritually generous, imaginative people the world so desperately needs, so go forth and conquer, Hounies of the Class of 2013! I wish you magic for the journeys that lie ahead, and please remember that Calhoun will always be your home. With affection, Dean Woodard Jonathan Holloway, Master Dear Beautiful Hounies, Well, you had to go and do it, didn’t you? By demonstrating an abiding commitment to your classes, your extracurriculars, your community, and each other you now find yourself at the threshold of a brand new adventure. It has been an honor to stand by your side on the journey that brought you to this moment. Dean, Aisling, Patty, Angela, Terry, Lara, and Crazy Uncle Johnny join me in tipping our hats to you as we look forward to watching you conquer new challenges in the years ahead. Dr.J


Paul Hudak, Master Dear graduating Saybrugians: Oh my, you’re leaving Yale! To you I’m sure it seems rather final, yet presents new opportunities; creates

berkeley Mia Genoni, Dean Dear Berkeley 2013: We have had a full and rich three years together, and even when you are no longer near you will always remain dear to me. You are fabulous, and it has been a true honor and pleasure to be your dean. I know the future holds wonderful things for you, and I hope that from time to time you drop me a line and tell me how you are and, as Winston Churchill did not say, let me know up to what you are. Master Chun and I are eager to welcome you back when you come to the annually awesome BK homecoming at the Master’s House, as you are people out with whom we like to hang: there is only one thing up with which we shall not put, and that is not to see you back in BK. Congratulations, 2013! Best, Dean G

Morse Amy Hungerford, Master To the Class of 2013: My hope for you is that you honor the privilege of a Yale education by extending the good faith we have in you to all those you meet in the wide world. May you be generous with your time, your attention, and your service; may you meet both success and failure with humility, grace, and humor. Amy Hungerford, Professor of English, Master of Morse College

Penelope Laurans, Master Joseph Spooner, Dean

2013: JE Lux! From your marveling Master and Dean: Hail JE, two thousand thirteen! You spiders are cool Both in ECs and School: You’re the best on the Yale College scene. You planted our tulips in fall Your cheer always filled our Great Hall You captured the Tyng With your spirit and zing And you gave us a great Spider Ball. At Yale you found more who you are As you met each and every high bar And when things got quite rough You Spiders were tough And you kept reaching high for that star. So whether at land or at sea Dear Spiders, this memory is key: Like a compass or chart Keep us in your heart— For you’ll always belong to JE!

Davenport Richard Schottenfeld, Master Cheers to Davenport 2013! The Original Davenport Cheer was actually a short poem, believed to have been authored by a committee of distinguished Davenport Fellows (perhaps including Archibald MacLeish, Thornton Wilder, and Cleanth Brooks). It reads as follows: “Davenport, Davenport, keep it dear./When you leave it, have no fear./Davenport, Davenport, hold it near./All you need is its great cheer!” A new and improved version was introduced shortly after the legal drinking age was raised from 18 to 21. As you head out into the great, wider world, remember the cheer. Thank you for bringing to Davenport your enormous talents, your passions, your love of a good party, your love of learning, and most of all your friendships and concern for others. All the best, Master S

Master Laurans and Dean Spooner

The Yale Herald (May 17, 2013)

The Yale Herald congratulates its

Class of 2013 Nicole Battaglia Sam Bendinelli Justine Bunis Catherine Chen Karmen Cheung Will Coggins Ariel Doctoroff Carlos Gomez Lucas Iberico Lozada Nicolas Medina Mora Marcus Moretti Zola Quao Marcus Schwarz Clare Sestanovich Bijan Stephen Sam Sullivan Cole Wheeler

The Yale Herald Commencement 2013


Weekend Guide

Commencement Weekend calendar friday may 17

PERFORMANCES: Yale Symphony Orchestra Commencement Concert: Battell Chapel (corner of College St. and Elm St.), 6 p.m. No tickets necessary. The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee: University Theater (222 York St.), 8 p.m. Yale Dramatic Association’s Commencement musical. For tickets and more information, call (203) 432-1210, email dramat@, or visit

saturday may 18 Events: International Student Brunch: International Center for Yale Students and Scholars (421 Temple Street), 11 a.m. Brunch for international student graduates and their families. Service of Remembrance: Dwight Hall Chapel (67 High Street), 11 a.m. Service for deceased family and friends of members of the Class of 2013, sponsored by the University Chaplain’s office. For more information, call (203) 432-1128. Baccalaureate Service: Woolsey Hall, 2:30 p.m. Baccalaureate services for seniors and guests from Timothy Dwight, Morse, Pierson and Saybrook. President’s Reception: President’s House (43 Hillhouse Avenue), 4 to 6 p.m. Outgoing President and Mrs. Levin host a reception for seniors and guests. Rain location: Beinecke Rare Book and Manuscript Library (121 Wall Street). Keep your fingers crossed for good weather! “Boola Ball”: Lanman Center, Payne Whitney Gym, 8 to 11 p.m. A traditional event open to both students and their families. Cocktail or business attire. Tickets cost 20 dollars and can be purchased online at http://yalestation. For more information, call (203) 432-8714.

PERFORMANCES: Carillon Concert: Bell-ringing concert by the Yale Guild of Carilloneurs. The dulcet tones of the bells can be best enjoyed from Old Campus, 12 p.m. The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee: University Theater (222 York St.), 2 and 8 p.m. See above listing. For tickets and more information, call (203) 432-1210 or visit Yale Glee Club Commencement Concert: Sprague Memorial Hall (470 College St.), 8 p.m. The Glee Club performs traditional Yale songs and pieces from its current repertoire, including spirituals, arranged folk songs, and classical choral pieces. For tickets or more information, call (203) 432-4136. Tickets are 12 dollars for general admission and 10 dollars for students.

sunday may 19 eventS: Baccalaureate service: Woolsey Hall, 9:30 a.m. Baccalaureate services for seniors and guests from Berkeley, Calhoun, Davenport, and Ezra Stiles. Baccalaureate service: Woolsey Hall, 11 a.m. Baccalaureate services for seniors and guests from Branford, Jonathan Edwards, Silliman, and Trumbull. PERFORMANCES: Yale School of Music Commencement Concert: Sprague Memorial Hall (470 College St.), 4 p.m. Admission is free. For more information, call (203) 432-4158. Yale Concert Band Twilight Concert: Old Campus, 7 p.m. Rain or shine! The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee: University Theater (222 York St.), 8:30 p.m. See above listing. For tickets and more information, call (203) 432-1210 or visit Whiffenpoofs and Whim ’n’ Rhythm: Woolsey Hall, 8:30 p.m. Yale’s all-senior a cappella groups perform on campus one last time before departing on world tours. For tickets and more information, visit or

Class Day & Commencement class day

sunday, may 19 2 p.m. – Class Day exercises, Old Campus. Includes awards of undergraduate prizes, celebration of Yale College traditions, and address by Newark mayor Corey Booker, LAW ’97. Seniors wear academic gowns and headgear of their choice and assemble on Cross Campus at 1:15 p.m. to march to Old Campus for an afternoon of fun and nostalgia! 4:30 p.m. – Masters’ Receptions. In the residential colleges for seniors and their guests following Class Day.

commencement monday, may 20

9:15 a.m. – Yale College seniors, wearing academic regalia, assemble in college courtyards for march to Cross Campus. 9:40 a.m. – Candidates for graduate and professional degrees assemble on Cross Campus in academic regalia. 10:00 a.m. – Procession to Old Campus and University Commencement exercises, Old Campus. 10:30 a.m. – Commencement exercises begin. 12:00 p.m. – Presentation of diplomas in residential colleges and professional schools. 1:30 p.m. – Luncheons in residential colleges. Afterwards: Congratulations, graduates! You’re done with Yale… forever!

The Yale Herald Congratulates the Class of 2013 and would like to remind you that in order to receive your diploma you must subscribe to the Herald.

email |2


The Yale Herald (May 17, 2013)

Weekend Guide

A visitor’s guide to New Haven fine dining


s the reputed birthplace of both the hamburger (Louis’ Lunch) and the pizza pie (Pepe’s), New Haven supports a wide variety of eateries, restaurants, and gourmet establishments. The following is a list of local restaurants for formal and casual meals. Make sure to call ahead to check if reservations are recommended or required! Key: $ – under $10 per person $$ – $10-$15 $$$ – over $15 + – Not within walking distance. American 116 Crown (116 Crown St., 777-3116): Upscale, nouveau American cuisine in a swanky setting. Very extensive list of specialty bespoke cocktails. $$$ Christopher Martin’s (+ 860 State St., 7768835): Continental cuisine; seafood, veal, chicken, and pasta. $$$ Claire’s Corner Copia (1000 Chapel St., 5623888): Kosher and vegetarian cuisine; wide selection of popular homemade desserts. $$ Heirloom at the Study Hotel (24 Whitney Ave., 865-5946): Contemporary American cuisine and outstanding décor. $$$ Prime 16 (172 Temple St., 782-1616): Perhaps New Haven’s best burgers and a great beer selection. $$ Rudy’s Bar & Grill (1227 Chapel St., 8651242): A stylish revision of what used to be a dive-bar. Great burgers, chicken sandwiches, and fries with special sauces, as well as an outstanding beer list. $$ Sage American Bar & Grill (+ 100 South Water St., 787-3466): Salads, fish, steak, delicious bread; view of the Sound. $$$ Shake Shack (986 Chapel St., 747-8483): Craving some upscale fast food? Check out the New Haven branch of Danny Meyer’s well-known burger joint. Temple Grill (152 Temple St., 773-1111): Delicious burgers, martinis, and made-toorder salads in a charmingly post-collegiate setting. $$ Zinc (964 Chapel St., 624-0507): High-end atmosphere, innovative farm-to-table menu, mostly adult crowd. The Saigon Beef Lettuce Wraps are delicious. $$$ Italian Abaté (129 Wooster St., 787-1570): Good meat, seafood, and pizza. $$ Adriana’s Restaurant (771 Grand Ave., 8656474): Unassuming exterior belies excellent selection of veal dishes and other Italian fare. $-$$ Basta (1006 Chapel St., 772-1715): Owned by the proprietors of Claire’s next door; traditional Italian cuisine prepared with Claire’s signature fresh ingredients; their eponymous pizza has earned raves from local food critics. $$$ Beachhead Restaurant (+ 3 Cosey Beach Ave., East Haven, 469-5450): Italian seafood restaurant; large portions of seafood, chicken, pasta; good view; casual atmosphere; friendly service. $$ Consiglio’s (+ 165 Wooster St., 865-4489): A 50-year-old Wooster Square institution;

traditional Italian cuisine with seafood specialties. $$ L’Orcio (806 State St., 777-6670): Pleasant, upscale atmosphere; traditional Italian fare with an extensive wine list. $$$ Skappo (59 Crown St., 773-1394): Familyowned, family-style restaurant with a medieval décor theme. “Signora Anna” teaches Italian on Monday nights. $$ Tony and Lucille’s (+ 150 Wooster St., 7871621): Charming decor; great pasta and pizza; another Wooster Square tradition. $$ Tre Scalini (+ 100 Wooster St., 777-3373): Large menu with excellent pasta, seafood, and terrific renditions of classic Italian dishes. $$$ French Caseus (93 Whitney Ave., 624-3373): A cheese-lover’s bastion as well as New Haven premier bistro. $$ Union League Café (1032 Chapel St., 5624299): Elegant French and Continental cuisine in an elegant ambience; good wine list. $$$ African and Middle Eastern Istanbul Café (245 Crown St., 787-3881): Authentic Turkish fare with late-night hours. $$-$$$ Kasbah Garden (105 Howe St., 777-5053): Eccentric family-owned Middle Eastern restaurant with a serene outdoor seating area and delicious couscous. $$ Mamoun’s Falafel (85 Howe St., 562-8444): Open until 3 a.m.; feels like you are eating in the desert, but the food is cheap, delicious, and filling. $ Lalibella (176 Temple St., 789-1232): Ethopian dishes served family style. $$ Asian Bangkok Gardens (172 York St., 789-8684): Thai cuisine with an unexpected Chinese twist; notable Thai teas. $$ Basil (142 Howe St., 865-400): Reliable, if underwhelming, Asian fusion with a very extensive menu. $-$$ Bentara (76 Orange St., 562-2511): Malaysian noodle soups and rice dishes; vegetarian options. $$-$$$ Miso (15 Orange St., 848-6472): Imaginative, distinctive, and delicious sushi rolls, as well as the traditional kind; good selection of sake; sleek, attractive decor. $$$ Miya’s (68 Howe St., 777-9760): Definitely worth checking out this funktastic twist on Japanese sushi with award-winning chef Bun Lai. $-$$$ Thai Pan Asian (1170 Chapel St., 562-0322): Fine Thai cuisine; its namesake dish is especially good; extremely quick service. $-$$ Kudeta (27 Temple St., 562-8844): Asian fusion including sushi amid intensely colorful curtains and ever-changing lighting. Some call it visually thrilling, others find it hard to concentrate on their dinners. $$-$$$ Rice Pot Thai Restaurant (+1027 State St., 772-6679): Sterile atmosphere and a long walk from campus, but blows the food at New Haven’s other Thai joints out of the water. $$ Seoul Restaurant (343 Crown St., 497-

9634): Good Korean cuisine; sushi, noodle and rice dishes. $$ Tandoor (1226 Chapel St., 776-6620): Indian food; kosher food prepared upon request; decorated with a ’50s diner motif. $$ Thai Taste (1151 Chapel St., 776-9802): A below-street-level restaurant with less greasy Thai food. $$ Thali (4 Orange St., 777-1177): Delicious Indian restaurant specializing in meat and fish dishes; high-end atmosphere. $$$ Thali Too (65 Broadway, 776-1600): Excellent South Indian vegetarian dishes and imported beers; be sure to try the four-foot long Dean’s Dosa. $-$$ Zaroka (148 York St., 776-8644): A beautiful restaurant with Indian cuisine. $$-$$$ Mexican, Spanish, and Fusion Barcelona Restaurant & Wine Bar (155 Temple St., 848-3000): Hot and cold tapas and a variety of wines in a stylish but lively setting. $$$ El Amigo Felix (8 Whalley Ave., 785-8200): Mexican cuisine and good drinks. $ Geronimo (271 Crown St., 777-7700): New Sante Fe cuisine; outdoor roof seating area and tasty sweet potato fries make it a winner. $$$ Ibiza (39 High St., 865-1933): Spanish dining; make a meal by combining some of the wide variety of sumptuous appetizers; reservations are only accepted for parties of six or more. Esquire magazine named Luis Bollo of Ibiza the best Spanish chef in America. $$$ La Cocinita (177 Park St., 772-1020): Casual atmosphere and slow service but worth the delicious Mexican fare. $-$$ Mezcal (+ 14 Mechanic St., 782-4828): A popular Mexican restaurant with a festive atmosphere, authentic food, and New Haven’s best margaritas. $$-$$$ Oaxaca (228 College St., 859-5774): Expensive Mexican restaurant with elaborate dishes and ornate décor to match. $$$ Rubamba (25 High St., 752-0517): Cheap, gourmet Latin American food for take out or sit in. Great arepas for a commencement picnic. $ Tomatillo (320 Elm St., 782-6000): Tasty taco joint offering reasonably priced burritos, tacos, quesadillas. Side of guac is generous. $ Soul de Cuba (283 Crown St., 498-2822): Cuban and diner-style fare; sleek and tasteful Latin-inspired décor. $$ Viva Zapata (161 Park St., 562-2499): Mexican food and Cajun specialties; sangria and margaritas. $ Diners, Cafés, and Brunch 168 York St. Cafe (168 York St., 7891915): Restaurant by day, gay bar by night; $7 bloody Mary and mimosa pitchers on Sundays for brunch. $$ Anchor (272 College St., 865-1512): Known for its drinks, but also has excellent lunch and dinner specials. $ Athenian Diner (+ 1426 Whalley Ave., 397-1556): Another old school Greek diner, this one a quick drive from campus. Open late. $

Atticus (1082 Chapel St., 776-4040): Great desserts, muffins, scones, and coffee; located within a bookstore. $ Bella’s (+ 896 Whalley Ave., 387-7107): Upscale diner “with a contemporary flair” serving breakfast, lunch, and brunch. Prints of famous artworks on the walls. $$ Book Trader Cafe (1140 Chapel St., 7876147): Coffee, soups, sandwiches, and baked goods. Outdoor seating is a plus in warm weather. $ Bruegger’s Bagels (1 Whitney Ave., 7733199): The New York bagel has found its way to New Haven; reliable bagels and a large selection of schmears. $ Café Romeo (534 Orange St., 865-2233): Bagels, pastries, sandwiches, and pizza at this sleek coffee shop in the pleasant, residential East Rock neighborhood. $ Educated Burgher (51 Broadway, 7779198): Breakfast, lunch, and dinner served; above-average hamburgers; cheese fries and sandwiches are recommended. $ Fuel (516 Chapel St., 772-0330): Coffee shop in Wooster Square with yummy breakfast burritos and fresh sandwiches. A pleasant walk from campus. $ Louis’ Lunch (261-263 Crown St., 5625507): This small shack-like restaurant claims to have made the first hamburger in the United States; no condiments are allowed to touch their burgers; breakfast, lunch, and dinner. $ Koffee on Audobon (104 Audobon St., 562-5454): Coffee and sandwich shop with eclectic décor and a backyard. Serves wine after 5 p.m. $ Patricia’s (18 Whalley Ave., 787-4500): A diner that only serves breakfast; dirt-cheap but delicious omelets, pancakes, and French toast dished out quickly. $ The Pantry (+ 2 Mechanic St., 787-0392) Known for its California Eggs Benedict and fluffy Belgium waffles, this hideaway is a must for brunch-lovin’ Yalies and their families. $$ Pizza Alpha Delta Pizza (371 Elm St., 7873333) A-1 Pizza (21 Broadway, 787-9054) BAR (254 Crown St., 495-8924) Clark’s Pizza (68 Whitney Ave., 7768465) Aladdin Crown Pizza (260 Crown St., 773-3772) Est-Est-Est (1176 Chapel St., 7772059) Kitchen Zinc (966 Chapel St., 772-3002): All pizzas can be served on gluten-free crust upon request! Wall Street PIzza (90 Wall St., 7769021) Modern Apizza (+ 874 State St., 7765306) Pepe’s (157 Wooster St., 865-5762) Brick Oven (122 Howe St., 777-4444) Sally’s Apizza (237 Wooster St., 6245271) The Spot (163 Wooster St., 865-7602) Yorkside Restaurant (288 York St., 7877471)

The Yale Herald (May 17, 2013)



Weekend Guide



Heed our advice, lest you not do the best things in the city where, quote, “it all happens.”

Best place to cry People always say that there are two kinds of people in the world. I want to tell them that there’s nothing stupider than a line in the sand, but I’m gonna go ahead and put this out there anyway. There are two kinds of people in the world: people who cry, and people who don’t. If you’re a crier, you know who you are. I’m a crier too. My family now just calls me “very sensitive.” In a comment on a sixth grade report card, one teacher put it this way: “emotionally very capable.” Two days ago, I sat in the back of lecture, listening to Tay’s “Holy Ground,” sobbing. What makes me a special kind of crier is that I am, according to a former friend, an emotional masochist. This means that in my free time, I sometimes force myself to watch Morgan Freeman Olympic commercials, especially the one of Nadia Comaneci getting a perfect 10. What makes you a special kind of crier? I’ve found Yale a great place to cry. I like crying in transit here—that’s always good. Twice as fun is to run into a friend while crying, because I love watching the way Yale students handle the emotions of others. Another good place for two criers to team up is a busy dining hall at 6 p.m. Sit across from each other, start talking about your feelings, make it rain. Similar is library crying, which I did so violently once freshman year while watching Brokeback Mountain in the Sillibrary that I can’t sit in that chair anymore. Also, cry in your bed with your estranged roommate in the room. Love that. Off-campus alternative: cry alone on your kitchen floor. It’s like you’re in a music video, or something. But hands down the best place to cry on this campus is in Payne Whitney. I’ve done it so much that the times blend together, but treadmill sobbing is special, and consistently great. I bet science could back that up, something to do with sweat and endorphins or whatever. I like crying on the stretching mats too. Anyway, next time you’re on the elliptical, think about love and shed a few. You’ll be better off for it. Or sit yourself on a Swiss ball and start thinking about why you came to the gym in the first place. Tears guaranteed. —Navy Encinias

Best bathroom Not too many people know about this one. It’s tucked away in the back left corner of G-heav and you have to ask to use it. It’s great. It smells good and it’s private, unless (or especially if?) Adam walks in on you like he once did to me. —Jack Schlossberg

Best commute lunch Have you noticed that Yale has a tradition fetish? There’s nothing wrong with jumping on the N-for-nostalgia train, though I can’t promise there will be fewer tears there than on Metro-North. But if you’re not a Mory’s lover (I’m more of a Miya’s gal myself), and you have a few free hours, you may need to leave New Haven to get some perspective on Yale’s obsession with things that happened here, especially the ones that continue to happen every year. Because, believe it or not, Yale’s oh-so-important rich white men didn’t start or support every important tradition. Bloodroot is a feminist vegetarian restaurant in Bridgeport just 25 miles away (40 minutes by car or three stops on the train). It was founded in the 70s by two secondwave feminists who work there still (and are besties, obv) and will happily fill you up with fibrous foods. Above all, it’s worth the commute—by which I mean both the physical travel and the emotional surrender it takes the average Yale student to leave his work and worries behind. I took a friend from Portland there this summer and he nicknamed it “Portlandia in Bridgeport, Connecticut.” The small restaurant is on a residential street that looks onto the water—a view you can enjoy from the patio/garden dining area—and it fits my friend’s designation well (and without irony). Their cookbooks for sale (one vegetarian volume, one vegan volume) include statements on gender, race, and agricultural politics. Signs at the counter ask that customers refrain from complaining about calories or weight in order to welcome women of all sizes, and proclaim that “MEN ARE ‘GUYS’/WOMEN ARE WOMEN.” (This one I didn’t see before asking the ladies there, “So! How long have you guys been open?”) Bloodroot is the best destination lunch by a large margin, but it could just as well win the Herald’s endorsement for loveliest community space, coziest feminist bookstore, and funnest activist organizing center. So head on over to celebrate familiar traditions like feminism, vegetarianism, and activism, but also be ready to break a couple Yale traditions, like complaining about freshman weight and eating 20-minute lunches in rooms full of other 20 year olds. I promise the trip’ll make you love New Haven more and desire red meat less, guys—and girls, and both, and neither. —Cindy Ok

Best thing to climb Here’s the thing about climbing in New Haven. There are lots of choices, it can be both dangerous and secret, and it can appeal to the Hardy Boy or the Lost Boy in you, depending. It’s hard to choose a best scalable object because it so depends on what you’re wearing, who’s watching, wind conditions, the time of month (ever heard of climber’s moon?), and whose line it is anyway. Speaking strictly from the perspective of an amateur alpinista, what I look for in a thing to climb is how close I get to Heaven. And because the epicenter of Heaven is located directly above Gheav1, by my calculation the highest cupola in Davenport is this Closest Thing. Here is the path to righteousness: enter entryway G, walk up the innumerable flights of stairs, make a right, fight off Aragog, take the first door on your right. From this dirty storage room hoist yourself up onto the high brick wall by stacking the broken crates you’ll find (careful—they’re broken), drag your ass up to the attic, and then slouch over to the opening of the cupola where you’ll again hoist the sorry sack of wet basmati rice you call a body between the two planks up into the 360 degrees of mullioned glass. One panel is a window. Open it. Step gingerly out onto the roof. It’s an A-frame, so don’t slip. There’s a little white fence like the one your Little Bo Peep playset had at the drop-off, but I don’t recommend testing it. Actually I don’t recommend any of this at all. In fact, I hereby explicitly prohibit such illegal activity. This was all whispered to me in a dirty dream, and I can’t tell you what happens next. But, after the unmentionables, the steam cleared and I thought—through the blinding glint reflected off of God’s gold teeth—I could see…the Apple store. Amen. —Rachel Lipstein



The Yale Herald (May 17, 2013)

Weekend Guide

Best secret The thing about secrets at Yale is that people love having them almost as much as they like telling you about them. (Certain senior year -xtr-c-rr-c-l-rs excluded.) If I had a nickel for every time someone has recommended Koffee? on Audubon to me in hushed tones, I would have way too many nickels. Same goes for Thali 1, or Wooster Square, or every single roof on campus. People here love nothing more than to feel, for just a few moments, that they discovered something first. But here’s the deal: students here are constantly discovering things before anyone else, and they’re doing it all in the biggest, most underrated secret awesome places at Yale. Those places are the libraries here, and they are literally hiding in plain sight. Everyone needs to take a break from pretending they invented pizza at the farm to remember that we all have practically 24/7 access to millions of irreplaceable treasures. Do you want to go through all of Langston Hughes’ personal photographs and papers? Go ahead! My friend Allison found an unpublished poem there last year. Want to peruse ancient tablets from Babylon? Third floor of Sterling. Want to read every edition of every book in the entire world on any topic in any language? There are actually people employed by this school who are dying to show them to you. I haven’t been to a lot of roofs on campus (I’m afraid of heights), but I have gotten lost in the stacks before, and it’s pretty awesome. To really discover the best secret at Yale, everyone just needs to nerd out a little more—it’s “secretly” kind of why we’re all here. —Justine Bunis

Best crying soundtrack While I expected senior year to be sad, I think it’s safe to say didn’t foresee the sheer amount of crying—over existential crises, frantic job applications resulting from existential crises, harsh job rejection letters, etc.—seniority brings. Sobs, man. So, I jumped at the chance to declare the five best soundtracks to cry it out to; write what you know, right? Here they are, presented in no particular order and without regard to this author’s personal experience: 1. Silence. The classic “quietly weeping into my pillow in the middle of the night because oh god I’ll be contributing to the unemployment rate next year.” 2. Whatever’s playing in Blue State. Those guys barist—“verbification,” not for those on junior varsity—like pros (which they are), which includes making Blue State’s “alternative” playlists. They’re also surprisingly tolerant of distraught students sniveling in their armchairs. 3. The Robot Unicorn Attack Theme Music. Self-explanatory (or about to be). It’s flawless. 4. Urban Outfitters Soundtrack. Indulge your deep self-loathing as only the truly hip would. Add irony, to taste. 5. Anything from Damien Rice’s oeuvre. Not recommended for beginners. To quote Nietzsche (who was, no doubt, a master weeper): “When you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back at you.” Honorable Mention: Cat Power. See: “Anything from Damien Rice’s oeuvre”

Best park Does any other park in New Haven have its own wise man? Edgewood Park’s wears spandex, and twists his long white beard in a bun under his chin to keep it from getting sweaty when he does lunges and squats by the basketball courts. Last winter, the first time I visited his verdant haunt, he pronounced something philosophical while stretching his quads, then unbunned and braided his beard. I was sold. Edgewood Park—an S-shaped stretch between Chapel Street and Whalley Avenue about a mile away from Alpha Delta—also has tree-lined trails, protected wetlands, a dog run, a skate park, a playground, a softball field, and bocce courts. I lived in Swing Space last year and never went running towards Edgewood because crossing that weird triangular wasteland between Broadway Liquor (RIP) and Amigo’s would have significantly increased my chances of getting hit by four cars at once. But now I live in the Elmhurst, thank god, and it’s pretty much just a straight shot down Elm to Edgewood Park. The people-watching is distracting salvation any time you go for a run, say, because you think it might help you vanquish your hangover. One time, a five-year-old boy with a purple backpack started running towards me, yodelling. Most times, people hanging on the street shout words of encouragement at key points in a sweaty fiasco of a run. “Yo I like your leggings!” “You go girl!” “Wahoooooooooooo!” When else in life do you get personal cheerleaders like that? Your journey, should those cheerleaders do their job, will be rewarded by the discovery of the duck pond tucked in a corner of the park. It does everything a duck pond should: reflect autumn foliage, shimmer under the first frost, shine under starlight. It also has ducks. It might just become an unexpectedly necessary component to your mental health. So because this is reading week and we at the Herald are all about Cliff Notes, let me summarize for you: Edgewood Park. Prophets, cheerleaders, and ducks. Could you ask for anything more? —Charlotte Parker

Best dog The backyard of 66 Wall St. has a wooden fence around the perimeter. Behind the fence, you can always find Maggie, rain or shine. She’s there all day every day, just sitting in the yard, watching the hustle and bustle of Wall Street. It’s like she’s waiting for you. Maggie is a very sickly dog. You can just tell. She’s obviously remarkably old, and she just sort of stares lovingly at you with these depressing eyes that look like they have all kinds of cataracts. We’d like to think she’s staring lovingly at us, anyway, but the cataracts make it hard to tell. That’s all part of the charm—does the SigEp dog have cataracts? We didn’t think so. We’re also pretty sure she has arthritis because of the slowness and apparent difficulty with which she moves. Maggie has an inherent capacity for expressiveness, so these things are just kind of obvious. If you want to take it to the next level and pet Maggie a little, you’re in luck—she’s totally down. Maggie loves to be petted. You can tell because when you pet her, she makes this kind of weird whiny high-pitched noise. Occasionally it sounds a little sad. But sometimes she’ll even lick your hand. It’s also our dream to jump over the fence and play with her. So far that hasn’t happened. Maybe someday. —Maude Tisch and Andrew Wagner

Best of luck, sobbers! And remember—we cry for catharsis! Employment be damned. —Bijan Stephen

The Yale Herald (May 17, 2013)



BULLBLOG BLACKLIST BEST OF 2012-13 Mayor DeStefano literally requested that Yale be shut down. He is literally the mayor and he literally requested that Yale be shut down.

Stop being so right.


Professors who hold class even though it’s a snow day When will we shake that off?

Feeling anxious about the Ides of March

The grading report

Grandfather in the A’s, please?

Yale Dining’s Israelthemed menu on Yom Kippur

It just feels like they missed their target audience here.

People who choose not to go to The Game because “tickets are overpriced, it’s going to be cold and no fun, and we’re definitely going to lose”


People who are self-righteous about the amount of sleep they get

People writing about “our generation”

Consider this our official invite to a mixer at 305 Crown. Guests: Herald editorial board and these 26 randomly selected Yale students.

Business Insider’s “26 most impressive Yale students”

Doesn’t matter if you get a little, doesn’t matter if you get a lot. We just don’t give a shit.

Post-midterm slump

We don’t know how to say it, so we never say it aloud. At first we felt violated. Now we’re just bored.


The Yale Herald (May 17, 2013)

No more sense of purpose. Feel like I was hit by a truck or robbed. But everything is still here, we’re still here, etc.

That point where Sour Patch Kids from the vending machine start to make your stomach hurt. We give up.

Because some actual psychopaths go here and it’s your responsibility to spot that shit in a Common App essay.

Can everyone plz take a moment to think about how real this is?

The situation is emphatically not serious enough to give the advice “you’re not alone.”

Gummy tummy Yale

The fact that 1/5000 of this campus wore a costume on Halloween day


The Complete Works of William Shakespeare

UCS newsletters

Feb Club

Cover letters

Rest assured, there’s nothing I want less than to make nothing and learn little while working for your organization this summer, but life’s a bitch and then you die.

Menstruation TA

YDN op-eds about society anxiety

For constantly moving around. For being only nominally related to February. For not being a club. But mainly for always disappointing us.

Bite me.

Pooping anxiety

“Don’t forget to network over spring break!”

Unrequited friendship


The Great New Haven Melt

Why do we still feel uncomfortable pooping anywhere but our apartment, the basement bathroom in Loria, and private bathrooms in Silliman?

We weren’t about to do it, but we were so ready to be offended by your Wonder Woman costume. Unrequited love is bad enough. Can’t I just participate? And not the turkey kind. The kind that gives you puddle foot.

Love, Mom, Dad, Jared and Austin The Yale Herald (May 17, 2013)


Congratulations, Class of 2013!


TYH Commencement 2013  

The Yale Herald: Commencement Issue, 2013

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