John Castle Portfolio Emre Koyuncu ENGL 10600 Spring 2012
I have always written essays concise and to the point. In these two essays included in the portfolio, the same style of writing is easily seen. The essay over The Grizzly Man, was written with less supporting evidence because the arguments that I made were no quotes, but observations I made during the movie. The photo essay captures my transition and change as I transitioned in the college setting. It shows how I settled into this new environment and how it became my new home. The essay title, “A Man’s New Best Friend”, was well written. However, I knew I was missing something in my launch statements. The comments made were exactly this. Two of the comments were questioning the launch statements because it was unclear whom or why the quote was being made. The other feedback given was over repetition. I tend to repeat myself sometimes, and the teacher found this. I said almost word for word what I said earlier in that same exact paragraph. The last feedback I received was two arguments in the same paragraph. I mentioned biases and argued for Timothy acting like a child. I did not think of splitting these two ideas apart until I read the feedback provided. For the second assignment, I made changes according to this feedback. I made the works cited page two pages, added the movie as a source, and added spaces between each
source. I made some punctuation corrections on page two of the essay. I deleted the quote on page two, cited (Brinks 309), and added my own words instead. On page three, I deleted the quote completely, cited (Brinks 314), because it was Timothy Treadwell’s words and not Brink’s. I deleted the two lines after the quote on page three cited with Jans 166, because it was repeating exactly what I said earlier. I started a new paragraph on page four, starting with “Many Children…” because it expresses a whole new idea. Lastly, I revised the lunch statement on page four with source (Brinks 314). The photo essay was a work in progress. I did not have a rubric to guide me, therefore I had no idea was required on each photo. The feedback I received was exactly what I expected. I was missing a title and a paragraph for each photo. The photos were not all the same size. Also, I was missing a title page and a conclusion page. The photos flowed, but I did not introduce them and conclude them as required in the rubric. For corrections, I switched the order of the photos to show the gradual transition into Purdue as my thesis is about. I added an introduction and conclusion photographs as well as justifications and paragraphs on the photos. Lastly, I added specifically what I did in Photoshop for each photo. The feedback I received on these essays was extremely informative. I learned much about the mistakes I made on the essays. I corrected them, and I believe most of the mistakes were minor, and some of them were a miscommunication of what the teacher was looking for. Now that I know what I have done wrong in these essays, I will continue to write essays keeping these mistakes in mind.