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2 Freshers’ week

Five things to do in Boro

Best of Boro



OU might think going to university is 90 per cent watching day time tele and 10 per cent going to lecturers. But if you do want to venture further afield there is much more to The Boro than meets the eye. Here’s Tside’s Top Five things to see while you’re here. The Transporter Bridge is the only one of it’s kind in England. For just 60p you can cross the Tees on a platform, and then come back. Sounds fun? Not really. But if it’s thrills you want can always bungee jump off instead. Regular jumps are held for charity. Tside are on a (some might say futile) mission to get more people at the Riverside Stadium. As a student you can get discounted tickets and help to fill one of the 25,000 empty seats each week. We could weep it’s that exciting. The North East boasts some of the most beautiful coastline in the country, and none better than our very own Redcar. Forget Blackpool Tower, the only seaside attraction worth it’s (sea) salt is the Redcar Beacon. And we’re having no-one say any different. At the beacon you can...erm... climb the beacon. Or get the lift. And then look across to the stunning cooling towers of SSI Steel. On a clear day you can even see all the way to our local rivals Sunderland. Marbella eat your

heart out. Redcar, is also home to one of Britain’s best ice cream shops Pacittos. Sample the local delicacy the lemon top. You might think Boro is an industrial wasteland, but there is beautiful countryside on our doorstep Roseberry Topping may sound like something you put on an ice-cream, but actually it’s the gateway to the North Yorkshire Moors. MIMA – The Middlesbrough Institute of Modern Art - hosts some fantastic exhibitions and had featured on Top Gear. Current exhibits include an installation by Alex Katz one of America’s most respected artists who is showcasing work from his more than 60 year career. Outside is the famous Anish Kapoor sculpture, The Bottle of Notes.

YES MAN: TSide’s new Editor Ross Peters


A NEW era has begun at your university newspaper; a fresh and

FEELING BRAVE?: Take a jump off the Transporter. EVERYDAY this week you can see a Teesside University special Come Dine With Me only on www. It will help you get over your freshers

fun dynasty of publication that I promise will keep you hooked. This is your university and this is your paper, with competitions and chances to have your say. We hope to keep you entertained throughout the year and it starts right now.

hangover and you could even learn a thing or two! Scan me with your phone!


Your Boro dictionary


YOU have now arrived in Middlesbrough, but speaking to a Teessider can be challenging.

acca (ack-a) - verb. to go crazy. ayaz (ay-az) - adj. what a Teessider shouts when they are in pain. bray (br-ay) - verb. to kick someone’s head in. chewy (chew-ee) - adj. noun. 1. be awkward with a peer 2. chewing gum. codger (cod-jer) - adj. an old person who doesn’t like students. gizzit (giz-it) - verb. translation:“give me that if you don’t mind.” haway (haw-ay) verb. 1. come on then, hurry up 2. are you sure?

Some of them are not as intellectual as you; some of them say Primark with an E; some of

hoy (hoy) - verb. to pass or throw something. janoawarramean (Ja-no-warra-mean) 1. Translation: “Do you know what I mean?” 2. a meaningless way to finish a sentence. jafta (jaft-a) - translation: “Do you have to?” ket (ket) - noun. 1. junk food and sweets, unhealthy food 2. drug. like (ly-k) - another meaningless way to finish a sentence. munter (mun-ter) adj. an ugly person. mafting (maf-ting) - adj. to describe how you are feeling.


some of them may sound like foreigners when you first arrive. But don’t be alarmed,

here are the basics to understanding your new neighbours’ common tongue.

‘n that (n-that) - another meaningless way of ending a sentence. now then (now-then) - greeting. Over the Border (o-ver-the-bor-der)noun. an area of Middlesbrough past the train station at the bottom of Albert Road. orr eeya (or-e-ya) said in frustration. owee in (ow-ee-in) verb. inviting someone into your house. proper (prop-a) - adj. a meaningless phrase used excessively. scran (scr-an) - noun. a Teesside phrase for food.

scunner (scun-ner) - adj. a person with no morals, generally regarded as a scruff. sket (sket) - noun. a person with loose sexual morals. smoggie (smog-gee) - noun. a name for a Teessider, name owed to industry in the area. sozzard (soz-ard) adj. a sarcastic apology. two dog (too-dog) noun. a cheap two litre bottle of alcohol. worritisrite (war-it-isrite) - adj. A meaningless phrase used to start a sentence, translation: “What it is right.”

C ALL me Jim Carrey from Yes Man! as I embark on the adventure of a life time and dismantle my final Freshers with one simple syllable. As I tear myself limb from limb, sinew from sinew with one utterance and scream “Yes!” into the smog filled sky. Put your best foot forward and follow me in my “Yes!” revolution this Freshers, I will be your ambassador for fun and guru for good times. Ask me anything (within reason and legal) and the answer will be “Yes!” if I can talk that is. Follow me and hang on my every word as I keep you updated day to day about my Freshers’ scars and memories, with the obvious accompanying selfies. Watch my adventures at www.


Tstudents SIDE is produced by journalism as part of our BA and MA Journalism programmes. If you or someone you know is interested in studying journalism contact course leader Bethany Usher on

Freshers’ week 3

Fab for vintage

Best of Boro

THRIFTING THROUGH: Tside checks out the threads in Vintageous

By SASHA JAMES & MEGAN FALLOWS MIDDLESBROUGH is known for its vintage labels. Baker Street has become a vintage haven, offering quirky niche fashions reflecting the town’s distinctive culture. The town has a burgeoning fashion scene, catering for the student crowd and

Our famous Parmo WELCOME, sit down, grab a plate.... Now you’re here it is tradition that you have to try the best/worst food Middlesbrough has to offer – The Parmo, - also known as the “marmite” of takeaways. The Parmo - a chicken breast covered in cheese, béchamel sauce and a choice of toppings– is Boro’s answer to the kebab for drunken end-of-night food. We think the best Parmo is at Central Park on Linthorpe Road where you can get half for £9. If you don’t want to sit in, try Europa on Borough Road, just down from the Crown. Europa was voted the best for takeout Parmo in Boro. Journo grad, Adam Hudson (left), tried to finish a four pound parmo and chips at Central Park and join their wall of fame. (The fool!) Watch his attempt using the QR code above or at

allowing them to mould their own sense of style on a budget. Attracting famous fashion faces such as Red or Dead founder and vintage lover Wayne Hemingway, MBE, Baker Street has become a must stop for fashionistas. While visiting Baker Street earlier this year, Wayne spoke to Tside about his love of recycled clothes. He said: “I think the North East has a spirit. What my wife and I noticed while

we were working here is that people are much bolder and more daring with their fashion statements. “This meant that in turn we could be more daring with our designs and the people here would embrace them, which is fantastic.” Baker Street has a number of fantastic shops including Vintageous Rags, Disgraceland, Deep and Holly’s Rack. They offer a selection of unisex clothing

Scan your phone to open up Adam’s videos!

MAN V BEAST: Journalism grad Adam Hudson aims to join Central Park’s parmo hall of fame

ition Compet

from fashion defining eras such as the ’60s and the ’80s. Wayne added: “Vintage shopping is fun, thrifty and it is, in most cases, more affordable than high street stores. “Baker Street is a very positive addition to Middlesbrough. It’s allowing the town to have its own niche and individuality.” See back page for exclusive 10% off vouchers for Vintageous Rags and Disgraceland.


WE hope you liked our front page. (we blatantly nicked this idea from The Sun). If you have a good look you can see some of the images are numbered. All you have to do to win a fantastic prize is find all five of them in the paper. Write in your answers (right) and you could win a crate of booze, of your choice, to share with your new housemates. We think you should invite us too.

1) ....................................................... 2) ....................................................... 3) ....................................................... 4) ....................................................... 5) ....................................................... Cut this out and drop it off in the Tside competition box on the fifth floor of the Middlesbrough Tower. One lucky winner will be picked out of the box.

Having a large one

4 Freshers’ week


OVE a bit of cheese? Not happy unless you’re thrashing about to metal? Can you do a pained angst better than Morrissey? Or are you the kind of gal who isn’t happy unless they’re in ten inch stilettos and pulling a footballer? Tside reporters GRAHAM CORKING and LEONIE GARLICK give you the lowdown on where you should be every night of the week.

MONDAY The Big One at Teesside University SU KAPOW!

IF cheap beer, hot pants and sweaty dance floors are your scene, then the Student Union is definitely the place for you. Mondays at the SU are a Fresher’s favourite; the drinks are dangerously cheap, the DJs bang out the latest chart tunes and the atmosphere is as warm as your parent’s living room. There’s also a pub quiz to keep you occupied until The Hub kicks off upstairs. Do not forget your Kapow! Card for cheap offers. Tickets: Fresher’s Pass- £45

Creeper at Kapow

Mix it up at mixtape

TUESDAY Mixtape at The Keys

IF you’re not bothered about being covered in other people’s sweat, shots and sick- then The Keys will make you feel right at home. It’s all about friends, fun and raw live music. In the past bands like, the 1975, Frankie and the Heartstrings, Little Comets and local lads Collectors Club have all graced the shiny little stage. Why not get down to watch some live music and have a woo-woo, or ten? Chances are, you’ll spend half your night huddled between a few dreamy-haired hipsters. Aw, special… Tickets: Free before 10pm, after 10 they are £2

WEDNESDAY “HAU5” at Empire

HAU5 prides itself on being the “biggest event in the North-East”; so you can expect a flashy atmosphere and a sea full of pretty people in pretty clothes. This is one for the party kids; think copious amounts of Vodka and beats you can feel through your whole entire body. It also gets so packed you may find yourself strangely aroused….or maybe it’s just us... Tickets: £4

Hands up for hau5

...every night THURSDAY

Freshers’ week 5

Best of Boro

Posing at creeps

Creeps at Medicine bar

THE hair gel and double denim in this place is so impressive, it’s like Robert Smith’s wet dream. Once you see past the posers and the skinny girls scouting the photographer, you’ll have a pretty good time. Tickets: £4

Flares at Flares

IF you want to listen to your dad’s music and be hit on by men old enough to be him, then Flares is for you. Thursday throws back to the ’80 and ’90 attracting a crowd ranging from students to middle-aged woman dressed as school girls (scary!). The music is naff but the drinks are cheap and as any student knows, that can make even the dodgiest place fun. Or maybe not. Tickets:FREE

FRIDAY Sumo at Empire

IN the past the likes of The Cribs, Cancer Bats and Enter Shikari have graced the stage of the biggest alt night in Teesside. Be warned though, when drunk the stairs at Empire are a maze littered with lost drunken souls. Legend has it that Chris Rea got lost there in 1987 and hasn’t been seen since… Tickets: £5

Bang Tidy at Slam

A MELTING pot of meatheads, fake tan and alcopops, it’s like a trashier version of Geordie Shore (no really). With music ranging from house to R’n’B and enough drink offers to make it almost bearable, a night at slam offers an experience worthy of an Attenborough doc. If he waa on Channel 5 and had a taste of Frosty Jacks cider. We’d pay good money for that! Tickets: £5

Take a bite out of Sumo

SATURDAY Saturgay at Blu

WITH drag queens, daiquiris and debauchery, Saturgay is the epicentre for Teesside’s gay and lesbian scene. If you’re sick of being hit on by sweaty men, fancy watching some lasses neck on or you just want to drink something which actually taste nice, then this is the night for you. Curious? Tickets: £6

Milk at Empire

THIS is THE night out in Boro. Fancy that lad from your History of Medieval Literature class? Then he’s likely to be downing Jager bombs and throwing down some shapes at the bar at Milk. This night is guaranteed fun, but destined to ruin your Sunday morning, whether on the walk of shame or trying to keep last night’s Parmo down. Tickets: £5

Camp out at blu


Freshers’ week

Your ViceChancellor welcomes you

The next two Saturday, September 28 Example at the Freshers’ Ball


ice Chancellor Graham Henderson welcomes you to Teesside University. He may be a professor and have a CBE, but you will often see him walking around campus, greeting you and asking how you are. Graham has transformed Teesside University and promises a first rate education. And our grads are the best evidence of that working for some of the biggest companies around the world. Professor Henderson said: “University level study means much more than achieving paper qualifications. “Our staff go beyond the curriculum in order to turn out students who have strong employment and life skills, and we are justifiably proud of their sensitivity to environmental and social needs. “In addition, the University recognises the increasing importance of working in ever closer partnership with employers, in all sectors, and with other college and university partners to ensure that higher education is as accessible and as relevant as possible.” Teesside has come a long way under Professor Henderson’s stewardship. The number of students has risen from 12,000 to 30,000 and in 2009 we were only named University of the Year by the Times Higher Education. Graham is also a board member of Universities UK, fighting our corner on a national level.

CHART-TOPPER Example is the headline act at this year’s Freshers’ Ball. The Londoner will perform his smash hits Changed The Way You Kissed Me and Midnight Run during an amazing hour long set. Having worked with some of the biggest acts in the UK hip-hop and dance scene, such as fellow Teesside Freshers’ act Wretch 32, Calvin Harris

and Chase & Status, Example has rapidly gained the reputation of one of the UK’s leading dance acts. He’s also a TV favourite appearing on top shows including ITV2’s Celebrity Juice and Sky Sports’ Soccer AM. And he’s even managed to pull a beauty queen marrying former Miss Australia Erin McNaught in May this year. Example, who is a massive Fulham

FC fan. is also known for his outspoken outburst, with Twitter arguements with X Factor stars Alexandra Burke and Cher Lloyd. Due to high demand to see the Brit Nominee your best chance is to buy a Freshers’ Pass. And who knows, you might even get a shout out from one of the biggest dance acts in the world right now.  Tickets for Example cost £30.

Tuesday, September 24 - Wretch 32 performing live HIP HOP artist Wretch 32 will be hitting the Freshers’ stage on Tuesday with support from girls band M.O. The Mixtape award winner will be performing his number one hits Unorthodox - which sampled the Stone Rose’s 1989 Fool’s Gold - and Don’t Go. Don’t Go entered the UK singles chart at number one and is Wretch’s most successful single to date. Fresh from a sell-out UK tour and having callaborated with with some of Britain’s

biggest artists, including Ed Sheeran and Emile Sande, Wretch 32 is rapidly becoming a don’t miss act. The London-born artist’s debut album Black and White released in 2011 had three top-five songs, amassing over one million record sales. Wretch is due to start a new UK headline tour with George the Poet, Jacob Banks and Context this October and November. In July 2012 he won Best International Act at the Black Entertainment Television Awards.

He is supported by up and coming girl’s group M.O who have garnereed wide critical and industry praise with their debut single The Boy is Tied. The girls write all their own material and have been working with Show N Prove. As soon as their debut was released stars including Ed Sheeran and Lawson tweeted praise for the track.

 Tickets for Wretch 32 and MO are available seperately for cost £10.

weeks: what’s on

Freshers’ week 7

Friday, October 4 Greg James

BBC Radio 1 DJ Greg James is set to make an eagerly anticipated return to Teesside as he takes to the decks at Dirty Disco. After a very successful set two years ago, the host of BBC Radio 1’s drive time show, will once again spin the latest chart tracks. Greg was given his break in radio by Radio 1 in 2009 when he replaced Edith Bowman on the early-afternoon show and from then he rocketed into the public eye. He has two TV show on BBC3, Unzipped - which tried to find out about the weird and wonderful people of Britain - and new celebrity chat show Staying In. Top names appearing include X Factor judge Nicole Scherzinger and Hollywood hunk Chris Hemsworth. .As with all of the Freshers’ Week events, entry is free for all students with their Freshers’ pass. Otherwise, tickets are available to the night for the price of £5 or the increased price of £6 if you arrive after midnight.

 Greg, who broke into radio after volunteering for his University station has kindly agreed to be interviewed by Tside next week. See www.tside. on Saturday, October 5.

Tuesday October 1- Campus’ comedy show IF SEEING your house mates getting absolutely mortal isn’t funny enough for you, why not hit up the Happy Campus Comedy Club and see some top stand ups. Headliners for this event include The Noise Next Door. The five piece act have come straight from a critically acclaimed show at the Edinburgh Fringe and will bring their improvisation act to the Teesside stage. Also featuring is a Mock the Week and Russell Howard’s Good News favourite Nathan Caton, who has been described as the hottest new comedian on the circuit for his brand of social and poltical comedy. Finally there is Jim Smallman, a comedian who has won international acclaim for his show at the Hollywood Fringe. He brings his naturalborn compering skills to the Hub rounding off a night that is guaranteed to be full of laughs.

 Tickets for Happy Campus Comedy Show cost £7.50

More fun: Don’t forget the other fantastic events Teesside is showcasing.

Day walker delights

FRESHERS nights catching up with you? Fear not. There is a bucketful of things to do during the day at Freshers week; none of which include Sambuca.

Freshers is all about finding your feet, discovering what you like and trying out new things; so get involved. If you fancy signing up to the footie team, mingling with the drama crew or bagging some free stuff, then head to the second floor of the student’s union between Monday and Thursday.Spend an hour browsing the stalls and finding out about

the different societies- you may surprise yourself. Friday is “Feel Good Friday” at The Hub; it’s the perfect time to recuperate after a few heavy nights. You’ll have an opportunity to take in advice about your health and how to deal with stress, and there’s heaps of free fruit and veg going free. There’s also the Super Gaming event, which will be held by the university’s reps. The second floor will be littered with TVs and consoles of all shapes and sizes; rock up and have a pla. Any money raised goes to

charity. Teesside’s taster sessions are unarguably the best thing about Freshers. Go to as many as your body will allow- you won’t be disappointed! Across the week there are taster sessions for students of any capability and any background; don’t be afraid to try something new. There’s something for everyone to try from football, cheerleading to hockey and dance to name a few. Having a laugh and getting a free work out… why not eh?

Visit for all Freshers coverage

Why not join in the 8 Freshers’ week


WHETHER you’re a budding Miss Marple or fancy yourself as a thrillseeking James Bond type, there’s

a club or society for everyone at Teesside. On Tuesday and Wednesday the Freshers’ Fair is open for you to see what the Student Union has to offer.

You can join on the Students’ Union website from Monday, September 30, but to help you decide Tside has picked it’s top ten clubs and societies – and they don’t even all involve booze!

Digital Forensics Society MAKE Marple green with envy, Sherlock wish he was Watson or Poirot perplexed by joining the Digital Forensics Society. Digital forensics is a branch of forensic science that relies on the recovery and investigation of material found on electronic devices, Teesside Digital Forensic Society supports an annual student led conference hosted at the University. For more information , contact digitalforensics@

Sky Diving Club

FANCY chucking yourself out of a plane? Us neither. But some people are into that kind of thing. If you’re a thrill-seeker why not join Sky Diving Club which offers weekend trips to Peterlee parachute

centre. Adrenalin junkies can alternatively try walking through Grove Hill with your iPhone out. (Not really...) You can find out more on Facebook or email skydiving@

Real Ale Society WE may have the reputation of drinking as much cheap booze as quickly as possible, but students can appreciate a top-quality drink. Winner of Teesside University’s Society of the Year 2012, the Real Ale Society is warm, welcoming and friendly. They meet every Thursday from 7pm at the Swatters Carr and regularly go on trips to beer festivals, ale trails and brewery tours. Dad jumpers optional. For more information, contact realale@tees-su.

Futsal Club BORO football club may be rubbish but Teesside Uni Futsal are brilliant. They’ve won the league, the cup and even attracted players from international countries such as Brazil. Futsal is different from football as it is played on a smaller indoor pitch with just five players a team. Teesside Futsal Club trains once a week and participates in national competitions. For more information, contact

Equestrian Club IF it’s good enough for royalty it’s good enough for Tside and Equestrian Club offers far more than a chance to pretend your Zara Phillips. Join others who share a passion for horseback riding and attend dressage events across the country.

Whether you have ridden for years or are just a beginner, the horse riding club accommodates all different levels with lessons on Wednesday afternoons. For more information, contact

university fun!

Freshers’ week 9

Assassin Gaming Society

IF FIRING foam darts isn’t enough for you, why not try becoming an assassin? You’ll be given a target on campus and rules about what counts as a kill (don’t take real weapons). Games are run by an umpire

which will give out details of the game type, duration and information about how to sign up. Players are encouraged to be very paranoid, as others could easily strike, and you lose. For more information, contact

Go Karting Club

Nerf Society

READY, aim fire! Preferably not at your lecturers’ heads... Nerf Guns fire foam darts which don’t hurt, unless straight into someone’s face. The first rule of Nerf club is if you do that, you’re barred. The society meets up weekly on a Saturday and anyone is welcome to join. You’re welcome to come if you’re a Nerf-gun-nut or have never touched one. Guns and foam bullets are supplied. For more information, ontact

FANCY yourself as the next Jenson Button or Lewis Hamilton? Then join Teesside University’s Go Karting Club. With events throughout the year om internationally renowned circuits it can

satisfy your need for speed. We can’t promise it will help you pull a Pussycat Doll though. For more information, contact karting@

World and Arthouse Cinema Society

HE stops. She turns. The child cries in the corner of the room. A red ball bounces three times. Have we lost our minds? No, we’ve just started watching weird foreign films. The good bit is you get to watch films for free. The bad bit is sometimes they’ll give you nightmares. Contact

Muay Thai Club WANT to be come the next Karate Kid and be able to defend yourself from muggers and pests? Muay Thai is a combat martial arts sport from Thailand that uses stand-up striking along with various clinching techniques. A skill that has been passed down for thousands of years, the Muay Thai

Club offers self-defence comptetitons and classes taught by expert, Khru Glen Hawman. Whether you are interested in getting fit, increasing your confidence or looking to compete, come along and join the Muay Thai family. For more infromation, contact

Rob’s our man on a mission

TSIDE’s own Rob Munro has foolishly agreed to take on the challenge of visiting all of these societies and clubs within the year. He was the unlucky one who was picked after volunteering against his will to do the task. We will be following his journey through each edition of Tside. Stay tuned.

10 Freshers’ week

Meet your student exec team

John Pinkney President

Hannah Graham Education Officer

THE SU are there to be your voice and support during your studies. They meet with academic staff addressing concerns, discussing assessment and ensuring everything is going to plan. There are also course and school reps to help too. A list is available at http://www.

James Carroll Welfare Officer

Elected president John Pinkney - a former student in Youth Work - is the main spokesperson of the SU. He can be contacted at Education Officer Hannah Graham runs student campaigns around issues in uni and can be contacted at Welfare Officer James Carroll works with

Jodie Bird Activities Officer

the likes of the police to improve student health. His e-mail is Student Activities Officer Jodie Bird works with all the societies to make sure they’re run properly. Her e-mail is sao@ The president and the officers can be phoned on 01642 34224.

Essential Freshers’ phonebook

WE’RE all here to work and play hard, but sometimes life doesn’t always go according to plan. Here are some essential numbers to help your time at Teesside go smoothly. By THOMAS ROBINSON FINANCE/ACCOMMODATION MONEY makes the world go round - and uni is no exception. Finance and cash flow issues can turn an amazing experience into a nightmare. If you haven’t received your loan or had your fees paid you must contact the Student Loans Company on 0845 300 50 90 for enquiries. If you’re struggling to make ends meet contact Student Financial Advice on s t u d e n t f i - If you live in Halls or a University flat and have a problem contact the Accommodation Office on or 01642 342255. If you’ve got a problem with a private landlord contact Student Services or Citizen Advice on 08444 111 444. Problems with Campus Facilities or buildings are dealt with by Estates on 01642 342041.

STUDIES/CAREERS THERE’S lots of support to help you make a success of your time here and your first step into gainful employment. First stop is The Library where you’ll find all the resources you need to get top marks. E-mail them at or call 01642 342100. The Careers Service will help with CVs, covering letters and

interview techniques on If a computer crashes or you can’t get on to emails or BlackBoard the IT helpdesk is manned until late at night depending on conditions. Contact ithelp@tees. or call 01642 342220. If you’ve a problem with anything from accommodation to childcare Student Services can help -

HEALTH/CARE SOMETIMES the best laid plans can go astray and health problems can affect your studies. Teesside Uni offers loads of help to ensure that regardless of your needs you make a success of your time here. Don’t struggle alone - there’s always someone here to help. If you feel you need additional support with your studies, contact Student Services on stu- Those with disability of any kind can contact disability@ or 01642 342277. If you’ve a health problem, contact studentwellbeing@tees. or 01642 342267. Or if you think you need to talk to someone about an issue, there are a number of trained counsellors employed by the University. For an appointment contact

To reach Careers, Couselling, Disability, Mental Health, Financial Advice, Student Services by phone, call 01642 342277

Don’t get on your housemates’ By DANIEL BARRY

FINALLY you’re off to Uni and moving away from the ‘Wrath of the Parents’. You can’t beat the freedom of moving out for the first time. However, this may not be the end of getting shouted at. At Uni you’ll be living with people you won’t even have met before. And believe us, you won’t get on with them all. There’s bound to be one housemate who is more Sheldon Cooper than Rachel Green. But the key to not chinning each other is everyone doing their bit. That means you even have to take a turn cleaning the toilet (minging). Here Tside give you our top tips on how to be a great Housemate. But if you do end up with a Housemate from Hell we’ve also given you some tips on how to swerve them both at home and once you escape their clutches at the end of the year.

Freshers’ week 11

STUDENT HOUSING: Messy student surrounded by clothes, dishes and rubbish

Top tips for happy houses

DO tidy up after yourself. The easiest way to annoy your housemates is to leave lots of dishes lying all over the place. DO have a laugh and enjoy yourself. DO host pre-drinks and flat parties. DO decorate your room; put your own stamp on it with posters and photos. DO use protection if you get lucky. DO cook house meals, like “Come Dine with Me” DO wash occasionally DO get to know people on your course too DO keep on top of the rubbish, know when bin day is. DO make homemade punches - big money saver DO have the time of your life at Teesside!

DON’T be a complete clean freak; no one likes a Nazi around the house nagging everyone 24/7. DON’T get so drunk you end up urinating in a cupboard. DON’T invite the world and his dog, not unless you want to spend the rest of the term cleaning. DON’T cover the walls in vomit, have a basin handy or run to the loo if needs must. DON’T keep them as a souvenir, they’ll stink the house out. DON’T use your housemates’ food, there’s NOTHING worse!! DON’T use all the hot water DON’T throw things out that aren’t yours. DON’T get so para that you end up going home in a St John Ambulance. nobody likes that guy.

The ultimate slip lines  YOU may not know this yet, but there is someone lurking on the campus, who at some point will hang around like a bad smell whenever you go out.  Every time you turn the corner in the HUB they will be there, with a Jack Nicholson smile spread across their face and questions literally spewing from their foaming mouth.  They may mean well, but all of that attention could lead to a Freshers’ breakdown so steer well clear with the essential slip lines.  “Sorry, me mam always told me not to talk to strangers.” This one is clean and simple and perfect to avoid a first night

disaster with a dreaded cling on.  Next one is a classic, stare straight past the person in question raise your hand in greeting and walk straight past them to the bar. It just works, and you spare their feelings.  OK, that last one was more of a slip action than a line but the next one is a doozy. “Do you smoke? NO? Oh, well I’m off for one, bye.” This way it makes them think you are looking out for their health and wellbeing. You’re such a good person.  If push comes to shove and none of the above work, then you have only one option left. Quit your course and become a recluse.

Why home birds didn’t fly the nest By MEGAN FALLOWS


I DIDN’T see any point moving 10 minutes down the road. With consistent hot meals, free heating, washed clothes and the comfort of your own bed, the perks of living at home are for some simply too good to resist. I couldn’t justify paying to live in student accommodation when the ideal course was just a bus journey away. A month or so before I started university, I was lucky enough to land my second part-time job and didn’t want to part with the financial security. Because of careful saving while living at home, I have had amazing opportunities such as travelling across the pond to Canada and spending my 20th birthday at Glastonbury festival. As well as gaining life-long memories in my time at university, I have also been able to keep in close touch and meet up with childhood friends while studying for my future career. On the other hand, I do see how moving away could hinder relationships. My long-term boyfriend and I unfortunately split after the long distance between us was breaking us apart physically and emotionally.

you’re a Fresher and living at home you might notice that life is a lot different from living in halls. While your classmates and friends are going to parties every night and being able to bring anyone back, without having to be as stealthy as a ninja; you’ll be tucked in bed with a hot chocolate. You’ll also notice that your parents are more annoying than usual, and maybe more intrusive. The constant barrage of questions about your course and if you’ve blown your loan on shots and nights out may well drive you to the point of insanity. The real pain of living at home is the early mornings. The thought of getting up at seven to get in for a 9 o’clock lecture is truly depressing.


Your classmates will be rolling out of their bed, still stinking of booze and turning up five minutes late. However, things aren’t really that bad. When your friends are bragging about their fine meal of a pot noodle and a can of lager, be sure to remind them about your home cooked meal, lovingly prepared by your chef, commonly known as your mum. And while their having to pay their rent, leaving them drinking Tesco value booze and scrounging for anything barely edible you can spend your hard earned student loan on anything you want. For three years your parents will give you a pretty sweet free ride, with all your meals cooked, cups of tea and central heating. Living at home isn’t so bad after all.


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Tside survivor 2013  

The latest edition of the Tside publication.

Tside survivor 2013  

The latest edition of the Tside publication.