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THE

LANDSCAPER

By Tabitha Grammaticus-Smythe

I am a beautiful young woman. I have a great figure, a degree in Media Studies and fantastic dress sense. There is something wrong. I should be collecting shoes. I used to dream about walking into the offices wearing a pair of Jimmy Choo Sage 100 Pumps (£550). Even though on my salary this was always a distant fantasy. The offices of Horticulture Week are just down the road. I sat in a coffee bar opposite their plush offices and confirm they all look very well healed. The offices of The Landscaper have been operating efficiently without a hint of chaos whilst our great leader has been testing Pimms at flower shows all over Europe. He calls in every now and then complaining about the pressure and to top up his expense account. I was starting to feel a smidgen of sympathy for him until a picture was posted on social media of him driving a Rolls Royce accompanied by two ladies half his age and weight. Almost half (49%) of Britons did not know what secateurs were, according to research of 2,007 UK adults by Grono. co.uk, a leading UK supplier of artificial lawns published in the Great Outdoors 98

www.landscapermagazine.com

OUR GREAT LEADER WEARING HIS JEREMY CORBYN JACKET

IQ Test. More than a third (37%) of UK adults could not identify a trowel when quizzed on common items of gardening equipment, while 42% were unable to identify a garden hoe. 44% were unsure what a propagator would be used for indicating that Britons are not growing and nurturing their own plants from seed. The research also unearthed 46% now employ a landscaper/gardener to look after their green spaces. Oh well the 46% will keep us busy. I’m off to Italy for a few days … Arrivederci. tabitha@landscapermagazine.com

THE LANDSCAPER JUNE 2017  

MARKETING MATTHEW@LANDSCAPERMAGAZINE.COM EDITORIAL DAVID@LANDSCAPERMAGAZINE.COM

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