I wrote this for the contest My Lovers Diary at Pothi.com. Written in less than a week without any planning or editing, itâ€™s raw and fresh from my heart. The contest demanded me to write the diary of an imaginary or real lover. The story is a diary written in plain English, which flows out into a sequence of incidents. It depicts how the hero falls in love and the obstacles he faces. The emotion he runs into is carefully narrated from his point of view. Will he win or lose in his battle of Love? Read to know it. The characters and the incidents in this short fiction are all imaginary.
About the author:
Shalini Samuel, South Indian writer coming from an engineering background. She has been writing poems from her school days. Her poetic pursuits took a pause during her college years. Writing journey of Shalini Samuel started again as a blogger and slowly crept into Muse India. Holding the branches firmly she ventured into poetry. Her poems got published in International journal Tajmahal review and she also contributed to Inklinks anthology. She is currently editing emagazine Fragrance and more of her poems will be published in journals in near future. Contemporarily she is venturing into fiction and essays too. She has written few poems in her mother tongue Tamil. Her passions include photography, gardening and cooking. She loves to take challenges and learn from it. She is eager to learn and cherish all nook and corner of writing.
Battle For Love June 08, 2002 For my wife, I write this living memoir. Wish to hold her in my arms and never leave her even if world falls apart. When in crowd, I wish my princess is there. I myself groom and stay fit for her. I learn well and wish to become rich and build a palace for her. I write this diary only for her, to share it with her one day. She is the one who fills my heart. When will I meet her? June 09, 2002 I saw a calm, beautiful girl. She is travelling with me in train. I wondered would she be my angel. Dressed in green with curling hair, a long earring adored her face. She isnâ€™t reading book or hearing songs but admiring beautiful nature through the window rails. She isnâ€™t alone; she is travelling with her dad and mom. From their conversation I guessed, she is from my native and they were going to Chennai for Engineering Counseling. I was so happy, I am doing my under graduate in that university. The entire night I admired my darling sleeping. I felt like kissing her rosebud lips, but that remained just a dream.
June 10, 2002 We got down from the train and our ways parted. Today is the first day of fifth semester. The first thing I did at University was I searched for my angel. I couldn’t find her, came back to class with a frowned face. My close friend and hostel mate Xavier was waiting there for me. I said to him about my sweetheart. He started mocking me. That same day I met her again at university canteen. She seemed so happy and was having coffee with her parents. Xavier was talking to her as though they were close friends. Wow! To my surprise they were cousins. She called him Xavier anna(brother in tamil), her voice so childish and musical. I wasn’t able to face her or talk to her, so I just moved away. June 11, 2002 I wasn’t able to hear Kala madam’s lecture or my friend’s funny comments about her hairstyle. My mind was pestering around SHALINI my friend’s cousin. I haven’t said to him that she was the angel, who is disturbing my mind. A cute face with bright eyes, not fat and not lean, nice flowing thick black hair plaited loosely. She is only child for her parents. All these information were given by my Xavier. Her appealing eyes seem to be frightened to see the world. She is so reserved. Honey, don’t worry, I am there for you. June 14, 2002 I tried to know about Shalini from Xavier. She has joined a reputed college in our native itself. She didn’t want to move away from her parents, she chose to be a day scholar. Since I was talking only about her Xavier found that my angel and Shalini should be same. I didn’t want to lie to him, so I obliged. He gave me a long lecture about the pros and cons of my love. I fed it into my mind but didn’t talk a word to him. He said it’s just an infatuation. I promised him, I will first finish my studies and get a good job, if still I hadn’t forgot her, I will marry her with blessings of both parents.
Jan 1, 2006
I haven’t met her or talked to her in these four years. I concentrated on my studies, my aim wasn’t to get a gold medal, but to make Shalu happy. She should be wife of a man with dignity and respect. No wonder that man should be me. I have completed Engineering with flying colours and started working in a reputed MNC. I am earning Rs.60,000 per month.. Shalu is in her final year doing her project. Sad thing she doesn’t talk to strangers and can’t meet her alone. Her parents drop her at college and she never comes out of home unnecessarily. I have never said that I love her and she doesn’t know anything about me. Another credit she doesn’t love any other man. On this New Year, I prayed God to show me a way to speak to her.
Jan 5, 2006
I am no longer a kid , I have started reasoning and I have learnt lot of lessons in life. I am worried that Shalu is from a rich family and is a single child. She might be proud and would treat me badly. I was scared of her reserved character. Is she moody? So it would be better I will try to understand her before expressing my love.
I contacted some of my friends in her college. With their help introduced her to yahoo chat rooms. She didn’t like and she decided to quit the very moment she entered it. Before that I pinged her with a hi in an anonymous name Kumar. I seemed so good for her amidst the bad world. I was so awed and nearly fainted to see such a down to earth person. Whatever questions I asked, she answered truthfully. From her name, college to her residence she said truth. Even though I knew it, I asked her “say me your real name”. She was just learning how to chat. By God’s grace, she added me as her friend.
Feb 14, 2006 How good we bonded. Was she made for me? We are chatting daily past midnight. Even if she says, she needs to sleep, I never allowed her. Her best friend is her mother. She shares everything with her. Nowadays she is sharing everything with me too. We had lot of debates, she argues well but never fails to appreciate if I said something good. She apologizes when she is wrong. She is not a reserved girl but a naughty chatter box. She is so tender hearted and very kind. We hadn’t missed a day without talking to each other. Same as my idea she too thought today is just another day in life and every day is special to express love.
May 27, 2006
After lot of persuasion she sent me her family snap, today. I was so happy to see her. In a red salwar she was smiling beautifully. She loves wearing sari and so much interested in painting her nails with matching colours. I never got chance to express my love so I still remained as her friend Kumar. She was intelligent and was of my frequency. Will she love me.
May 28, 2006 I said her that I am in love with a girl Shirley. She was so happy and asked more details about her. She treats me as a friend; she likes me but doesn’t love me. I moved our topic to love vs. arranged marriage. From her words I found she respects true love but she prefers love followed by an arranged marriage. I am happy she didn’t hate love. Today she got good score in post graduate entrance.
June 29, 2006
I wished for her birthday through phone. At last I talked to her. She was so shy to talk to me. She still treats me as a stranger. I knew her heart likes me, but she thinks loving someone is a crime. She chats for hours like grandma. She has lot of memories, lot of stories. She mostly wins all debates with me. I loved it. I tried to make her angry, but till date that wasn’t possible. Even if I scold her, she would keep quiet. But she never shouts back in anger.
July 4, 2006
She said she will join in the same college for Masters. I advised her to come out of her den and join somewhere else. She was so stubborn; she said I would like to be with my parents till I get married. I didn’t compel her thereafter. Her childhood pranks, her thoughts everything she shared. I loved her frankness. She expresses anger frankly and forgets it the next second like a child.
July 7, 2006 I feel she too loves me. She asks about my job, my life and helps me relieve my stress in work. Had your dinner? How are you? How is your family? How was the day? Shall I help you? Every word soothed my heart. She was preparing herself to join college. Today I saw myself in the mirror. I have grown up with an athletic physic. The happiness and care given by her have given a glow on my face. Even my friends had sensed the change in me. I have become kind and caring with friends and family. I am no longer a rough man. I am a handsome young kind man because of her. She has shaped this rock into a beautiful sculpture.
Dec 25,2006 Our chat time has come down. She was busy in studies and I in work. But still I used to find time to talk to her. She was my happiness, how can I leave her. Today she said a lot about her Christmas celebrations. Once upon a time I thought her friends would be from aristocratic family but I was wrong. She loves to be part of the poor. She is happy to eat, laugh and cry with them. She treats them as her own family.
Feb 15, 2007
I am going to America. I didnâ€™t want to see her upset so I slowly reduced our chats. I tried to make her hate me, but she never did that. I am leaving today. I hope she will miss me, but she will forget this Kumar soon.
Mar 14, 2007
I was wondering what Shalu is doing. Hectic work and I am working overnight. I had family responsibilities, my sister’s education, her marriage and my brother’s future. I am the elder most and I should take care of them. I knew Shalu wouldn’t like me if I am irresponsible. I called Xavier and in the meantime our friendship has become deep. We talked about our friends, family and lot more. I felt light hearted. I tried to contact Shalu but she wasn’t using her old mail id.
August 17, 2007
Except Xavier, no one knew I love her. Meanwhile I met many girls and no one disturbed me. They thought I am a saint. I tried to call her, she attended the phone but hearing my voice, she didn’t speak much. July 18, 2008
She has completed her masters. I know she won’t go for job. She wasn’t interested in it and she dreamt to be a housewife. She is a homely girl. Now that’s what scared me. What if she decides to marry someone of her parent’s wish? But my inner voice said she is for you.
Today I called Xavier to wish a happy Xmas, but he gave me shock. My sweetheart’s marriage is finalised. I was embarrassed and I didn’t know what to do. What can I do, felt helpless and desolate. My fear has come true. Everything is lost.
Dec 25, 2008
I didn’t goto church nor attend any phone calls.
Dec 26, 2008
Is this true? I can’t believe myself. Xavier said her marriage has been cancelled and her family is upset. I was happy, she is still mine. But I was worried she will be broken. I wished to meet her that very second and console her. Xavier asked me why don’t you marry her? I said to him I have lot of commitments, so I can’t marry her now. Xavier said he will talk to her parents. I denied, they are worried, let them get out of this pain; talk to them later.
Jan 1 2009
I had to go onsite for a project. Shalu wasn’t weak as I thought. My princess was so strong and she has decided not to talk of marriage for few months. I am happy now.
I am in Canada, will be here for nine more months. Shalu had opened a Facebook account. Today I tried to sneak peek into her profile. Nothing was in her profile, but I felt I was close to her. February 10,2009 She started to divert her sorrow and concentrated on blogging. She started writing for fun to drain out her sorrows. Today I read all her blog posts, it was really good. I thought where she was hiding this talent. She is a charming poetess.
April 25, 2009
Xavier said he will talk to my parents and Shalu’s parents regarding our marriage. He promised he will not reveal my love.
May 10, 2009
Xavier is my demi-god. He arranged everything very perfectly. With parents’ permission, I talked to her. I said I love her a lot and promised to be with her for my entire life.
Everything was going fine until my company fired me as they were in loss. I am scared how will I manage the financial loss. And my dad got sick all of a sudden and I had to spent all my savings for medical expenses. Within a week everything turned topsy-turvy.
I haven’t called Shalini. I don’t want her to suffer cause of me. Decided to move away from her. Xavier said Shalini’s dad would help me. But I refused. I got another job. I moved away from my native. Was she the reason behind confusions in my life?
She is a disturbance. I hate her. She is proud and egoistic. I said to everyone who asked about Shalini. Days are rolling fast; none other filled the space created by her. June 29,2010
She would have got married. Today her thoughts are convicting me.
Dec 23, 2010
Going back to native after almost a year. My mom wants me to get married, but I didn’t have courage to hurt my soul. I know my soul likes and loves Shalini.
Dec 25, 2010
Xavier came home. He asked me why don’t you get married? I didn’t answer anything. He replied Shalu too replies with silence. What! I exclaimed, my heart pumped in joy. Xavier smiled back and said yes she loves you. I didn’t have any words to say. Is she waiting for me? That gave me lion’s strength.
Jan 1, 2011
My New year resolution was to work hard, earn well. Built a home for my angel, finish all my commitments and spent rest of my life with her.
Dec 28, 2012
It took me two years to settle. She had suffered a lot cause of me. She still loves me. What more I need in this life more than her love. I feel blessed and contented. Today we got married. For the first time I touched her hand. She was damn beautiful in her wedding attire. She stood near me as my better half. I felt I was in heaven. Praying for a blessed married life, I am winding up my diary.
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