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Golden Walkman Magazine Acceptance Workshop Example The reason why we were drawn to “******” was the movement of the story told within the poem and the variation in voice. It stood out from “*****” and “******” because each line added something essential to the overall story – whether the meaning was understood immediately or not, it all paid off in the end. “Variation in voice” could easily be “variation in language” or “variation in sentence structure.” At times in this poem, you have incredibly long sentences and then incredibly short sentences. The juxtaposition of these types of sentences gives the poem a flowing quality that seems to be missing in your other two poems – it makes you want to keep reading. The reason why we are suggesting you remove the second to last stanza beginning with “* ***** *** ****…” is it puts the brakes on the momentum you are building throughout the rest of the poem. It also feels like unnecessary backstory to the narrative at hand – we don’t need to know that the father wasn’t arrested or that the neighbor was a sheriff or what other antics this man found himself in. The impact comes at the last stanza where we get confirmation that the speaker does not understand the gravity of the situation at hand. We hope you will consider the editorial change, because we would love to feature this work in our magazine. Decline Workshop Example Thank you for submitting, "*********," to our Submittable page! Your story has a lot of potential, and it shows through in your first paragraph. It is short, to the point, and funny. We, as readers, know what kind of person ******** is and how he deals with people, which draws us in right away. Yet, by the end of the piece, we don't really know what upset him and why, and we feel that that should be explained in some way. It can work into ******** as a person, which is where you could have fun coming up with a ridiculous reason for his anger. Finally, the ending, where ********, at 60, is living with his mother who scolds him is downright witty and a perfect ending in general. We just need to see a little more. Maybe she could say something at the very end that is poignant and funny, or ********** could do one more self-destructive action to bring the story full circle. Again, have fun with it! Overall, with a little more tweaking, we think this story is deserving of publication, and would love to see the revised piece.

Golden Walkman Magazine - Workshop Examples  
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