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Talking to Your kids about porn

Body

Beautiful

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The Wedding

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Wise feAtured Artist

OVerCOMe BY HIS PreSeNCe BY SANDrA GITTLeMAN

Sandra's paintings are timeless reflections of nature and people. They reflect integrity of developed skill and inspired thoughtful messages. Many of her works are in private collections across the country. Sandra's number one fan and best friend is her husband, Stuart. Visit her website www. sandragittleman.com. This painting can not be reproduced with permission.

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features

2011 April - June Issue

13 16 20 26 30 32

Wise Feature///

How To Talk To Your Man By Pastor Michael A. Stevens Wise Feature ///

Wise Men Awards By Rhonda Mouton Wise Feature ///

Sprite Step-Off By Celeste M. Hart

Wise Cooking ///

6 Ways To Incorporate the Potato By Gooseberry Patch

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Wise Style ///

Your Perfect Dress By Rhonda Mouton Wise Feature ///

Planning The Treasured Wedding Cake By Tracey Alston

34 38 40

Self Help ///

Manhoodliness By R.O’Neal Milton Leading In Excellence ///

The Cost To Be The Boss By Loretta Petit

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Wise Feature ///

The Moment You Say "I DO" By Dr. Dar

on the cover

42

Talking to Your Kids about Porn By Marina Robinson

in every issue 7 8 10 4

Letter From The President Wise Read The Groove

22 24 50

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Wise Money Wise Living Wise Poetry

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CONTRIBUTING WRITERS JAMES B. HUSTON, VICKIE HUTCHINS, JOANN MARTIN, PASTOR MICHAEL STEVENS, TRACEY ALSTON, BETH SHAW, JUSTIN KRANE, DR. DAR, MARINA ROBINSON, SHARON RITCHER, LEVYA BRAMAN,

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JOURNALISTS • Wo r k f r o m h o m e • L i m i t e d o r n ew l y w r i t i n g a n d p u b l i c a t i o n ex p e r i e n c e

TONI LOVE, AND ROBERT JACKSON.

MARKETING REPRESENTATIVES

WISE TEAM

• Wo r k f r o m h o m e / s o m e t r ave l • Commission • M u s t h ave ex p e r i e n c e a n d r e f e r e n c e s

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Founder & Editorial Director | Rhonda Mo u t o n Intercessor | Monica L. San d e r s Legal Advisor | Judge Erania Ebron-Ma r t i n South Region Sales | Daria Mou t o n

ART DESIGN & PHOTOGRAP H Y - - - - - - - - - - ----------------------------------------------------- - - - Graphic Artist | Jennifer R. Ma r t i n Photo Editor | Aja G r a n t Photo Editor | Louis Fra n c i s

EDITO R S - - - - - - - - - - ----------------------------------------------------- - - - Assistant Editor | Mrs. Rosalie Spa n i e l Assistant Editor | Alenya Mou t o n Editorial Assistant | Celeste H a r t

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To subscribe or purchase issues of WISE Magazine, call 866.996.8181 or visit us online at: www.wisemagazine.org.

We would love to hear from you. Please send your comments or letters via email to info@wisemagazine.org or WISE Magazine P.O. Box 681614 Charlotte, NC 28216.

CREDITS Photos provided by Jhamerria Images and Picturethis504 DISCLAIMER WISE Magazine is published quarterly: Jan/March, April/June, J u l y / Sept and Oct/Dec by Wisdom Enterprise, LLC. U.S. subscriptio n

COLUMNI S T S - - - - - - - - - - ----------------------------------------------------- - - - Self-Help | Ryan Mi l t o n Leading in Spiritual Excellence | Loretta P e t i t The Groove | Janelle Plum m e r U n d e r standing Your Money | Henderson Financial G r o u p

is $12.97 for 4 issues. International Subscriptions: $25 for 4 issues. Send address changes to WISE Magazine P.O. Box 6816 1 4 Charlotte, NC 28216. All rights and prints are reserved for Wisd o m Enterprise, LLC. Reproduction without permission is prohibited . A request must be submitted to reproduce material contained in WISE. We use reasonable efforts to ensure all information is accurate and correct at all times. Wisdom Enterprise does not endorse, assume any responsibility or liability for the accuracy of information or advertising. Either WISE Magazine, Wisdom Enterprise, LLC nor any other party is involved in creating, producing, or delivering this product. WISE or Wisdom Enterprise, LLC is not liable for any direct, incidental, consequential, indirect, or punitive damages, arising out of access or use of the publication and website.

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seduced by busyness

Letter from the president

Spring is the season between Winter and Summer during which the weather becomes warmer and plants revive. Spring is a time of growth and renewal (FreeDictonary.com). I love to drive in the Spring time because I see the most beautiful flowers and trees. It always reminds me of how great our Almighty God truly is. It is very disturbing that many people don’t take the time to enjoy the transformation of Spring and all its beauty because they have been seduced by busyness. Keeping busy does not always mean being productive. Many people who are always busy aren’t accomplishing as much as it appears. Their busyness is just a way to waste time or an illusion that they have made an accomplishment. Being busy is pointless if no one benefits or there are no positive results. Being busy distracts us from concentrating on what is most important. In Luke 10:38-41, Jesus visits Mary and Martha’s home. Martha was working around the house while Mary was sitting at Jesus’ feet. Martha grew upset because Mary was not helping so she asked Jesus to tell her to help and He replied, “you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better and it will not be taken away from her (Life Application Bible).” Have we forgotten what is important because we are so busy throughout the day? This issue is dedicated to better decision making. The right decisions are made when we learn what is best for our lives. And making self evaluations is vital in recognizing what is best for our lives. Are the things keeping us busy adding to or subtracting from our lives? Take time to evaluate your busyness. Are you keeping busy because you really have nothing to do if you slow down? Are you hiding from yourself and the reality of life? Are you busy because you do not want to be bothered? These are just a few questions to start the self evaluation process. We are living in a society where we have been seduced by busyness. Busyness has lured us with its attractive distraction to think this is the norm. If we are not busy, we tend to believe we are not living a productive life. But busyness can lure us away from those things and people sent to help us live productive lives. In the story of Martha and Mary, Mary knew she was sitting in the presence of the Most High God. Mary was not concerned about the house being clean, cooking food or dusting because Mary knew it was more important to sit at the feet of God. Have you missed the opportunity to sit at the feet of the creator because you have been too busy? No longer can busyness seduce us with its false rewards. Diminish the busyness in your life and spring up true fulfillment.

It is time to Spring forth,

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WISE READS Read This Book

Unveiling Weddings

About the Book

Una deuda hipotecaria que está atrasada en sus pagos es algo que afecta a más de una persona. Es algo que afecta a su familia entera. Cada año un millón de familias pierden sus casas porque no hicieron nada. Llámenos hoy para saber como podemos ayudarle. Porque no hay nada peor que no hacer nada.

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If you are looking for the perfect bridal gift, or a treat for yourself, “Unveiling Weddings” is it. It’s your girlfriends’ guide that supports the bride from “Yes” to “I Do!” The book will entertain you with stories and insight into the emotional hurdles and family dramas that are often hidden from the public eye. Although Unveiling Weddings is written in a fun and sassy manner, don’t be fooled. The words can be lifechanging. These two seasoned psychotherapists understand that a wedding is a rare opportunity to get the most out of your life and your engagement. Whether it is staying connected to your fiancé, negotiating dessert choices with your mom, or pulling off the wedding day of your dreams, “Unveiling Weddings” will guide you through it. While the authors invite the reader to do everything from finding her inner Bridal Buddha to dealing with rude and ridiculous members of the bridal party, the bridal tell-all stories will make you laugh, cry and feel at ease. Sit back and enjoy! Please feel free to learn more at www.unveilingweddings.com.

Read This Book

In Pursuit of Freedom and Justice— the Dimitrios Kakavitas story By CeLeSTe M. HArT

About the Book A familiar story, freedom, justice, for Blacks across America, affected Dimitrios ‘Dimi’ Kakavitas, a Greek immigrant, who says he was falsely accused and imprisoned in North Carolina federal facility for over two years. While incarcerated, Dimi recorded his feelings, thoughts and observations that were all published recently, In Pursuit of Freedom and Justice.

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WISE READS Continued.... Originally written in Dimi’s native language, the author appeals to politicians to revise all judicial decisions that resolve around petty offenses, false accusations and severe sentences. Dimi, at 15, and family members relocated from a small farm town in Greece to Charlotte in 1967 in hopes of a better life and to ‘make a dollar.’ “How could I know in those days how much pain and suffering this dollar would cause? I hadn’t heard the Greek song lyrics of Stelios Kazantzidis, of the ten men who migrate, only one of them succeeds and the others get lost,” said Dimi. Dimi succeeded in the restaurant business only to have everything taken away from him through a false racketeering conviction. He said jealous Greeks called police with false claims of illegal drug and liquor sales. “The FBI comes like cancer, sneaky. They tore me down, got me so tired during investigation that lasted 10 months. I felt like I was dead but could hear and see. My family, true friends, dollars and my character were stripped from me. I couldn’t believe this was happening to me. They destroyed my life,” said Dimi. A book chapter, My Suffering in Prison, tells of the abuse, disrespect, other inmate’s stories of imprisonment and the felon label. “Those first months I suffered greatly. The entire ordeal was so degrading that I sometimes went to the bathroom and cried. everything in prison is phony. It’s all big business. There’s no compassion or logic. How could I have sunk so low?” said Dimi. Dimi said there is an alarming abundance of African Americans in the prison system with harsh sentences. “All the young black men in prison is disgusting. The best ones and they don’t know how to do better. Well, it’s all a conspiracy.” Without holding a grudge against America, Dimi continually gives back to the community. “I take the good things, except the criminal system. I support

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felons because they need help and I understand, now.” Dimi, owner of Skyland Family restaurant on South Blvd, hires freshly released felons like Shawn Beard who says Dimi has a golden heart. “I owe my life to that man [Dimi],” said Beard. “I committed the crime they said I did [drugs] but I didn’t deserve such a long sentence.” At Christmas, Dimi hosts a community family party where Santa arrives in a helicopter and at Thanksgiving he distributes turkeys. “I’m coming back from the darkness through God’s grace, hard work and the support of people,” said Dimi. April - june 2011 / wisemagazine.org

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By James B. Huston

creaTing a PosiTive adolescenT aTTiTude It is apparent children are reaching puberty very early these days, even ten and younger. There are several factors as to why this is occurring, and whatever the reason, the youth of our society are transforming into young women and men before parents have a chance to prepare for these inevitable changes. What helpful words do parents say to a child that is hurdling puberty sooner than later to endure this sensitive time of transition? The message we must convey to our children is “The body is beautiful!” The body is a temple and it is beautiful at every stage of our development. The key is to teach our children to honor and respect their beautiful bodies especially during the multi-layered changes that occur during puberty. I was able to get an advance glimpse at my own daughter’s upcoming transformation. She was nine and I was her volunteer soccer coach for the new season. I had coached the two seasons prior, and felt well versed in keeping the team of nine year old girls ready for games each weekend. The league, however, talked me into also coaching the 11 year old girls’ team because they were short

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coaches. I thought to myself, ‘no problem, I’ll just apply my nine year old coaching drills to these eleven year old girls since they are only a bit older. On the first day of coaching my new team, I got to the park early to get set up for a quick team meeting and practice. I was armed with a few notes and my time tested little girl practice strategy in mind. The first girl and her mom showed up and I could not believe my eyes. She was a huge athlete almost 5’-10 tall or taller. I calmly made our introductions, but inside I was shaking in my soccer cleats. How was I going to keep these full size people occupied during practice? The mothers and their big young ladies continued to show up. Not all of the girls were as large as the first, but many were going into puberty full steam ahead. We had our quick meeting and the mothers wished me luck. The first thing I had to do was double the field size. I also sent the girls on a long jog to buy some time for practice replanning. I was able to adapt the practice regiment with only a few of those stupid comments from my new team of full size gorilla’s and expert coach critics.

After getting that jump start into the land of the giants, I went home and reflected on how beautiful it is for children to make

the transformation into more mature humans. It’s really a totally unique ‘one time’ experience that happens so fast in all of our lives. I talked to my younger daughters and told them once again how our bodies are just so beautiful and amazing. And soon yours will get


even bigger and faster and be even more beautiful! I told them I hope they can love their bodies as much as I love their bodies because they are totally awesome! The good news is you get to keep growing & growing and you get even more awesome! The goal to good parenting, I think, is to consider ourselves as the key builder of our child’s selfesteem. When they have a strong sense of self, they can overcome any obstacle that life lays out. Having a child go through puberty is probably the biggest change of circumstances they will ever face because it is their own body and mind changing from the inside out. But if their self-esteem is strong, this will help them also make the change and build up their selfimage even better than before. So, for those parents with children making the change here are the top four things to consider:

1. Overwhelm your child with positive reinforcement every day and in every way you possibly can.

2. Avoid using the words “stop, quit & don’t” with your child. These are four letter words that extinguish a child’s self-esteem. Allow and encourage your child to experience as much as they can and use patience when swaying their curiosity from something that may be dangerous instead take a moment to explain why something could be harmful.

3. exercise patience with children. They are beautiful

flowers that are growing and learning every second of the day. They have supercomputer minds that comprehend more than we sometimes consider

4. encourage conversation about their developmental changes during puberty in adult terms and reinforce the confidence you have in your children. Tell your children how brilliant their minds are and this will intuitively help them to understand their feelings.

Want to get a little more

?

We as parents must keep in mind and practice being extraordinary role models and approachable teachers to our children. Through positive role modeling and encouraging positive experiences, children learn to adapt to new and exciting experiences and to feel great about themselves regardless of individual circumstances. A shield of pride and a great level of self-worth will protect the lovely temple God provided for them. Negative words and actions act as holes punched in the shield and leave them more vulnerable to absorbing bad things that need to be rejected. Let’s assist our lovely children create the wonderful life they deserve. James Huston is President/ Founder of Homiedre! Corporation. Homiedre! Corp. builds morals, values & ethics through Love, Friendship & Imagination using new media & creative children’s products. Visit the website www.homiedre.com.

Subscribe Today! WisemAGAZine.orG

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How to Talk To Your Man and Get Exactly What You Want Every time!

By Pastor Michael A. Stevens, Senior Pastor University City Church

Steve Harvey’s book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man received rave reviews from the general public. I honestly admit I haven’t reached on the shelf to pick up the book, much less read. The theory and marketing angle Harvey has taken is catchy; however, many woman of color just doesn’t get it—they don’t understand the dynamics of talking effectively to their man! Unfortunately, the days of Sanford and Son’s Aunt Esther and Uncle Woodrow are painfully perpetual and ongoing in the African-American community yielding very little effectiveness and accomplished objectives of the woman with her man. A couple of years ago, I researched the number of eligible marriageable African-American men. Here’s what I found…

According to the U.S. Census Bureau: • There are over 10.8 million African-American men who are 18 years of age or older compared to 13.5 million African-American women 18 years of age or older; • After you subtract the 5.1 million African-American men and women who are married, and deduct the 800,000 African-American men in prison and jails; • Then, minus the estimated 1,000,000 AfricanAmerican men who are either openly homosexual or closeted and on the downlow, that leaves you now with 3.9 million marriageable African-American men. • Finally, the last reduction—over 300,000 AfricanAmerican men married women of another color… the grand total of 3.6 million marriageable AfricanAmerican men in America. Continued.... April - june 2011 / wisemagazine.org

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How to talk to your man Continued.... • There are 8.1 million African-American women in America who would like to someday get married, have children and live happily ever after. Unfortunately, there is a shortage of 4.5 million African-American marriageable men in America today. With these daunting statistics, it becomes even more essential and important that women of color know exactly how to talk their man. I’ve been married for almost 20 years to the same woman who reminds me of my sub-par listening skills, she calls selective hearing! Could it just possibly be she too, carries a huge responsibility in how she talks and communicates with me as a woman? The Bible says in I Corinthians 2:11, “For who among men knows the concerns of a man except the spirit of the man that is in him?” Wives, fiancés and girlfriends, here are 4 proven principles on how to effectively talk to your man:

1. Talk with him, not at him. The biggest culprit on dialogue between a man and woman is talking at each other and not with each other. When tension rises and emotions flare, people lose sight of the objective at hand.

2. Learn the everlasting and eternal value of a soft and pleasant response. The Bible states in Proverbs 15:1, “A gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath”. Most men are logical, rational beings that love to talk and will express themselves fully if given an opportunity (…just listen to sports talk radio). Unfortunately, most women will never know the true sentiments of his heart because of unnecessary emotions, anger and overreaction. Learn how to separate emotions from objectives are intended.

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3. Just the highlights… details are not always necessary! ESPN and ESPN News understand this! Most men can only handle small bits of information at a time! The average attention span of a man is half of a woman. Though women are more detail-oriented and yes, there are times when the details are necessary… try sticking to the highlights from time to time. As we say at the University City Church from time to time, keep the main thing… the main thing!

4. Timing is still everything. Most men don’t like being bombarded right after walking in from work, nor do they particularly care to talk bills, budgets and nail color selections during a football or basketball game. Time is the new currency of our generation… you won’t be able to find the time—you’ll have to make the time. Long walks in the afternoon and coffee breaks at the local Starbucks are always welcoming and enjoyable by most men. Remember, most men love talking—talking about any and everything under the sun. You just have to know the how’s and when’s to get him to open up and express himself with you!

Michael A. Stevens, Sr. is the senior pastor of University City Church of God in Christ in Charlotte, NC. He is also the author of the newly released No More Excuses: Creating A Culture in the Church That Reaches African American Men (Charisma House). He is married to his lovely wife, Sharon and they are the very proud parents of three—Michael Jr., Matthew Courtlin, and Charisma Lindsey.


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MEn AWArDS WISE Magazine had the privilege of hosting its ďŹ rst Men In Spiritual Excellence Contest. With over 100 entries the voters have spoken. We would like to thank all of the contestants. Their are many WISE Men in the world and we are excited to highlight a few men walking in spiritual excellence. congratulations to our winners!

MArVIN rICHArDSON Minister Marvin richardson is a man after God's own heart. He is a servant, teacher; leader, worshiper; actor and a poet just to name a few. But most important he is a born again believer in Christ. Involved in mentoring youth boys and men through his organization W.e.A.L.T.H (We evolve Around Life Through Him) an organization encouraging, empowering and teaching males to seek restoration and healing through the Gospel of Jesus Christ. A licensed minister and a member of Greater Faith Temple Ministries (GFT) of Charlotte, North Carolina, Pastor Apostle Lonnie J. Hall. Marvin is the moderator and director of the GFT men's ministry in his church and enjoys playing basketball and video games with the youth to build-up relationships and never passing up an opportunity to share the word of God with boys and men. He is also a Sunday school and Bible Study teacher and presiding minister during Sunday morning services. Minister Marvin is a believer of being a doer of the word and not just a hearer. As an intercessor and prayer warrior he has the heart to help and serve in his church, family and community. He is a unique visionary who exceeds beyond his years in his teaching and preaching. Known as a modern day "Aaron of the bible" Aaron gained a name for eloquent and persuasive speech, so that when the time came for the demand upon the Pharaoh to release Israel from captivity, Aaron became his brother’s spokesman, to his own people. Originally from the raleigh, NC area, Minister Marvin has made the Queen City his home with his wife Minister Zohnia richardson. With his unique speaking style through his sermons and teaching, Minister Marvin is able to reach all ages from the youngest to the oldest breaking racial barriers in his ministry. His insights are refreshing and inspiring commentary, allowing the message to touch the hearts of people. Minister Marvin is a man who is walking in spiritual excellence because he has allowed God to order his steps.

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congratUlations to this year's wise man awarD winners!

A TrUe SAINT OF

New Orleans

Kerry Parker is a graduate of Grambling State University and former professional football player who played seven seasons with the Oakland raiders, Buffalo Bills and Kansas City Chiefs, as well as stints in Canadian Football League with the Toronto Argonauts. Always drawn to the kitchen, in 1985, Parker returned to school enrolling in New Orleans's Delgado College culinary arts program. With his newly earned degree, he spent his football off-season working as a cook at the Hotel Merdian in New Orleans. Kerry Parker is a native of New Orleans, Louisiana.

In 1987, Parker said goodbye gridiron life and hello to his new cast-iron one, when he opened his Warehouse District restaurant; Parker's. With Parker's great, great, grandfather being the in-house chef at New Orleans old Touro Hospital, the culinary gene is well established in the Parker family. "My mother inspired me. She gave me the chance to mess up in the kitchen. I would sit and watch her and my grandmother preparing Cajun and Creole dishes. That was before it was called Louisiana cooking. As important as his families' culinary legacy is, giving back to New Orleans community he was raised in also drives Parker. When he opened his restaurant, he just didn't the want the food to stand out, he wanted his cooks too as well. So, the men and women working behind the line at Parker's were all formerly unemployed or homeless - specially trained by Kerry Parker for their role in the restaurant. Although his well-intentioned restaurant had a dedicated following, the reality of running a profitable restaurant set in, and he closed shop in 1993. Today, Kerry Parker is still a man on a culinary mission. He volunteers his time to many health challenged clients as a Private Chef, where he is part of community relations efforts to bring healthier diets options to New Orleans, low-income residents. And he often lends his culinary talents to local church and school fundraising efforts. Kerry hosts a Jr Chef Culinary class, a Food and Health Fitness Camp and Fitness-Sportswear Underalls/pants. Kerry has developed a spice line of low sodium Cajun/Creole and Italian seasonings; Kerry Parker is also working with a local -based production company on a culinary internet series which will highlight what Mr. Parker calls "Good Times In Louisiana‌.food, fitness, faith and football." Parker sees a lot of similarities between football and cooking: "People are always coming and going: players and cooks always seem to be moving around. And consistency in cooking is always important, and compares to an athlete's performance." Kerry also has a fitness camp: http://www.kerryparker.webs.com/ Mr. Parker is a Hurricane Katrina Survivor and he just wrapped up a project with Diana Scheunemann Photography titled www.drivebyshoot.com.

KerrY PArKer Today, Kerry Parker is still a man on a culinary mission. He volunteers his time to many health challenged clients as a Private Chef, where he is part of community relations efforts to bring healthier diets options to New Orleans, low-income residents.

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MEn AWArDS eLDer Dr. MICHAeL A. BASTON, J.D., D.D. PASTOr OF ST. LUKe CATHeDrAL As a child of God, a preacher of the gospel of Jesus Christ, an educator, attorney, corporate executive, and loving husband elder Dr. Michael Anthony Baston is a man who lives his convictions and beliefs by integrating them throughout the spiritual, intellectual and emotional dimensions of his life. Dr. Baston is the Pastor of the St. Luke Cathedral in Laurelton, New York shepherding one of southeastern Queens fastest growing and most progressive churches. St. Luke is noted for its connection to the community with innovative programs and services. Dr. Baston is also the Acting Vice President for Student Affairs at LaGuardia Community College, one of the most diverse community colleges in the country, with more than 50,000 students hailing from over 164 different countries and speaking over 120 different languages. Dr. Baston is responsible for managing an extensive student services portfolio and is the Board Chair of the LaGuardia College Association, Inc.; Vice Chair of the LaGuardia Childcare Corporation; and Secretary of LaGuardia Auxiliary enterprises. Prior to LaGuardia Dr. Baston served in various capacities in higher education including college legal counsel, adjunct faculty member and dean of students. He is a graduate of both Brooklyn Law School where he earned his Juris Doctor degree and Iona College where he earned a Bachelor of Arts in Political Science. Dr. Baston attended New York Theological Seminary in Morningside Heights, New York and received a doctorate of divinity from National Theological Seminary, Bethesda. Maryland.

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Dr. Baston’s favorite scripture and living testimony is Matthew 5:16: “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.”

The husband of the love of his life, minister, gospel music vocalist and St. Luke’s Leading Lady, elder Tasha Sharron Baston, Dr. Baston has received many awards and honors and is a member of a host of religious, educational, legal and social action organizations. Dr. Baston’s favorite scripture and living testimony is Matthew 5:16: “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.”

do You knoW soMEonE WHo is WisE Man MaTErial?

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If you know an inspiring man who is changing lives we want to hear about it! Email us at info@wisemagazine.org

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congratUlations to this year's wise man awarD winners!

DISTrICT OVerSeer BILLY JOe GOre, Sr. District Overseer Billy Joe Gore was educated through the Horry County School System, in Loris, SC, where he was very athletic. He played on the football team throughout his high school years. After graduation Gore went away to serve his country in the United States Army where he received his Construction engineering License. Overseer Gore received an Honorary Doctor of Pastoral Ministry from C.e. Graham Baptist Bible Seminary, Columbia, SC. Overseer Gore is married to his partner in the ministry, Co-Pastor Annette C. Gore and to this blended family there are 4 sons, 4 daughters, 10 grandchildren and 3 great grandchildren. He is licensed through the State of NC as a Foster Parent. Overseer Gore began his Ministry in 1989 where he was then called to Pastor Mallard Creek Baptist Church. Overseer Gore joined into the Full Gospel Baptist Church Fellowship International in 1994. In 1996 he changed the name of the Church he was Pastoring to Mallard Creek Full Gospel Baptist Church. Since then he has changed the name again so everyone can come and just worship in a family atmosphere. He is now the Pastor of Mallard Creek Full Gospel Worship Center. Mallard Creek Full Gospel Worship Center is now a Multi Cultural Congregation.

Overseer Gore was installed as the District Overseer of the Full Gospel Baptist Church Fellowship International on May 18, 2001. He serves as the District Overseer of the FGBCF of NC South West District, where he is overseeing several different churches. His motto is “Doing A New Thing”, and his goal is to Build Up God’s Kingdom. Gore is a mentor for young people and has a passion to see them excel. Overseer Gore is the Founder and CeO of G.O.r.e. Community Development Corporation, Inc. He has many subsidiaries under this organization. GOre Life Changing Ministries is a HUD Certified Housing Program for people looking for and saving their homes. Women of Strength is a women support group for hurting Women and Women in Transit, Men of Honor a men support group for Men in Transit, Dare 2 B Different a mentoring group for at risk juveniles 11 and older, and Vessels of Honor a mentoring group for at risk juveniles 10 and under. G.O.r.e Community Development also has a food pantry which combats hunger in the community, and a transportation ministry. G.O.r.e. CDC mission is “Giving Others the right to excel”.

MYrON BeLL Myron Bell is a former Safety in the NFL. He played for the Pittsburgh Steelers, Cincinnati Bengals and started in Super Bowl xxx. He is a member of the City of Toledo, Ohio Hall of Fame. As a teenager he played at Macomber High School (class of 1989) and made the All-American 1st team in the state of Ohio for high school football players and also made the city of Toledo, Ohio Hall of Fame.

former NFL football players Brenston Buckner, and Adrian Murrell. The youth football league is in association with former NFL football players ethan Horton, Mike Minter, Michael Dean Perry, and Mike rucker. Coach Bell has founded several programs and is a Deacon at New Birth Cathedral in Huntersville, North Carolina. He has a humble spirit and does not mind being a servant leader and friend to all. He is a loving husband and father of two.

right now, he coaches youth teams with close friends and

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By Celeste M. Hart

B: 10 in

S: 10 in

T: 10 in

Foreclosure af fects more than just you. It af fects your whole family. A million families will face losing their homes this year. Call today for help. Because nothing is worse than doing nothing.

Sprite’s 2nd Annual Step Off competition initiated in Charlotte, this year, and travels to five other cities to pursue a winning sorority and fraternity team for bragging rights and $100,000 scholarship each. The tournament style contest picks the female and male Greek Hellenic winner from each city in the USA tour to compete in the finals held in Washington, D.C., May 21, with expenses paid. The Step Off hits New York, March 26, Atlanta, April 2, Los Angeles, April 9, Houston, April 16 and Chicago, April 30.

1-888-995-HOPE

Studio

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Studio Artist: SARGENT

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Clark Atlanta University’s Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority and IOTA Phi Theta Fraternity took home the first round, the D.C. trip and $5000. Audience members texted their choices but the decision came down to the judges from the National Step Show Alliance. “They (IOTA’s) kept the crowd enthusiastic. They never stopped. The energy and presentation they exhibited is what we’re looking for in a winning team,” said Derrick


Chambers, NSSA judge. “I feel great because we put we put a lot of work in at the last minute. We worked real hard,” said Andre, IOTA team member. The AKA’s, dressed in American Indian dance attire, claimed their victory graciously. “We feel accomplished. We’ve been practicing and servicing since August as leaders on campus. The long night hours, with studying included, definitely worked out alright,” said Zita Brack. Sprite includes community service as a part of the competition where each participating team member perform volunteer hours at a local Boy’s

and Girl’s Club. The package deal also includes $4,500 and book donations to the club. “Our club members need inspiration from high achievers like these step competitors to graduate from high school with a plan for their future,” said Frank Sanchez, Boys and Girls vice president, sports and entertainment. Jennifer M. Jones, president National Pan-Hellenic Council said Sprite is showcasing the art of step and the creativity of our students to a national audience. “The program’s emphasis on service to our local communities is particularly important, with much needed outreach that promotes the benefits of physical fitness and education to the next generation of students.”

April - june 2011 / wisemagazine.org

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"There are two ways that you can think about money....

You just got married, came back from your honeymoon, there awaits your first bill which now you are both responsible. Oh man! You are getting nauseous. Money has never been an easy thing for you to deal with. Now you realize you need to merge your finances with your spouse. You don’t even know where to start. The first things to do as a couple is make the decision decide that you both are committed to creating a financial life you both want. That means spending time on your finances, and probably hiring a financial advisor. If you are not invested and committed to the process of financial planning, than you probably won’t implement your advisor’s recommendations. Make sure you hire a fee only advisor that acts as a fiduciary. That means he/she legally has to put your interests first, and disclose any conflicts of interest. Keep in mind you and your spouse is bringing your past experiences with money to the table. Each of you has a history with money. Some of it you will be aware of while other and another parts of it will be eye opening. You’ll learn things about yourself even you didn’t even know. Bottom line? It’s so much better to talk about this stuff early on, so that you can understand where your spouse is coming from. That way, you will be able to make decisions together, and act as a team. Your marriage will be better, and be happier. Here are questions you should ask each other when as you are trying to get your arms around money. What does having money mean to you? Does it represent financial security? Or does it mean that you can buy whatever you want and not have to think twice about it? I have worked with clients that who have had different feelings about money. Here are some examples so you can see where you fit, and if you can relate to them: 1) Money was never discussed at the dinner table. Your 22

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parents never discussed it with you, and now you have no idea what to do with yours finances. 2) You grew up with having little money, and made the unconscious decision to not live in abundance and prosperity. 3) People who are wealthy must have done something immoral to get it. 4) Money doesn’t grow on trees. It’s hard to find it, get it – so you might as well hold on to the money you have and not spend any of it. 5) Your parents invested all of the money in the stock market. They never made any money, and even lost some. You now have little faith in the stock market because it didn’t work for your parents. When you spend money, do you like to buy experiences, or things? If it is things, what are they? Where do you go to buy them? How much do they cost? If it is experiences, what are they? Who do you do them with? And where do you go to do them? Do you spend money according to what your values? Who was in charge of money in your family when you were a child? Your mother, father or both? What were some lessons you learned about money? Did your parents teach you anything about money? Or did you just learn by observing what they did or didn’t do? Share your answers with your spouse. What is your opinion about debt? Do you like to buy a car for cash? How do you feel about leasing a car or financing? If you use debt for something you want, is that ok? Think about how you feel in this scenario: getting a mortgage to buy a house vs. getting a loan to start a business. You are borrowing money


You can be a prosperity thinker or a poverty thinker."

bio to do something – but there is a different purpose for each choice you are making. Should you have separate and/or, joint accounts? Who is going to pay the bills? Who is a spender and who is a saver? Who is going to be more hands on with the finances? There are two ways that you can think about money. You can be a prosperity thinker or a poverty thinker. Prosperity thinkers align beliefs, expectations and feelings with abundance, optimism and confidence. Prosperity thinking is not necessarily about being rich- it's more about being confident, optimistic... and trusting your ability to manifest what satisfies and fulfills you. Poverty thinking is a limited state of thinking rooted in fear and mistrust. It closes down possibilities and opportunities and frequently leaves us feeling that things will not work out. Poverty thinking is not necessarily about being financial deprived - there are plenty of wealthy people who are "miserly" or who constantly worry about money. A poverty thinker is when you align your beliefs, expectations and feelings with scarcity, pessimism, and fear.

Justin Krane, a Certified Financial Planner TM professional, is the founder of Krane Financial Solutions, LLC. Known for his simple, savvy, holistic approach to financial planning, he has the unique ability to advise his clients on how to merge their money with their lives, so that they can make sound decisions with their finances, and get more of what they want in their lives. Using a unique system developed from his studies of financial psychology, Justin Krane partners with you to identify and clarify your goals, and advises you on what you need to do to reach them.

www.kranefinancialsolutions.com

As a financial planner, I have come to see Prosperity thinkers become the engine that drives my clients toward their goals. It's those positive thoughts and feelings that really take us to the next level of living a fulfilling life. The best way to start is take the first step and become a prosperity thinker. After all, aren’t you prosperous because you picked your spouse? Bio: Justin Krane, a Certified Financial Planner TM professional, is the founder of Krane Financial Solutions, LLC. Kranefinancialsolutions.com. Known for his simple, savvy, holistic approach to financial planning, he has the unique ability to advise his clients on how to merge their money with their lives, so that they can make sound decisions with their finances, and get more of what they want in their lives. Using a unique system developed from his studies of financial psychology, Justin Krane partners with you to identify and clarify your goals, and advises you on what you need to do to reach them.

www.kranefinancialsolutions.com April - june 2011 / wisemagazine.org

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Breakfast

, truly the most important meal of the day- IF, you choose your food wisely. Doughnuts and coffee or pancakes drenched in syrup might be okay occasionally, but for maximum health benefit, try starting your day with a healthy breakfast then continue to eat the right foods throughout the day. • Start each day with a breakfast that is high in fiber and includes some lean protein, such as peanut butter on an English muffin, an egg white omelet and whole grain toast, a GNU Flavor and Fiber Bar and a glass of skim milk or a skim latte

By Sharon Ritcher

• Drink water throughout the day; don’t guzzle liters because you realize you didn’t drink enough . Drinking heavily in the evening can disturb sleep and it won’t flush your body in a consistent manner • Choose high fiber (3g or more) grains – and not just for breakfast. It’s important at lunch and dinner too • Choose low- fat dairy and meats • Include a variety of vegetables and fruits in your daily intake; the more variety the more nutritional value. Finally, do not deprive yourself of your favorite foods, just sprinkle them in wisely. Be sure to incorporate 30 to-45 minutes of exercise for your mind and your body at least four times a week.

Sharon Richter, a Registered Dietitian in private practice, Manhattan, is on the medical/executive board for HealthiNation, Gojee Seed, WlTS (wellness in the schools) and Sports For Youth. Please visit her website: www.sharonritcher.com 24

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www.kingdomdevelopment.org

Equipping lives to become self-sufficient

k

Kingdom Development, Inc.

Kingdom Development is a private non-profit which works with the city’s low-income, at risk, families, youth and individuals to promote self-sufficiency and economic development. Our unique love and committed services are consistent and meet the changing needs of people we work with each day. We have a lifelong commitment to helping individuals, families and youth transition to housing, jobs, better health, and self-sufficiency. We serve youth and families using an integrated system of innovative programs and resources in these areas: Economic Development, Family & Community Services, Educational, Health and Social Services.

Contributions and Volunteers always welcome!

704.827.0876 Local I 866.996.8181 Toll Free info@kingdomdevelopment.org

April - june 2011 / wisemagazine.org

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6 WAYS to Incorporate the POTATO

By GooseBerryPatch

What’s more budget-friendly than the humble potato? It’s low in cost, as well as fat and calories while offering many important benefits such as dietary fiber and potassium. Here are six ways to incorporate the potato into your family meal planning, courtesy of Gooseberry Patch.

1. slow-cooker creamy potato soup 6 potatoes, peeled and cubed 2 onions, chopped 1 carrot, sliced 1 stalk celery, sliced 4 cubes chicken bouillon 1 T. dried parsley 5 c. water ¼ t. pepper 1 T. salt 1/3 c. butter, melted 12-oz. Can evaporated milk Combine all ingredients except evaporated milk in a slow cooker. Cover and cook on low setting for 10 26

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to 12 hours. Stir in milk during last hour of cooking. Serves 6.

2. Magic Meatloaf with potatoes 2 lbs. ground beef 1 egg, beaten ½ c. green pepper, chopped ½ c. onion, chopped 1 c. milk 1 c. saltine cracker crumbs .87-oz pkg. brown gravy mix 1-1/2 t. salt 6 to 8 redskin potatoes Mix all ingredients except potatoes in a large bowl. Mix well and form into a loaf; place in a lightly greased slow cooker. Arrange potatoes around meatloaf. Cover and cook on low setting for 8 to 10 hours, or on high setting for 3 to 5 hours. Serves 4 to 6.

3. loaded Mashed potato casserole 5 to 6 potatoes, peeled and cubed 1/2 c. milk 8-oz. pkg. cream cheese, softened 8-oz. container sour cream 2 t. dried parsley 1 t. garlic salt 1/4 t. nutmeg 3/4 c. shredded Cheddar cheese 12 slices bacon, crisply cooked and crumbled


Cover potatoes with water in a large saucepan; bring to boil over medium heat. Reduce heat; simmer for 20 to 25 minutes. Drain well. Mash until light and fluffy. In a large bowl, beat together all ingredients except Cheddar cheese and bacon until smooth and creamy. Spoon into a lightly greased 13�x9� baking pan; sprinkle with cheese and bacon. Cover and bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes, or until heated through. Serves 10 to 12.

4. Oven-Fried Chips Âź c. olive oil, divided 2 potatoes, thinly sliced 1 t. dried rosemary 2 t. lemon zest 2 t. kosher salt 1 t. pepper Grease baking sheet with a teaspoon of olive oil. In single layers, arrange the potato slices on the sheet. Use a pastry brush and remaining olive oil to lightly coat top of each potato slice. Bake at 400 degrees until golden and crisp, about 10 minutes. Drain on paper towels. Combine rosemary, lemon zest, salt and pepper. While still warm, sprinkle chips with rosemary mixture. Makes 4 servings.

5. Hot Potato-Bacon Salad 1/4 lb. bacon, crisply cooked, crumbled and drippings reserved 3/4 c. celery, sliced 1/2 c. onion, chopped 1-1/2 T. all-purpose flour 3/4 c. water 1/3 c. vinegar 2 T. sugar 1-1/2 t. salt 1 t. mustard 1/4 t. celery seed 4 c. potatoes, peeled, cooked and sliced Heat reserved drippings over medium heat in a large skillet. Add celery and onion; cook until tender. Add remaining ingredients except potatoes and bacon; cook until thickened, stirring constantly. Fold in potatoes and bacon; heat through. Serve warm. Makes 4 to 6 servings.

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6. cozy Breakfast casserole 3 lbs. Potatoes, peeled and cubed 2 T. oil salt and pepper to taste 1 lb. Bacon, crisply cooked and crumbled 1 lb. Smoked pork sausage links, browned and cut into bite-size pieces ½ lb. Cooked ham, cubed 2 c. shredded cheddar cheese In a large skillet over medium heat, cook potatoes until golden. Season with salt and pepper. Add remaining ingredients except cheese; reduce heat. Cover and cook for about 15 minutes, or until potatoes are tender, stirring occasionally. Transfer to a greased 13”x9” baking pan. Add cheese and mix. Bake, uncovered, at 350 degrees for 10 minutes, or until cheese is melted. Serves 8 to 10.

ABOUT



GOOSeBerrY PATCH Back in 1984, Vickie Hutchins and Jo Ann Martin were next-door neighbors raising

their families in the little town of Delaware, Ohio. They were two moms with small children looking for a way to do what they loved and stay home with the kids too. They shared a love of home cooking and making memories with family & friends. After many a conversation over the backyard fence, Gooseberry Patch was born. Today, Gooseberry Patch is best known for its homestyle family-friendly cookbooks.

Please visit the website

www.gooseberrypatch.com.

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For He is risen.

Happy Easter from

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141414141414

By Rhonda Mouton Is there a perfect dress for you? How will you know? Will it be the shape or size? Is it the right color or the perfect fit? The answer lies within you. The wedding dress worn by a bride means more than the “OH’s and AH’s” from the attendees and the star struck groom. There is no such thing as the prefect wedding dress. A wedding dress’ role is to adorn the bride as shoes, earrings, flowers, hairstyle and make-up. When you see a bride walking down the aisle, what you see is an illuminating glow which makes everything else shine. The white wedding dress symbolizes purity in heart, life, and in reverence to God. In Revelation 19:7-8, “Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready. Fine linen, bright and clean, was given her to wear.” Life Application Study Bible If we read closely, a wedding is one of the most important days in an individual’s life. It is not to be done without a pure heart, life and true understanding of what is about to take place. The purpose of this unity in Mark 10:7-9, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one. Therefore what God has joined together let, man not separate.” Life Application Study Bible

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A wedding solidifies a woman and man shall joined together to become one and start a new life. When a man chooses his bride and she accepts, he is in essence giving her permission to purchase her “fine linen� to join him eternally. A wedding dress should symbolize the garment a bride wants her groom to remember as the day they become one flesh. So remember the bride makes the dress perfect. A wedding dress will only be perfect in color, style, shape and fit if you are ready according to God’s standards. evaluate your heart and make sure God has said he is the person to become one with eternally. If God says YeS, you can say yes to the perfect dress!

Wedding Dress Monique Lhuillier Vivienne

This strapless, silk-faced organza Monique Lhuillier gown features a magnificent full skirt of hand stitched silk organza. retail price: $16,700.00 Our price: $11,690.00 Badgley Mischka Grace 10 Couture Bridal Gown This gown is made with very light and "airy" material, allowing the dress to move freely. It looks flawless when dancing the night away! retail Price: $5,050.00 Our price: $1,250.00

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By Tracey Alston

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Your wedding day

, one of the most precious times of your life where commitments declared should be forever. To ensure a wedding day that is memorable and beautiful, most brides begin to plan and prepare well in advance of this momentous day. But, even in this very exciting time, the bride and groom should remember that all the planning may prove to be very stressful if they do not seek help from the Lord. My prayer for brides and groom is they have received the gift of Salvation and are seeking pre-marital counseling prior to making such a huge commitment. There are a lot of decisions to make in preparing for your wedding day so prayer and fellowship with the Lord are necessary to hear clearly from the Holy Spirit. Pray and ask the Lord to direct your steps, even to show you what vendors to utilize. Ask the Lord to show you how to be better and wiser stewards over your finances. Ask the Lord to open doors for you that no man can open and to close any doors that He would not have you enter. There are so many things that the bride must consider in preparing for the wedding like her gown, the bridesmaids dresses, the reception hall – and the cake, which is usually the center of attraction on the food table. My advice to the bride is to choose all your vendors carefully, especially your baker. Do your homework and find out the average price for wedding cakes in your area. I would even encourage prayer AND fasting so you are in a better position to hear from the Lord as you seek direction and wisdom in this planning process. Seek out bakers who operate in excellence, provide great customer service and are willing to help you with the design of your wedding cake. When you meet with the baker for a tasting consultation is prepared to help the baker help you. I encourage all brides – and yes, grooms – to bring inspirational ideas that can be incorporated into the cake. If you have a theme or favorite color you’d like to see in the cake, share that with your baker. Provide the baker with as much information as possible so he or she can create a cake that reflects your vision. Your baker should provide you with a portfolio of his/her work and samples of cake for you to taste. Your wedding cake should be moist, flavorful and taste just as good as it looks. Ask questions about how to store the cake. For example, will warm temperatures have an adverse effect on your cake? Is it okay to freeze for that first anniversary? Should you use fresh flowers or sugar flowers? Inquire about delivery times, payment options, etc. Once you decide on your design, flavors, replica of happy couple and servings, your baker should provide you with you a written contract. Both the bride and groom should review, agree upon and sign the contract to ensure you both are on the same page and are fully aware of each other’s expectations. I want to emphasize that it’s important to be prayerful throughout this whole process so the Holy Spirit can lead and guide you in all you do as He knows best. In the wedding business, as in any business, there are always vendors who promise to meet expectations but then fail to deliver. Remember, your baker should have only one goal -- to fulfill the contract and make your special day all the more beautiful with a lovely and delicious wedding cake. To get more information about wedding cakes visit Tracey Alston website www.cakesbytracey.com or call kitchen 301.638.9191 office 301 751 4870. April - june 2011 / wisemagazine.org

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Man-Hood-Li-Ness!

Commentary by: R.O’Neal Milton “Metta4thepoet@yahoo.com”

34

As a father of five beautiful girls, I am allowed certain “Carte Blanche” on commentary where issues of fatherhood are concerned, such as teaching Spirituality, patience with people, and things of that nature. No, I’m not a “Foremost Appointed Authority” on these types of issues, but my experiences with living life as a “Child of God”, “Teacher”, “Minister of His word”, and a “Man of God,” simultaneously, gives me the confidence in knowing that while I’m spreading His Good news and speaking on all that He gives to me spiritually, I am put in line with His will for my life. That satisfies my thirst and along with God’s gift of coherent expression, I have become something of a wordsmith, with literary and creative license. This moniker has given me the authority and privilege of coining a word I like to use called, “Man-Hoodli-ness”. Yeah, it’s a bit corny, even to the point of levity, but it comes with a strong connotation. It says, “I will be the man that God has made me! Lord, I only want to do what’s pleasing in your eyes. Tell me what I must do, as a real man in a world that is so full of sin?” The answer is never too far away from a turn of a page in the bible, yet we still get distracted by how society’s label for us as “Men” is so relative to characteristics like Bravado, Body Structure, Machismo, Female Conquests, and all sorts of other nonsensical ideas. But, in the case of being a real man and full of “Manhood-li-ness,” we have to acknowledge His presence in us and our reliance on Him which keeps us confident in knowing that His light shines brightly from us with everything we say and everything we do. God’s presence and spirit in our lives gives us the right to be considered, the “Standard” in which to live by.

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When we praise and honor Him, his Spirit is ever present on us before we can utter one word and can go before us to prepare our arrival when we are diligent in following Him. He is omnipresent. And, just in case we may have been unaware, this is, and was God’s design from the beginning of time. As it says in Ephesians 5:15-20, “So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise. 16 Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. 17 Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do. 18 Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit, 19 singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, and making music to the Lord in your hearts. 20 And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” And, because He has given us the unambiguous responsibility of teaching, nurturing, and guiding our families and our community, our diligence in seeking God for guidance should be unfailing. I truly believe God holds us, as men, responsible for the well being and welfare of our family, our home, and our community. And, believe this, He will never give us any blessing, any responsibility, or any assignment without equipping us with the necessary components or strength to be successful at what He’s given us. But, as always, we must also take into consideration “Our Flesh.” Much of the time, (and even when we aren’t aware of it), if we’re not careful and prayerful, our flesh becomes a factor that can temporarily separate us from God’s grace and causes us to stumble here and there. He never leaves us though, and as many times as we fall from His grace, he welcomes us back into his presence with open arms when we are contrite and ask Him to forgive us. And though He gives us an unusual strength,


“So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise. 16 Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. 17 Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do. 18 Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit, 19 singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, and making music to the Lord in your hearts. 20 And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

he knows our weaknesses. He knows that we are ALL, “A Work In Progress.” He is always with us to guide us through our daily walk with Him. He says we only need to ask of Him, with a pure heart, and He is forgiving and sovereign in nature to allow us into His presence. So, we must pray to God through the advocacy of Jesus Christ and thank Him, praise Him, and worship Him, consistently, for all that He is to us and all He will be to us. It could be one of the most important factors in distinguishing the difference between having a relationship with Him and following a religion. One component that is a very important, if not the most important aspect of any relationship is, “Communication”. Now, with such an ambiguous notion to one very direct word, I will ask this of you, How close are you to the God inside of you? How important is it to you to establish some kind of consistent connection with God through Jesus Christ? In order to gain knowledge of Him, your ONLY mode of communication is speaking to God through the advocacy of Jesus Christ on a consistent basis. This will keep us hungry for His presence, because there’s always more to understanding the peace that is involved with being in His presence. Communication, or “prayer” is the tie, “The Main Line,” (if you will) that connects us to Jesus, through His divine advocacy, just because Jesus is the Son of God. Our connection to God through Jesus Christ gives us the strength that we need to go on about our day when things are not so beautiful for us. From Saints to Disciples to ordinary laymen, the Bible has conveyed the importance of communicating with God by prayer. If we are to be like God, we are to follow Jesus’ lead. Just like John the Baptist, and David. And, let’s not let our focus in prayer fall to asking God for “things.” He says in Psalm 37:4, “If you delight yourself in me, I will give you the desires of your heart.” When you ask it in His will, He will give you what you’re

asking for. With all that He’s already given us, ask yourself this question, what have you given to Him in the last few days? Periodically, I will suggest books, websites, and selfhelp venues that are relative to the W.I.S.e. magazine agenda to assist us (including me). So, in this segment, I’m advocating two websites that I believe are very practical and very helpful in guiding us to make informed decisions about what we go through as men. From the wife, to the kids, the job, to the everyday circumstances that plague and sometimes support our everyday walk in life, go to www.fatherhood.org and www.fatherhood.hhs.gov. These are both self-help websites that are very informative and full of helpful ideas. Share the responsibility with your wife, son, daughter, or other family members. They can be used as a tool for a better relationship for the whole family. enjoy! For your commentary and concerns on this and other subjects to come, please feel at ease in emailing me at metta4thepoet@yahoo.com. As you can imagine, I would be besieged with emails and correspondences, therefore I will respond to you in the order that I receive your commentary. Thanks again and May God Bless You as twice many times as you pray to Him!

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4 TIPS ON HOW TO FIT A WORKOUT INTO A BUSY DAY By Beth Shaw

By following these simple instructions and completing the poses, this exercise should only take a few minutes out of anyone’s day. Each pose should be held for 5-10 breaths.

1) Chest Expansion Standing, interlace your fingers behind your back and straighten your arms. Slowly raise your arms, bend your knees, and lower into a forward fold, leading with your chest. Strengthens: Abdominals, Upper Back

2) Seated Spinal Twist From a seated position, extend your legs, bring your right knee up with the sole of your foot on the floor, place your right hand next to you or behind you and sit tall. Beginning at the base of your spine, rotate to the right, bringing your left forearm around to hold your right shin. Use your core strength rather than your arm to deepen the twist. Strengthens: Upper Back, Oblique’s

3) Eagle Wrap your top leg around your standing leg. Touch your toes to the mat or hook your foot behind your calf. Sit back with your hips, keeping your spine upright. Wrap your arms to touch your palms (or back of your hands) together. The top leg is on the same side as the bottom arm. Strengthens: Quads, Glutes, Hip Adductors, Concentration

4) Chair Pose Bend your knees and drop your buttocks, as if sitting in a chair. For a challenge, come up onto the balls of your feet and sit a bit lower. Keeping your chest lifted, find a focal point and breathe. Practice lifting just one heel at a time. Strengthens: Quads, Lower Back, Shoulders, Abdominals, Calves 5) Lying Down Spinal Twist/Supine Spinal Twist Lie down on the floor and extend your left leg along the floor. Place your right foot on the floor and push to lift, and shift your hips slightly to the right. Use your left hand to gently draw your right knee toward the floor. Strengthens: Hip Abductors, Lower Back, Upper Back, Oblique’s Founder and president, Beth Shaw, is the foremost authority on yoga and is widely recognized for bringing yoga to mainstream fitness. 36

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37


the

co$T to Be the bo$$ With the national unemployment rate climbing to 9.8%, it may be a good time for you to start your own business. Many agencies will help you get basic information to starting a business. Starting your own business takes commitment and discipline. There is always paperwork if you want to be legal and keep your records in order. The importance of keeping paperwork in order is easy retrieval, financial reporting, growth measurement, revenue tracking and paying appropriate taxes.

Here are a few choices to make and questions to ask when starting a business: • Do I have a business plan? How will my business operate?

• Have I done enough research? Who are my direct competitors?

• Do I have working capital? If so, how much and how long?

• Will I work from home or office space?

• What is/are my product(s) or service(s)? • What is my target market?

• How many employees will I need to operate my business? • What is my mission statement? Is it clear and concise?

• Will I have a business partner? • Do I have a marketing plan, strategy and a budget? 38

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• How many staffers do I need to honor my hours of operation?


do you have what it takes to be the boss? You must ask yourself what kind of atmosphere you wish in your business. excellent bosses lead and motivate employees. Do you have patience? Can you lead by example? A boss earns the respect of his or her staff. He or she motivates their team to work hard, achieve company goals, and often adopt company objectives as their own. Motivated employees focus on making the employer more successful which improves the workplace. employees will often go

the “extra mile” without being asked when motivated (Kelly Services, 2010). In small businesses, not only is the boss sometimes the owner but manager, human resource, trainer and employee. The boss can have many job titles when starting a business. This can be rewarding; however, you must define what success means to you. Finally, be sure to work on your stick-to-itiveness because success is not guaranteed and it certainly isn’t guaranteed right away. Think about how you will work through those days when you no longer want the challenge of being the boss, (K. Heath, 2008). Those days do come for many, but your clientele or customers are still depending on you. Just give it some thought and attach a lightweight plan so you will not be surprised or caught off guard when the day comes.

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39


I Do The Moment You Say

by dr. dar

The moment you say “I do,” your single days are over (obviously), but many people never make the full transition from single, me-oriented mentalities to committed, we-oriented thinking. While you can – and should – maintain your own identity (more on that later), there are changes that need to be made both before and after your big day…or you can kiss happily ever after goodbye.

Before you say “I do” Before you make that trip down the aisle, take some time to sit down with your spouse-to-be and have a few heartto-heart talks to make sure you’re on the same page and are truly entering into a committed partnership. Here are a few things you’ll want to make sure you discuss:

The role of each partner’s family and friends. Most of us enter into a relationship backed by family/friends that have been with us for years, sometimes our whole lives, and it can be hard to transition from focusing our time and love on those people to making our partner top priority. (It can be made all the harder when our friends and family have a hard time accepting their new place on the back burner of your life.) However hard it may be, your relationship success depends on putting your partner first and others second (don’t worry, you don’t have to cut yourself off completely – you can still make time for your loved ones, as long as you’re careful not to put their needs before your partner’s). Your Shared Interests and Individual Interests. There’s a fine line between being two individuals in love and morphing into one entity: “the couple.” Your relationship with your partner should be a separate entity, with each of you maintaining your individual interests as well as nurturing the shared interests that brought (and keep) you together as a couple. As mentioned above, it’s important to make sure that your shared needs are being met, and that your partner is satisfied with the amount of time you’re spending both together and apart. And while it’s great to introduce your partner to the things you love to do in an effort to find more shared interests, there are some activities that your partner just won’t be into (like shoe shopping or perhaps watching sports on TV) that you can enjoy on your own or with your friends and/or family, guilt-free.

After you say “I do” Once the honeymoon is over and you’re settled into your new roles as man and wife, there are other agreements that must be made if you want to keep your marriage healthy for the long haul. You’ll want to make sure you’re in agreement on: Your financEs. Money and lack of communication, planning, and agreement is the #1 reason couples fight, which then leads to breaking 40

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up. Avoid this by getting on the same page financially right off the bat. Decide how your finances will be divided (will you keep separate checking accounts or pool your money into one account?), who will be accountable for what (will one person pay the bills or will you split the responsibility?), and who will make the final decisions on how money will be spent (will it fall to one person or be a joint decision-making process?). What will happen if one of you loses your source of income? Will the employed person get a second job while the other gets back on his/her feet, will you cut unnecessary expenses (like meals out and other entertainment), or something else? What do you each expect from each other financially – will you contribute equally to the family finances or have some other agreement? Set a weekly or monthly budget and financial goals meeting (it’s not as important how often you meet, as long as you set a schedule and stick with it) to make sure that you stay on the same page about your finances at all times. Family planning. Many couples talk about whether or not they want children and maybe how many kids they want, but that’s usually as far as the discussions go. They don’t often set a plan to cover all of the details involved with raising children – big mistake! You must be on the same page when it comes to raising children, or the disagreements could quickly drive you apart. In addition to deciding on disciplinary roles, you might also include “off” days, particularly if one parent stays home with the children. That one person should NOT be responsible for the children 24/7; set some times when the stay-at-home parent gets to take a break for some much-needed downtime. Household chores. Similarly, if you decide that one parent will stay home, that does not mean that he or she should be held responsible for

raising the children and handling all household chores...just because one person is home with the child does not mean the working partner gets to abandon cooking and cleaning around the house. Regardless of whether you both work outside the home or not, set a household chores list and agree in advance who will be responsible for what chores.

Get it in writing While these topics are fresh in your mind, be sure to write down the agreements you reach. This may seem a bit unnecessary, but having written agreements can not only clear up misunderstandings right off the bat but will also keep you both on track moving forward. (Don’t worry, you can always revise the agreements later, as your needs grow and change – as long as you make any changes as a couple.)

Essential next steps Now that you’re in agreement on what you expect from your marriage, the essential next step is to make sure your marriage is always a priority for both you and your spouse. Marriage success courses can help you not only learn more about each other but also discover how to keep your love alive and well. A great place to start is with Dr. Dar’s 7-week Save Your Marriage eCourse, which shares crucial relationship advice to help you maintain a healthy marriage. Tips include three major ways couples distance themselves from each other (often without even realizing it) and how to avoid them; quick and (relatively) painless conflict resolution; the nine ingredients for a loving, long-term commitment; and much more. Grab a complimentary copy now at www. relationshipsuccessexpert.com.

About

Dr. Dar Dr. Dar is a relationship coach who acts as a facilitator to help you find and keep love, no matter where you are in your relationship: single, committed, or married. Acting as a champion who is always on your side to help guide you forward in your relationship, her coaching serves as your personal compass that collaborates with you on your path to getting more of what you want in your life, removing frustration and confusion, eliminating stress, and moving you forward step by step, with Dr. Dar by your side. In her commitment to giving you the support and coaching for your success in life and love, she offers complimentary eCourses that can help you either Attract Love or Maintain your Love. Visit www.relationshipsuccess expert.com/ to request your eCourse and get started toward your true love today!

April - june 2011 / wisemagazine.org

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Talking to Kids About

Porn By Marina Robinson

Pornography is not reality A video of a naked woman engaging in sexual behavior is like a picture of enticing food. It can create a powerful physical reaction, but the woman – like the food – is not real. Even so, your lower brain will urge you to focus lots of attention on such a picture, to find it fascinating, and to hunt for others like it because In fact, the lower brain craves new things (what scientists call ‘novelty’). so, Just as it’s sometimes hard to stop playing a video game, it can be hard not to click to find more sexually explicit videos once you start watching. You’re on an exciting hunt; and something new is just around the corner. But remember, your lower brain can’t tell the difference between images and physical reality. It lumps anything connected to sex into one category, the ‘Yes!’ category, because it wants you to make lots of babies someday. 42

Today kids have computers and cell phones, and the potential to view lots of many unnaturally exciting, sexually explicit pictures and videos. However, videos do cannot help you get to know real girls. As And you may have already learned that explicit pornographic pictures can trigger not only intense sexual feelings, but also lead to frustration—just like pictures of food cancan increase make your hunger pangs. worse. However, Pornography also encourages you to seek instant relief – either alone in front of your computer or with buddies who are also using view porn. Porn doesn’t motivate you to learn the skills you need to attract a mate. It doesn’t encourage you to learn what girls like or what they like about you. It doesn’t motivate you to find the courage to meet with real girls. In fact, Porn is more likely to keep you glued to your computer, shut away from real girls and friendly interactions. Your upper brain knows that connections with real people are far healthier than sitting alone with your computer, but your lower brain is hard to ignore— especially once you make porn a habit.

Porn is not educational It is normal to want to learn more about sex—especially if

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you’ve learned all you know on the subject in a biology film about mating frogs. However But porn videos cannot teach you about normal sex between people who love each other. The People in porn videos are actors who often do things more outrageous than Lord Voldemort in the Harry Potter stories. Porn actors pretend to enjoy themselves, even when they don’t like each other, or they are in pain, or they are feeling cruel – or mistreated. When the camera stops rolling, they take their pay and walk away from each other. Sex with someone you love and trust is entirely different. It is a respectful exchange of sensual touch and a way of expressing your affection for your mate. It is a chance to be playful and get to know another person deeply. Many traditions teach that Sex with someone you love is beautiful and sacred. Porn is neither not. In fact, porn is increasingly violent, often with themes of abuse. people abusing each other. Porn makers purposely make the videos violent. Why? Because the lower brain likes to feel superior to others and It finds such images exciting. Very exciting videos, especially violent ones, create tension in a way that keeps you on edge, never satisfied, and always craving more. The more strongly you react to an image, the more often you return to the website


where you found it -- unless you use your upper brain to stop. Just think that if you learned to skateboard on a video-arcade game, how good do you think you’d would you be in real life? Could you do flip tricks and slides? If you get your sex education from porn videos, there is a very real chance that you will find it difficult to interact with real girls in a

healthy way later in life. For example, porn could confuse you and make you think women like to be treated badly. Because porn fires up your lower brain (and turns down the volume of your upper brain), it can also cause you to focus too much on how a girl looks, rather than whom she is. Large breasts unfortunately do not mean that someone is kind, sincere, or

fun to be around. or kind, or sincere. They Large breasts are attractive to your lower brain because they look like as if they can will feed babies really well.

Porn is like ‘junk food’ Your lower brain is powerful, but not very clever. For example, it likes chocolate cake better than a balanced meal broccoli. Why? Throughout most of history, food has been scarce. Highcalorie foods with lots of sugar and fat were rare, but a good source of energy. The lower brain hasn’t noticed that cookies, pizza, ice cream and other empty calorie foods are plentiful now. so forth now surround us. It still thinks you need every bit of high-calorie food to survive. In other words, it urges you to choose junk food when it sees it. If you want to have a strong, healthy body, you have to listen to your upper brain. It can figure out what you need to eat for good health. Watching porn is like being served eating chocolate cake or fries over and over without ever eating a balanced meal. getting the healthy part of your dinner. But if you allow your upper brain to prevail it will tell you that cake tastes great at first, but too much will make you feel bad – causing It causes a high, followed by a drop in energy. And while your body is recovering you don’t feel so great. In fact, You may be cranky, unfriendly, or unable to

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concentrate. You may act like a jerk instead of like your usual, cheerful self. You may feel as if everyone is picking on you. Porn sets off a cycle similar to that of too much sugary food. There is an initial rush of excitement. Yet But afterward you may feel tired, jumpy or irritable. This behavior repels others, but it won’t bother your computer at all so See why it becomes easier and easier to spend time at your computer ? Both junk food and porn sex (where in which you use porn to bring yourself to an orgasm) can become obsessions, because your lower brain only knows how to say ‘Yes!’ to them. It Your lower brain hasn’t caught up with the fact learned that very tempting high-calorie food and unnaturally exciting sexual stimulation are now readily available – and not good for anyone in large quantities.

Porn use can be addictive Every time The more you say “yes,” you reinforce the behavior and it becomes the easier it is to just go ahead without thinking, and the harder it is becomes to stop. Why? Because when you learn a new behavior like riding a bike, nerve cells in your brain connect to create a pathway. That (neuronal) pathway is for riding the bike. The more you use that pathway, the easier it is to follow. You practice a lot and eventually you can ride your bike 44

without thinking about it. It’s like walking through a field of grass over and over until you wear down a trail – a pathway that It makes it a lot easier to go down that same trail. This is how your brain learns. Because junk food and porn are so stimulating, your brain learns about them very quickly and they can easily become habits. If you want to change a habit later, you have to lay down a new pathway in your brain. It’s like creating a new trail – and staying off the old one while so the grass can grow back. If you The trick is to remember how your brain works then you can If you choose which pathways you want to create and you won’t have to work to change them later. So you must remember that, just like junk food, porn sex is potentially addictive. In fact, it may even be more addictive than food. After all, there comes a point where you absolutely can’t eat any more. Yet it’s possible to watch porn all day, just as some people play video games for hours on end. Here’s the curious bit: Extremely exciting versions of food and sex play a trick on your brain. Too much stimulation temporarily numbs it slightly. Until your brain fully recovers, which can take days, you may feel hungrier, or hornier, than usual. This tension can make you even more anxious to find something stimulating, so you can feel good again. This is

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how your lower brain weakens your determination and urges you to do what it wants. In this state, Now, you may be tempted to do something you normally wouldn’t do just to try to feel good again. For example, you may find yourself back at your computer, looking at more porn, or using your cell phone for “sexting.” This gets your mind off your discomfort, but not for long. In fact, even if you exhaust yourself pursuing your lower brain’s goals, you may find you just feel more frustrated than ever. soon afterward. Not everyone who goes to a porn site will become addicted to porn, but viewing porn is like jumping on a bike with no brakes. Maybe you can stop, maybe not you can’t. But why take the chance? Of course, if you’re already hooked, you will have to use your upper brain as the brakes – and ignore your lower brain. It may take you some time to restore balance, but it becomes easier as time passes. When you’re back to normal you may find life more fun, school more interesting, and girls a lot friendlier and more fun to be around.

What eases frustration? Your lower brain has one plan for easing sexual frustration: orgasm. That’s because It wants you to get used to doing what you need to do to make babies. However, as you’ve heard now


learned, the lower brain’s plan can actually increase frustration and even hook you into seeking cause you to seek relief constantly without finding it. Fortunately, you can now use your new upper brain to learn about healthier ways to feel good and have fun. Do you know what makes people feel better without using drugs, porn, alcohol, and so on? In recent years, scientists have been learning a lot about what makes people feel more balanced and happy. One reliable source of good feelings is physical exercise. If you don’t play a sport, consider taking long walks, learning a martial art, or turning on the music and dancing. When you exercise, your brain releases chemicals that help keep you in a good mood. A second way to feel better is to do something creative. Learn about something new that no one in your family knows about. Invent a video game. Play music. Build something. Write a story. Pour your energy into a project and see how great you feel. Another source of good feelings is to spend time with those you trust or in prayer. (including prayer). Pets count, too. According to research, a close, trusted companion has surprising benefits. Having a companion actually helps people heal faster and avoid addiction and illness.

As you become a teenager your body turns into a sort of magnet, which is (usually) drawn to girls. Suddenly girls seem more interesting than before. Smiling at them, laughing with them, teasing them, hanging out with them, and even working together on projects can make you feel calmer. Experiment with this theory the next time you go out. Smile at the girls or boys you see and notice what happens.

Porn sex is powerful Remember, as a teenager your feelings of sexual arousal are intense because your lower brain doesn’t want your upper brain to interfere with your lower brain’s its mission – making babies. Your lower brain won’t much care if you find a new porn website and then don’t make it to miss a sports practice, forget to walk your dog, or skip your homework. It wants you to make sexual arousal your top priority.

porn for reality; but you don’t have to make the same error. Use your upper brain to make the right choices. figure it out. If you’re thinking about viewing have a chance to view porn, remember it’s not reality. Instead take charge of your life. Say to yourself, I’m strong and I can skip the porn because: Consider some of these responses:

‘I think I’ll skip the porn... • because I want to learn about real girls and close relationships. • because I want to be full of energy, not moody, depressed, or anti-social. • because I know that porn can make sexual frustration worse. • because I don’t want a habit that will make me have to retrain my brain later.

Your lower brain is just doing its biological job. It has mistaken

Marnia Robinson, JD, is the author of Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships. She blogs on “Psychology Today,” and elsewhere and other sites, and helped create the YouTube series for boys, “Things You Didn’t Know About Porn.” She also authored “The Great Porn Experiment” for an upcoming issue of The Evolutionary Review journal. She writes with the collaboration of her husband, a neuroscience enthusiast who teaches anatomy and physiology. April - june 2011 / wisemagazine.org

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dating

AFTer AGe

by levya braman GeTTING BACK INTO THe DATING SCeNe AFTer A reLATIONSHIP eNDS CAN Be TOUGH. NOW, TrYING GeTTING BACK INTO THe DATING SCeNe AFTer YOU’Ve TUrNeD 50 – ArGH, IT FeeLS BrUTAL.

I’m here to encourage you; I did it and so can you! Along the way I learned a few things that you might find helpful; my intent is to help you avoid some pitfalls and to help make your journey to find love a little easier. After 50, the dynamics of dating are still the same, though you may be looking for different qualities in a partner than you did when you were 20. The main difference between dating now and a long time ago is that we have the added component of technology. It can definitely be helpful when you’re looking to find and connect with other singles; use it to your advantage.

getting ready to date: Your first step is to think about what you hope to gain through the dating process. We all want to be happy, 46

50 but that can mean different things to different people. Do you want to have fun but nothing serious? Or, are you looking for a companion? Or a love interest? Or, are you seeking a committed relationship that you hope will last for years? Don’t kid yourself, be honest. This is important. Once you know what you want, date people who want something similar. If you don’t, you’ll get thoroughly frustrated. While you are looking within, I recommend Gary Chapman’s book – The Five Love Languages (Northfield Publishing). After reading his book you will be able to understand some of the reasons past relationships haven’t worked. And, you’ll discover what you need in a partner for you to feel happy and loved. You’ll also want to check your mindset and underlying beliefs. Many have sabotaged their own dating success. Here’s an example of how this works. I had the belief that ‘all the good ones were taken’. So, what do you think my experience was? Of course, I couldn’t

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find any ‘good ones’. Don’t underestimate the power of your thoughts and beliefs. It wasn’t until I let go of that underlying belief that I found my husband. If you hold on to a positive mindset and believe that you deserve someone special in your life, it can make a huge difference in your dating experience. If you’ve been married before, choose to view your marriage as a learning experience. Accept your role in why it didn’t work, then take what you’ve learned to create great and healthy relationships as you date. Your self-confidence, self-image and self-respect are going to affect your dating success. It’s natural to wonder if there’s anyone out there that will find you attractive or want to share your company. Here’s a tip: If you feel good about who you are, you will be more attractive to others. If you are newly single and feeling a bit shaky about dating again, find ways to


increase your self-confidence and selfimage. Maybe it’s time for a wardrobe makeover or an updated, new hairstyle; make sure your outward appearance is representative of the wonderful person you are inside. Here are three ways to maintain a healthy self-respect: • Be true to yourself. Don’t try to be someone else hoping you’ll be more likeable to others. When you are authentic, your self-respect and confidence increase. • Know where your boundaries are and speak up for your needs. Giving up your personal boundaries hoping you’ll be more likeable to others will only cause you inner turmoil. If you give up too much of yourself to please another, you’ll lose self-respect. • Have personal integrity. When your words and actions align, this means you are living in integrity, not hypocritically. Lack of personal integrity will undermine your self-respect and make it difficult for you to trust yourself and your instincts. You have to be able to trust yourself in the dating world. Listen to your inner voice-it can help guide you, keep you safe, make dating more fun, and help you find fulfilling relationships.

communicating nowadays. Meeting online is a very popular way to find other singles. If you want to try this, there are several sites to choose from (e.g. -www.Match.com, www.eHarmony. com, www.Perfectmatch.com). Some require you take an assessment so their site can provide you with possible matches. You create a profile which tells others who you are and what you’re looking for; you’ll also want to submit a recent picture of yourself. The advantage of ‘meeting’ this way is that you get to interact with a person without the pressure of being on a date. If you like them, then you meet in person or have a date. A disadvantage of using online dating sites is that not everyone presents themselves honestly, so they could be quite different in person than how they appeared in their profile. You may even want to ‘Google’ a potential date, just to see what comes up.

Where to look when dating? How to meet other singles?

And of course, there is the oldfashioned, but not out-dated way to meet by participating in social activities. The best way to meet someone with similar interests is for you to pursue hobbies and activities that you enjoy. Using the computer, you can find groups of people with similar interests that get together. Or, you can go through an organization, such as a church, senior center, college, or recreational facility to find activities in your area.

Technology can be your friend; I recommend that if you don’t have a computer or know how to use one, it’s time you learn. Whether you meet online or not, it’s a great way to connect with others. You can have conversations via IM chat or Skype (if you want to see the person you’re talking to); it’s part of

If you like car racing, go to races. If you like gardening or hiking, join some local clubs. If volunteering is your thing, do that; if you like learning, take some classes. Sitting home alone won’t get you the results you want; you have to get out and interact with others.

Your first date: So, you’ve met someone you like and you have a date set up. Here are some tips to make your ‘first date’ safe and fun:

Some do’s:

1. Meet at a safe, public place, like a restaurant or coffee shop or plan do to a group activity together. Even if you’ve had long phone conversations, it’s still safer to meet in public. 2. Make sure you have a cell phone with you. You can always call for help if your date is too weird or uncomfortable. 3. Be alert for red flags (e.g. - Do they respect my boundaries? Do they seem honest? Do they listen? …)

Some don’ts:

1. Don’t go on and on about other people you’ve dated. It’s boring and no one wants to be compared to others or hear about your horror stories. 2. Don’t expect perfection. We’ve all journeyed a long ways already. I hope that by now you also realize that you’re not perfect either. 3. Don’t feel forced or obligated to do anything you’re uncomfortable with.

Two more tips: 1. If you’re not getting the results you want, then change something you’re doing! Most of us are creatures of habit. If you find yourself repeating patterns that are sabotaging your dating success, then choose to create new, healthier dating patterns. Start small; remember that a few small changes can make a big difference. 2. Dating after 50 can be more fun than it was when you were younger. Choose to enjoy the journey!

Levya Braman is a Life and Relationship Coach. She lives in the Denver, CO area where she regularly teaches classes on relationships and personal growth. She also has a successful coaching practice, www.WatersEdgeLifeCoaching.com, where she enjoys helping individuals live less stressful and more fulfilling lives. April - june 2011 / wisemagazine.org

47


HEalTHY Hair carE

FOr ALL HAIr TYPeS

By Toni Love

As we approach the Spring/Summer seasons, many are concerned about “seasonal hair loss”. Yes, it’s true many people experience hair loss during different seasons of the year. In some cases, it’s preventable and other cases, it’s not. It’s just nature. The best remedy for anyone is to acquire a maintenance plan for the hair and scalp. Whether your hair is natural, relaxed, colored, or you’re wearing a permanent wave, wig, weave, or extensions, the natural hair needs to be maintained and the scalp needs to breathe. Three Hair Phases The hair goes through three phases: anagen, catagen, and telogen. Think of an infant, most are born with straight hair, regardless of race. (anagen phase) After a certain time, the hair texture slowly starts to change. The hair starts to take a life of its own. Meaning, it starts to get curly, wavy, kinky, or stay straight. (catagen phase) After puberty, the hair is in its final stage. (telogen phase) In this stage, we notice young men have facial hair, their voices change, etc. Young ladies start to develop and their hair change in regards to density, texture, elasticity, and porosity. There is a misconception about hair maintenance, as if it’s not important. Getting the ends of the hair trimmed on a regular basis promotes hair growth. But, some people are afraid to get their ends trimmed. Therefore, the hair splits toward the scalp, until it falls out. Trimming the ends is a great method to prevent it. The ends should be trimmed approximately every 6-8 weeks.

Wearing hair natural has become very popular. Natural hair requires a different hair care regime. The texture of the hair will dictate the maintenance plan. For example, if the hair is thick and coarse, hair will require more moisture. Therefore, shampoo, conditioner, leave-in conditioner, and a leave-in moisturizer may be required to get great results. As well as, a scalp oil and/or scalp moisturizer. If a person has a softer texture of hair, this person will not require as much oil, if any. (The scalp secretes natural oils) Maintaining relaxed hair and chemically treated hair also depends on texture, density, elasticity, and porosity. The texture indicates how thick, thin, coarse, straight, wavy, kinky, etc. The density refers to how much hair is actually on the head. The elasticity indicates the hair ability to stretch and spring back. The porosity is the hair’s ability to absorb the products, whether it’s shampoo, conditioner, relaxer, color, etc. For example, a person may say, “my hair sure holds water when I shampoo it”. This means 48

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the hair is very porous and the water has been absorbed by the hair shaft. So, when the hair is blown dry, after a while, it feels dry on the surface, but, after the heat cools, the hair is still damp. The weather is indicator to how we maintain our hair. When it’s cold weather, the hair and scalp needs to be protected. Strong winds can assist in drying out the hair shaft. Apply protection to the hair whether a scarf or a hat. Also, additional moisturizer may be needed during the fall and winter. In the summer, the rays from the sun have been known to change the hair color. So, if your hair is color treated, apply a scarf or hat for protection. CLeANLINeSS The cleanliness of hair and scalp is most important. The hair should be cleansed from the inside to the outside. The scalp should be clean and manipulated on a regular basis to promote blood circulation. Many people are not aware of how to properly clean the hair and scalp. They don’t know their hair texture; therefore, they select the improper shampoo and conditioner. They don’t shampoo the hair enough to get it clean or they are over or under conditioning the hair shaft. And, neither is good. If the hair is overconditioned, it sheds out. If the hair is under-conditioned, it sheds out. If you’re not sure, seek professional advice. Also, my hair cleansing system, (The Toni Love Hair Cleansing System) can be used on ALL hair types. After extensive research and experience working in salons servicing clients of all ethnic groups, I formulated a system that works on the hair and scalp and from inside of the hair shaft to the outside. It also promotes micro-circulation of the scalp and prepares the hair to receive oxygen. And, it’s great for children. More information about the system can be found on www.tonilove. com. DO NOT apply chemicals until after the hair has gone through the telogen phase when servicing children. For example, if your little girl has not started her menstrual cycle, she is NOT to get a chemical service, ie..perm, relaxer, or color. By now, I’m sure you realize, there are various factors to consider when devising a maintenance plan for your hair. But, the results are worth it. If you desire to wear commercial hair for versatility, whether it’s wigs, weaves, extensions, braids, bonding, etc., with the proper knowledge, you can change your styles with confidence. The confidence of knowing your natural hair underneath the commercial hair is HeALTHY!!!!! To find out more information on Toni love visit her website www.Tonilove.com. she is also the author of The world of wigs, weaves, and extensions.

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excuse me, Do you recognize me? I was once the one who Modern medicine statistically stated, Over and out – Simply done. However, allow me to re-introduce myself. My name… is survivor, Yes, that’s correct. The epitome of “in good health”, No need to be alarmed Or attempt to object. Understand their is a plan, However, I prefer to use the term destiny. The gift of it – Orchestrated by Him Who is so much higher Pronounced it at my birth. Thus, the reason for my smile When I walk thru any fire. All odds - defied, Any obstacle removed, Hmmm… By robert Jackson Your expression informs me, Why you cannot understand, The elation in my demeanor When I speak or even raise my hand. So if you will excuse me, I will continue on my way, To destiny that is, It was a pleasure seeing you But try not to look so amazed. Copyright 2011robert Jackson

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April - june 2011 / wisemagazine.org

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Spring is here! Know what to say before you say I DO  

Marriage is the most important day of your life. Do you know what yo say before I DO? Do you know how to talk to your child about porn? Get...

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